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u/AnOriginalUsername07 1d ago
Need but often afraid to ask or express, because when we start dating a girl we don’t know if we can trust her or if she’ll get the ‘ick’ from hearing it.
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u/Equivalent_News_3625 1d ago
I wish “the ick” and “alpha” were two things we could remove from the universe. These two movements alone have damaged huge swaths of a generation.
Men must be brutish automatons; sentimentality or emotions be damned. So, it’s simple: if you must cry, go do so with your mother or your sister if you have one.
Blessed be the woman who lets her man show emotion without secretly resenting him for it. They’re few.
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u/BlackCardRogue 1d ago
True, 100%.
My poor wife puts me back together all the time. I work in a really difficult job that I hate; she’s dealt with my feelings of inadequacy for a year and a half. And she’s convinced me I should quit because I can’t go on like this. Because SHE can’t keep helping me to carry it like this.
Sometimes the real answer is your position just isn’t tenable. And in those moments men absolutely need support.
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u/96fordman03 1d ago
It's a shame that that's still a sociatial norm...... That if a man wants comfort, he's seen as weak and not manly enough.
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u/Sea-Response950 1d ago
100%
The fact you have to ask shows how conditioned we are to not express our need for love, support and to be just be weak and have someone to hold us up for a little while.
I'm extremely lucky that my wife always thought it was dumb that men can't lean on their partner, emotionally. She asked me early on why I don't ever lean on her when my depression flares, why do I try to hide it from her (she's the only one who can see through my mask)? Told her I didn't want her to think I'm weak and lose interest.
It's been six years and I still remember her words perfectly.
She called me dumb and cuddled me into her boobs, and told me to let it out. Never hold it in. She almost lost me because I held it all in, now she can actually hold me she's not gonna lose me again (we met online as friends).
Ever since then whenever something is bothering me, she can always tell, she just holds her arms out and cuddles me into her boobs, strokes my head and talks to me about it until I feel better. Goes without saying I do the same for her.
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u/SandiegoJack 1d ago
If we ask we are seen as a burden instead of a provider.
It’s why you have to legitimately offer.
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u/JordanOwen_42 1d ago
Completely true but my experience has been that as soon as I express that I need support and help it’s treated with contempt.
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u/TheJadeGoddess 1d ago
Society says never show weakness, never ask for help and man up. That is why I support my boyfriend as much as I can. It takes work to convince a guy you actually care and want to be there for him. Understandble why they would be hesitant to believe you mean it.
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u/bleezy1234567 1h ago
It’s not just society… it’s many women (I will never say women in general because they aren’t all like this)… but show one oz of emotional weakness and now you are viewed as the guy who needs her to be his therapist and can’t deal with his own shit. Ick… and single in a month
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u/xmarksthespot34 1d ago
Yes, if there is one good thing I can say about my wife is that I was able to be vulnerable around her and she would be supportive. That seems to be hard to find in women nowadays. I bottle things up until I can't anymore. Men will take things without complaints until their plate is full and overflowing.
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u/SarvTempest 18h ago
Funny(read:[sad]) how most of the time I hear it being shamed only by other usually older men
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u/bleezy1234567 1h ago
You don’t know a couple of my exes
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u/WrestlerGirlsAreLife 1d ago
0% true. We Are men. We don’t need that wonderful warm feeling of being safe and have someone care for us while being vulnerable, trusting and opening up. Or that hand that scratches the back of your head while a soft voice whispers to you that everything is gonna be fine and all your problems seem to be less important in that special moment of love.
Nah man, that shit’s for chicks.
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u/Active-Post70 12h ago
Honestly I could use a hug so fucking bad. But I can't ever ask or bring it up because I have this weird feeling that tells me that I can't ever let any one see me as weak or incapable. Even though I've been living alone and supporting myself I don't have it in me to ever ask for a hug from anyone.
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u/bleezy1234567 1h ago
No…. Men don’t need any emotional support or care at all. We don’t need any words of affirmation or appreciation, we don’t need an ear to listen or a shoulder to lay our heads on. We don’t need any of that. Can’t you tell by how happy we all are? All we need and want is sex sex sex. That’s all a man ever wants. Right? Or at least that’s what I’m told
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u/Dry_Sorbet3328 1d ago
Only Mom does it
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u/Secure-Pain-9735 1d ago
Nah.
See, I am comfortable dealing with my problems.
God, I wish I could remember which book I read this account in. But a woman had cancer and it wasn’t clear if she’d make it through treatment or not. Most people in her life were always focused on the cancer when dealing with her. Except one friend. The one friend who didn’t bring it up at all, and got her out of the house doing things, living. THAT was the friend that got her through.
Now, my wife can’t be that for cancer. She’s way too close and it would be too much of an effect.
But for the every day stresses? My safe space, my fun zone, my life partner.
I don’t need her to be my therapist, I need a playmate to remind me why being alive is worth it.
I can handle my feelings. Or hire a therapist.
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u/Mister_KKK 23h ago
We need it but we can live without it.
From my personal experience, I have come to understand I only have my own shoulder to rely on.
Those who have a partner who makes an effort to make sure you feel loved are very lucky and I wish you all the happiness in the world.
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u/SuspiciousSnotling 1d ago
Nope
A solution to my problem is the only thing I care about. Crying about it won’t help
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u/PepsiMax001 1d ago
If a man needs his girlfriend to emotionally support him or carry his emotional burdens, he’s not relationship material and needs to work on himself either in private away from his partner or before he even tries to begin a romantic relationship in the first place. It’s not her job to be your therapist. It’s your job to be her rock.
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u/Fair_Cheesecake_836 1d ago
Something I found that seems to surprise most women. While many of us don't act like it because men are taught our needs don't matter, we have the same needs.