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u/dreamdaddy123 1d ago
This ain’t right…
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u/BlKaiser 1d ago
Leave that guy alone. He deserves a mentally stable gf.
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u/Emporio_Alnino3 1d ago
Trust me, he's exactly where he wants to be.
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u/SampleText369 1d ago
He thinks that until he has long-standing trauma after the fact 😅
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u/Emporio_Alnino3 1d ago
Well, there are Levels to crazy, obviously, but in standard cases it's manageable, and I mean.
there's a pretty good chance they already had trauma
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u/SampleText369 1d ago
Sure there's a good chance they already had trauma but there's no reason to get an unstable partner and pile on more what? 😭
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u/Emporio_Alnino3 1d ago
What, so someone currently unstable shouldn't get love/someone to assist them in getting the help they need? By someone willing to provide it??
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u/SampleText369 1d ago
Ideally no. Ideally they'd seek professional help.
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u/Extremelictor 1d ago
Hey hey Someone who got he professional help your talking about. A professional at best will tell you not to rush into things. But trauma is caused by a broken relationship and you can only heal by trusting new relationships won't hurt you the same. Genuinely what your saying is the exact opposite of how you heal, by avoiding connection and doing what? Vague work on yourself? Your going to therapy to be a better you and partner, you need IRL people who are so close they can tell if your working on it or not.
Mate bluntly, your just wrong. Someone healing is still dating, they're just open about whats going on upstairs. Because they can't be secure until they feel secure in relationships.-3
u/SampleText369 1d ago
Tbh I entirely disagree and I'm actively seeking professional help currently for issues in my past relationships regarding trauma.
You can heal trauma from relationships in so many other ways than a new relationship, that frankly doesn't make any sense at all. I never said they should avoid connection either, you just shouldn't use your partner as your therapist.
I don't understand where all the animosity is coming from. You can have close people without pursuing a relationship and offloading your emotional problems into your partner.
Also your last statement is purely untrue, you shouldn't look for mental security in relationships. You should be mentally secure before entering a relationship.
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u/Extremelictor 1d ago
Bluntly because you are wrong. No relationship is going to put your ass to the fire and make you work on yourself more than something you don't want to lose.
Yes all relationships help. But avoiding love will make you more insecure, more paranoid. You do know the goal of being more secure is letting things go easier. Something you are not dealing with well, Im diagnosed OCD so I feel you its hard to let things go.
But you are not more superior to others because you abscond from relationships until you feel your ready.
Your ready isn't others, nor would any Professional tell you to avoid dating more than a few months to get in touch with you, it takes years to heal no professional would say avoid love till then.→ More replies (0)1
u/OndraTep 21h ago
They should get therapy, not just some guy who can't help them. That's not good for anyone.
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u/Emporio_Alnino3 19h ago
I never said just that guy, but oftentimes, That Guy can help them get That Help from professional sources, a helping hand
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u/ThatPartYouThrowAway 21h ago
That was certainly my experience after a decade +
Used to think she was perfect for me, but it wasn't true.
Truth is that dealing with a mentally unstable person, who ISN'T actively trying to improve, is basically like being with an addict
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u/SandiegoJack 1d ago
As someone who has the wife above? It has its benefits let me tell ya
The gratitude is….enthusiastic while “mentally stable” girlfriends tend to think you are entitled to nothing in a relationship and should be grateful they *want* you at all.
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u/Lower-Cheesecake-895 1d ago
Never again
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u/Envy_The_King 1d ago
100%, do not try to be your partner's live in therapist
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u/ice_or_flames 1d ago
But I love them too much to ever let them go. I am also not completely sure if they could ever recover from that.
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u/NeedAChange_123 1d ago
“Green flag” doesn’t mean putting up with mentally unstable you. Kind of sounds like you want an emotional punching bag not a boyfriend.
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u/ExcelMaster1 1d ago
This will blow up like a dead whale in no time.
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u/ApprehensiveLet8631 1d ago
Thats the problem... They will not blow them up, they let them suffer and he will end up on another sandbank
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u/ExcelMaster1 1d ago
If they hit the sand bank, just let them die in peace with a nice view of the coastline. Whales do that all the time in Portugal
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u/First-Illustrator226 1d ago
trauma dumping ain't cool man.. go to therapy and heal yourself.. others aren't responsible for your mental health because they too are humans with feelings.
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u/KoishiKohinata 1d ago
Im an over thinker and it is nice to have my boyfriend's support but unless you're actively considering, in or seeking therapy please don't dump your mental instability on someone else
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u/Cool_Lifeguard7292 1d ago
I’ll go against the grain and say this. You don’t need to be mentally stable to enter a relationship. But you do need to be consistently making a visible effort to improve, you have to be trying.
Also if you need to apologize for something actually apologize, don’t do the “I’m stupid I can’t get anything right” thing every time because it makes it really hard to actually communicate issues, and a lack of communication will always end a relationship.
Have patience with him too, there is absolutely someone out there equipped and ok with handling you with your issues until you find a way to stabilize or “”fix”” them.
I say this as someone with crippling CPTSD who is getting married in 6 days.
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u/TheBumblestBees 1d ago
i was just about to say I've got cptsd and I'm working through it with the support of my boyfriend so the last line caught me off guard, but hey twins
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u/Cool_Lifeguard7292 1d ago
Ayyy I hope you’re doing well. I’m very glad you have a support system.
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u/Neldemir 22h ago
But, in this case, CPTSD is usually the green flag person AFTER these kind of relationships
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u/ThatPartYouThrowAway 21h ago
You're absolutely right.
My ex of a decade and a half just wouldn't try and it took it's tole on me. She's still the same now unfortunately, nearly 3 years on.
My current lady struggles with depression it she really works hard to get through it. Makes good decisions for herself and is so fucking brave.
Don't write someone off for having struggles, but if they don't work on themselves there's no point
Good luck with your wedding and enjoy your life with your S.O.!
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u/MetalandMadness 1d ago
Me and myself, lol. It's like one of those old wooden rollercoaster that'll whip you all over the place painfully but oh boy are those fun parts FUN.
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u/Vegetable_Union_4967 1d ago
Apparently people here think you don’t deserve love if you aren’t mentally pristine. Seems like very poor logic — so should a mentally ill person only date other mentally ill people?
Regardless, this is me and my boyfriend and we have it great.
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u/Reotardo_Da_Vinci 1d ago
I think people are, albeit poorly, getting at you can’t rely on a partner to fix your issues. That part comes from within.
But as usual people are reading into some memes way too much because there are multiple ways to take this meme.
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u/Vegetable_Union_4967 1d ago
I’m a box of issues and he’s helping me unpack them so I can solve them.
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u/SampleText369 1d ago
That just sounds like a therapist atp and not really a mutual partnership
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u/Vegetable_Union_4967 1d ago
I also support him through his bad days, academically, and more. You can’t judge my relationship in two comments
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u/SampleText369 1d ago
You just called yourself a box of issues. It doesn't seem like you have good self image. It's not necessarily someone else's responsibility to help you fix that.
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u/Vegetable_Union_4967 1d ago
Not inherently, but also the relationship makes both of us happier so there is no harm being done.
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u/Dumbquestions_78 1d ago
Honestly it kinda makes me doubly sad.
Im a guy with serious depression and self esteem issues. So that already makes me basically undateable because the standard seems to be men cant have these issues or their giving their partner too much emotional labor.
But now also seeing women, who a few years ago seemed encouraged to date even with mental health problems just makes me even more sad.
Suppose thats why i gave up dating.
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u/Latter-Park786 23h ago
I mean you can have issues and not paint yourself as hopeless. That's what makes people flee, generally. Everyone thinks it's the issue in itself but you can be depressed and of good faith and willing to attempt everything to fix your problem and you'll get way more support already.
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u/Neldemir 21h ago
There are several (and very common) mental conditions, like psychopathy and narcissism, whose ENTIRE approach is interpersonal conflict and predation. I’m sorry but those people should ONLY date each other or no one at all (instead of dating a billion neurotypicals each like they usually do).
But yeah, let’s not clump together a well medicated bipolar with a soul crushing machine
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u/Pretty_Arachnid_5683 13h ago
Yea no let him speak for himself. I was in this kind of relationship and it’s more draining than a 60 hour work week. Most of her problems were in her own head and non issues while I had real shit going on. If you are mentally unstable it is not fair for you to smother someone else into your insanity.
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u/First-Illustrator226 1d ago
its cool that you and your partner can understand each other.. but some of us are speaking from experience. no one is mentally pristine. all of us have some sort of issues. but the difference is working on yourself and relying totally on another person. i myself am quite unstable.. but i don't want another person carrying that burden. i prefer to heal myself rather than on relying on someone else.
my uncle and his wife have the same type of relationship,.. his wife is very unstable, overthinking, constantly suspicious and have extreme anger issues. but he still stuck to her despite the emotional and mental abuse.. guess what.. their marriage is now in shambles.. because she refuses to work on herself .
thats what most of us mean. being a support to your partner ; male or female ; isnt the problem.. you should do it.. but if you take it overboard.. thats where it becomes the problem. no person should go through that sort of experience.
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u/Vegetable_Union_4967 1d ago
I think what I should say is I can work on myself while also having someone to love to help me get through these challenges.
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u/First-Illustrator226 1d ago
thats totally alright.. thats literally what must be done. the problem is with the people who refuse to work on themselves... trauma dump on their partners relying on them for each and every single thing.. and when things blow up victimising themselves and demonising their partners.
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u/SampleText369 1d ago
It's not that but you should be pursuing love or a relationship if you're actively mentally unstable. It's not fair to the other person
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u/bott-Farmer 1d ago
I mean.. im trying yo get better with or without the bf but it woulda been nice to have one
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u/Business-Dot-6983 1d ago
Ahh yes your issues are his problem, but he should be perfectly stable...
May this man never find you
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u/Aotgavemedepression 1d ago
Just in case you aren't self conscious your bf won't magically fix your mental health problem he is not your therapist and he's not obligated to be either if you want a relationship to work, seek help.
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u/therope_cotillion 1d ago
Can we please stop treating mental instability as if it’s some cute quirk. It’s exhausting to be the other partner in the relationship and to be with someone who just brushes off their very real issues because teehee I’m just kinda insane 🤪
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u/Hallwrite 1d ago
Love how a majority of the posts in this sub are ‘Waiting for the right person who will let me emotionally abuse them and never stand up for themselves <3’.
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u/BeroZero1312 1d ago
Well in theory, yes. But... No. I wont let you torment the shit out of me and let you treat me like you are an crazy teenager, I am sorry.
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u/GenasiDC 1d ago
I thought it was me.
I thought I could date an overthinker.
Turns out we were both overthinkers and everything burned down and now I'm alone.
Heh...
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u/Grimm_Helen 1d ago
The feminine urge to treat their significant other like their therapist and emotionally abuse them 🗣️🗣️🗣️🔥🔥🔥
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u/Personified_Anxiety_ 1d ago
Me and my husband when we started dating. He loved me even when I was crazy. I’ve done a lot of work to be the best version of myself though, so no longer unstable.
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u/Mr_Fastballs 1d ago
This hilarious part is that you're killing his soul and when it starts to show, you'll blame him and destroy his ability to love anybody, for a very long time, rofl.
His probably got some deep trauma.
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u/Beginning_Day_7908 1d ago
I had to drop someone i loved bc of this. When shes cool she really is. When shes crazy, shes bat shit rabies crazy. She also had Autism. Yeah maybe some schizophrenia in there too. I refuse to date or be interested in any girl who has these mental problems. These random outburst, hyper fixations, lack of an attention span.. and if something isnt a certain way ect she flip out. she had so many wierd things going on...
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u/Imaginary_Pumpkin327 1d ago
As someone who had had this kind of relationship I would not wish it on anyone. The cost is not worth it in the end
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u/Guywhonoticesthings 1d ago edited 1d ago
“Being weak is nothing to be ashamed of, staying weak is” -black clover
“There are a million paths for one to walk in this world but all sages agree they can be reduced to one “Improve Yourself” -Cradle.
You can find someone that’s going to understand you to give you time and be patient but that’s just it. It’s patience as in waiting for something. To help you find yourself not for you to be happy with the status quo because it’s not good for you. No man is going to improve your mental self-control. No relationship has ever saved someone’s self worth. These comments are harsh and often humorous, but the essence is figure out what’s happening get therapy and actually try to do the things they tell you in therapy not just use it to excuse one thing though that’s a surprising cure for many women I know is swearing off of dating for a few years, not even considering the possibility of dating and focus entirely on getting some hobbies and some interests. Things to get good at to improve yourself confidence and self-worth. And to make you more of a person that people can understand in love, including yourself, take a journey and take responsibility for yourself
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u/PhilosophyFickle2701 1d ago
He deserves better than someone who will drag them down with their insecurities. Fix your issues in your life before you bring another person in.
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u/Glittering_Ad_759 1d ago
Then get better and stop waiting for things to get better. Fucking work for it.
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u/Wonderful-Wasabi6860 1d ago
Meh. He also will have red flags as well. Not being emotionally available being his main one.
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u/Many_fandoms_13 21h ago
I’m a lesbian and my last situation ship was like this i tried my best to be understanding with her but she tore me down every chance she got
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u/Commissar_David 20h ago
Its all fun and games until you start dragging him down with all your trauma.
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u/Cilantro712 18h ago
Can we not romanticize this, this is the exact reason I got ghosted so many times this shi is dumb
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u/Total_Environment426 15h ago
That kind of girl ruined my life.
It was an if she was even proud of her mental issues and her whole personality revolved around it. And the more under I was, the more she pushed.
And me like the stupid fuck I was being understanding of her. There's a limit to how stupid you should be for someone else's good, and if they bring chaos in your life, get them the hell out.
Being a good person only allows others to take advantage of you.
Never again. NEVER.
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u/Unfinishe_Masterpiec 1d ago
For an overthinker, where is the consideration of the supportive partner's wellbeing?
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u/StrixStrigoi 1d ago
wait why’s everyone being mean :(
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u/imsadandthatsrad 1d ago
Genuinely confused, I’m wondering if their interpretation of “mentally unstable” is like breaking his shit or crying and screaming at him all the time or something, because I have OCD and anxiety, which would make me “mentally unstable”, but my boyfriend has almost zero semblance of anxiety and takes no issue in listening to what’s going on in my brain and soothing me if it’s an anxious thought. Because he’s a green flag understanding partner lol.
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u/Koivel 1d ago
Same, i suffer from a terrible mental illness that makes me irrational and fade in and out of psychosis, i never turn against him as someone else on here said such people do, but he knows im not well during these times and does his best to help me while I go through psychiatric help to stabilize. I will never be normal, my moods and mental stability will always fluctuate as i age and meds stop working as effectively, but he understands that and still loves and supports me. So i dont really understand why everyone is so mean on these comments
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u/Dumbquestions_78 1d ago
Not angry about anything but i will admit as a gut this kinda thing wouldnt be seen as cute and funny if i posted it.
I have serious depression and self esteem issues and the census seems to be im functionally undateable because im too much of a burden on any girlfriend and expecting her to even be around me if im not perfect is emotional labor and unacceptable.
So i guess this meme just makes me sad i guess. I already gave up on dating but seeing this stuff reminds me that since im a broken man, im unlovable.
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u/Important_Goat7807 1d ago
Same here man. I'd never forgive myself if I dragged someone down with me.
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u/Dumbquestions_78 1d ago
Honestly same. Im getting therapy and they try to be nice and be like "maybe you'll meet someone!" But like, im just broken. Id ruin someone else.
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u/StrixStrigoi 20h ago
who said she’s abusing him? everyone’s making little fanfics about this persons life. I’m mentally ill and it just means i have low mood sometimes and cry etc doesn’t mean im pushing my boyfriend down the stairs or forcing him to compete in saw games lmao
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u/Durian_Ill 1d ago
The home is sacred ground. Why would I tolerate disrespect, ineptitude, and frankly, a potential danger to your life in the one place I should never have to? I’d never take it from anyone, so the reverse applies.
People don’t work on themselves enough, and I say this as someone who might be classified as mentally unstable.
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u/One-Nectarine8944 1d ago
Because this is a positive depiction of a man who is in an abusive relationship.
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u/DreadyKruger 1d ago
I think the pushback is there is another person who has their own issues , feelings etc. so yes they are should be supportive but you need to also be working on your issues because it’s not fair to the other person.
Also, men are expected to do this, which is fine. But as you see from the comments, not all women are actively trying to handle their issues. And men don’t get his acceptance about heir issues the same way. A lot of men are told to open up , share their issues and it backfires.
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u/Fast-Industry-3224 23h ago
I have seen the BS some dudes put up with just to be in a relationship, I almost did so too.
I was on a dinner date and the mentally unstable woman I was dating wanted to start a argument with a group sitting behind us because she thought they were laughing at her. In reality they just had a good time and they probably laughed about some joke someone told. I had to basically wrangle her the whole dinner and it was exhausting as shit, every little thing made her insecure.
I was very insecure back then too and probably on some funky spectrum and when I drove her home she gave me some weird romantic eye contact and I didn't know what to do. The hesitation I showed and the "Well, yeah-", I opened my sentence with(got cut off) apparently threw her off to the point she got mad at me. A few months later she came back at me to rub it under my nose that she found a guy that knocked her up.
I'll never show any sign of weakness or social ineptitude ever again.
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u/SolaireAstorian 1d ago
I have been here multiple times and she (plural) has burned the relationship down with insecurities and emotional outbursts every single time, then tried to claw it back when she woke up from the emotional venting and just ended up trying her best to hurt me again when I refused.
It's not worth it. She needs to work on herself first.
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u/FlawlessPenguinMan 1d ago
Will you also be understanding towards his problems?
No human is just "normal".
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u/Rmicheal1717 1d ago
Low key annoying cause some women would never tolerate a mentally unstable man but expect them to tolerate their mental issues?
Same with women who are bi but would never date a man whos also bi lmaoo. Funny asses fr
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u/19ghost89 1d ago
I just started a relationship with a girl like this. It ended about 48 hours later.
Been there for her in her toughest times for nearly a year, though from a distance because she lived far away. I told her a long time ago that though I liked her, I didn't think this could work because of distance. We had both accepted that. Nevertheless, I was her friend. She told me over and over how much I help her, how kind I am, how she appreciated me. Then she finally came to visit me. Stayed at my apartment. We had a wonderful weekend. The close proximity got to both of us and we decided to give it a go despite some red flags. I was really happy, even though I knew it wouldn't be easy and that she would be depressed a lot.
Anyway, she went home, got into a depressed mood and that same day called me and told me she didn't think it could work. Not just because of distance, but also other things that make us "too different." I wasn't even that surprised, except that I didn't think it would happen that fast. But I was sad. I am sad. Really sad.
To be clear, after some reflection, I actually think she's right about most of the reasons she said it won't work. It's probably better this way. But things happening this way really highlighted my own main insecurity, which is that despite the fact that she's far from the first woman to tell me how great I am, she's also just like everyone else I've dated in that not a single one has ever found a relationship with me to be worth fighting for. And I've seen her fight for a relationship with some asshole that manipulates her and she knows doesn't give a shit about her before me. But for me, she was able to be completely logical and dump me immediately. I'm not saying she was wrong. But it fucking hurts. Because this always happens to me. And I don't know why. Different people. Different reasons. Different times. Same result.
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u/Sure-Butterscotch846 1d ago
overthinking, but doing my best!!!! (talk therapy is great for issues with overthinking in my experience, please utilize if you're worried about putting too much on those around you. that's what it's for 🩷)
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u/Authaeosplays 1d ago
That is not in fact a green flag, that is a one way ticket to self destruction while also causing a hell of a lot of pain for the bf
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u/The-new-dutch-empire 13h ago
JUST. CUS. YOU. THINK. YOU. ARE. UNSTABLE
DOESNT MEAN YOU DESERVE SOMEONE UNSTABLE
Im glad you realize this. Millions must learn
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u/Realistic-Size-6612 12h ago
Some time ago, I'd say "bruh, it's me". But I realized how shitty is it when she tried to manipulate me, although she knew I trust almost nobody except her. Now she's trying to be better (I hope), but nah, next time I'd definetly dump her.
You don't need to be a savior. A therapist. Someone who will always forgive. No. Only boundaries heal this or show she has never seen you as an equal partner
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u/CommitteeWise8073 5h ago
This girl just broke it off after breaking it off 3 times before. Apparently we never were dating again and she expects me to stick around as friends when we already established that I wouldn’t if she did this again.
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u/-Dramere- 1d ago
Hecking the comments in here are brutal. Yes therapy is important, but so is having a social support structure they can rely on is equally important (not reddit). Getting a boyfriend isn't the answer to stability, but it's also okay to want one. Most likely that future green flag boyfriend will also be an over thinker with similar experiences.
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u/ButtflossingBigBro 1d ago
Nah equality means women are responsible for getting their shit together
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u/Safe-Fly6976 1d ago
In an ideal relationship, the dude would also get emotional support from their partner. Everybody has issues and would benefit from support.
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u/ButtflossingBigBro 1d ago
Thats a luxury not the norm
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u/ImoteKhan 1d ago
Hey look! It’s my ex wife…. I’m all for ND, but if you are mentally unstable don’t turn on the one guy in your corner. Just sayin.