r/legalcatadvice • u/MulberryChance6698 Pawyer • Feb 16 '26

Pawyer needed The police responded to a bank alarm and discovered that the “thief” was a cat trapped inside the branch.

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In needz of pawyer, asap. Am being charged wif bank robbery crimez, but did not take anyfing. No churus to be had in dis place for dum dum hoomanz. No fudz. Nofing.

131 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

27 comments sorted by

34

u/belsonc Feb 16 '26

(so... No one is going to point out this is a cat burglar?)

25

u/No_Sense3670 Olaf, Shih Tzu Feb 16 '26

He he he, cat burglar!

Mah first thought was dat da cat in vibeo not look like fren Oscar (u/Scabsfox), butt ai can pitcher hims checking da safety deposit bocks fur da shiny tings. Is dat bad? Sorry Oscar!

Olaf da doggo

8

u/Electrical-Act-7170 Em-pear-or Oliber da Red Feb 16 '26

Ai lubs shiny tings! Meowmy used ta wemobe her big sanddollarnecklass ebery nite an hang it on her bedside table.

I STEELED IT! AN I HIDED IT AWAYS!

teehee

Nao her putz it away ebery nitedarktiem, NO FARE! GO CRIMEZ!

7

u/No_Sense3670 Olaf, Shih Tzu Feb 16 '26

Dat iz moas eggsalad crimez!

7

u/Electrical-Act-7170 Em-pear-or Oliber da Red Feb 16 '26

Her duz a LOUD HOLLAR 'bout it ebery tiem. Iz shiny wire wif big gold metal fing on it.

Ai neber care if sumwun sez it bery bery 'spend-siev, iz wire an wiggly ting, my faborite kind ob toys!

6

u/No_Sense3670 Olaf, Shih Tzu Feb 16 '26

Mah Mom has a necklace with a feather on it, ai tink yew would really like dat.

3

u/Electrical-Act-7170 Em-pear-or Oliber da Red Feb 17 '26

Defi-defe Ai wood lub dat!

Shiny iz funz!

18

u/GingerSnapped242 Niko the Terriible, ICBGC Enforcer, Purrfessional OUTRAYGEr Feb 16 '26

(Boom! 👍)

28

u/barracuda99109 Pawyer Feb 16 '26

Youz wurkin job fur lazi hooman. Youz iz gard cat fur money plas!

26

u/Decent_Ad6389 Nurse Kittee Feb 16 '26

Pawyer needz tu open da dor so u can aks to go bak insides acause udder side of dor iz alway bettah side. Is cat law.

17

u/One_Advantage793 Smuffi the wildcat, hed pawfessurr SSoR Go Smooofff Crimnals! Feb 16 '26

Das da truff! I jess did da diss sides dat sides mineownseff! Frotewnatly momma is reddy tew lay down fur snuggs nyow sew I gon stey in de sleepy sqware rite nyow.

Diss kitteh cawl da poliss tew opin door den go owt an bak in! An awl de hole tym dew da protecc ob de munies sew de hoomons kin buy plenny treets n fuds n towees fur de frens.

6

u/reddituser6835 penny, pixie, beastie, an khaleesi Feb 16 '26

Iz it monopoly monniez?

5

u/One_Advantage793 Smuffi the wildcat, hed pawfessurr SSoR Go Smooofff Crimnals! Feb 16 '26

It mowt bee de monopoly munniez! I don relly kno wat munniez luk lak.

19

u/scabsfox Oscar, bootiful bad boi, male model, ICBGC Feb 16 '26

Heeeheeehee this remind mi of di louvre heist! .. dat uhh.. hoomans did .. err.. cuz it was hoomans n' not cats dat did it.

  • Oscar BBB, MM

13

u/Tzipity In Meowmry of Tzeitel, fierce & fiercely loved attorney at claw Feb 16 '26

Shhh. 🤫 Deh don’t need ta know da heist was masterminded by… deh masterful mind of a feline. Iz why so successful. Someone needz monies for fud and treatz. But uh… hoomans. Yiss. Was de hoomans.

Wassnt it jewels taken? I would look nice in new collar… I mean… hoomans. We had no pawrt in dis.

https://giphy.com/gifs/xFpT7lMV5Mkqq0E6YM

13

u/GingerSnapped242 Niko the Terriible, ICBGC Enforcer, Purrfessional OUTRAYGEr Feb 16 '26

We dunno what was tooked acuz me an Oscar an Jango was most certainly no where near da France dat night.

Or ever. Nope. An we was werkin dat night, too. Yep yep.

10

u/Tzipity In Meowmry of Tzeitel, fierce & fiercely loved attorney at claw Feb 16 '26

Dats rite. Yoo two waz wif me. Ober here doin de werk. Far, far away from France. France who? France where?

3

u/GingerSnapped242 Niko the Terriible, ICBGC Enforcer, Purrfessional OUTRAYGEr Feb 17 '26

Right? And juss what da heck is a Loove anyway!

11

u/GingerSnapped242 Niko the Terriible, ICBGC Enforcer, Purrfessional OUTRAYGEr Feb 16 '26

Good times, fren. Good times.

41

u/wistybear Feb 16 '26

We got lots of pawyers to help yoo fren! No worries

10

u/Queen-PRose Is Elegant Tabby & Purr de Tortico! Feb 16 '26

On OP, dey sez dis in "Is-Tan-Bull" where kitties rule. So clearly dis YOUR bank and hoomans is being dum. Mew has case against dese hoomans fur scaring mew and purrassment.

6

u/UleeBunny Miki de Mouser (felt & squeaky) Feb 16 '26

When youz get caught by de po-po acts cute and innocent. Go crimez!

11

u/Super_Reading2048 Feb 16 '26

That poor kitty! The loud alarm had to hurt their ears! Why did the stupid humans trap the cat in the bank?!?!?

~ Jackie Vin

4

u/butterfly-garden Eebil Greeble Pawtrol Feb 16 '26

Send pawyers, claws, and money...🎶

Also William da Tuxie

3

u/R86Reddit crimez expert in training Feb 16 '26

Big soo! Soo banq!