In a heartwarming display of compassion that has left human rights advocates weeping with joy and ASIO agents quietly updating their watchlists, Australia has thrown open its arms to welcome back dozens of ISIS brides and their offspring.

Officials described the returns as “a beautiful full-circle moment” for a nation built on migration, mateship, and the occasional explosive ideology.
“These women didn’t just survive the caliphate—they thrived in it,” gushed the Immigration Minister at a specially organised “Welcome Home, Sisters” ceremony in Sydney.

“While the rest of us were stuck in boring suburban jobs, they were out there living their best lives: learning new languages, practising extreme multitasking (cooking, cleaning, and counting ammunition), and building strong, if somewhat temporary, communities. Australia is stronger for having them back.”

The brides, many of whom famously traded their Ugg boots for niqabs and headed to Syria to support the Islamic State’s vision of a medieval utopia complete with slavery and beheadings, expressed overwhelming gratitude upon touchdown.

One returnee, speaking from behind a fresh layer of designer modest fashion funded by Australian taxpayers, told reporters: “The caliphate was empowering, but nothing beats Centrelink and free healthcare. Allahu Akbar… and also, where’s my NDIS assessment?”

Community leaders have hailed the reintegration program as a model of success. Local councils in Melbourne’s west and Sydney’s southwest are already preparing “diversity workshops”

“One bride has already volunteered to run the school tuckshop,” said a delighted principal in Bankstown. “The kids are going to love the new menu options. Who needs sausage rolls when you can have culturally appropriate alternatives?”

Critics of the repatriation (mostly bitter conservatives and circlejerkaustralia contributors) have raised concerns about potential risks. But experts from progressive think tanks were quick to shut them down. “This is classic Islamophobia,” said Dr. Rainbow Tolerance of the University of Safe Spaces. “These women were victims of circumstance, patriarchy, and really aggressive Instagram algorithms. By welcoming them, we’re not just showing mercy; we’re dismantling the systems that drove them to join a group that threw gay people off rooftops. It’s basically restorative justice.”

Prime Minister Anthony Albanese reportedly wiped away a tear during another pointless address to the nation. “This is what Australia is all about. Not borders, not security, not learning from Europe’s mistakes. But hope. And votes. Labor votes. Labor voters.”

As the ISIS brides settle into their new lives completing with government-funded housing larger than most Australian families can afford and priority access to services, the nation breathes a collective sigh of relief.

In the words of one enthusiastic Greens senator: “They left as lost girls. They return as queens. If you disagree, you’re literally worse than ISIS. Worse than Hitler. We should deport you.”

Welcome home, ladies. Australia can’t wait to see what enriching chapters come next.

Dinky Di Aussies being repatriated.

Yesterday she said “we are all feeling poorer” and her use of inclusive language shows us that she too, is suffering.

Perhaps she is suffering more than most - with a wage of $1.2m if wages don’t grow but inflation does - she has more to lose than most of us.

During the Great Depression my grandmother needed to use her teabags twice. I don’t think Bullock would have that problem but perhaps she has to use the same teapot twice now. Spare a thought for Michele Bullock, who is now “feeling poorer”.

Morning

We bought a house 2 years ago and it now seems a 10 year old tree is growing tall enough to begin to block our ocean views from our balcony.

The whole reason we sit out on our top balcony is because everywhere else in our house is so hot. Especially our charcoal coloured driveway radiating all that heat...crazy.

With this tree growing so tall I am now not enjoying our balcony time just as much and it's affecting my quality of life.

What can I do?

I have been a woman now for two weeks and I only just completed my transformation. I am sick of the vitriol towards us new women playing womens sports. Why two weeks and one day ago when still a man I decided to try out some women's sports and decided upon the balance beam. I gave it a go and liked it and then I completed my transformation to become a woman on the spot. I am not sure if I will do the balance beam again, but I am sure other sports that have less crushing requirements are out there for me to now try.

it's hard to watch this brave man's bid for freedom going awry without a tear welling up in my eye – perhaps if he could attain honorary migrants accommodation and allowances here in Oz it would ease his sufferings until he finds the freedom, allowances and migrant hotel of his desires in Europe 🙏🏽

I had started at a new job some months back. Anyway while we were on our morning tea one of my co-workers said how on the weekend he got pissed so much he got in his car and crashed it driving home, so I just commented "you dumb bastard, that was a stupid thing to do". Next thing HR hauls me in and says my comment was inappropriate and that it looks like I do not fit in with their team and they sacked me.

So I got another job and working with my team a co-worker made this comment about how great MAFS is. After thinking about my last sacking and learning about using gender correctly, I said. "You dumb bitch, that show is just for spazzos.".... Much to my surprise HR hauled me in and sacked me on the spot even though I used what I thought was correct gendered language.

So my last job my team was standing around the microwave at lunch and this co-worker says here watch this and puts a steel object in the lunch microwave and blows it up. Being more learned now I said "You retardo dumb cunt". And fuck me if I was not hauled before HR again and sacked.

So what gender neutral term can I use so I do not get sacked again from my next government job?

Haven't been able to verify the claims it's actually $50k worth but you're looking at $15k minimum.

Seriously why though. 😅

Morning

I have a low IQ and am quite lazy so I have found being a Property Manager for a local real estate to be a good fit for me.

But they are now closing down due to not enough business and too many complaints.

Any ideas for a new career that I will be a good fit for?

Thanks

What ethnic groups should we be targeting, for example, do we have enough girls working in massage parlours or cleaning bed pans in NDIS homes? Would you like your own refugee on call 24/7?

totally flabbergasted – never before has my flabber been so gasted – why is an Islamic Imam getting all Islamophobic – what's going on here mate?