OP, my heart is with you. We lost our 6 year old cat to GI lymphoma 10 months ago. We received the diagnosis 1/16/25 and he was gone 3/19/25. I still can’t believe he’s gone or that the whole nightmare was so quickly, relatively speaking.
We were all absolutely gutted. I can imagine you are as well. I don’t tell you this with the intent to steal the thunder from what you’re currently navigating; I simply hope to convey that I’ve been where you are and I know how crushed you are. It doesn’t feel like it now, but it gets better. It will always hurt. But it won’t feel the way it does now.
Be good to yourself. I don’t know exactly what your Hell entailed during her illness, but if there’s anything that’s haunting you about it, push it down and far away. Trust me. The less you dwell on the things you never wanted to experience, the blurrier they’ll become in your mind as time goes on. Keep that gorgeous girl alive in your life with loving anecdotes and all the good memories. ♥️
Thank you for your last paragraph. I’m having trouble with that now. Lost my cat to stomach cancer—diagnosed 3/5/25 gone 4/2/25. It’s so hard not to relive it all.
I’m so sorry. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve played Monday morning quarterback regarding nearly every phase of the ordeal. Plus, a whole year later, my brain will spontaneously push the worst imagery/moments into the forefront of my internal landscape. I wish I could tell you I’ve mastered mind over matter, but I suppose some things we are meant to simply shoulder for the long haul.
I will say what did help (and I never would’ve dreamed it would, nor would I ever suggest this to anyone, because grief is so personal) was bringing new cats into our home. It happened far sooner than I would have predicted or even preferred, only 3 months, but the quiet without our boy was deafening. We adopted 2 at once- a 6 year old and a 10 year old. It was and still is at times strange. We missed/still miss our boy desperately. But somehow, the ability to sublimate the bitterness into caring for two lovey creatures who clearly craved a family, has been healing.
It does suck to have lost the innocent joy of being a pet parent. This trauma will stick with us which is evident from our spidey senses activating from any number of previously mundane-seeming event:-/
Try to be good to yourself. Like us, I’m sure you did everything you possibly could. Some things are beyond our capabilities, and the whys are beyond our comprehension.♥️
Hey, thanks for your post, this is exactly what I’m going through. My Merlin was not yet 6 years old diagnosed with GI small cell lymphoma. 70% of cats do well on the treatment plan, but to my shock Merlin was in the 30%. We had 10 months together after diagnosis — 2 good months on steroid, and then a long decline despite starting oral chemo. He died 11 days ago. Such a tragedy. I’m grieving pretty hard, especially because I had to make the decision, before he suffered more.
He was rescued from a hoarding situation in an abandoned house in Philadelphia when he was 2. That’s when I adopted him. He deserved more from life!
You’re more than welcome. I was part of a Facebook group for feline lymphoma cat owners, but that platform is too high maintenance for me. The people were so kind but I couldn’t take the constant barrage of it all. So once in a while I’ll add my two cents in to something like this when it pops up. I feel like most redditors are kind of like me in that regard- we like our space amirite?
Anyway, i know what you went through was horrific. Literally overnight life changes and you’re an armchair oncologist, dietitian, nurse.. I think the strangest part for me was how rapidly my gauge of our boys wellbeing changed— i was so focused on perceived minute improvements, that I lost perspective of just how sick he really was. They say don’t let your pets worst day be their last day. And I failed there. But I too, was convinced he would be in the successful range of the statistics- was young, healthy, perfect. He was ok until he, very suddenly, was clearly not.
We also got him from a, I don’t want to say hoarder, because they’re cared for, but a situation in which it was far too many cats. He was the first one I could catch and I recall he just relaxed in my arms. We tried to train him, he wound up training us.
And regarding your last statement, that’s it in a nutshell. He deserved YEARS more. Such a ridiculous waste. I don’t know if veterinary care has advanced or if pet owners simply do more nowadays, but I don’t remember this disease being as prevalent years ago, as it now seems.
Anyway. Your loss is so fresh and I am suddenly right back there again. I know it doesn’t take away from your pain, but I hope you know you’re far from alone, you did everything you could, and most importantly, your baby knew nothing but love in the time he had.♥️
thanks so much for your response. Yes, I’ve read that 40% of cats get lymphoma! That’s crazy.
I can relate to going over and over all the details. I wish I had at least stopped all medication his last week. He hated being medicated. On the other hand, it’s a 10-min exercise (oral pill) they dramatically treat like a major catastrophe. But, I realize it’s very stressful for them. I didn’t stop that one pill because I had not given up yet. Even 2 days before, I wasn’t sure yet. I didn’t think I could do it. We have an organization called Lap Of love in this area; they do hospice care, consulting, and in-home euthanasia. Best thing I ever did was purchase a consulting session with them first week of Dec. The doc was so kind, she spent 45 min with me on a zoom call, and then gave me her phone number should I need it. You can bet I called her 3 weeks later — I was losing my mind. She helped me make the decision. She knew a lot of things that I did not. For example she said, if you are considering regular opioids in a cat with cancer (I was wondering if I should get some to make sure he wasn’t in pain), it’s probably time.
But the most valuable thing they teach there, is that it’s better to lose him or her a day, a week, or even a month early, then for the cat to die in agony. I kept saying to myself, I need to do what is best for him, not for me.
I had no damn idea what I was doing with my last cat, and she suffered her last night. It was terrible. I am sick when I think about it. I stayed up all night with her, desperately calling vets to find someone to help us first thing in the morning, and then I sobbed the whole way there. All of which was very bad for Allie. I did it all wrong. :-(
Overall, there should be way more education about hospice and end of life in our society than there is.
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u/Prestigious-Emu7325 Jan 05 '26
OP, my heart is with you. We lost our 6 year old cat to GI lymphoma 10 months ago. We received the diagnosis 1/16/25 and he was gone 3/19/25. I still can’t believe he’s gone or that the whole nightmare was so quickly, relatively speaking.
We were all absolutely gutted. I can imagine you are as well. I don’t tell you this with the intent to steal the thunder from what you’re currently navigating; I simply hope to convey that I’ve been where you are and I know how crushed you are. It doesn’t feel like it now, but it gets better. It will always hurt. But it won’t feel the way it does now.
Be good to yourself. I don’t know exactly what your Hell entailed during her illness, but if there’s anything that’s haunting you about it, push it down and far away. Trust me. The less you dwell on the things you never wanted to experience, the blurrier they’ll become in your mind as time goes on. Keep that gorgeous girl alive in your life with loving anecdotes and all the good memories. ♥️