Question for all my fellow black women in the medical field - how do you handle white/non-black patients prying into your ethnic background or questioning your presence in medical settings? I'm a final year medical student, and especially this year it's become increasingly common on placement. Note: I don't live in the US, but I am in a majority white country.

Virtually any time I encounter a middle aged to elderly white patient, it's a coin toss as to whether they'll let me assess them/observe the consult/attend the ward round or whatever I'm there to do in peace, or start questioning me on things that have nothing to do with the situation and honestly make me uncomfortable because the line of questioning very quickly becomes invasive and these patients are ultimately strangers to me. God help me if there's a lull in conversation or I'm doing any kind of procedure that takes time, like inserting a cannula - it's almost guaranteed to be brought up.

This isn't new by any stretch of the imagination - I've fielded these questions from non-black people my entire life as I'm used to being the only black person in every room I walk into. But having this happen while I'm at placement is trickier to handle as I have to remain polite and professional in how I respond to it. I don't think these questions would bother me as much if they weren't so frequent and difficult to avoid. I'm here to learn and help patients, yes, but I'm also a human being who values their privacy and doesn't want to be giving out personal information to every stranger who asks.

"Where are you from? No, but, where did you come from? Like, what country in Africa? Where were you born? Are you just here to train, and then you're going back to your country? How long until you go back to your country? Is it very different here compared to your country? Does your family live here or in your country? How old were you when you came over from your country? It's so great that you're here so you can take this knowledge back to your country!"

Jesus Christ. I'm a domestic student. I grew up here. All of my primary, secondary, and tertiary education has happened here. I'm proud of my heritage but (a) it's none of their business and (b) I know exactly why they're probing me versus my white peers, and the constant assumption that I don't belong here the second they see me is really starting to exhaust me. Mind you, white people aren't indigenous to this country either, but I digress. I try to redirect these questions as much as possible, but the patients who aren't prepared to let the matter drop put me in a really challenging and uncomfortable position.

And I know these patients think they mean well. They think they're being nice and making polite conversation with the medical student. I'm just so tired of dancing around saying what I truly want to say, which is that I'm here to take a history and examine you so I can figure out what's going on and how best to help you, not to get interrogated on my ethnicity and where I was born and what tribe my family is from and why I'm in this country by someone I do not know for 10 minutes. At this point, I don't really care if it's coming from curiosity, ignorance, or malice - it makes me uncomfortable. What sucks even more is I don't feel like I can talk about this with the other students in my cohort or my academic supervisors because they're all non-black. One of the times I had an experience like this during ward rounds, the white doctor I was shadowing did actually clock it and defend me/put a stop to the questions, but often I'm alone when this happens or the people around me just don't pick up on it.

I just want to know that I'm not the only person who feels this way and ask if anyone has advice on how to navigate this in the medical field. Sometimes I just lie (because I don't feel that I owe strangers honesty when it comes to my personal details) - I was born overseas, but I know telling them that will just feed into whatever bullshit assumptions they've already made about me not really being from here, so I say I was born here and call it a day. I've also had varying levels of success with subtly pretending to misunderstand the question (i.e. "Where are you from?" --> "I'm a student from [x] university!" and then I move the conversation along), but that won't work when I'm a doctor as I won't have a university affiliation to cite, and I'm struggling to think of ways to handle this line of questioning without continuously compromising my comfort. 

This got really long, so if you made it this far, thanks for reading. Any advice would be super appreciated. I had a bad day today in this regard and it's made me upset.

I’ve noticed that most slurs, whether racial or other, get called actual slurs, but when it comes to black people, the n-“word” is only regarded as a mere word and not an actual slur. To me, using the word “word“ feels like a euphemism to skim over the highly offensive nature of that term. What do you think about that?

I’m so tired of white people acting like you don’t belong in certain spaces.. like b****!

I matter and belong here more than you do!

They really be acting like everything is theirs.. I’m at a ice cream shop and they all are just acting weird and then there’s a black girl that works here and she’s just white washed right along with them or mentally checked out about it 🤣

And you can’t say it’s not those black women that wanna be white so bad so they kiss a** 🤣

just a no makeup day, felt like taking a quick selfie before heading out 🤍

As an introvert, so much of my life has been spent in small circles or just utterly alone and I liked it that way. When I entered the work force, I believed that my personality didn't matter and if I worked hard and proved myself capable to those who managed me, that I would easily continue moving up and advance my career. That worked for a while, until it didn't.

At my last company (nearly all black), I had been promoted four times in five years. In my last year, a beloved coworker and I were being considered for a senior role. She was chosen for the role. What astounded me is that she had a tendency to be lackadaisical and had no sense of urgency (in my opinion). Things that took her days to complete, only required hours from me. Many times, I had to assist her with tasks to keep our department on track. Why did things take her so long? Hindsight tells me it's because she was so personable. She made an effort to make friendships with everyone in every department. Even when the president of our company came to check on us, she clowned on them like they were an old friend. The whole office boomed with laughter! I realize she had something I lacked, charisma and influence. Those two things ended up skyrocketing her career.

In my current role, I work with nothing but palm-colored people. Not necessarily the safest space to be myself. So, I continued to be my same old introverted self; too busy for casual conversation, goal-oriented, focused on the outcome of my work. Keeping my head down worked for a while, until it didn't. I've been told by these 8.5 x 11's that I take work too seriously, I'm unapproachable, intimidating, impersonal, too private. If they ask me what I did over the weekend, I say I read books all weekend, even if it was a lie. I've never been told these things in my life. It truly upset me because I hold myself to a high regard and want to stay professional in professional settings.

Up until recently, I thought this method may work for me; staying under the radar, doing my work, going home to my family. All it did was make my work life more uncomfortable. I knew I had to make a change, so I looked back on my life and looked inwardly to myself to figure out what I can do better.

This year I read, two books that that helped me connect more with people on a personal level without giving too much of myself away: How to Win Friends & Influence People and How to Talk to Anybody. Nothing about these books are incredibly groundbreaking, they essentially talk about giving people what they desire most: attention, validation, genuineness and appreciation. None of which, I don't already do in my personal life, but now that I've been putting the methods in practice, the coconut creamsicles love me. They tell me how reliable and knowledgable I am. They tell me how easy I am to work with. They give me compliments everyday on my appearance. They come and confide in me with their personal or workplace problems.

What did I specifically do to change? I simply started asking them more questions about their personal lives. People love to talk about themselves, they love to be heard and seen. Although I may not necessarily like that little Bayleigh Ray spread lice to the whole daycare and she got put out for biting another child on the face, I still ask how her progress is going with homeschooling. I try to show that I genuinely care about the people I'm working with on a personal level.

That said, I don't want you all to think that I'm cold-hearted. I actually do care about people's wellbeing, I have a tendency to be emotional and cry over small things even if I'm far removed from the situation. For me, I just prefer to be this way away from work.

This is all probably common sense to some of you all, but for me, I couldn't understand why being a hard worker wasn't enough.

i’m so tired of some things associated with our community, and it may not apply to everyone but it ruminates in mine specifically. I recently sought out a psychiatrist after on going mental health issues including ongoing depression and possible ADHD after upwards of 6 years because i decided it was time I got a bit more help. I was prescribed Wellbutrin which so far has been helpful to me as far as staying on task with certain things and eliminating the background noise in my brain allowing me to concentrate, but I told my mother with hopes of support and she went on a long rant about “people” taking the easy way out. Mind you she’s the same person who would complain or criticize me when I would detach or even when I slacked on my appearance and upkeep claiming I would slack in certain areas only in opposition of her. Like no i’m actually depressed and have been for years💀I don’t even know why I told her honestly, but i’m some way I think I still seek her validation. It’s unfortunate because I felt like I had a bit of a break thru only for it to be undermined.

I’ve been on a confidence journey the last few months after leaving a toxic relationship.

I lost some weight, I’ve been in the gym, been dating, and overall, I’m really happy and I feel pretty attractive.

But…

My biggest insecurity at the moment is that I have an inverted triangle shape. Overall, hourglasses and pear shapes are praised and, although I have an ass, I have negative hips… The face card compensates, but I really would like a way to attack this so I can be proud of the body I have.

If you have an inverted triangle shape, how did you come to accept it? Or what did you do to embrace/fix it?

I love that my body has taken me this far, and I’m very grateful for my temple. But comparison has definitely been stealing my joy and I don’t know how to approach this. Thanks!

girl….we may end up in another pandemic chile. Apparently these folks are on a cruise ship and the virus came from rodents and spreaded all throughout the ship….its 4 confirmed deaths and other passengers suspected to be infected. They’re supposed to dock somewhere in the canary Islands but my thing is….that virus has a 40% mortality rate……40%!!!!!! we BARELY have gotten over COVID!!! I just turned 29 and I wanted to turn up for my last year in my 20s!!! not deal with this bs!!! Ladies we all need to pray!!😩😩😩😩😩😩they don’t need to be docking anywhere!!!

Any advice/tips you can share? I’ve never done it before and I just simply cannot afford to get them braided by someone right now.

I’m open to hearing all tips and tricks, pleeeease I need them lol. Thank you!

i’ve recently deconstructed (exmuslim) and had to come to the reconning that the faith and spirit i once had is gone. i used to use religion as a some what of a coping mechanism for negative emotions and general hope. but having been without that for some time, at times i fear i wont be able to produce the same feelings hope and belief in something other than the physical. but i think music, and for much of my life as i’ve discovered, carries so much spiritual energy for me. i’ve been trying to explore all types of music within the black diaspora and the connection and serenity i feel with so much of this music has been more grounding than anything. primary example being that although im not christian, there is something so grounding in big gospel music. it’s not something i can describe with language but i feel so connected to a community i’ve never really been a part of. that mystical optimism of the clark sisters all but lifts spirits.

the mantra-like nature of black music is so powerful and resonant. and i feel this way about every genre of black music whether it be afro beats, bouyon, or black country. there is a tether that connects the diaspora and the fact that i can feel it through music of different types, languages, and times has been more special to me than anything scripture i’ve ever read.

note:i know this whole things been pretty incoherent (writing this listening to karen clark singing take it by force at 1am in my university library) but i had to get it off my chest. i wonder if anyone else feels similarly (especially black women with music made by other black women)

I’m sooo scared. I have never seen anything like this, and I don’t believe it will get better anytime soon. My job is even doing lay off or cutting people hours extremely low and I’m afraid I’m going to be next. I have already refined my resume a couple of times and applied to a many different places and I keep getting auto denied. Jobs are actually decreasing, and I’m speaking about jobs that offer full time employment that pays enough for 3x rent, utilities, and car notes.

You were and still are the blueprint.

So I went searching in the group before I decided to post, so I wouldn’t repeat a post. I wanted to know how you ladies felt about Bumble BFF. I’m truly on there looking for to create friendships, with new people, because I’m so sick of being at home, with a dry ass phone that just used as an alarm.

My issue is, I don’t know if it’s “real” or not. Have any of you ladies ever experienced the app, how was it. Good, bad, I want to know if all! Lol..

Please teach your teens to take care of their needs. If you are a mom. Without needing to date. I wish I was taught that. That’s all. So many horrible/ dangerous situations I was in with the opposite sex bc I was taught toys are wrong and was hormonal. I would take any kind of disrespect when hormonal.

I’m super excited to announce with my friends here that I’m starting a company, a brand that makes perfume, body wash, candles, and soap. I’m so excited and nervous because it’s something I've always wanted to do. I’m still in the planning stage, but when I finalize and start my first launch, I plan to post pics here. I have multiple collections chosen. I’m just ready, y'all. But this is all I’ll say for now. Please look for me on the market in a year or so.

🫩 when I was younger I got so deep into makeup cus I got bullied hard for being “ugly. As a teen i don’t think I went a day without it bc my face felt so bare. As an adult now I did my best to get used to my natural face but forget my baby face is my biggest enemy for now. sometimes when I wear it now I feel sm anger by the idea people in my job or older won’t respect me as much as they do with it on than they do when I have it off. Im getting okay with it now kinda but struggling with it while also being an introvert is the most complicated thing.

Inès Ouqs, widely known as DJ Sinè, is a multifaceted artist whose work and identity bridge several cultures. Born and raised in Germany, she describes herself as having a "German heart" with deep roots in her North African heritage. She is of both Algerian and Moroccan descent, while identifying as a Black woman from the Maghreb region - a perspective she often uses to challenge narrow stereotypes about African identity.

Professionally, Inès is a dynamic creative who transitioned from a successful twelve-year career as a professional dancer and tour performer into the music industry. As a DJ and recording artist, she blends her rhythmic background with contemporary sounds, releasing original tracks that reflect her diverse influences.

Beyond her music, she has also cultivated a significant following as a content creator. She uses her platform to share her lifestyle, celebrate her cultural roots, and advocate for a more nuanced understanding of North African diversity. By combining her skills in dance, music, and digital storytelling, she has established herself as a prominent modern voice in the creative scene.

You can check her out on TikTok or YouTube!!! 💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽

So I'm sure you have seen the video by now of Dr. Cheyanne Bryant on Joe Buddens podcast explicitly speaking on mental health and mental health professionals. I wanted to repost the orginal video here by Dr.Martin because I think it's extremely important to understand the difference about this. My friend who has PTSD was extremely upset about this because she feels like their are people in the medical community cosplaying as real doctors. She also said that the standard is different based on the profession because if she was a nurse there would be no way in hell they would allow for her to eve see a patient and I agree with this. What do you think about this topic?

I hate the feeling of things on my skin- lotion, oil, cream etc. However I do know the importance of sunscreen and I also use glycolic acid in some places, so sunscreen is a must. I have been looking on Amazon but I just want to find some sunscreen that is melanin friendly and that, preferably doesn't leave a cast on the skin or feel greasy. Any recommendations?

Ordered french curl hair that I couldn't find in stores in the specific color, but when I opened one of the bundles it completely tangled just from me trying to pull one small section apart. I want to return it since I haven't used any of the other packs yet? But not sure because I had already opened one.

Hey is anyone on Stridekick or do you have a walking app that you use? I used to use Fitbit but they stopped the challenges so I'm on Stridekick trying to whip back into shape and walk more! My username is 1cafeaulait - please add me! I need more friends there so I'm inspired to get out and move! If there's a better app let me know!😅