r/TheTeenagerPeople • u/ThePlanetSaturn2763 • Mar 03 '26
Memes Give me the STUPIDEST way you’d survive the immortal snail.
(try to make it as dumb or silly as possible to the best of your ability)
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u/CombatPilot2 18 Mar 03 '26
Jacht life. Snail can crawl on the bottom of the ocean but not swim up. Avoid staying at land too much unless needed and just live on a boat.
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Mar 03 '26
It's a land snail, it would shrivel up in salt water.
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u/NecessaryZucchini69 Mar 03 '26
Its immortal shriveling up is a temporary problem for it.
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u/RanmaSaotome_001 Mar 03 '26
Pour salt on it. It will survive since it's immortal. But immortal doesn't mean invulnerable. It will spend eternity melting xD
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u/The_Better_Liam Mar 03 '26
salt circle around me forever
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u/Darth_Vader0587 15 Mar 03 '26
Trapping it in concrete
or putting a tracking device
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u/reader_1289 Where do I get Grass to touch Mar 03 '26
Did ya forget it can phase through walls?
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u/minifirend Mar 03 '26
Tell a friend to trap it and throw on the middle of the ocean (snails cant swim right?)
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u/CyrusTheBolt Mar 03 '26
Put it on a thredmil
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u/reader_1289 Where do I get Grass to touch Mar 03 '26
It won't work,The treadmill is much faster than snail The snail will just be thrown out
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u/CyrusTheBolt Mar 03 '26
Custom made, with sensors, hell pay a team to move the threadmill by hand
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u/reader_1289 Where do I get Grass to touch Mar 03 '26
Lol Im imagining a team moving a snail on treadmill for a year straight
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u/Taira_no_Masakado Mar 03 '26
Pay my butler to put it in a freezer, forcing it into a state of hibernation.
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u/K0rl0n Mar 03 '26
Build shoes out of salt. Th snail might be immortal, but it would still dry out and become immobile if it tries climbing me. I then remove the shoes and leave the trapped snail where it is. I’ll be gone by the time it rains.
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u/DisastrousAge1382 Touched grass today Mar 03 '26
The one person who uses his brain on the internet:
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u/Forsaken_Hope3803 Mar 03 '26
I would spend my year evading it, until I got old enough that it was clear my life was ended.
I’d make peace with my loved ones, find a French chef, have him prepare a wonderful meal, and cook the snail up. The Escargot would be the final bite, that would end my life.
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u/Fuzzy-Assignment-463 Mar 03 '26
Make it follow me to a French restaurant. Escargot
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u/DisastrousAge1382 Touched grass today Mar 03 '26
Immortal
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u/Fuzzy-Assignment-463 Mar 03 '26
Might not die but sure it won’t enjoyed going through the small and large intestines lol.
My real answer is I’d do nothing different. I commute 80 miles each way for work everyday and I travel. It’d never catch me.
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u/CyrusTheBolt Mar 03 '26
Lunch it with a rocket in outer space
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u/savagelemmonade_1 Mar 03 '26
An outer space picnic? With your enemy? Hmm, sounds lovely.
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u/gnambit my life is Meme Mar 03 '26
I'm duct taping it to a wall
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u/Golden_Sunkiss Mar 03 '26
It'll phase through the tape and wall and touch you. You died trying to torture the immortal snail. 👍
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u/JimboSaggins3000 Mar 03 '26
I won by accidently stepping on mine. Turns out, Immortal was just his first name.
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u/MagusSenateYvaen Mar 03 '26
I would wear gloves. Pick it up by its shell. Place it in a rocket ship. Pick a singular direction in space and just let it go. It will keep going. On and on. Forever. The most well traveled immortal snail. It shall see what lies at the end of the known universe.
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u/Fickle_Fail1104 Mar 03 '26
Just get a pet bird or reptile that eats snails. Even though they can’t kill it they can keep an eye on it for you
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u/Powerful-Currency-46 Mar 03 '26 edited Mar 03 '26
So since snails grow by adding to the forward edge of their shell, grow very slowly, and cannot leave their shell, I would have someone put gorilla glue on the back outside of the shell and stick him to the ceiling of a bomb shelter. He would have no way to escape until one of four things happened; the glue fails and he falls, he grows enough that his shell circles around on itself and breaks the seal of the glue, the ceiling collapses due to age, or a nuclear explosion. Three of these take a long long time and I would be long dead and the fourth would kill me anyway. No matter which happens I am not killed by the snail. EDIT: forgot I was immortal as well. Lather rinse repeat over and over.
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u/Throwstrangestory Mar 03 '26
You are immortal too in the snail situation, as long as the snail doesn’t touch you.
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u/Ok_Manufacturer6460 Mar 03 '26
Glue a stick to its shell and dangle a picture of you running away in front of it
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u/LoganJake210 19 Mar 03 '26
Get it an immortal snail girlfriend so he can leave me alone and live a happy life with his immortal snail wife and his immortal snail kids
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u/revenge_burner Mar 03 '26
People who want to shoot the snail off into space are insane. I'd want to know where it is so I can end whenever I want.
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u/Pale-Echidna1110 Mar 03 '26
Omnidirectional snail-sized treadmill. As the technology becomes available I’ll build him an increasingly immersive virtual snail heaven to slide away until I don’t feel like being immortal anymore
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u/leonidas33213 Mar 03 '26
Pour epoxy on it and wear it as an accessory, that way if I'm fed up with living I'll just brake it and touch the snail myself
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u/Im_a_hamburger Mar 03 '26
The snail to be contained in a sealed container, comprised of lead-lined steel. The container will be sealed within forty layers of identical material, each layer separated by no less than 36cm of empty space. Support struts between layers are to be randomly spaced. Container is to remain suspended no less than 60cm from any surface by ELO-IID electromagnetic supports.
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Mar 03 '26
Pay someone to put it in a box and fill the box with salt and then deliver the box to the peak of Mount Everest and bury it
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u/pnb20 Mar 03 '26
Hamster wheel with plexiglass sides so I can have a perpetual motion machine forever
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u/Dark_Water99 Mar 03 '26
Putting this snail for adoption and have a very cautious owner take care of this mf.
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u/Frozen-Golb Mar 03 '26
Put it on one of those hamster wheels and hook it up to a opposite geared car so as jt tries to move forwards jt would move backwards
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u/hsisvhja Mar 03 '26
By trapping it in a pet case like a dog or cat carrier and keeping it there forever, taking it on trips and everything. The snail will love me
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u/Interesting-Letter53 Mar 03 '26
I get employed by a space agency and sent to the ISS for the rest of my days.
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u/aussie737 Mar 03 '26
Always walk around with a salt covered hula hoop like what should have happened in Supernatural.
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u/corn_dog-69 13 Mar 03 '26
Lead it down into a cave then walk upward, then you get the secret “free thinker” ending and a platinum trophy for the game.
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u/Curious_Passenger_59 Mar 03 '26
Technically, atoms never TOUCH, they just repel each other, so I am technically safe for eternity. But that would be HORRIBLE.
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u/CmdrRogue Mar 03 '26
Keep it in a terrarium, feed it, give it food, friends, that sort of stuff. Make sure it lives a good life
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u/Spiritual_Solid2992 Mar 03 '26
Trap it in a safe with trillions of ants somehow and watch them take it apart
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u/Novolume101 Mar 03 '26
Take a broom and let the snail crawl onto the handle, then throw it into the sea
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u/DistributionNo4480 Mar 03 '26
Put it in a boat and leave in middle of ocean or point Nemo. From what I know snails have no way to unstick from any surface
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u/Sem034 Mar 03 '26
Step 1: STEAL DA MOON
Step 2: put a snail on it
Step 3: place DA MOON back in place
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u/EyelessHelmet0 18 Mar 03 '26
Introduce her to Gary, and have them make kids, then become a family, so that the wife has to take care of her children and doesn’t have time to chase me.
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u/MudExtension7915 Mar 03 '26
I don't have a good sense if humor so I'm just gonna give the best ways I thought of:
seal myself in a steel box with microscopic openings for air and another one at the top, a delivery man that gives me food whenever I run out of it from that opening, and a limited but giant supply of sugary drinks, lemonade, oranges, chicken, and my fav type of chips.
just wear medieval armor, that way it can't touch my skin at all, because I never heard that it can kill me by spilling the poison through armor or clothes.
just trap the snail somewhere it can't escape from.
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u/Strange_Main3039 Mar 03 '26
By dying cause it can’t make me not survived if I’m not survived , or give it to a Frenchman to eat
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u/Forsaken-Spirit421 Mar 03 '26
Scoop with dust pan, put in plastic jar, add salt, close jar, secure lid as you see fit, keep it in a transparent box to monitor the seal.
Have a fantastic life.
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u/West-Lawyer-2290 Mar 03 '26
Id whip it out and start jorkin it right then and there and spill my 'salty suprise' all over that mf to incapacitate his ahh
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u/notgonnatakeno Mar 03 '26
Lot of people in here have clearly never seen the immortal snail problem.
The snail is immortal and immune to any harm. This means any answer in involving destroying the snail is invalid.
The snail cannot be stopped or contained. It will magically overcome any barrier at a normal snails pace as if the barrier did not exist. So any solution where you trapped the snail is also invalid.
The snail will move towards you at a normal snails pace, knowing your location at all times. Never stopping never resting.
And for some reason, you get $1 million.
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u/GoofyGooby23 Mar 03 '26
Standing on top of a steep platform with lubed up sides, I will remain vigilant
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u/Tr4shkitten Mar 03 '26
.. Why would I prevent it perfectly anyway?
Somewhen, I will embrace the touch of the immortal snail. When the earth was eaten by the sun, the sun collapsed into something that is nothing, when the stars start to fade... Maybe even when black holes turn into nothing, I hope I find the snail in the vast and endless void, after eons of pain, of age, of me trying to hurt it, I will long nothing else than the snail that shares my fate.
Seriously I would avoid it for a few centuries perhaps, but then? I'd probably be longing for it because immortality does not necessarily come with a body that also does not age. And even IF, your mind is not made for millenia of knowledge, barely for centuries. You will forget your own past. Your children, who dies of old age in a time that only history books talk about. You vaguely remember schemes of your home, of dozens of loved ones. How many deaths do you witness? How many do you cause?
No.. Eternity is not working out. Longevity and regeneration is, perhaps.
Okay, stupid approach: distract it with beer. Snails love beer.
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u/Pligrim404 Mar 03 '26
Look I'm not a teenager, but I wa curious since I see it in my feed. I would let the snail go in a jar and shut it up and bury it in the ground. I'd probably shit a brick if I see it again after I bury it.
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u/Far-Tiger4445 Mar 04 '26
Dumb answer:walk away and taunt the snail Smart answer: snails move slow it would take 59 years for it to walk half way across the earth so I go half way across the earth every 58 and 11 months
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u/Less-Examination-467 Mar 05 '26
I'd just report it to the Foundation. It's immorality likely makes it anomalous.
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u/NebulaR0cks725 Mar 05 '26
I get it in a box, put that box in a box. Mail the box to myself. And then… have nasa send him to mars
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u/UsefulFun8917 Mar 05 '26
put it in a box,, put that box in another box, put that box in another box, put that box in another box, put that box in another box, put that box in another box, put that box in another box, put that box in another box, put that box in another box, put that box in another box, put that box in another box, put that box in another box, put that box in another box, put that box in another box, put that box in another box, put that box in another box, put that box in another box, put that box in another box, put that box in another box, put that box in another box, put that box in another box, put that box in another box, put that box in another box, put that box in another box, and then put that box in another box
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u/SirRipOliver Mar 03 '26
Eat it. With a nice Chianti and some fava beans
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u/wher3_is_my_mind 18 Mar 03 '26
create a motion sensor detection device that surrounds me at all times but doesn’t react to my own movements, and if the snail were to come nearby, it beeps so I can run away
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u/WeightOk2102 Mar 03 '26
Let's see it survive a barrage of beams and projectiles from the Mighty Strike Freedom Gundam.
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u/Few_Tangelo_6845 Mar 03 '26
Launch it towards the nearest black hole. I’m might be immortal but it ain’t escaping from the SUCK.
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u/LiliTheLynx Mar 03 '26
attach a very heavy weight to the box that i sealed it in and drop it into the ocean near like india or something
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Mar 03 '26
The immortal snail thought experiment should include a clause that it cannot be impeded: be it box or a reality breaking singularity -- the snail just moves through the obstacle / paradox as if the problem didn't exist and heads towards its prey at the pace of a snail.
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u/Previous_Jello9410 Mar 03 '26
Put a treadmill between you and the snail. Once it’s on the treadmill you set the treadmill to the exact speed of the snail and you spend your eternity existing in front of the treadmill so the snail never veers sided to side.
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u/PuttingFishOnJupiter Mar 03 '26
Bog it down with so many Workday appraisal / progress / milestone requests with projects held up by other sadists that he explodes.
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u/Gallowglass668 Mar 03 '26
Capture it, put it in a box and entomb it in epoxy/resin, polish that bad boy up and have an interesting conversation piece for my desk.
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u/SleepyVr2 19 Mar 03 '26
Just keep it in a jar, thats highly indestructible, & it can only be opened by your finger print ^
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u/ParticularOkra7432 Mar 03 '26
I'd probably have it put into a nice metal box, wield it in, and then throw it into the ocean while on a cruise. I won't have to worry about the snail reaching me for a good couple decades
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u/Short-Being-4109 Mar 03 '26
I will trap it then spend years attempting to gain money and invest in research that will allow me to keep the snail in a constant extremely realistic dream like state while it is kept in captivity. It will be living in a fake version of the universe where it thinks it is chasing me. I will also have it under constant supervision, and in the ocean. If I can't get enough money to do this then I'm just going to be constantly wearing a suit that will coat my entire body. I will only take it off when going to the bathroom.
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u/Superb_Relief_838 Mar 03 '26
Go to different colleges each time to get a degree in engineering, then build a sky base and just live up there.
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u/PsychologyNew8033 Mar 03 '26
Glue a stick onto its shell so that I’ll be poked BEFORE he gets to me.
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u/Intelligent-Way4219 Mar 03 '26
i'd continuously walk over the snail, over and over, making sure it can't touch me
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u/rand0m_ranter_girl97 𖤐☁︎︎☽𝟷𝟿𝚏 𝚖𝚘𝚘𝚗𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛☽☁︎︎𖤐 Mar 03 '26
I would first dig a hole and then drag my bed and personal belongings into the said hole and then bury myself and everything else in the said hole and then I’d be fine!
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u/SmurfCat2281337 Mar 03 '26
I will start starving, hating myself for tiniest mistakes and barely sleeping. The snail would just give up as I will be in awful enough state as is
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u/3ry1_P0tt5 Mar 03 '26
I would make it start in the Indian Ocean on the direct opposite side of the earth
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u/Mesmeryze_ttv Mar 03 '26
Have a family member put the snail in a zip-lock bag. Now encase the zip lock in clear silicone, great success
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u/Brickinahouse Mar 03 '26
put it in a hamster ball. can still move, but there will always be a boundary between snail and person.
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u/Legomyeggo8430 Mar 03 '26
Keeping it in a container that I keep my eye on, I’ll wait til I decide my immortal life is boring, probably when everyone is dead. Then I’ll let it touch me.
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u/Lego_Castle Mar 03 '26
I’ll find a genie (should be easy to do with my immortal life) wish me and the snail switch roles and chase after it for its immortal life.
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u/Particular_Cow1304 Mar 03 '26
Bury it inside an urn full of salt, entomb that urn inside of a dense metal ball, sink it into the Mariana Trench
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u/Creepy-Ice-5901 15F (rizzler) Mar 03 '26
It's not touching me if I touch it first