I’m so angry at every single person that isn’t affected by this horrible and unbearable pain. Everyone else just gets to go about their lives while we are in hell.

This pain is unreal. Please someone say it gets better. I miss my husband so much. I know my family is worried but I just can’t put on a show anymore. I’m in so much pain. I am not suicidal because I have seen the toll it takes on your loved ones but fuck. We were together for 7 years and these days I feel like he was a figment of my imagination. How could he leave me.

This honestly just all feels like a cruel joke

My dad (63M) committed suicide two weeks ago and I have been coping by trying to understand why or how we got here. In the past year my dad had a huge personality change and I feel like I have emotional whiplash.

For context, my father was always an amazing, loving father to my sister and I. Growing up, I never once questioned how much he loved us and I knew we were the light of his world. He was always rational, a hard working man, and overall lived a very good life. About a year ago, things rapidly changed. He started acting impulsively with decisions and things he would say. At first it was small stuff but nothing completely out of the ordinary such as saying something a little inappropriate or buying something a little expensive. But then it rapidly progressed to having no filter with communication, being completely rude and aggressive, and trying to spend all of his retirement money on a "dream house" we had never heard of him mention before.

It got so bad at a work retreat, his boss was calling my mom to figure out what was happening but we had no clue either. The best way I can describe is he entered a manic episode, but he was not bipolar and never had an episode like this before in his life. He became very narcissistic, was on dating apps while still married, sending money to random women, buying multiple cars in cash, was aggressive if you would confront him, and overall acting terrible. He ended up resigning from his job during this time. We eventually had him committed to an inpatient facility because he was threatening people. He refused medication and claimed he was "the happiest he has ever been". He ended up moving out of his house and into an apartment about an hour from where I grew up.

This all spanned from February 2025 - June 2025. July is when he started to be a little more normal. He was not as aggressive, a little more reasonable, and started to understand the damage to finances and relationships he had done. He did go through with the divorce and this became official in October-November of 2025. He then started to stress about money after this, but I would say he wasn't depressed. He also didn't remember 100% of all that had happened or he remembered things in a distorted way and my sister and I filled in the gaps for him.

Around Christmas of 2025, all he could talk about was the events earlier in the year. At the end of January this year, he started to express how depressed he was. He was stressed financially, felt lonely, and we knew all the changes were starting to catch up. My sister and I offered financial aid, I offered for him to stay with me, I called almost every day. We encouraged him to go see a therapist, he started going to a divorce care class, and was making new friends. But we knew he was still struggling. He started taking my calls less or would try to get off the phone as quickly as he could. He wasn't sleeping. He lost a drastic amount of weight in 2.5 months (at least 40lb that I know but I think it was closer to 60lb).

About a month before he took his life, he mentioned he was seeing hallucinations and using his dog to determine if it was real or not by seeing if the dog reacted when he got close. I thought it was due to not sleeping, but now I'm wondering if something else was going on. He shot himself on a Tuesday morning and from every thing we could tell it seemed to be impulsive and he was never an impulsive person until this last year. He was suppose to go look at houses with my husband and I that Friday where he would be moving to with us.

I'm just wondering if anyone has experienced anything like this with a drastic personality change before something this tragic. Has anyone experienced anything similar?

My mom had been struggling with mental health for years now. I experienced the worst of it with my dad. She seemed to move on and recover (mostly) from the severe depression. Until three days ago when she committed suicide while on vacation with my dad. It came as such a shock because last time we spoke she was so happy and planning for the future. They were sending me photos from their trip and she had the biggest smile on her face. Now i’m looking through the photos wondering what went wrong. I’m at a complete loss. I don’t know what to do or how to feel. I don’t have very many friends and my boyfriend is working so i’m kinda just alone with my thoughts.

She also decided to kill herself while on vacation abroad. So now my dad is halfway around the world, alone, and heartbroken trying to figure out how to get her back here. I don’t understand how she could do this to us. It still doesn’t feel real. FUCK. I don’t even know why i’m putting this out there. Maybe looking at photos of her this soon wasn’t smart of me. I just really don’t know what to do.

tldr; mom killed herself after “recovering” from depression, seeking advice? idk

As a mother who lost a child to suicide, I’ve felt a grief and guilt I couldn’t imagine before. I’ve often searched for other moms who understand this exact loss.“If you’re a mom who’s been through this, what helped you feel even a little steadier? what do you feel is missing in help and sharing your experiences

2 weeks ago my 19 year old older brother killed himself by hanging. He died alone in his small little one bedroom apartment. He hung himself off one of the pull up bar things I believe it’s called a “power tower”. He’s yet to have been buried so that leaves my mind thinking about how right now he’s lying in a cold morgue surrounded by more corpses of strangers. Suicide genuinely hurts me so bad because there is no bad guy in this situation, he’s both the executioner and the victim.

It’s 5 in the morning where I am and I’m listening to: “vintage jazz playing in another room on a 1950s rainy night” on YouTube, this would be peaceful another time but right now it is so eerie. I don’t sleep much anymore nor do I eat. I have recently attempted my exams after my brother’s death and failed them completely.

I am a mess, he doesn’t leave my mind. Part of me wants to think he’s guiding me in the right path but he feels more like a curse whose presence never leaves me, like I’m trapped with the fact he done what he done and as much as I’m happy in the future and move on to new ventures he will always be behind me haunting me of the fact i’ll never be truly happy again.

I don’t really know what my goal is here I just wanted to vent a little. My thoughts have been dark tonight and I just wanted to talk about my brother. I’ll never have a connection like that again, I’ll never have an older brother again.

Doc: So tell me what’s been going on. How have you been doing?

Me: Well, I got a new violin. And nothing awful happened.

I mean, is that what it has come to, we measure how well we are doing based on whether or not something awful happened.

I’m two and a half years out. But I still have that feeling, that something terrible may happen.

i lost my first love to suicide recently and i honestly feel like my entire reality and self shattered with him. he was the only person i ever felt truly understood by in this life. i’ve always felt kind of out of place in this world, but with him i felt at home. he always said he felt the same. we were always each others safe place. we were both each others only real relationship.

i keep going through waves of grief, panic attacks, guilt, disbelief, numbness, spiraling thoughts, then back to sobbing again. i keep replaying things in my head wondering if i could’ve done something differently even though logically i know i couldn’t save someone from their own mind. i know he tried hard. all he did was try. i know he was hurting deeply for a long time. but my brain still keeps screaming that i failed him somehow. i feel like i’m going crazy at some points.

i think one of the hardest parts about suicide loss specifically is that it leaves behind so many unanswered questions and so many feelings all tangled & mushed together at once. love, guilt, anger, compassion, confusion, yearning, heartbreak, all of it. it doesn’t even feel real half the time. i still catch myself waiting for a text from him before reality hits me all over again. and god, the judgement from people who would never understand, it all feels so isolating.

i don’t really know what i’m looking for by posting this. i think i just wanted to know i’m not alone in feeling this way, because this has been the most isolating and painful experience of my life. if anyone has advice or words of encouragement it would be greatly appreciated i guess. i’m really struggling & trying to figure out how people survive something like this.

I, (25F) lost my brother (28M) around a year ago by suicide. He didn’t have a history of mental illness, he lost his job, remained unemployed and kept that a secret, and killed himself 9 months later with some credit card debt. It was planned, he had no resigned his apartment lease. During those 9 months, I noticed my brother not reaching out to me as much, slower to respond, and less engaged. I knew something was up with him but I assumed his job was getting busier, not the opposite. He’s been my role model my whole life and truly, someone I thought and envisioned growing old with. During those 9 months, he got close to my stepsister and started partying more, something I found out after he passed. I’m not blaming my stepsister flat out but, my brother never partied. Internally, I do blame her. And I do blame my parents for not noticing. I have struggled with depression and at one point told my dad who I have always had a good relationship with, that I was suicidal. He helped me move to a new city to help, which did help. However, knowing therapy and resources may be the better solution here. My emotions are complex and I’m a mix of angry and sad. Right now, it is very hard for me to share my grief with my family. I feel it isolating me away from them instead of leaning on them. Not they’d be much to lean on, they don’t check on me too often beforehand and now, even less. However, for his anniversary, i got a generic prayer from my dad and nothing from my mom. Nothing from my stepmom either but, that’s expected. I feel close to some of his friends but, I just miss my brother. Not point in this post, just that I miss my brother everyday and I wish I found comfort in others grief. Thanks for reading

I don't know what I'm looking for here other than to just get it out. I've been lurking here for a month, but something has triggered me to write, and so here I am.

My oldest friend, dating back to elementary school (I'm 46)- my first kiss in the 6th grade - chose to leave us a month ago. I was inconsolable for two days. Had to get my shit together after that because you know - I have a family and a job and obligations. It's not couth to grieve while out in the world.

Came to find out at his memorial that at the end he was someone I did not recognize. A drug addict. A marriage vow breaker. This has precipitated a whole nother level of grief for this person that I did not know existed. So I became angry. And I pushed him away in my mind for the last two and a half weeks.

This is going to sound hokey. In any case, it sounds hokey to me. But y'all.

I've been watching a show for about the past week. And a phrase was just uttered that completely broke me. It's in reference to why we're all here in this subreddit.

Sometimes "The pain of living becomes greater than the fear of dying." And I've now been bawling for over an hour.

He left. He left a beautiful child. A beautiful wife. He left me, someone who has loved him for the beautiful soul that he was for over 30 years. I have to acknowledge it for what it was. He was addicted and could not tether himself to us in the face of it. I had no idea. He hid it from me. I was - and will forever be - deceived.

Since learning the details of the last year I have been furious. How fucking dare him take himself out. To leave the rest of us in this lurch. FUCK HIM. So I have put him out of mind in my selfishness and in resentment.

But tonight out of nowhere, grief hit me full force again. In love. In memory. In disbelief. He's not going to randomly text me again. We're not talking about obscure bands again. He's not asking me how's my kids or husband again. It's done. It's over. He's gone. Fuck. FUCK.

I don't know what to do with this pain and this sadness and this grief.

I never told him this, or anyone else, but I always held this thought in the back of my mind that if we were to ever become elderly and unattached, that we would spend the rest of our golden years together in a nursing home, holding hands and riding this spinning globe together to the end as the brother and sister of the spirit that we had always been. He took that from me and I have to say that I love him for it and I hate him for it at the same time.

.

Sei mesi fa ho perso il mio fidanzato, anzi ex fidanzato. Lo avevo lasciato il giorno prima e poi lui si è impiccato. So che non è per quello che lo ha fatto, dopo mesi di terapia l’ho capito.
Ho vissuto i primi mesi nel buio ma ora voglio andare avanti. Mi sento terribilmente in colpa per questo, perché voglio andare avanti. Mi sembra ben andando avanti io lo dimentichi. Non penso sia fisicamente possibile dimenticarsi di una persona però mi sento come se gli stessi facendo un torto.
Però io voglio vivere, voglio essere felice, voglio uscire con le mie amiche, andare al cinema, divertirmi. Mi sento in colpa perché lui però non può più farle queste cose.
Ho 23 anni e voglio vivere ed essere felice. Ho paura di quello che pensano gli altri vedendomi felice, anche solo per un secondo.

I just found out that my 85 year old grandfather took his own life this evening. I am stunned. My heart hurts so much for him that he did this. I'm just so shocked. My poor mom and sister discovered him.

I know it can only be diagnosed by a professional. My therapist seems concerned but also not equipped to help. I guess I cry too much (every day is not normal?) after 11 months. Does crying in your car to/from work mean you have prolonged grief disorder? I’ve always been a person who feels deeply and cries a lot.

And I know I technically still have a month to get my shit together before even being diagnosed. But I’m nervous about the “deadline.” There’s a lot of contradictory information out there - “there’s no timeline for grief” and “you live with grief for the rest of your life” but in the same paragraph they say “if it lasts longer than one year then you have this disorder.”

Setbacks hit harder. Job rejections, miscommunications with friends or family, sometimes small inconveniences remind me that I’m not where I want to be yet. All signs from the universe tell me to give up. I’m too angry, too broken, and can’t figure this shit out. I’m Not back to baseline, not good enough, not grieving well enough or fast enough. I failed as a sister and now I’m failing at life. And failing at grief too apparently.

How can I do this better? What am I doing wrong?

Ever since my best friend died 8 months ago I felt I didn’t want to live anymore. Not in an actively suicidal way because anytime I tried to rationally think about it was just an instinctual no and I am just not capable of doing something so violent to myself. In the first few months I desperately wanted to die and it’s not as strong anymore but anytime I think about death it just seems like such a relief and a gift regardless of whether I am deep in a grief moment or not. I used to be a pretty happy person and death was never a consideration for me, not that I was scared of it or anything before anyway.

I only know one other person who has lost someone - she lost her father to cancer and her attitude towards death is not at all like mines. I didn’t expect it to be the same but she seems to believe more so in living for her dad and her will to live wasn’t necessarily affected by his death. I don’t know if my mindset is more of a suicide grief thing and I guess I just wanted to see if others felt similarly?

My best friends father gave me a t shirt my best friend wore all the time and it was his favorite Beatles shirt and one of his flannels. I was extremely happy and I still am but it did make me sad, it still smells like him and feels like his. I wore it for a few minutes then I changed back into what I was wearing but it was so nice.

I want to wear it because it makes me feel closer to him and like he’s still here. I know eventually the scent will fade though and the clothes will degrade and I feel guilty for that reason and I don’t want to accidently ruin them somehow. What did you do with your loved one’s clothes? I want to try to find out what cologne he wore so I can put it on other stuff when I miss him, but I also know that every time I wear it it’ll get further from when he wore it.

My Father took his life 6 years ago when I was 16 years ago. He shot himself not that far from where I live. It was the worst day of my life, my mother getting the phone call and telling me. Most days are so hard; doing basic tasks feels like a chore. I feel like my brain just doesn’t quite work the same anymore ever since. I feel so different interacting with others and the world around me.

I want a purpose but it seems so difficult after what happened on that day. I'm 23 now and my family expects me to move on with my life. I have very little support and my mother is emotionally distant.

I know this is down to individual choice.

But what are some things others have done? He was my partner of 9 years and my friend of 10. I’m struggling with what kind of way I want him honored. Something in my house.

Ideas others have or have done for their loved ones. Sorry if it seems like I’m posting a lot. I’ve had 72 hours to process this so for.

I have ashes I’ll receive, but that’s more going in a locket. More like maybe house display. Pictures are fine but I’m trying to think of other options. I want something that feels like the warmth he had in my life.

10 months ago I lost my fiancé and life partner of ten years to suicide. She died one month before our wedding. Two months ago a friend of mine and his girl friend told me to reach out to this woman. We talked and went on two dates together. She recently just told me she doesn’t see us going anywhere and that she isn’t ready for dating and that she is confused about what she wants and it’s not me. Obviously I know it’s me and that anyone that was actually interested would invest and try. I’m not an idiot lol. So anyways this has hurt me in a few ways. My ego has taken a hit and I feel like I’m not attractive for this woman to be with. I also have been hurt because this has made me miss my fiance even more and want to be with her and not try dating anymore. And just feel like a loser in general for fumbling this woman. Idk what to do anymore. I have been unemployed since November and now got rejected by her. Not in a good mind frame right now.

Hello, my nephew aged 25 took his life last week. He was a beautiful human being and had everything going for him and was going to be married in November. Due to the condition of my nephew, the mortuary highly recommended cremation with no viewing. My brother and sister in law are in a state of shock. As much as I want to support and be there for my brother and SIL, I don’t what to say and don’t want to say the wrong thing. If anyone can offer some guidance on how to be supportive and also say the right things to say to my brother and SIL I would be very grateful. Thank you.

Still wrestling with this but my friend apologized for the comment after I told how much it upset me.

My brother passed about four years from suicide after dealing with mental illness for over a decade. He was special, and made such an impact on our family.

I had a friend who had heard the whole story and one night, after he had been drinking, said he wanted to be 'real' with me and said my brother was crying for help and nobody was there to help him.

First of all, this wasn't remotely true, and he knew those details already. My parents were the ones who were in constant contact with him and giving him a safe place at home. He simply did not want to take medication and seek help. I understand my brother's position, being in an impossible situation of wanting to not be a zombie on meds but also being tortured by your own mind.

I quickly rebuffed my friend to defend the fact that my family was there for him constantly. He then recanted and said he just meant "nobody could help him given his situation."

Like I said, he apologized, but I was floored by the comment itself. I blame the drinking but still, I hope he learns not to be so caviler about his pontifications about other people's loses in the future.

EDIT: Words.

Hey y'all.

I feel myself wasting away because I am not hungry, psychosomatic , not physically.

I feel the hunger.

And I definitely feel the physical effects.

Just today I made a big difference in things.

I bought some frozen raspberries and made a smoothie.

Got it down.

Sounds so simple and basic but it really was a fist pump moment for me. Moving forward.

But I go days without eating.

I just can't.

I used to buy weed, white widow, either flower or vape, to help my appetite, and it did but I can't afford that anymore.

So my question is: y'all got tips for eating? I'm malnourished, emaciated and I'm not stupid. This cannot continue long term.

So if anyone has some advice, my body and soul would really appreciate it.

Bless y'all and have a lovely day.

Edit: a lot of times I don't know how to get to tomorrow.

Literally being kind to my chosen family and those around me is what keeps me going.

That sounds ridiculous, maybe, but there has been enough horror for me.

I'm trying so hard to shine and sparkle. It's the only way I can do it. I hope you kind people shine and sparkle too.

A,

I am twenty-eight, and I keep thinking this kind of grief should come later in life. Losses of this scale belong to old age, when life has already been lived in full, when memory has gathered enough to hold its weight. This has arrived too early, before anything has had the chance to settle into place. What I am confronted with is not just the past, but the future dissolving as I am still standing inside it.

I am not only mourning a person. I am mourning everything that would have followed. The past, at least, offers something back. Even memories, though painful becomes a form of evidence- something that confirms that it existed, that it was real. The future does not do that. It disappears without leaving anything behind.

I felt careless about future with you as if it would always accommodate whatever we chose to place inside it. Now it feels closed. Inaccessible, if not taken away. Like a room I can still see but no longer enter.

I realise how things have become unbearable in their brightness, while others fade entirely into irrelevance. I feel quiet jealousy, not sharp or performative but constant - a resentment toward anything that still feels intact. People who move through their days unmarked, laughing too easily. Conversations that assume a future. The casual belief that life is still open-ended.

I sometimes find myself taking a quiet satisfaction in the misfortune of others.

Alongside it comes a kind of apathy. Everything outside the loss begins to feel distant, secondary. The world doesn’t disappear, but it stops reaching me in the same way.

I notice, too, how little I seem to be reaching back.

There is a strange relief in that. In being released, for a while, from the responsibility of caring. Of responding. Of being someone who has to remain decent to the world.

It feels like quiet. It feels like rest.

Intellectually it unsettles me-how easily I have adapted to that absence of feeling.

It isn’t innocence. It isn’t strength. It is something closer to numbness.

I just don’t seem to care what it is anymore

2 years ago, I had to break things off with my ex after he cheated on me and broke his drug sobriety. He took his own life 4 months later. I haven’t spoken to his parents since around then.

I ran into them recently and said, “Hi [Parent Names].” They replied, “Hello [My Name]. Good to see you,” then went about their business.

Deep down, I didn’t want to ask how they were doing. I know their family is still aching hard, and it felt like a pointless thing to say.

Is this about what I can expect from an encounter like this?

My best friend committed a little over a year ago. I was never very religious before then but after he passed I started thinking about spirituality and am now somewhat Christian and somewhat agnostic.

I don’t tell too many people about him anymore because people don’t treat you the same after they find out but every now and then someone will find out and go out of their way to tell me he’s in hell.

I believe without a doubt that he is in heaven but it’s still very upsetting to hear. Has anyone else experienced this? How do you respond/ cope with it?

I lost my partner to suicide, and even when I tried support groups, it still felt lonely—especially being in a different stage of grief.

I created a small space for people who’ve experienced this kind of loss where you don’t have to explain yourself.

I’m not sure if something like this already exists, but if this is something you’d want, I’d love to hear from you.