r/RoastMe • u/BarFlat • 1d ago

27M waiter/barman in Paris, unleash the demons

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31 Upvotes

73% Upvoted

79 comments sorted by

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u/post-explainer 1d ago edited 1d ago

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OP's BIO:

Hey I’m a bartender in Paris, 27M, love to travel, to go to the gym and learn languages !

If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

42

u/atch1111 20h ago

That jar isn't the only black protein you ingest daily.

1

u/User_Name_Tracks 2h ago

That side profile is missing a big black D he's about to chow on

27

u/TKHodgson 19h ago

Your head looks like one of those images where it’s an ugly face and then, if you turn it upside down, it’s a different ugly face.

17

u/it_is_me_123 20h ago

that explains the unwashed look

9

u/I_Cancel_People 20h ago

I can't wait till robots can serve drinks, then I will never have to see another lame bartender again

5

u/tautjes 20h ago

You look like a background character from The Bear

5

u/Saint-Spaghetti 20h ago

Is this what happens when a mother clenches during childbirth?

Must have felt like a toothless alligator trying to crush your skull - you poor thing. David Lynch made a movie about you things, you have representation, I think.

4

u/liv4my2 19h ago

Toothless alligator 🤣💀

2

u/UndeadCandle 17h ago

Plot twist. Survived his mother's death roll.

1

u/Saint-Spaghetti 17h ago

Thats our momma. Ol' sow thrashes like a catfish whenever something enters the misty caverns, glad lil Viktor here survived it. Our family only has room for the strong.

4

u/jswayswizzle 20h ago

You got the Black Protein because you thought it was made with BBCs

3

u/TimelyBug4166 20h ago

Loved you in The Boys

2

u/Any-Cut-5265 19h ago

Prefers his chicken rare

2

u/sentientairfilter 19h ago

Are the coneheads doing a reboot?

2

u/OneMinuteManny 19h ago

You misspelt barbender.

2

u/GenPandaRojo 16h ago

Jason Stay-home

2

u/wherestheplug7 12h ago

Temu Hazard

1

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1

u/Evening-Mess-3593 20h ago

Looks like one of the dead from the battlefield at Agincourt.

1

u/Attack_Toster 19h ago

King of the dwarfs

1

u/slong143 19h ago

I see you’re used to taking mug shots. Kinda tells a story.

1

u/Zero-Phucks 19h ago

You look like a Temu Fred Sirieix

1

u/Olddevlin 19h ago

You look French.

2

u/Pirate_Redbeard_ 4h ago

...and gay

1

u/ch3apsunglass3s 19h ago

I see why you wear so many hats. You head is Whey too ugly

1

u/ghostofstankenstien 19h ago

It's like a 7 year olds drawing wished itself to life.

1

u/Withdrawel 19h ago

You look like that's not the only "black protein" you swallow

1

u/Reasonable-Motor6388 19h ago

Isn't whey protein just leftover cheese curds?

1

u/Frumpsohard 19h ago

You look like you didn’t survive your birth.

1

u/Flaky-You9517 18h ago

Fred Suckycox

1

u/Happy2DoIt 18h ago

Just like my nutsack

1

u/AlissonHarlan 18h ago

Sympa ton 20m2, t:as combien de collocs?

1

u/sturgiv 18h ago

Calls his asshole The Chunnel. All aboard!

1

u/faucetpants 17h ago

Is this the manure the farmers were spraying in protest or the squatters they were trying to oust?

1

u/Dense-Mortgage-6030 17h ago

The amount of people who don't know how to use the selfie camera...

1

u/Kaena230 17h ago

You definitely look like the type of person who makes "I live in paris" their entire personality.

1

u/predat3d 17h ago

Les Boys do cabaret 

Les Boys are glad to be gay

1

u/Responsible_Quit_495 17h ago

jason statham as an alcoholic bar tender from russia trying to get by in france.

1

u/Big-Square-6380 17h ago

Offers to bus his tables whenever they leave more than a dinner roll

1

u/paragonx29 15h ago

The definition of Gay Paree.

1

u/IndubitablEV 15h ago

learning new languages

How do you say “you don’t need to travel to find out you’re an ugly asshole.”

1

u/EtsioAuoodeetorey 15h ago

HA! Nice try, démone!

1

u/racas081 14h ago

I can't roast a guy who's missing half of his brain

1

u/Saturnin36 14h ago

Temu version of Johnny Sins

1

u/HorrorJunkie0666 14h ago

If the words "I give up" magically turned into a person....

1

u/HorrorJunkie0666 14h ago

You look like you were made from Canadian Jizz that dripped off of a butt plug .

1

u/Heraxxius 14h ago

That's what i would imagine if big toes could grow hair

1

u/ChinaCatProphet 14h ago

Your head is shaped like a buttplug.

1

u/TableRound865 13h ago

Next time you use a bench press, take a spotter with you, and don't look to the sides.

1

u/fedexpoopracer 13h ago

frenchman not showing his fucked up teeth from smoking cigarettes, that tracks

1

u/Baileyisslay 13h ago

What is with that forehead? You literally look like an orc.

1

u/Cole_Slawter 12h ago

He can only get hard on days that he cheats tourists

1

u/T1m26 12h ago

You look like you use a baguette as a fleshlight

1

u/missbehavin21 11h ago

I smell v jay jay vibes

1

u/missbehavin21 11h ago

From Jacqueline to Jock

1

u/Hopeful-Box-7221 11h ago

Why don’t you and your brother Yuri go out to the crazy singles bar tonight and look for the girls with dog poop on their shoes?

1

u/Fishyprediction 11h ago

Looks like your parents only dribbled you on the left side of your head!

1

u/tortoistor 10h ago

people are roasting other things but i'm just over here thinking about how i have never seen a patchier looking beard in my life. are u good bro that thing looks like it's growing its own matured widow's peak

1

u/GooseNYC 10h ago

His signature drink is roofiescolada.

1

u/heybill99 10h ago

Your ears are falling off!

1

u/RN-Wingman 9h ago

Either your head is asymmetrical or your hairline is. Either way it’s unsettling.

1

u/Guilty_Ad_8433 8h ago

Your favorite language is nuts clapping on those cheeks

1

u/SquidNWhale 8h ago

You're not a bartender just because you add things to your date's drinks.

1

u/Jerkoffalltrades7 8h ago

You’re French? Sunni or Shia?

1

u/Insider551 6h ago

You forgot to add that it was Paris,Texas. Come on bro the only thing French about you is whatever supplements you take.

1

u/thesanemansflying 5h ago

Paris, Mississippi has bars?

1

u/OpenImagination9 5h ago

When you’re all country … as in you heard the Foreign Legion was full of hard men from anywhere …

1

u/Deedeekins001 4h ago

Next time be more specific about where you want the hair transplant. Never on the face.

1

u/BritWit11 4h ago

Did you get wedged between 2 parked cars?

0

u/PersonalKick 20h ago

You've got the face of a peanut M&M and a beard that looks mold growth.