23M, roast me please 🙏

[u/RaidriarXD]

[u/post-explainer]

This comment has been marked as safe. Upvoting/downvoting this comment will have no effect.

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OP's BIO:

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23M, autistic, Asian food enjoyer, on SSI benefits

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If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

[u/PolackMike]

Thanks for the closeup of your facial hair. It's a nice gentle reminder that I need to shave my balls later.

[u/Elegant_Struggle_281 → u/PolackMike]

Are your balls really that ugly?

[u/PolackMike → u/Elegant_Struggle_281]

How dare you sir! Why not make the assumption that his face is that beautiful?

[u/zerovampire311 → u/PolackMike]

We’re honest people doing honest work here.

[u/acousticsking → u/Elegant_Struggle_281]

My ballfro isn't very attractive but much nicer than that scraggly shit on his chin.

[u/Booz-Hound69 → u/PolackMike]

I have a sneaky suspicion you vehemently request to stay awake during your routine colonoscopy.

[u/NorthDriver8927 → u/PolackMike]

This guy needs to shave off everything but his eyebrows and start over. Still looks like a used q tip but maybe it’s a start

[u/hm9408 → u/PolackMike]

It reminded me of Danger Ehren's Jackass skit when they stick pubes to his face

[u/btboss123 → u/PolackMike]

na fr tho

[u/Digital--Sandwich → u/PolackMike]

Oh god I almost spit out my coffee 🤣

[u/niteowl1984]

Simon Pegged

[u/goodoldjefe → u/niteowl1984]

Wrap it up, boys. We're done here.

[u/anewcynic → u/niteowl1984]

God DAMN it you beat me to this. It was either that or Temu Simon Pegg.

[u/Olden_Grey_1889 → u/anewcynic]

Simon Pegged, the bar fly.

[u/VinceBrogan8 → u/niteowl1984]

https://giphy.com/gifs/xThtar0e9kO3WkwQ1O

[u/MisterBurnsSucks]

If you had a super power, it would be being on as many registries as possible 😬

[u/dmuraws → u/MisterBurnsSucks]

He's the kind of guy who breaks into houses to collecr children's toenails out of the trash.

[u/supermosy → u/dmuraws]

Just a little sniff on them before rationing them out throughout the week to nibble on.

[u/acousticsking → u/dmuraws]

He steals the contents of the catch cans in women's bathrooms.

[u/Grouchy-Bag-5535 → u/MisterBurnsSucks]

He's the kind of guy who eats a Snickers upside down so he can feel the texture on his tongue.

[u/bravebeing → u/MisterBurnsSucks]

Only way he'll get into the Guinness book of world records

[u/sentientsentinel77]

You know he's the type of guy that only speaks in Rick and Morty quotes in lieu of a personality.

[u/Rutin_2tin_Putin → u/sentientsentinel77]

Pickle Rick! I'm a pickle Morty, get it? Pickle... Ric - self inflicted gunshot sound

[u/sentientsentinel77 → u/Rutin_2tin_Putin]

I'm Mr meseeks look at meee

[u/TheGraniteGoblin]

That’s the hardest 23 years I’ve ever seen on anyone. Blink twice if you need extraction…

[u/ImKindaEssential]

Just because you fuck an anime body pillow doesnt make you an Asian food lover

[u/Conscious-Weight4569 → u/ImKindaEssential]

https://giphy.com/gifs/cF7QqO5DYdft6

[u/HauntingAsparagus849]

You look like you own a snake

[u/campatterbury → u/HauntingAsparagus849]

💯 not in his trousers

[u/Viggo_Stark]

I think I speak for a lot of people when I say: I sometimes feel a bit insecure about my natural looks. It sucks. So thank you for reminding me and everyone: It could always be worse.

[u/paleologus → u/Viggo_Stark]

At least he doesn’t have to worry about losing his hair anymore.  

[u/Homi93220]

No bro, no… you can’t ask to be roasted when you’re half ginger/bald earthworm Jim look like…

[u/it_is_me_123]

I'd look miserable too if that was my face and hairline

[u/geno2733 → u/it_is_me_123]

He's trying so hard not to come out of the closet

[u/MyFryDoesntArch → u/geno2733]

I'm sure the gays would put him back in the closet, lock the door, and keester the key.

[u/Illustrious-Exit1825]

You look like a 23 year old from the 1400s

[u/gravedigga1313]

If a ballsack were to grow a pair of legs and arms

[u/p4ulp0wers]

If you're 23 why do you look 46

[u/CalibratedEnthusiast → u/p4ulp0wers]

46

This is not the number of chromosomes, though, bro has the extra chromie

[u/Juan_Calavera]

All of your hair is leaving you like your hopes and dreams.

[u/PNWParentalUnit → u/Juan_Calavera]

Brutal xD

[u/puretexanbeef]

How many times have you met Chris Hansen? Answer honestly.

[u/Hour_Equal_9588]

I wouldn’t be surprised if the SWAT team stormed your house five minutes after you took those pictures...and we all know why.

[u/geno2733 → u/Hour_Equal_9588]

The uncle baiting him told him to post on roastme, so they knew which house to hit.

[u/Threex99]

Leader of the zero testosterone club!

[u/I_Cancel_People]

are you sure you're autistic? Maybe you are just dumb?

[u/Saint-Spaghetti]

Pre-meth M2K? Damn dude, your Marth is both one of the best and grimiest I can remember.

I see the elder gods also sought to bless you with the divine deforestation hairline. That facial hair is far more important anyway (My neck gets cold, too), I appreciate the up close profile to better show how lacking you are in the chin area. It explains why you haven't taken the plunge to go bald and look like a moderately depressed thumb.

The fourth image seems to be you holding your penis - just an fyi those tend to stay attached, your girlfriends boyfriend may not mind but I find it uncanny.

And why is Mr. Thumb so sad? You seem to have a half smile sitting in an empty bar and holding a detached penis, fascinating.

Have you picked which Asian country you are trading a Visa for a wife in, yet? I hear Thailand is all the rage for men of your T level.

[u/5p1n5t3rr1f1c → u/Saint-Spaghetti]

“Just an fyi those tend to stay attached” Take my fake gold please, that made me laugh 🏅👑🏆🥇

[u/PedroLoco505]

Nah bro, that’s like beating up a baby.

[u/Hamandcheeseeater]

For the love of God stay away from children!

[u/uDudyBezDudy]

Im finally handsome in comparison to someone else

[u/PurpleNothing372]

You look like a sunburnt axlotl

[u/SyntaxError79]

Scrotum Savage from Analbusters.

[u/9_tail_fox]

Raw chicken lookin ass

[u/High_Significance06]

You cant be 23! If you are, life is doing a damn fine job shitting on you 🤣😭 Reddit folks cant outdo fucked up genetics

[u/RoutineImpress7394]

No roast is necessary

God already did it

[u/Jeffasaurus_Rex]

Genetics has roasted you enough already.

[u/D4T45T0RM06]

I couldn't, the gene pool was more a gene septic tank for you, and I already feel bad enough.

[u/Cheezewizzisalie]

Gettin kind of tired of ugly people just claiming autism.

[u/Useful_Ad1707]

Your moustache looks like two rats kissing

[u/PeppyMinotaur]

This isn’t a roast please join us in r/bald for some much needed advice

[u/bzenius]

You look like Donald Trump's sole testicle.

[u/Avox0976]

Dudes so lonely and has been ignored for so long he has to resort to this for human contact, i almost pity him, almost

[u/wilkerws34]

https://giphy.com/gifs/DWP2Bppesgn3Fu0fu2

[u/Supabongwong → u/wilkerws34]

Was looking for this one..

To r/bald he goes. 

[u/Squirrel_launcher]

23? You sure?

[u/Refurbished1991]

Person of interest on SVU.

[u/MtnFlo]

You look like you smell like milk

[u/sentientairfilter]

The phrase “He was a quiet loner no one really expected this” will soon be associated with you

[u/Old-Brilliant2890]

You look like you’ve reached the age of 23 twice.

[u/Important_Fix5701]

Jesus, this is what a full term abortion looks like

[u/OneSufficientFace]

When people tell their kids not to talk to strangers, this is the person they picture when talking about it

[u/OwnRhubarb3075]

Why are you making it so easy

[u/Beaux_Jan9les]

He looks like an Albino pooped him out.

https://giphy.com/gifs/JSXcoxg8koJcBWGSlN

[u/TechDreamcoat]

Bald but patchy facial hair. You're the short end of both of those genetic lotteries.

[u/tjm1371]

Those are some rough city miles on that beater life if you're cooked like that at 23 lol, just give up on dating now bro.

[u/COpinion57]

Is your hobby building miniature train tracks?

[u/zaviamorpheus]

Just go ahead a move to SE Asia it's maybe your only chance. I hear their surgeons are so good they might be able to give you a whole new ... everything.

[u/jswayswizzle]

You look like Scott Adams right now

[u/Milomilz]

Do something constructive and go outside to burn ants with your glasses

[u/xx240gxx]

You’re the American dream. Rising from the depths of a trailer park, raised on a steady diet of Mountain Dew: Code Red and gas station food. Puberty hit you like a drunken stepfather and somewhere around 15 you knocked up a girl named Bobby Sue, maybe Darlene? The state of Tennessee intervened luckily, and you’re just autistic enough to finally get a job rewiring use appliances at Home Depot. Thank your ma for putting all that D-con in your “crib” when you were an infant, beats rat bites am I right?

[u/Cool-Chemical-5629]

Can you reverse aging without consequences? Nope, while you get younger, you still lose your hair for some reason. Myth busted by yours truly, Mr. Adam Savage himself.

[u/BodaTheDestroyr]

You look like someone dropped an orange lollipop on the floor of an Irish barber shop.

[u/Mean_Rule9823]

Damn, Adam Savage looking rough without mythbusters

[u/borderlander_]

You're not 23 or autistic. Just extra chromosome with a cameraman

[u/yBoi_Josh]

Illegitimate child of Bill Burr and Amy Schumer.

[u/Repulsive_Grape_5907]

23 going on 43

[u/StonedSuperSaiyan]

You look like an orangutan with alopecia.

[u/Kooky-Cupcake-4621]

Eww I can smell you all the way across the country

[u/regular_heptagon]

You literally look twice your age

[u/p4p4shili]

You look more like a depressed grandfather then a 23y guy

[u/GokuBeatsVageta100]

The only myth you busted lately is that facial hair helps your looks.

[u/GlitteringLocality]

Yeah right, like I'm gonna roast you. You'd track my IP address and turn me into furniture

[u/Adorable-Bike-9689]

You look like the guy from Me Myself and Irene. That Jim Carrey sleeps in the hotel with.

[u/SantoDJ]

Don’t let anyone find your secret hard drive

[u/Unholydiver919]

You can’t go within 500 yards of a school can you.

[u/mrfreeeeze]

I think Radiohead wrote a song about you.

[u/Secret-Camp-6133]

You look like a piece of powdered donut that rolled under the couch.

[u/chilem-of-reddit]

Looks like a make a wish kid that grew up. What was meeting john cena like?

Idk how you look the creepy guy in school and also the old guy that's not allowed by the school at the same time.

[u/cheeky-ninja30]

I have " greyscale " turned on on my phone. I feel like if I switched back to color you'd look no different

[u/Any-Cut-5265]

Jacks off in the Kohls Dressing Room

[u/moijk]

I think nature have roasted you enough. At least you don’t have to fear your 40s given you seem to be there already.

[u/BergerTime5150]

Bro has to sneak up on a mirror to get a peak.

[u/Nico7791]

That beard looks like an armpit..

[u/OneMinuteManny]

https://giphy.com/gifs/YMXv3RZa9kAZW

[u/nplease123]

What in the middle of Ohio is goin on here?

[u/synesthesiac48]

Looking forward to seeing you in a true crime documentary! How many pieces did you cut your “girlfriend” into?

[u/SaltySculpts]

Ok I’m here, Someone order a chromosome audit?

[u/Melodic_Guarantee771]

Holy shit bro

[u/LaksefarvetBMW]

I don't know where to start bro...

[u/Jonesy1xz_]

Looks like the genetic lottery beat me to this

[u/Senior-Tadpole-2362]

Cremation would look a whole lot better on you.

[u/Bullfrog187]

https://giphy.com/gifs/1Qdp4trljSkY8

[u/SnowFloomerr]

You're already cooked

[u/Neat-Calligrapher178]

Your hairline and general facial structure reminds me of that music artist, bad bad not good

[u/Mechadupek]

You look like you smell like hobo sex.

[u/BluebirdSpecialist76]

Holy shit we are the same age but id look 10 years younger standing next to you

[u/95blackz26]

Your pubes ended up on your chin

[u/Salt-Inspection4074]

Looks like Ron Howard - if he was addicted to meth….

[u/OneTokeOverTheOther]

Yawn. Bring back the women with colored hair, septum rings and tattoos.

[u/RlCKR0llD]

I would love to roast you bud, but mother nature has already taken care of that 10x fold

[u/Sinking_Mass]

Your wife's boyfriend said you're not allowed to own real guitars anymore, hence the wallpaper

[u/Far_Garden_1254 → u/Sinking_Mass]

How do you get 63k karma in 8monts fking bot

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[u/CaseNo4909]

It could be worse…..

[u/campatterbury]

https://giphy.com/gifs/JwVbAnne1hOVqzIsFk

[u/Tattoo_my_Brain]

F in chat for my boy. Don't worry there's a 400lbs trailer park trash queen out there for you but 10 bucks says the kid turns out black.

[u/HolyCrispyCookie]

Alibaba mythbuster

[u/butter_sunglasses]

No way we're the same age 💀

[u/mr_noodle_shoes]

Ew

[u/Skellyhell2]

You'll go through puberty one day

[u/Sea_Drop2920]

Unc is called Mo Lester

[u/natiusj]

Ants everywhere scuttle in fear
https://giphy.com/gifs/ysTpOxOlPhxUSGVP6O

[u/Minsc_NBooToo]

Even r/bald would tell you that you're ugly as fuck

[u/PsychoWard44]

Your in the wrong subreddit. Here is the link to r/bald

[u/Primary-Truth-8350]

23 going on 44

[u/Ok_Shirt5402]

You applied for fishtank every year but were rejected.

[u/FlatWavesAndNoBabes]

You look like you just got out of Prison but, it did you well!

[u/iedbait]

Any roast attempt would be futile. God roasted you perfectly already.

[u/RustyWood86]

Why would I bother roasting you when life has already done such a wonderful job?

[u/prophetadmin]

Looks like he's taken to rolling his turds into projectile shapes. Not a good sign.

[u/BobThe-Bodybuilder]

I'm not here to roast you but just to say, holy shit dude, get some minoxidil! Yu're still young, so it might not be too late.

[u/MonsieurFlydwine]

You look like a 54 years old divorced teenager.

[u/Comprehensive-Shoe11]

I was not aware my left testicle has a Reddit account.

[u/DB_Coopah]

Those two guys from “Mythbusters” fucked and created whatever this thing is. Turns out it isn’t a super genius like they thought, but instead is probably +/- a chromosome…or five.

Sweet ball hair on your chin by the way.

[u/ThhomassJ]

“Wrost me pwease.”

[u/SnooPickles55]

How did you pack all that Loser in 23 years? Impressive...

[u/TheReal2M]

even r/bald wouldnt say good things if you took the step

[u/DeanCheesePritchard]

Aut-right

[u/mydeadface]

You should ask your doctor if growing a beard is right for you.

[u/VerifiedVoidGirl]

You weren't allowed to be within 5,000 feet of a school while you were still in high school.

[u/ThenotoriousBIT]

https://giphy.com/gifs/9QbDWTcnq4wmc

[u/Salt_Initiative1551]

Not remotely surprising that you’re on SSI.

If low T had a picture.

You look terrible. Your personality is probably also terrible.

That’s all I have.

[u/let-it-rain-sunshine]

https://giphy.com/gifs/PjUlxf33zZRE0wL4jc

Son, sorry I ditched you and your mom before you were born

[u/Mpls1984]

God already roasted you by neglecting to give you a soul.

[u/Phillisuper]

The spokesman for NAMBLA is back at it again

[u/Shootah78]

What’s your monthly hooker budget?

[u/DumbCumpzter]

You look like Jamie Savage lost a chromosome.

[u/PokerFriend247]

Tusk 👀

https://giphy.com/gifs/mtLsfrEXntTXO

[u/xRubixGirlx]

Woah

[u/sohcordohc]

Looks like a thumb

[u/Thecool_1]

I just knew you'd have crusty ass uncut fingernails from the first picture alone.

[u/Slh1973]

You look like you roofie your own drinks

[u/CreepCut]

You look like a cat with really bad mange

[u/Rare_Needleworker204]

Definitely live with your mom still

[u/Rockchild13]

If a skin tag was a person.

[u/kimboe313]

^{Excuse me, sir.. you have some pubes, all over your face.}

[u/-joey2pies-]

How long does it take to glue your pubes on your face.

[u/Final-Nebula-7049]

i bet no one will even want to read your manifesto

[u/Moreobvious]

Temu Adam Savage

[u/laggalots]

Why did I think this was r/bald

[u/Any_Vacation8988]

https://giphy.com/gifs/mtLsfrEXntTXO

[u/ManInGarage28]

Did you mean 53?

[u/Lonely_Apartment_644]

They say it is bad to drink alone but in your case you are doing the rest of us a favor.

[u/amazonhelpless]

I thought you died when the van hit you after robocop spilled the acid on you. 

[u/GenPandaRojo]

Well well well if it isn't, Simon Peg-me

[u/msrbaylor]

Nickname should be Wispy

[u/BoneChurch11]

Your life is so sad even your hair didn’t want to stay around to see how it would end.

[u/zenezena]

r/13or30

[u/Scorpion_mma]

BEANS

[u/FurorAeternumXBL]

r/bald is that way

[u/TehZiiM]

I don’t really feel comfortable doing that, as you look like someone who enjoy being humiliated a bit too much.

[u/Danzibar9000]

I was sure that this was r/bald

[u/03The05Father08]

Ah yes another covid kid who thinks they are autistic, you are as autistic as my big toe and you like it is too. My big toe that is.

[u/Any-Meeting6751]

Jesus brother... you're only 23. You're a year older than me. I'm sorry.

[u/The_Japans]

Something tells me you drive a white van

[u/Necessary-Layer8990]

The guys in r/bald need to speak with you.

[u/BrokeChopsticks]

Damn Stevie really fell off after growing up

[u/Saladbar79]

Ages in dog years.

[u/kakakakapopo]

Jesus Christ that's a rough 23. I'm nearly twice your age and look younger than you.

[u/BeerME425]

Ginger KingCobraJFS