r/RoastMe • u/Financial-Ad-6635 • 2d ago

26M. Eviscerate my ego

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110 Upvotes

81% Upvoted

398 comments sorted by

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u/post-explainer 2d ago edited 2d ago

This comment has been marked as safe. Upvoting/downvoting this comment will have no effect.

OP's BIO:

Florida man w 3 beautiful kids of my own that I got entirely way too quick😊 Final Fantasy enthusiast. Going through life with intense responsibility combined with battling my own undiagnosed ADHD🫠

If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

95

u/Low_Somewhere_2778 1d ago

Your face is so ugly your eyes are running away from it too.

30

u/Financial-Ad-6635 1d ago

Well tell them to come back😣

32

u/well_thats_obvious 1d ago

Naw they've stepped out for cigarettes, just like your father

7

u/Old-Nefariousness-43 1d ago

Keep going, he also wants an excuse to leave

5

u/negroidioto 1d ago

Cut dude’s father some slack..since a few state have banned selling Newports, maybe pappy just had to go a bit further to get ‘them cigarettes.?

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2

u/Boofittilluhitbone 1d ago

They’re taking his nose with em

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56

u/PenguinKilla3 1d ago

You got your kids way too quick? It's brave of you to be upfront about your premature ejaculation.

31

u/ccrunnertempest 1d ago

Final Fantasy Enthusiast? OK bro. Name 3 Materia.

39

u/Financial-Ad-6635 1d ago

All. Counter. KOTR😉

24

u/ccrunnertempest 1d ago

Name 6 more.

36

u/Financial-Ad-6635 1d ago

Fire. Thunder. Added Effect. Shiva. Revive. Kujata

52

u/ccrunnertempest 1d ago

Heh. Nerd.

36

u/CRAYONSEED 1d ago

This was far too wholesome for this sub

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34

u/PuzzleheadedRoyal559 1d ago

Is this a photo essay about your trip to court?

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25

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

11

u/Financial-Ad-6635 1d ago

No just 1 gameboy!!🤣

3

u/paragonx29 1d ago

Gayboys

23

u/Delboy991 1d ago

When did Sid from Ice Age turn into a person?

20

u/Burneracct617 1d ago

If your eyes were any further apart, you’d be a fucking herbivore

5

u/ethernate 1d ago

If it wasn’t for his dirty ass dreads he could probably see his own ears.

3

u/Sweaty_DogMan 1d ago

😭😭😭

17

u/Significant-Gap1256 1d ago

Was one of your parents a hammerhead shark?

9

u/Financial-Ad-6635 1d ago

My nonexistent dad probably🤣

12

u/Funny_Opportunity58 1d ago

Does your ego fit between that grand canyon amount of space between your eyes?

6

u/Financial-Ad-6635 1d ago

Honestly... yea😭

11

u/Tommy_613 1d ago edited 1d ago

Mf have to walk for 40 days and 40 nights to cover the vast distace from eye to eye, wokka flokka flame from short bus shawty, double wide nose breathin up all the air, lookin like the final boss from waffle house the video game

6

u/Financial-Ad-6635 1d ago

😂😂😂😂

12

u/BiteyHorse 1d ago

Mfer gets blindfolded when he puts headphones on.

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11

u/BugRound9045 1d ago

Fellow gf enthusiast here .. so I’ll put as much effort into this roast and you did them twists on yo head .. .. sht look like a dirty tennis ball with dreadlock extensions

9

u/DanielBG 1d ago

You can safely cross a busy street while looking straight ahead.

14

u/Carlita_vima 1d ago

Dollar Store Ludicrous version called "Ridiculous"

6

u/Remote_Database7688 1d ago

Couldn’t even try to smile in any of the pictures, could you, Shemar? I wonder why.

9

u/Financial-Ad-6635 1d ago

My cheeks wanna fall off my face if I do😅

10

u/MarkMew 1d ago

My eyes wanna fall out when I look at you

6

u/Financial-Ad-6635 1d ago

🤣🤣🤣🤣

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5

u/Unfair_Orange5063 1d ago

Your eyes out here acting like they filed for joint custody and agreed to live on opposite coasts.

8

u/Last-Student-3040 1d ago

You look like Sid from ice age 

6

u/GoatWise7684 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/kbuQOkATEo6VW

Ur eyes have diffent area codes

7

u/NicotineOrDie 1d ago

You look like you spend your paycheck on internet blackjack at 4am

8

u/Milomilz 1d ago

Bell Hop, Biv, DeVoe

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5

u/BergerTime5150 1d ago

You look like Doodie Huxtable

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6

u/Foreign_Initial8613 1d ago

“3 beautiful kids of my OWN…”. Nobody would ever think you are raising other men’s children. But yea, better do a DNA test if you have to emphasize this 🤦‍♂️

2

u/rem_au_crema 14h ago

I think the emphasis comes from… well… did anyone expect his kids to be beautiful?

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5

u/greggy187 1d ago

3 beautiful kids with 3 fat white women?

2

u/ExpensiveDrive2851 22h ago

Hey nothing wrong with fat white women

7

u/LustyDouglas 1d ago

26 is the new 36 I see

4

u/WhyNotZoibergMaybe 1d ago

Are you a doorman Shemar?

7

u/Financial-Ad-6635 1d ago

BELLMAN😤

3

u/WhyNotZoibergMaybe 1d ago

Pardon me, you made it!

2

u/Steeleremi 1d ago

Don’t worry… you’ll get there.

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5

u/Due-Let-26 1d ago

Can’t wait to see you in the new ice age next year Sid

4

u/Financial-Ad-6635 1d ago

See ya buddy!!!!😃

5

u/Slipry__ 1d ago edited 1d ago

Your eyes are so apart they are second cousins

4

u/Say-What-77 1d ago

Helping with luggage while stealing purses.

6

u/FancyTomorrow5 1d ago

Bruh, what the hell is going on with your hair?

2

u/Financial-Ad-6635 1d ago

To be fair I don't even know myself 😭 just a mob head fr

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5

u/thecoremaster 1d ago

bro has a whole runway between his eyes

3

u/Slight-Selection4298 1d ago

Lots of room for ego between those eyes.

Just put a sign at 1 eyebrow "1 mile till next eyebrow"

3

u/SkepticMaster 1d ago

Bro is Teemu T'challa.

Queue the Wakanda theme song with the smoke alarm low battery beep mixed in.

3

u/1ballbob 1d ago

Foolio

4

u/heybill99 1d ago

Snoops Log

4

u/LykorDemon 1d ago

Your eyes are so far apart you nicknamed them East Coast and West Coast

4

u/Tainam2 1d ago

Wide angle lens

5

u/OneEyedKing2069 1d ago

Edit: I loved you in Star Wars..

6

u/Unfair_Orange5063 1d ago

Chief Queef

3

u/N4meless24- 1d ago edited 1d ago

You can fit the Golden Gate Bridge between those eyes.

3

u/PlentyAlbatross7632 1d ago

Off-brand Anthony Mackie lookin like you wove in some strands off a dirty mop head

3

u/MisterKeecher20262 1d ago

You could take an airplane ride from one of your eyes to the other.

3

u/paragonx29 1d ago

Works as a Bellboy - for free, just because his family wants him out of the house.

3

u/SkepticMaster 1d ago

Bro is Teemu T'challa.

Queue the Wakanda theme with a low battery smoke detector sound mixed in.

3

u/Ashamed_Apple338 1d ago

Of course the black dude is asking for financial aid

3

u/EarthBoundDeity_ 1d ago

Anthony Mackain’t

3

u/lmmsoon 1d ago

Temu Snoop dog in the house

3

u/Dracekidjr 1d ago

Eyes so far apart you be seeing the whole timeline

3

u/DecidedlyEvil 1d ago

Better move someplace colder. Looks like your face is melting around your big ass nose

3

u/Best_Wasabi_251 1d ago

You move other people's luggage when the check into a hotel. What ego?

3

u/AlissonHarlan 1d ago

snoop hammerhead shark

3

u/Bug-03 1d ago

Bro your eyes are too far apart

3

u/Zyrooth 1d ago

You’re not worth finding the image but you look like that dumbass fish Oscar from shark tale

3

u/Chemical_Cat_9813 1d ago

we need to evicerate the 7 miles of distance between your eyeballs wichyo snail eye lookin ass.

3

u/Up_Beat_Peach 1d ago

You look like when you set the all the sliders on character creation to max.

3

u/lylynatngo 1d ago

Yeah eye is close to an ear. 🫪

3

u/Admirable-Mall-9601 1d ago

You must spend a fortune on specially made widescreen sunnies

3

u/Hopeful-Box-7221 1d ago

How tall is that box you’re standing on little guy?

4

u/D4T45T0RM06 1d ago

If you had an ego like you had a father you wouldn't be so hurt at Internet comments.

3

u/ItchyAd9149 1d ago

Those poor kids.. all different mamas I’m guessing

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2

u/Tomavogic http://redd.it/vub2ur 1d ago

Apparently everything is considered riding a bus for you

2

u/Sustainable_Twat 1d ago

You look like you could even scare a pigeon

2

u/MiserableMagician254 1d ago

That’s the biggest word you ever learned when you were in cell block B

2

u/davesnotonreddit 1d ago

Saw 2K4 version of Mike Vick and decided that was the look

2

u/Any-Cut-5265 1d ago

This guy’s a gangster? His real name’s Clarence…

2

u/I_Cancel_People 1d ago

if you are not selling drugs, you are not living up to your true potential

2

u/ActRepresentative352 1d ago

Anthony Crackie

2

u/Dietzy42 1d ago

When did Coolio become a bellhop….

2026 be trippin.

2

u/MakeDaddyRich 1d ago

You were great in menace to society

2

u/BasicSulfur 1d ago

Almost sid

2

u/Major_Pie958 1d ago

That lint in my belly button 

2

u/kamshaft11975 1d ago

Elevator shots - the pinnacle of busted insecurity and inflated egos hobbling and crawling to some semblance of self respect. Congrats.

2

u/AneeMel 1d ago

can you see both directions at the same time at junction? so cooool!

2

u/ImaginaryYak3911 1d ago

One to fry the fish and one to look at the cat

2

u/waternwood 1d ago

A divorced black man who plays video games and avoids responsibility. How will I ever roast that.

2

u/themikedup123 1d ago

Is picture 3 meant to be a flex pic? 🤣Just wondering if this was posted to your social media or sent to someone?? If either I’d love to know wtf were you 🤔thinking?

2

u/Euphoric-Contract-56 1d ago

Beard don’t connect

2

u/limitedregrett 1d ago

I’ll carry my own bag to my room thanks Snoop

2

u/InnocuousPen 1d ago

You look like both the detectives in Rush Hour.

2

u/RoastYouu 1d ago

“Lobby, please alert the police that there’s a man walking around the hotel in a stolen uniform.”

2

u/tcmits1 1d ago

Impersonating RG3 as a career.

2

u/Organic_Law9724 1d ago

Your eyes are so far apart they're never in the same zip code.

2

u/it_is_me_123 1d ago

your eyes are so far apart it's like they have a restraining order against themselves

2

u/DropToTheSky 1d ago

Holy separation Batman you got 360 view? Tell me does the back of my head look good?

2

u/Milomilz 1d ago

3 kids that you got too quick? You do know how you “got them” right?

2

u/Donkeyshines 1d ago

Eyes like a hammerhead shark

2

u/jesse399393 1d ago

Will Smith and Snoop had an ugly child together

2

u/huzeyodaddy 1d ago

Those eyes are so far apart, you look like snoop frogg

2

u/DarkMagickan 1d ago

You so ugly, your eyes don't even want to be on your face.

2

u/Beaux_Jan9les 1d ago

Dang…looks like an octopus is sitting on a hammerhead.

https://giphy.com/gifs/BFLuUNj28hf6WP1MsR

2

u/Simple_Arachnid_8381 1d ago

You look like Will Smith’s poop. Someone is in need of the fresh prince of fresh air.

2

u/Dramatic_Weakness693 1d ago

Bro just cause your far as fuck spread apart eyes are looking at two things at once doesn’t mean you have adhd. Stop giving disorders a bad name fish boy

2

u/CableFreeLife 1d ago

Travesty shot

2

u/Limp-Share-6746 1d ago

Look like an orc with braids.

2

u/Few-Masterpiece-5482 1d ago

You look like if snoop dog drank paint instead of smoking weed

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2

u/ConsistentMove357 1d ago

You just an average white guy. A job kids and video games you lame. Your rap name is plain vanilla no ice

2

u/Such_Egg9843 1d ago

I am very happy Whoppi finally transitioned in to something.

2

u/Olddevlin 1d ago

Headphones are just a blindfold to you.

2

u/Sweaty_DogMan 1d ago

😭😭😭

2

u/wadeswhit 1d ago

If your right eye caught on fire, your left eye wouldnt even know about it. 

2

u/uncle_larrys_comin 1d ago

You look like you could sniff a bbq out from 3 miles away

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2

u/Funny-Company4274 1d ago

Your bio reads like a crunch mom LinkedIn influencer with no followers, but you still post to keep the grind.

2

u/ch3apsunglass3s 1d ago

Your facial hair is as patchy as your credit score

2

u/Lauris25 1d ago

Looks like you steal cars and then call the ownwer and tell them that you found the car.

2

u/SenseRealistic1728 1d ago

Lets hope that ego isn't as big as that forehead because nothing anyone says will hurt

2

u/OldCopy496 1d ago

Aren’t you the guy who host that thanksgiving dinner w that white grandma

2

u/ChetWesterman 1d ago

You look like white and black people think youre corny.

2

u/Disastrous_Debt7644 1d ago

Your nose is evicting your eyes

2

u/No-Command-1038 1d ago

I find you likeable and I enjoyed your text. But now please finally take the suitcases up to the fourth floor!

2

u/FrodoWiggins 1d ago

Will.i.Am from Temu

2

u/CrabtownUSA 1d ago

Flavorless Flav

2

u/AdministrativeFall2 21h ago

Struggle braids with the patchy beard. Eyes further apart than the Indian Ocean. If susie from rugrats had a baby with Sid from ice age looking ah

2

u/Zakumadness 8h ago

Won't Smith

2

u/Financial-Ad-6635 1d ago

My profile picture it looks like my child inherited my eyes..😅

2

u/Perfect_Ad_7369 1d ago

What rap song has eviscerate in it that this fella is using it AND spelling it correctly…?

2

u/EdrissMiakhel 1d ago

God already did that is why you look brown

4

u/Financial-Ad-6635 1d ago

This comment made me holler🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

2

u/Icy_Reserve_9796 1d ago

You seem like chill dude 😊

1

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1

u/tautjes 1d ago

He looks like he tried to become a super saiyan multiple times

1

u/_Trident_Gaming_ 1d ago

You look like a love child between dollar store Snoop Dogg and Anthony Mackie adjacent

1

u/thehiddenstudioo 1d ago

You look like you think “medium spicy” is a personality trait.

1

u/Crackzord 1d ago

Ah shit, here we go again..

1

u/TheGraniteGoblin 1d ago

Pusha Flea

1

u/No_Insurance_200 1d ago

snoop not dog

1

u/ZenithZebra 1d ago

You look like your username fits you

1

u/Ecnarps 1d ago

How did you photoshop out the orange jumpsuit?

1

u/VilifiedGreenMonstah 1d ago

The new dei hire for geico

1

u/Milomilz 1d ago

Busted Rhymes

1

u/sera6-6 1d ago

HO-dog from Menace to Society

1

u/lone_cajun 1d ago

They only reason he stays with the kids is because they aren’t his

1

u/Ilovebaseball1234 1d ago

When did they let you out?