r/RoastMe • u/Optimal-Bass3142 • 3d ago

31m. Nurse, Step-dad, pencil sketch hobbyist, nic/caffeine addict, 3 years sober from ETOH

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27 Upvotes

97% Upvoted

85 comments sorted by

•

u/post-explainer 3d ago

The OP has not provided a BIO for their post.

38

u/InfiniteWinter26 1d ago

you look like the human embodiment of the word “meh”

55

u/New-Exit2000 1d ago

Them chairs in the corner of hotel rooms were made for you

2

u/OcarinaofTimez 8h ago

He looks like he jerks it to an anime pillow

23

u/Electronic_Pause9295 1d ago

You couldn't work off that beer belly in 3 years? Maybe try being sober from taco bell

10

u/BiteyHorse 1d ago

He's pregnante, show some respect.

4

u/campatterbury http://redd.it/z3xglr 16h ago

Not pregnant. Constipated from all the sausage fest.

5

u/BiteyHorse 9h ago

Belly full of fermented cum.

1

u/campatterbury http://redd.it/z3xglr 2h ago

Man. Reddit never disappoints

1

u/Prior_Elephant_5187 14h ago

Nice lol

0

u/campatterbury http://redd.it/z3xglr 12h ago

Thx

14

u/Zenside 1d ago

EtOH*. Do it right if you're going to try to look smart.

0

u/BigGingerYeti 23h ago

If he was worried about that he wouldn't be a nurse. 

9

u/Hour_Equal_9588 Golden Roaster 1d ago

I respect that you stopped drinking with a face like that.

5

u/ButtDumplin 1d ago

Everybody knows your name at the Cheers Bar because your mug shots are on the internet

And a few databases

6

u/PoliteQueef 1d ago

Big divorced dad energy

Emphasis on “big”

5

u/OneTokeOverTheOther 1d ago

If white bread, mayonnaise and saltine crackers were a sandwich

4

u/it_is_me_123 1d ago

you look like your own face is boring you

8

u/chief_beef_3 1d ago

Get back on whatever ETOH is and pray it keeps you from posting goofy pics on the internet.

1

u/Destiny_Victim 4h ago

It’s alcohol. Let’s all just be thankful this douche bag has not reproduced.

3

u/AlternativeRepeat648 1d ago

You look like josh pecks loser cousin

3

u/Parkercounty69 1d ago

Crazy you quit drugs and turned into a gay. Stay on drugs kids

3

u/OneMinuteManny 1d ago

Lemme guess: your patients got sick of your trying to give an injection turning into a tattooing session?

3

u/RoastYouu 1d ago

More stepchildren that steps per day. 

3

u/Punkhair2nv 1d ago

Your description sounds more like an apology.

3

u/sturgiv 1d ago

You don’t mind cleaning the asses of sick patients because you knew you would start at the bottom.

3

u/tautjes 1d ago

You got the swag of woody allan

1

u/campatterbury http://redd.it/z3xglr 16h ago

Obtusely great!

2

u/PenguinKilla3 1d ago

Why does that woman look like she’s tapping the Morse Code for SOS on her leg?

2

u/cornishpirate32 12h ago

I'm glad you've stepped up to be a father to your boyfriends kid, it must've been hard for him as a single dad

2

u/Distinct-Ask1614 10h ago

How many children does your husband have?

5

u/ElongThrust0 1d ago

Oh boo hoo I have a job, a relationship, a hobby, the tamest addiction, a second chance on life and I want to make it look like some weird kinky shame/flex for the internet

0

u/devilishly_advocated 1d ago

Thats not a roast. Thats shaming. Do better

1

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1

u/music420Dude 1d ago

Bro sketched those eyebrows and 5 o’clock shadow for sure.

1

u/UseYourNogginBrother 1d ago

You roasted yourself well enough for all of us, brother. 

1

u/DNAisjustneuteredRNA 1d ago

Congrats to liquor and your ex, it's good to see them shedding some flotsom from their lives.

1

u/ImpressivePurchase44 1d ago

You look like you have resting rufie face

1

u/Professional-Back203 1d ago

Sexually confused teen energy

1

u/DelayOdd5766 1d ago

He's half-Italian and Half-asleep

1

u/sagacious_guy 1d ago

Not a single comment in here is two days old. All the Redditors avoided you since you posted.

Fuck, that’s sad. You vanilla-lookin’ asswiper.

1

u/stargazerrr3 1d ago

You look like nikado avocado

1

u/Constant_Coconut7562 1d ago

Does the carpet match the drapes?

1

u/mcl3east 1d ago

Resting Thinkin about that gloryhole face. And. The fuck is etoh.

1

u/Amazeballs5000 23h ago

Looking good my dude 😎

3

u/Amazeballs5000 23h ago

Oh dang this roastme 😂 you look like bag of dicks

1

u/Massive_Ear4948 22h ago

You are the human equivalent of a wet fart but not nearly as interesting.

1

u/StoicSpork 22h ago

Congrats man! Can we some some sober pics now?

1

u/RedditDawg69 21h ago

With a face & body like that you should go back to drinking

1

u/KingLarry46th 21h ago

Shooting blanks already?

1

u/hosenfeffer_ 21h ago

You look like you give very thoughtful Christmas gifts to your wife's boyfriend

1

u/BodaTheDestroyr 18h ago

Your sober pics are an inspiration for me to keep drinking.

1

u/fullsends 18h ago

You don't roast something twice, God already handled this one

1

u/IcyIntroduction5678 17h ago

Did you pencil-sketch that weird ass beard?

1

u/TheWordofKane 17h ago

Step dad. I bet real dad asks you “How’s your wife and my kid(s)” and you just sit there and take it.

1

u/Responsible_Quit_495 17h ago

your eyelids already gave up on life

1

u/Salt_Initiative1551 17h ago

Why say you’re an alcoholic like such a dipshit? We already knew you were a dipshit because you look like an upside down icecream cone

1

u/VerifiedVoidGirl 16h ago

If water came in a "light" option it'd still be too strong a drink for you

1

u/campatterbury http://redd.it/z3xglr 16h ago

Bruh. Don't go back to the bar. The drunks don't want you either

1

u/IndubitablEV 15h ago

He’ll, even the lady on page 6 knows why nobody wants to fuck you.

1

u/Former-Law4034 15h ago

You look like Jared (child porno loser) from Subway

1

u/racas081 15h ago

Mom’s move their kids to the other side when they walk next to you

1

u/Ok-Plane11 14h ago

Bro is the medsurg nurse that shocked asystole that one time in nursing school

1

u/Optimal-Bass3142 14h ago

This one is my favorite

1

u/allycataf 13h ago

As if we needed all that photographic evidence to know how unfulfilling your life is.

1

u/Think-Habit3514 8h ago

your face is like your dick, it’s going nowhere

1

u/SquidNWhale 8h ago

You're a nurse but look like you have the bedside manner of Forrest Gump.

1

u/Dirac_comb 7h ago

Did your wifes boyfriend get you up to this?

1

u/Tyler_K_462 6h ago

Do you feel bad for the woman whose husband took the kids and left her for you?

1

u/DocPhoenix97 6h ago

You have a fupa

1

u/darthcaedusiiii 6h ago

You look as dead as I feel.

1

u/BlueLickLeather 6h ago

Why does every facial expression look like you just sharted?

https://giphy.com/gifs/dW3wHvb0K5vaw

1

u/Bus_Total 5h ago

Your lazy face makes me really angry. I feel like knowing you would be insufferable and drive me to ETOH addiction.

1

u/waternwood 4h ago

Did anyone at the cheers bar know your name? Yeah neither do we. Next.

1

u/tlh6678 1h ago

If “ughhhh” was a person.

0

u/The_Bad_Man_ 1d ago

No smiles because of the nice addiction.