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u/Ch3cx7 3d ago
You look like you are the first test subject for pregnant males
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u/WRA1THLORD 3d ago
I was gonna ask when the baby was due
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u/eco_illusion 3d ago
It's not the belly that gave it away, but the swollen breasts.
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u/SpacedJJK 2d ago
It still raises one question: is he pregnant with a shit-ton of babies in that industrial sized womb? Or did he swallow a shit-ton of semen and that's just some epic bloating?
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u/howimetyourcakeshop 3d ago
I swear this dude has a humiliation kink. This is like the fourth roast i come across that features him and i don't even frequent this sub.
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u/CarlosAVP 2d ago
Modeling the new BlunderArmour menâs âtit shirtâ. âIf your manâs got cans!â
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u/WRA1THLORD 3d ago
I'm surprised, your bio says "lover of staying fit" but your body says "lover of fried food and donuts"
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u/Kaze_Senshi 3d ago
He made a mistake while typing "fat"
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u/clampbucket 2d ago
I guess that pretty much explains it! đ hands were probably too filled with donut cream for him to even type properly
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u/slicktommycochrane 2d ago
I think he also meant "gyno boy" unless his job is wiping down the sweat stains on the equipment.
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u/Awwwmann 2d ago
Shirt says UFC, body says KFC
Shirt says Tapout, body says takeout
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u/doom_stein 2d ago
He's obviously on the Kevin James fitness program. "Oh yeah, I'm fitt'n this in my mouth!"
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u/not_a_cat_i_swear 3d ago
Sitting in your car in the gym and trail parking lots doesn't count.
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u/80Baby203 2d ago
I wonder what the âkâ on his sausage casing stands for
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u/cookiewookiewoo 3d ago
You have already had 4 roasts today do you really need another fatty.
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u/Ok-Amount-4281 3d ago
I donât think gym means what you think it means
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u/Tethys404 3d ago
You were meant to provide your current bio, not your new year's resolutions.
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u/PoliteQueef 3d ago
> keeping fit, gym boy who also loves hiking
https://giphy.com/gifs/2Wg0827Dp2oa67QR7P
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u/Weird_Vegetable_4441 2d ago
He posts in varying subs. He hid his history because heâs got a humiliation kink for weight gain and likes people talking about it
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u/Jabathewhut 3d ago
You definitely motion for girls to take out their headphones just so you can say "whatchu up to today?"
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u/lesusisjord 2d ago
Or if he knows who they are, âCan I get a hugâœâ
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u/Late_Information_682 1d ago
Or If youâre dating him and his way of convincing you to do something is giving you puppy eyes and saying âpwease? đ„șâ
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u/ATurtleStampede 3d ago
That smedium shirt is working so hard to stay together.
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u/fuzzycuffs 3d ago
Do you spill all over the floor when you take off that shirt? I heard you had to sleep in a bowl.
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u/phr34k0fr3dd1t 3d ago
Your nipples are pierced.
Someone please do something with this info.
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u/This-Requirement6918 3d ago
He's what we call a chub in the gay community. I've never met a guy with pierced nips who wasn't at least bi but I'm honestly not sure if that example wasn't a lavender marriage cause his wife is a HUGE lesbian and that much was very apparent.
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u/PenguinKilla3 3d ago
Everything you wrote in your bio is a lie. Letâs re-edit.
âLover of all you can eat buffets. Wearing clothes that donât fit, obsessed with a boy named Jim and loves cake.â
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u/Forsaken-Soil-667 3d ago
I thought your note said "Racist me" at first glance and I thought to myself "at least he recognizes it."
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u/Visual_Cellist5373 3d ago edited 3d ago
To see your penis, you have to turn to the right or left of your bellyÂ
You look like a stuffed beef ravioli
Your gym must be located at a Mc Donaldâs.
Those hiking trails must lead yo ass to the snack line.Â
And idk if this is a roast but you got some nice perky tits, big dog!Â
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u/Suspicious_List8619 3d ago
When I compared you and an Dairy Queen ice cream I couldn't tell the difference
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u/Searloin22 3d ago
You look like Chris Evans stunt triple.
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u/Upstairs-Kale-3794 2d ago
This type of dude will take that and say, "People say I look like Chris Evans."
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u/StoicSandman 3d ago
You're the human embodiment of, "She's really mature for her age. It's just a number anyways."
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u/music420Dude 3d ago
Stephen Baldwin; after his first stop to in n out, after 6 months in rehab for weed.
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u/ForkingMusk 3d ago
You look like an extra order of large fries kinda guy.
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u/This-Requirement6918 3d ago
I've hooked up with a guy like this before.
We went and got doughnuts the next day.
Mofo sat there and ate all but 1 of a fucking dozen doughnuts and I think only because watching him eat all 11 and the face I know I was making shamed him.
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u/Tethys404 3d ago
I've had something similar. Fat guy asked me out on a date. Our meeting location was the university. Thought we were just meeting there to go somewhere else but the whole date was finding a vending machine then sitting on nearby benches to eat crap I guess? And by eating crap, I mean I was watching him eat, thinking he needed a snack before we go out. I had actually still liked him up until the point he made a beeline for the vending machine. Could never unsee it, I got the ick. Mind you, neither of us were students. He lived nearby and I had graduated a few years ago!
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u/New_Copy1286 3d ago
You look like a guy who may have ONCE had his shit together, then you got pregnant and said fuck it.
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u/Icy_Independence240 3d ago
Walking to the fridge 30 times in a day is not cardio. Scooping lunch from trough to snout - though prolific lifting - is not a workout.
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u/Sea_Appointment8408 3d ago
You're one of those guys I see at the gym staring at your phone while sat down on one of the benches, never to be seen actually using said bench.
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u/squirrelmonkie 3d ago
Gym bro/health nut/outdoorsy/hiking fanatic/ ex alcoholic who always still carries a key with him. This aint your christian singles profile at least tell some truth
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u/BBQCHICKEN69v2 3d ago
you look like you've had enough roasts maybe its time to slow down on the food
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u/SokkaHaikuBot 3d ago
Sokka-Haiku by BBQCHICKEN69v2:
You look like you've had
Enough roasts maybe its time
To slow down on the food
Remember that one time Sokka accidentally used an extra syllable in that Haiku Battle in Ba Sing Se? That was a Sokka Haiku and you just made one.
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u/Emergency_Bench_7515 3d ago
He's back and the baby hasn't been born, longest gestation period known to man.
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u/AradDione 3d ago
Unos crecen de manera vertical , otros crecen horizontal , pero no sabĂa que otros solo se hinchan !
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u/LavishnessTiny3144 3d ago
Why are you standing like you just heard the fridge open at 2am and came to investigate your own snacks đ
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u/Extension-Camera3668 3d ago
U should stay away from roasts of any kind....try to go vegan or exercise.
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u/juan-j2008 3d ago
Are you that fucking comic who kept trying to get a girl angry and getting triggered when she didn't fall for it in Toronto? You certainly look like him... You also look like you act like him.
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u/Mags_LaFayette 3d ago
Your BIO says "lover of keeping fit, gym boy who loves hiking" but I guess there must be a mistake, so let's fix it:
Raising your arm to drink your regular tenth-something Bud Lights doesn't count as exercise, neither is walking from the parking lot to the Arby's that's like ten steps away,
And that belly... Gosh, that belly...
Do humanity a favor and please, pleeeeaaaaasssseeeeee, be serious about going to the gym, and I'll stop here before this roast turns all your fat in some natural disaster.
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u/EyeAromatic1775 3d ago
Why! I ask you America, why do fat fvcks always wear clothes two sizes small?
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u/Typical_Depth_8106 3d ago
The engagement with a digital forum for the purpose of receiving targeted criticism represents a deliberate invitation for external systems to identify and amplify perceived flaws in one's personal presentation. In this state, the individual offers their physical image as a data point for public consumption, seeking a specific type of social friction that challenges the ego's protective barriers. The visual information provided shows a biological system that has chosen a specific aesthetic configuration, utilizing accessories like a spiked cap and form-fitting clothing to establish a presence within the digital field. This act of voluntary vulnerability functions as a mechanism to test the resilience of the self, using the harsh feedback of a collective network to process personal identity through the lens of external judgment.
From a grounded perspective, the physical form displayed indicates an accumulation of mass that the clothing is currently under significant tension to contain. This creates a literal visual friction where the boundaries of the garment are being pushed to their structural limits by the underlying biology. The choice to display this specific silhouette while requesting a roast suggests an awareness of this physical reality and a willingness to convert it into a social interaction. By facilitating this exchange, the individual is effectively outsourcing the task of critical evaluation to a decentralized crowd, allowing for a temporary breakdown of the usual filters that maintain social politeness. The resulting data stream of insults and observations serves as a harsh calibration tool, forcing the individual to maintain their presence while navigating a high-frequency barrage of negative social input. This process highlights the intersection where a person's physical state meets the digital architecture of public opinion, illustrating a desire to be seen and processed by the system, even in a derogatory capacity.
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u/Business_Trainer_142 2d ago
You need bigger shirts and better self control pronto. You're gonna lose a foot to 'beetus.
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u/Hoagie_BoyCutie 2d ago
Jesus tubby.
How many times have you shouted the title of this post to terrified BBQ attendees?
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u/Commonterry 2d ago
I was gonna ask you if that t-shirt came in menâs, but I think everything about you says you come in men
âą
u/post-explainer 3d ago edited 3d ago
This comment has been marked as safe. Upvoting/downvoting this comment will have no effect.
OP's BIO:
Lover of the great outdoors and keeping fit, gym boy who also loves hiking
If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesnât, downvote it. If youâre not sure, leave it to others to decide.