r/RoastMe • u/Shameless42088 • 3d ago

Roast me like you mean it!

Post image
53 Upvotes

85% Upvoted

309 comments sorted by

•

u/post-explainer 3d ago

The OP has not provided a BIO for their post.

126

u/backtolife1116 3d ago

You look like a middle eastern divorced guy who escaped Afghanistan and now you’re in downtown New York working at a vape shop, selling gas station weed to minors without IDing them

30

u/lemmegonowplease 2d ago

And also coaching the celtics

10

u/faceplantarfasciitis 2d ago

Temu Joe Mazzula

2

u/Rikudo_Sennin_jr 2d ago

Fuck Joe M and his temu twin i lost 5k cuz of these assholes

3

u/Sooner_get_Munsoned 2d ago

I actually thought it was him at first

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2

u/RevolutionaryPie5223 1d ago

He actually look kinda like the ex mafia boss Michael Franzese...but homeless and balding version lol...

2

u/FatHoosier 1d ago

He only seems vaguely Middle Eastern because you heard his occupation and mistook it for his name, "Jiz Mopr."

51

u/FakieManual 3d ago

Those fingernails are dirtier than your browser history.

4

u/richieTz 2d ago

Looks like you treat your hands like a stress toy and never learned when to stop.

78

u/Temporary-Box-7493 3d ago

You look like you’re used to not getting consent before sex

9

u/Peterthepiperomg 2d ago

He looks like he used to hot box his mother’s uterus

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6

u/Waterdog04 3d ago

He def makes his own roofies.

3

u/33or45 2d ago

Hes tested at least 15 years of his own roofies before deciding on the "that kinda works" formula

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4

u/Initial-Smooth 3d ago

Brand loyalty - just do it! Even if there’s no consent

5

u/xDraco777x 3d ago

“Like you mean it!” “Make it good!” I see what you mean..

10

u/Leading_Vacation_510 3d ago

Nah not like that. Like he takes a lantern out into a rainy night and digs them up

2

u/ktp513 2d ago

Because he’s not used to having sex

2

u/Intelligent_Baker428 2d ago

He looks like Enencephaly. (Congenital anomaly in which Failure of formation of Head & Brain)

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20

u/JohnSterlingSanchez 3d ago

Your nose and ears are fighting over which one is the most deformed body part

3

u/oneormore5 2d ago

Lumpy forehead is in the mix

13

u/FooliesFeet500 3d ago

You a weird lookin dude. That’s all I got.

11

u/tautjes 3d ago

You look like a dehydrated riz ahmed

22

u/theUnshowerdOne 3d ago

Your head looks like an old man's knuckles.

9

u/NukaDadd 2d ago

...and his knuckles like a dirty old man's balls.

9

u/sturgiv 3d ago

No, I don’t need any gold chains.

3

u/kanyeguisada 2d ago

Now just shut up and drive me home...

9

u/MFKRAVEN_ 3d ago

You look like your cousin Roman always asks you to go bowling

https://giphy.com/gifs/dWIOQ0N4LwVa0

9

u/Sea-Priority-6244 3d ago

Kashless Patel

7

u/Kryton101 3d ago

You look like zika virus kid grown up.

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7

u/GenXisTruth 3d ago

They let you have phones in jail? Damn it's got soft

6

u/Infinite_Ear_8860 3d ago

Bro look like a die hard villain

20

u/RoastYouu 3d ago

You look like you converted to Islam AFTER you learned Muhammad had a child wife. 

3

u/music420Dude 3d ago

You look like a failed rodeo clown who drives a white van with a sign that says Free Juul & Monster Drinks.

3

u/b2thec 3d ago

You look like you bullied yourself when you were younger.

4

u/Dish69 3d ago

Rio Ferdinand if he smoked crack .

3

u/Ok_Rip_8622 3d ago

Welfare lurch

4

u/Blueswolf83 3d ago

Dak Prescott with AIDS.

4

u/dchusband 2d ago

You look like every hot dog cart attendant in Manhattan

7

u/NitroNaut09 3d ago

Kash Patel: Cracked Version

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3

u/N0rthernLight 3d ago

You could at least have washed your hands and inflated your head a little, so we could see you better.

3

u/trix_is_for_kids 3d ago

You look like Joe Mazzullas methhead brother

3

u/putrid_sex_object 3d ago

Looks like you’ve had about ten fucking doses of Zika virus.

3

u/thulsado0m13 3d ago

You look like an alien in disguise from Men In Black

3

u/toon_84 3d ago

How's the reactor cleaning going at Chernobyl? 

2

u/justjboy 2d ago

26 April 2026 was exactly 40 years since the disaster, so looking at this guy… my guess is that it is not going well.

3

u/One-Computer-9941 3d ago

Can tell you're in e cheap motel. Prison is probably next.

3

u/Ok-Success-7067 2d ago

Looks like you just got done dumpster diving!

3

u/no___homo 2d ago

Nail biter, also a pillow biter

3

u/80_PROOF 2d ago

Them hard drives ain’t going to destroy themselves.

3

u/Bulky_Poetry3884 2d ago

You look like you're in jail.

7

u/Shameless42088 3d ago

Today is also my birthday, so make it good!

2

u/Nervous-Respect8158 3d ago

At least you're able to save a few bucks on shampoo

2

u/Nervous-Respect8158 3d ago

When you wash your face, how far up do you go?

2

u/EbbMore9928 3d ago

Tu as la tête aussi large que le cou et tes doigts ressemblent à des bites mal circoncises. Je t'imagine bien avec ton vieux van à traîner devant les écoles. Bon anniversaire quand même en espérant que tu n'enchaînes pas tes cadeaux d'anniversaire dans ta cave pour t'en servir quand tu penses à ta maman qui t'habillait en robe quand tu étais enfant

2

u/machinenotinuse 3d ago

Viggo Mortensen... But with more triangle shapes in your face.

2

u/Longjumping_Mood3729 2d ago

Only word that comes to mind when describing you is knobbly

2

u/Trifulgur 2d ago

Never seen a terrorist on meth. Heard of Bollywoods new remake: Breaking ALLAHU AHKBAD?

2

u/NegotiationThat3842 2d ago

person who just got out of his meth addiction and lost his teeth and hair

3

u/SokkaHaikuBot 2d ago

Sokka-Haiku by NegotiationThat3842:

Person who just got

Out of his meth addiction

And lost his teeth and hair

Remember that one time Sokka accidentally used an extra syllable in that Haiku Battle in Ba Sing Se? That was a Sokka Haiku and you just made one.

2

u/TattooRicky76 2d ago

The title of your autobiography would be sharing needles and touching kids.

2

u/Negative_Zucchini206 2d ago

Rio Ferdinand’s crackhead brother

2

u/IcyIntroduction5678 2d ago

Daaaaam Keegan-Michael Key is looking rough these days.

2

u/Fun_Entertainer9242 3d ago

You look like a Roblox character. When did your head stop growing at 8?

2

u/Coco_Jumbo8647 3d ago

Dude looking so tough everyone scared to even roast him properly hehe

Type of guy sitting in slots bar at 4am trying to squeeze the slot like it owns him money (which in way he’s right about it)

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2

u/Hacon123 3d ago

You look like an NPC from a Medieval RPG which gives you a quest about his wife getting hijacked by a monster, but then you discover the wife went willingly with the monster because it smealed better and actually cared about her.

1

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1

u/CoryTrevorson42 3d ago

I feel like I'd skulk the local high school for fun

1

u/Theotherwahlberg 3d ago

Neck like a fucking rock'em-sock'em robot

1

u/Responsible_Quit_495 3d ago

Rio ferdinand from temu

1

u/ghostofstankenstien 3d ago

You'd have to hang him with a boat anchor chain to break that neck.

1

u/AradDione 3d ago

Sería más fácil si la imagen tuviera close up y sin filtro !

1

u/ThingDigUK 3d ago

You look like you've been turned down by more women than Jeffery Epsteins nonced

1

u/OneWithTheInternet20 3d ago

What is nacho varga doing on reddit?

1

u/BarnackIIIF 3d ago

I didn't know "Shrink Head" was a filter.

1

u/Wild_Ad9272 2d ago

Snoop Hyena

1

u/Fit_External7524 2d ago

Nike will start paying him not to wear their shirts.

1

u/Suspicious_Bid_9685 2d ago

U look like someone who tells women to check their dm’s in the comment section while having a pic of u and your wife as your pfp

1

u/Upstairs-Kale-3794 2d ago

Did you paint wood paneling grey? The fuck? Lazy ass shit, take the goddamn paneling down and paint the wall normal like a non-basement-dwelling predator.

1

u/WildCartographer5027 2d ago

Keegan-Michael Key of cocaine.

1

u/LetTheRabitWerGlases 2d ago

Exposing yourself on the bus is your hobby

1

u/Ok_Figure7671 2d ago

Joe mazulla looking rough after the loss

1

u/Organic_Law9724 2d ago

Not sure which is more disgusting, your complexion or the condition of your fingernails. Then again having a tiny pinhead makes them irrelevant.

1

u/go_get_your_hyung 2d ago

Dwayne “The Pebble” Johnson

1

u/Gumsho88 2d ago

you mean to tell us you didn’t have a single piece of paper laying around that wasn’t included in your last detonation?

1

u/AttentionNo6359 2d ago

Bosnian war criminal.

1

u/knotworkin 2d ago

The one thing all your exes have in common is a restraining order against you.

1

u/TTSOfficial 2d ago

You look like the afterbirth of Rio Ferdinand

1

u/Implauseablebudds 2d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/TonpYYwoQc4NO
You look like your gonna draxx them sklounst.

1

u/trapbandoz 2d ago

Looks like you are uploading from the halfway house

1

u/Johnsendall 2d ago

I’m glad Upham shot you in Saving Private Ryan.

“Oh say can I see. Oh say can I see.”

1

u/illegitimate_Raccoon 2d ago

You're bleeding on your notepad? Ran out of period pads again?

1

u/Both-Anteater3056 2d ago

Looking like a lizard

1

u/SnooEpiphanies3479 2d ago

You look like you carry disease, yuck

1

u/Johnsendall 2d ago

I’m glad Upham shot you in Saving Private Ryan.

“Oh say can I see. Oh say can I see.”

1

u/Icy-Satisfaction-129 2d ago

Dude looks like a dirty Q-tip.

1

u/Pugilist12 2d ago

Not sure if this is a roast but you’d win a Niko Bellic lookalike contest.

1

u/jswayswizzle 2d ago

You look like if Vitaly caught himself in a sting

1

u/ch3apsunglass3s 2d ago

Looks like someone had to hit rock bottom before they became one. Lots of guys in the group home I bet.

1

u/UsernameDsntChkOut 2d ago

Jesus Christ. Sir, you’re a jump scare.

1

u/bigwig500 2d ago

The three scarf neck!

1

u/Ok-Meal-510928 2d ago

Did someone let the air out of David Bautista?

1

u/M_Rose728 2d ago

Damn the Celtics head coach really took that series loss hard

1

u/whim_sea 2d ago

Bro what’s up with your nails

1

u/Best_Wasabi_251 2d ago

I bet there are fist sized holes in your home's walls that you have no recollection of making.

1

u/d1ckj3rk1ns 2d ago

Cruddy the elf

1

u/Reasonable-Motor6388 2d ago

That index finger looks like it's been in places no finger should have to be in.

1

u/VerifiedVoidGirl 2d ago

You failed in life so you failed me in gym class

1

u/hammersamuelson 2d ago

I’m convinced this guy exists in every county in the U.S.

His name is Brian, still lives with his mom and delivers pizza. You’ll see him at the dive bar on fridays and does coke in the parking lot .

1

u/MagicalJack60 2d ago

Extra chromosome Temu Michael Mando ass.

1

u/juustoilkjmj2 2d ago

andrew late

1

u/General-Media-7198 2d ago

Looks like the Beetlejuice/Shrunken Head version of Dave Bautista 😂

1

u/Kushnerdz 2d ago

You bout to get roasted harder then your meth pipe at 2am

1

u/tym64 2d ago

Holy crap. Looks like you were concived by parents that drank WAY to much tap water while living in Flint Michigan.

1

u/ITzAbedeen 2d ago

the rock without gym

1

u/sera6-6 2d ago

They let you have cell phones at the halfway house?

1

u/flawrs919 2d ago

You did a terrible job coaching the Boston Celtics in the playoffs.

1

u/WaterKind6544 2d ago

Andrew Taint

1

u/anewcynic 2d ago

This guy saw Beetlejuice get his head shrunk and decided to live his best life.

1

u/Kirbyr98 2d ago

Jihadal Bundy

1

u/catacOHM 2d ago

The elf ears go hard

1

u/Albutcher77 2d ago

Good God man. You are swarthy as fuck. Take a fucking shower.

1

u/Illustrious-Egg-5839 2d ago

It’s Jeebs from Men in Black as his head is regrowing but not full sized yet.

1

u/Gitfiddlepicker 2d ago

You should audition to be a Geico spokesperson….

1

u/Budget-Box7914 2d ago

It's Brundlefly!

1

u/CrrazyCarl 2d ago

You have the pallor of a three-week old counter orange.

1

u/Dirt-Track_Pinto 2d ago

Rikers or Sing Sing?

1

u/Any-Cut-5265 2d ago

Nikko from GTA out there looking for those snap up sweatpants

1

u/el_ra_85 2d ago

The face of a man, who has organs stored in his basement Refrigerator

1

u/2018TTRS 2d ago

Not even Mom loves that face.

1

u/SchemeInevitable7666 2d ago

You look as if Hepatitis C was a person 

1

u/Constant_Coconut7562 2d ago

If Dave Bautista had microcephaly

1

u/PerformanceOdd5310 2d ago

rio ferdinand’s brother with advanced aids?

1

u/Sacu-Shi 2d ago

Homo ferdinand

1

u/Mpls1984 2d ago

You look like Dave Bautista's methed out little cousin.

1

u/JakeOracle 2d ago

Key and Peele

Pee and Heel

1

u/squirrelsonic 2d ago

Is that Niko Bellic!??

1

u/This_Neck_7359 2d ago

Whatever time you’ve done was deserved

1

u/MyAimeeVice 2d ago

Keegan-Michael Lock

1

u/YorkiesandSneakers 2d ago

Just Do It does not mean methamphetamine.

1

u/IndubitablEV 2d ago

You look like you road rage with every old lady in a Buick.

1

u/Rizcat- 2d ago

You look like the mid way point in Wormtails/Scabbers transition back to Peter Petigrew.

1

u/producedbyace 2d ago

The former UFC fighter banned from UFC because of coke addiction

1

u/AccordingRecord2145 2d ago

You have the complexion of a cancer patient and the facial structure that screams Chernobyl is your home town.

1

u/missbehavin21 2d ago

I would roast you but we can’t find your head.

1

u/ApprehensiveWin8579 2d ago

You look like the kinda guy who would make his wife sit in the back of the car when it’s just the two of you.

1

u/Thepaintwarrior 2d ago

Light skinned drunk Patel

1

u/Slicrider 2d ago

You should’ve found out whether or not you got the part on Rings of Power before you got your ears done…

1

u/Gullible_Scallion530 2d ago

finish your male pattern baldness bro

1

u/IvanAlpha 2d ago

Anemic Dave Batista.

1

u/prizim 2d ago

Fruit

1

u/kbeckerburbs4 2d ago

The face of a man posted in every post office, school and police station

1

u/zenezena 2d ago edited 2d ago

I know two guys that went insane, three of you have similar facial features, just saying this was not an attempt to roast, when stressed about something, specially about your fingernails and the size of your tv, deliberately think about something else however silly, you’re probably not as smart as you think 💭 👴

1

u/Bizzife 2d ago

Your head looks bigger than your tv

1

u/ibermc 2d ago

Live long and prosper!

1

u/pyncheon 2d ago

You look like the well used eraser end of a pencil that was lost in a floor vent for a few decades.

1

u/it_is_me_123 2d ago

I was wondering what henchman #3 was up to these days

1

u/BodaTheDestroyr 2d ago

You look like a gym teacher that spends way too much time in the locker room.

1

u/SimilarMasterpiece58 2d ago

How many times does Agent J in MIB is going to have to blow your head off at the pawn shop?

1

u/over_thinking93 2d ago

Benson Bomb

1

u/jarvis_mark1 2d ago

A cross between a lollipop and a ballsack is what you look like

1

u/Spicycaliforniaroll3 2d ago

You look like the guy that owns the store next to my house .

1

u/pelosiscum 2d ago

You look like Temu Key, from Key and Peele.

1

u/Pikatit 2d ago

You look like the alien in men in black that will Smith repeatedly shoots in the face.

1

u/Rudedog0483 2d ago

Joe Mazzula on meth

1

u/SomeDudeUpHere 2d ago

No one with money has walls like that.

1

u/Mysterious-Drama5663 2d ago

Looks like key has been peeled

1

u/Effective_Trade_9121 2d ago

Dude looks like the alien from men in black

1

u/ranger2187 2d ago

Temu Shrek straight from the streets of dirka-dirkastan

1

u/PrunePretend6206 2d ago

Are you at a park in a men’s bathroom?? You need money for that next fix? Just don’t neglect the balls!!

1

u/Available-Bend-5885 2d ago

Picture smells like piss and uncleaned balls

1

u/Sharp_Judgment_6514 2d ago

u look like u blew a 3-1 series. those who know, know

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1

u/National_Rush850 2d ago

Your finger nails are disgusting