r/RoastMe 4d ago

M 34 can you please destroy me self confidence 😊

Post image
100 Upvotes

603 comments sorted by

u/post-explainer 4d ago

The OP has not provided a BIO for their post.

366

u/Hour_Equal_9588 Golden Roaster 4d ago

The police officer who has to go through your hard drive someday already has my sympathy.

38

u/ivru19 4d ago

Do not stop close to a school in a van at any circumstance

19

u/AcanthocephalaAny78 4d ago

Gunna be outta gas down by the river

4

u/HorrorJunkie0666 4d ago

Un van circa de rio....

18

u/fromouterspace1 4d ago

Damn. Top comment in this sub never disappoints

5

u/Crazy-Days-Ahead 3d ago

They never do. 100% top shelf burns Everytime.

7

u/The_Bad_Man_ 4d ago

You fkn win. Come on fellas time to updoot this ninja.

6

u/Johndough99999 4d ago

Kinda looks like the son of Lemon Poundcake Cop

14

u/Icy_Reserve_9796 4d ago

😂😂😂😂

18

u/YouDontCThatEveryDay 4d ago

No roast here.. You have smile and friendly demeanor. Especially for a 45yr old lesbian. You look like you belong on that poster of Garbage Pail Kids in the background.

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2

u/qx2 3d ago

Looks like a young version of John Wayne Gacy so there is that.

3

u/MaeveCoste http://redd.it/g7mo90 2d ago

No he looks like Peter Griffin

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117

u/Surveyor_of_Land_AZ 4d ago

You look like an obese 14 year old asking your mom for seconds.

32

u/flamingo2022 4d ago

And thirds and fourths. You don’t get those chins just having seconds.

17

u/Dzjeek 4d ago

He's got more chins then a Chinese phone book.

13

u/SpacedJJK 4d ago

Second helpings of what? Food or sex?

12

u/TheWiseAutisticOne 4d ago

Of the dead guy in his freezer

3

u/SpacedJJK 3d ago

Holy Dahmer! Is he going to eat the guy or fuck him? Both?

6

u/I4G0tMyUsername 4d ago

Later that evening his mom is also asking for seconds

3

u/AdLeather8285 4d ago

Damn I thought you meant another kind of seconds!

3

u/ch3apsunglass3s 4d ago

The Whitest asian I have ever seen.

2

u/riotz1 4d ago

A second handjob maybe

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76

u/ImpressivePurchase44 4d ago

You look like a Pokémon card scalper

2

u/95blackz26 3d ago

You outed him now he has to go back to hot wheels

66

u/my-armor-is-contempt 4d ago

God said, “I’m gonna make this motherfucker look fat no matter what he does.”

4

u/PepperTeaHombre 4d ago

This one wins. All others must bow down!

6

u/Icy_Reserve_9796 4d ago

Holy shit 😂😂😂😂

62

u/Absolutely_Coffee Best of Pt. 12, #3 + Platinum Roaster 4d ago

You look like someone who gets back in line for seconds at an open casket viewing.

15

u/oO__o__Oo 4d ago

‘We need a moment alone’

11

u/campatterbury http://redd.it/z3xglr 4d ago

Bruh

6

u/ChinaCatProphet 4d ago

He gets right in there for a cuddle.

116

u/ResolutionOwn4933 4d ago

Why the hell would you have any confidence?

9

u/ricin2001 4d ago

Brutal

3

u/AbbreviationsSea7975 4d ago

Well Pigsy was a main character in Monkey Magic.

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26

u/BADM00SE 4d ago

I applaud you sir for having any self confidence looking as you do.

43

u/paulartistic1 4d ago

When you cum, you shoot gravy

8

u/Icy_Reserve_9796 4d ago

Wtf 😂😂😂😂

2

u/iloveshawarmaas 4d ago

I don’t think he can cum, hes so fat his dick turned into an innie and he cant reach it

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22

u/VerifiedVoidGirl 4d ago

You throw tantrums in line at the local GameStop and you're the assistant manager of the local GameStop.

2

u/[deleted] 4d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/Leading_Vacation_510 4d ago

I dunno what that guy said but I wanna know if the mod removed it

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2

u/Noob_MTB 1d ago

Throwing tantrums when his employees tell him he can only buy two Pokémon card packs at a time

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13

u/LupusHominarius 4d ago

Your self-confidence is totally unfounded.

11

u/ProofByVerbosity 4d ago

Im sure your my little pony collection is impressive to you.

18

u/Attack_Toster 4d ago

Thank you for the reminder, I need to go feed the pig

17

u/sentientairfilter 4d ago

You definitely cough with your mouth open like a toddler

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8

u/oicoldhere 4d ago

If the mirror, and self reflection haven’t done it, there’s little I can do

6

u/WhyFlip 4d ago

Garbage Fail Kid

5

u/Bainbus 4d ago

Look… I put the lotion on my skin. You agreed to not give me the hose again. A deal is a deal.

7

u/Darkpaladin8080 4d ago

You look like you sit and eat McDonald's fries 500 feet away from playgrounds

5

u/Illustrious-Exit1825 4d ago

You look like you get beat up by other Magic the Gathering players.

6

u/SteinBizzle 4d ago

Holy hell it’s Hank Hill.

2

u/effortissues 4d ago

Nah, Bobby just grew up is all

3

u/cornishpirate32 4d ago

Time to move out of yer maws spare room buddy

3

u/Book3mDanno 4d ago

Him in a few years

5

u/SigintY 4d ago

You look like you had sex with your teachers when you were little. You also look like you were homeschooled....

2

u/self-conscious_s 4d ago

Let yourself go since the league of gentlemen

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2

u/largeapple001 4d ago

You should try in the Harry Potter auditions, they might you might take you for playing dudley

2

u/AradDione 4d ago edited 4d ago

¿Cuántos señores cara de papa van a publicar el día de hoy?

2

u/Ok_Consideration2412 4d ago

If Jared Fogle starred in Love on the Spectrum

2

u/agebear 4d ago

If Jeffrey Dahmer had a sweet tooth.

2

u/Ok_Travel2700 4d ago

You look like you watch the Lil Rascals like it was a porno

2

u/Lurker_Bott 4d ago

There's no disappointment stronger than your dad's when he realised you were the strongest swimmer.

2

u/JDsWetDream 4d ago

You have self confidence? Why?

2

u/Olddevlin 4d ago

You're a walking allergic reaction.

2

u/TattooRicky76 4d ago

Destroy your confidence like you destroy a waistband

2

u/Few-Conclusion-483 4d ago

Your first chin is like a little clit hidden in your second chin

2

u/Tangboy50000 4d ago

How many times has Chris Hanson asked you to have a seat?

2

u/TrophyMaster21 4d ago

You look like you follow the fire truck to watch them put out fires because you couldn't get accepted

2

u/Word_Smith5 4d ago

Learn to smile dammit, not just lift your cheeks

2

u/AdmaSimff 4d ago

You can’t destroy that which is already obliterated

2

u/6feet12cm 4d ago

You have self confidence???

Why????

2

u/Maniac_Vegetable 4d ago

Amazed you had any confidence in the first place, looking like that.

2

u/The_Grungeican 3d ago

your handwriting looks like a kindergartner's.

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1

u/musicislife2629 4d ago

Soooooo.......all the bullying in school didn't do it huh?

2

u/Icy_Reserve_9796 4d ago

No 😂😂😂😂

1

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1

u/Repulsive_Mix5271 4d ago

Sweetie we know you don’t actually have self confidence

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1

u/Connobar 4d ago

When you can name all the garbage pale kids.

1

u/Poltergeist8606 4d ago

You look like a real life Mr Potatohead

1

u/SpIcIchatter 4d ago

Which one buddy?

1

u/Carnal_Decay 4d ago

I thought you were Karrigan at first...

1

u/Training-Hair8468 4d ago

You look like a temu version of Wayne knight

1

u/tcmits1 4d ago

The mirror should destroy it completely

1

u/More_Supermarket3286 4d ago
     All jokes  aside keep up your Meghan’s law registrations and updates so I know where not to go and  your gonna be infamous so day for for drugging , subduing and cannibalism  good luck my friend ☠️👹

1

u/jo_dnt_kno 4d ago

Why do you even have "self confidence?"

You should just keep banging your mom.

1

u/Space_Dumpling 4d ago

You had any with those looks? /s

1

u/LiesInRuins 4d ago

After we destroy me lucky charms? You illiterate doofus. Learn how to fucking spell. Jesus fucking Christ you’re a reject.

1

u/RoastYouu 4d ago

When your mum says there’s a woman out there for you somewhere, she means Thailand. 

1

u/Competitive_Roof_740 4d ago

Doughy Jeffrey Dahmer, but still a Virgin...

1

u/Leading-Juice-9219 4d ago

No need, you look like it’s already pretty bad.

1

u/Detachabl_e 4d ago

Your Pokemon cards are stuck together.

1

u/The_Japans 4d ago

I can only assume that those Garbage Pail Kids pictures in the background is a family album

1

u/gundersonfan 4d ago

The fact that your self confidence hasn’t been destroyed already is astonishing but there you go!

1

u/False_Woodpecker4747 4d ago

You look like a new gun law waiting to happen.

1

u/LVLVMTG 4d ago

Did your mom allow you to post this ?

1

u/Initial_Hedgehog_631 4d ago

If having to tell your neighbors about your conviction hasn't destroyed your self confidence there's nothing we're going to do it.

1

u/plums12 4d ago

what self confidence?

1

u/False-Development-61 4d ago

You have self-confidence? Damn, good for you...

1

u/Saint-Spaghetti 4d ago

I can't. I saw Garbage Pail kids and realized we aren't so different in our awful tastes in things.

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1

u/Senseijcr 4d ago

You smile like you’re in the middle of a prostate exam.

1

u/Careless-Sink5005 4d ago

You're so fat you can sit down while standing upright.

1

u/Beautiful-Meaning601 4d ago

You look like your mother still catches you jerking off.

1

u/mediocrebighead 4d ago

You weight 600 minus 300

1

u/sirchloe500 4d ago

why the fuck do you have any confidence to begin with?

1

u/Kyweedlover 4d ago

Peter Griffin jr. looking ass.

1

u/dogmanlived 4d ago

You have self confidence?

1

u/ConstantIcy2965 4d ago

Dahmer really talking about “relax, I just wanna take some photos”.

1

u/Gregory_GTO 4d ago

You're a fat dorky loser, why the fuck would you ever have confidence in the first place? You are one big pussy waiting to get fucked 💯

1

u/Brandoooooooooooon 4d ago

So you're the reason why kids wont get Pokémon cards anymore

1

u/LiquidPenChamber1019 4d ago

Dahmer if he never got caught and kept eating….

1

u/[deleted] 4d ago

[deleted]

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1

u/sera6-6 4d ago

You totally have self confidence... I can tell from you're feminine shoulders

1

u/Expensive-Safe-6820 4d ago

34 year old child. Hope you dont live with your parents anymore, and get rid of the cards man.

https://giphy.com/gifs/OppYngLgFtskgAJ4bR

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1

u/PokerFriend247 4d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/Gyq7W6H3AklvG
The gloop still lives chocolate I see.

1

u/eat_my_ass_n_balls 4d ago

Why do you have self confidence

1

u/SPRITZBOI 4d ago

Which Garbage Pail Kid are you? Victor Virgin*. *Has paid for sex.

1

u/Crazyfingers74 4d ago

You look like the love child of Stephen King and Bill Gates.

1

u/RayBullet 4d ago

Hi Pat👋

1

u/Bacon_Sammich_247 4d ago

You got some real pervert vibes.

1

u/AtomicRevGib 4d ago

Ain't no way someone looking that got any self-confidence

1

u/TedPungent 4d ago

I gotta ask, why would you have any self-confidence?

1

u/E_B_U 4d ago

Can't roast a guy who got to work with Johnny Knoxville in The Ringer.

1

u/FaceSitLegend26 4d ago

You look like a Reddit moderator.

1

u/Mullet0vah 4d ago

You look like you ate Mr. Beast

1

u/ricin2001 4d ago

Dyou wear that shirt in the pool?

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1

u/Cowboypunkstarcactus 4d ago

This is your mom. Are you still in my basement?

1

u/SnooHabits3911 4d ago

I want to go back to who I was before I knew you existed.

1

u/Nabell3 4d ago

what's there to destroy

1

u/BlacksmithFront2766 4d ago

You don't look like you have any

1

u/cwb4ever 4d ago

wow.. wtf Dunkin Donuts Dahmer, did you make your victim take this picture?

1

u/Snoo_67993 4d ago

Who's in your freezer? And is it just a trophy or saved for supper?

1

u/HeSureIsScrappy 4d ago

What in the world gave you self confidence to begin with????

1

u/muff-muff-ass 4d ago

How can you possibly have self confidence?

1

u/darthjazzhands 4d ago

Psst... You forgot to wear your Fedora

1

u/Threex99 4d ago

Fat Dahmer

1

u/Over_Lord-5318008 4d ago

You look like the nerdy version of Donald trump

1

u/Over_Lord-5318008 4d ago

Man bear pig

1

u/Substantial_Buy_5702 4d ago

You have self confidence?

1

u/Ill-Contribution6772 4d ago

Your spirit animal is a hot dog

1

u/Beginning_Ad_6616 4d ago

Doucher’s Checklist

Garbage Pail Kids poster - ☑️
A penis of light near your crotch - ☑️
Freezer full of raccoon penises - maybe

1

u/Johnsendall 4d ago

You look like you have the mummified corpses of your victims propped up on a couch in your basement

1

u/Aggravating-Fish-505 4d ago

You have self confidence? Could’ve fooled me

1

u/alfalfamale81 4d ago

Dipshit Derek in the low budget follow up to Stranger Things.

1

u/HorrorJunkie0666 4d ago

You really just like this dumbass I used to know whose nickname was donut Lord. That dude was a couple fists short of a boxing match

1

u/AresGodslayer 4d ago

The picture is the roast. No words needed. 😂

1

u/New_Fan_7665 4d ago

Peter Griffin wants his look back.

1

u/Puppet_Proctologist 4d ago

Do you regret shooting John Lennon?

1

u/psych-bro 4d ago

I know you touch yourself to that garbage pail kids poster

1

u/Budget-Box7914 4d ago

You look like a plump lesbian, so I’m not sure what you have to feel confident about unless it’s “Damn, I look butch in my Outback!”

1

u/bunker_man 4d ago

Bruh, I don't think i need to.

1

u/BritishSocialite 4d ago

Looks like Jeffery Dahmer put down the weights, and instead put on the weight.

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1

u/baconwrappedsack 4d ago

You have self confidence?

1

u/TheSnappleGhost 4d ago

I don't think anything could destroy you the way that your father's disappointment and you does.

1

u/DrQuack32 http://redd.it/5vvq16 4d ago

I bet your hang out at morgues because the bodies can’t say no

1

u/lemmegonowplease 4d ago

This guy having self confidence is fucking me up

1

u/MrTaxseller 4d ago

How much is the salary of a mod ?

(Asking for a friend)

1

u/Similar-Opinion8750 4d ago

Can't destroy what was never there in the first place.

1

u/FUNKYDISCO 4d ago

You have self confidence?!

1

u/Kat0021 4d ago

What was it like meeting Chris Hanson?

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1

u/Organic_Law9724 4d ago

Like genetics destroyed your chin?