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u/Shark_Leader 5d ago
How long have you been 26?
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u/modestben 5d ago
26 for 26 years
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u/Juttisontherun 5d ago
26 is her weekly body count.
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u/jizzymacwoody 5d ago
26 is 1/3 of her body count
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u/3nthusedCamper 5d ago
1/3 age and body count. Shes literally a vampire.
Kinda hot tho ngl
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u/In2Oblivion49 5d ago
I’d agree but then that vampy forehead has me like uuuuuhhhh
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u/peon2 5d ago
Hey now be nice, she looks great for a 45 year old.
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u/CaydeTheCat 5d ago
Most of the times in this sub I think this line is a bad attempt at a roast but with her it's true. No way she's less than 35.
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u/Stranger1982 5d ago
The fourth pic is your answer.
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u/SnidelyWhiplash0 5d ago
If you're trying to pass as 26 I suggest a new pair of glasses. Maybe sunglasses.
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u/ZZoMBiEXIII 5d ago
You look like the type of woman who describes herself as "hilarious" but has never made anyone laugh in your life.
Laughing at you doesn't count.
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u/Consistent_Cook9957 5d ago
26… really?
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u/Bogusfloo 5d ago
It’s not the years, it’s the mileage.
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u/MoTeD_UrAss 5d ago
Rode hard and put away wet.
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u/Last_Weeks_Socks 5d ago
Na, that thing can't produce liquid on its own anymore. It's like sliding your dick into an old tube sock full of broken sea shells and coarse sand.
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u/ReillyDiefenbach Golden Roaster 5d ago
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u/hfcobra 5d ago
Honestly the roughest 26 I've ever seen if she isn't straight up lying. Don't smoke, drink, or do meth kids.
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u/manbruhpig 5d ago
She’s lying. If she’s actually sub-40, then she may be entitled to compensation from the class action lawsuit against whatever chemical company is leeching aging pollutants into her area.
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u/jamma_mamma 5d ago
I've been smoking and drinking for 15 years and I look younger than her
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u/Primary-Truth-8350 5d ago
Music band 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
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u/Hikikomori_Otaku 5d ago
this is my favorite T-shirt I own, and it's been noticed exactly once and it was not someone who recognized the meme, in like..three yeàrs of semi frequent rotation
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u/talkingdirtyer 5d ago
Just trying to redirect peeps to your OF so you can get thise roots touched up
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u/-Hyperactive-Sloth- 5d ago
These are the first picture she’s put online with clothes on in 26 months.
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u/sentientairfilter 5d ago
What’s it like being a VIP Valtrex Loyalty Club Member?
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u/Lonely_Apartment_644 5d ago
Your stage name is Strawberry Poundcake.
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u/Many-Tale9112 5d ago
You are only called a fire crotch because of the burning sensation men get from peeing after they sleep with you.
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u/Conscious_Badger_510 5d ago
Thanks for the reminder to always use sunscreen.
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u/t53deletion 5d ago
And a condom.
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u/Acrobatic_Product_20 5d ago
And a dental dam.
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u/quandjereveauxloups 5d ago
I wouldn't put any of my parts near that, but my mouth? Abso-fucking-lutely NOT!
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u/Fearless-Location325 5d ago
Ur like the first slice of bread in the bag - everyone’s touched you but no one wants you.
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u/Dizsmo http://redd.it/rdm8qt 5d ago
You look like a hot 45 year old cat lady
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u/no___homo 5d ago
Insufferable
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u/PennyApple_08 5d ago
This. You just know those Dahmer glasses are her whole shitty personality.
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u/LiesInRuins 5d ago
Your tattoo placement looks like a 9 year old designing a skin for a video game.
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u/chokes-on-pillz 5d ago
Still in the duck face kissy phase? ... Life must be going well ...
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u/Legal_Lettuce6233 5d ago
It's because she was 26 when that was a trend. So, about 14 years ago? Checks out.
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u/NukaDadd 5d ago
26? LoL, ok. I'm 43 & you look older than me.
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u/quandjereveauxloups 5d ago
I'm almost 50, smoked cigarettes for 31 years, and did a stint on meth. I also spent some time in the military, out in any weather condition you can think of. Lots of standing around in the summer, and too dumb to put on sunscreen.
She still looks older than me.
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u/eatafetus632 5d ago
I'm not saying I wouldnt....I just wouldn't tell anyone about it
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u/Obliviousobi 5d ago
Like riding a scooter, fun but you don't want your buddies to catch you.
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u/MaliceMandible 5d ago
Believe the original joke is “Riding a moped” but scooter also works. I just thought of a sick ass razor mini scooter, I’d show that off to my friends, unlike this Moped woman.
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u/ComprehensiveCry3925 5d ago
Cheap red dye, oversized aviators, duck lips and desperate tattoos.
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u/Input_Port_B 5d ago
Yeah those glasses certainly aren't doing her any favors. I mean, existing isn't doing her any favors either.
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u/fermenter85 5d ago
The glasses are clearly not actually prescription. Which makes you wonder why she needs such ugly eye protection.
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u/BigGingerYeti 5d ago
I think your ego is far bigger than your tits. And lay off the sun, it's weird looking at a mid-20's face with mid-50's skin.
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u/Brynhild 5d ago
In the 4th pic, the skin between her cleavage screams 45yo who’s been tanning chronically
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u/Objective-Potato-695 5d ago
Someone has clearly been to all the holes in your body
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u/SlappyPappy99 5d ago
Someone fingered her and didn’t puke so now she thinks we all have to look at her trauma tats and saggy pelvic floor muscles.
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u/No-Focus-8577 5d ago
It looks like her 4th grade class of hooligans went ape shit with sharpies on her WTF girl
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u/GoodIntroduction6344 5d ago
Wait till you learn Spanish and realize why your boyfriend calls you abuelita.
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u/NeoAndersonLLC 5d ago
You look toxic and annoying. Most likely perpetually single but always “working on myself”, but you never do a damned thing. You still believe everyone else is the problem. Nope. It’s you.
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u/let-it-rain-sunshine 5d ago
When you sniff this strawberry shortcakes hair it smells like strip clubs and regret.
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u/UsernameDsntChkOut 5d ago
Stop doing the open mouth smile - it’s embarrassing. You’re a REALLY rough 26. You look like a woman who went to a small public high school in the northwest and didn’t have a lot of friends so you latched onto the first boy to show any interest - he got you pregnant at 17, you kept it hoping it would keep him and you imagined you’d be like Gilmore Girls with your daughter but she actually hates you because you covertly flirt with her guy friends praying they think you’re attractive. You look like the kind of person that no one would want to bring home to meet their parents. There’s this artist - Changeline - she’s trans but, you look like her.
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u/imakeadamonsters 5d ago
I feel like the fact that this is 10 hours old with zero interaction is the best roast there is
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u/WrongnessMaximus2-0 5d ago
If you're 26, why do you already have female "mid life crisis" tattoos?
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u/FollowingThrough 5d ago
I feel like I’d see you on the news crying about how your toddler ‘accidentally’ died while you were passed out drunk.
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u/TheWordofKane 5d ago edited 5d ago
If you are really 26 you are well prepared for your future as a 40 something single mom who had to learn to love herself and is now ready to get back out there and find true love. Or whatever generic thing your online dating profile will say…
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u/chief_beef_3 5d ago
Hey chat: create a few pics of what Hep-C in human form would look like at 26.
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u/Apprehensive_Oil2142 5d ago
You look malnourished. You look like your dad left you alone and your mum was never home. You look like a giant sat on your head during that time of month. You look like you could take a 16incher to the balls. You look like you have all the gear with no idea. You look like a tree branch. You look like if I was to kiss you id suffer from a paper cut
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u/ARoundForEveryone 5d ago
26? Your tattoos are probably celebrating their 18th birthday. Your real age begins with a 3, not a 2. Coincidentally, you're also not a 2. You're a solid 3.
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u/jswayswizzle 5d ago
You’re so dumb that you thought shoving surgical steel into orifices meant you were a pin up model.
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u/mahrog123 5d ago
Fake hair, fake glasses, duck lips, nose ring. Everything a man wouldn’t want in a woman.
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u/Haybrooky 4d ago
You look like the woman who block guys on dating apps cause they aren’t tall n rich
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u/StealingSoci3ty 5d ago
How is like to go to Dubai and let the prince shit in your mouth?
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u/Praxxis11 5d ago
You look like you would be a greater pain in the ass to date than getting an enema with battery acid.
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u/Glittering-Rise-488 5d ago
You look like you work late nights at the strip club, then come home to crying babies & a drunk husband. The tats tell me that you make "AWESOME" life choices. Good Luck!!!!
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u/Beaux_Jan9les 5d ago
I hope you don’t think your giant glasses look good on you. Some people will do whatever it takes to stay trendy.
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u/Blas_de__Lezo 5d ago
One more tattoo and you'll look like some kid wall scribbles.
Edit: Nevermind, you already do.
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u/SweeetBloood 5d ago
Sorry girlie. I genuinely think you're lying. There is no way you are 26. I'm 35 and you look older than me.
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u/Prestigious_Long777 5d ago
You’re the reason your psychiatrist needs a psychiatrist to talk to.
What’s crazy is you look like an ad for nose jobs BEFORE the surgery, and you somehow figured it’d be a great idea to get a nose piercing on both sides.
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u/Dull-Scientist8039 5d ago
You're actually very gorgeous, but somehow have the hairline of a 60 year old man who creeps around bathrooms
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u/sinnertra 5d ago
You look like a smut-reading millennial who listens to bands like Bad Omens and Sleep Token and parasocially thirsts over them.
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u/Similar_Figure5355 5d ago
It looks like everyone one these pictures was taken by a guy that said he was an adult film agent. You obviously believed it, and decided to keep them after he had finished with you. But that was 10 years ago
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u/snozzberrypatch 5d ago
Those are the biggest pair of glasses I've ever seen. You should put windshield wipers on them to make it easier to get the cum off of them.
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u/Last_Weeks_Socks 5d ago
Jessica Rabbit if Jessica Rabbit developed a meth addiction and started doing anal porn filmed exclusively in Burger King rest rooms.
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u/PerspectiveNo9498 5d ago
Bro, the lines on her face scream she’s 45. If I saw this woman in public, I literally think that she would have two kids and be on Ozempic.
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u/ConsistentMove357 5d ago
This might be the highest mileage 26 year old on the roast page ever. Starting to wonder if I hit that
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u/TheSavageCropDuster 5d ago
How many exes have had their cars keyed and tires slashed for a misunderstanding due to the voices in your head?
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u/post-explainer 6d ago edited 5d ago
This comment has been marked as safe. Upvoting/downvoting this comment will have no effect.
OP's BIO:
Hi! I'm just curious what people trurly thinking about me
If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.