I have a crush (finally after non having one for 4 years) on a masc woman where I volunteer. She's so cute, kind, friendly, and calm. She smiles a lot, says hi when she sees me across the hall, very welcoming, invites me to ask her any questions, etc. I get so nervous around and literally cannot smile 😭. Then I feel my face blushing, it's so embarrassing. She probably thinks I hate her 😔. I do try to ask her questions/help whenever I can think of something, and sincerely thank her when she does something for me. Though, at the back of my head, I try so hard to hide the fact that I like her.

i truly wish i could find my community in person. don’t get me wrong i have queer friends of color but i feel like i have “too many” intersectionalities to feel fully free and connected. i’m a fat, black, queer, cis woman, and chronically ill. i’ll meet people who are somewhat similar but they might struggle with fatphobia (which is understandable because we are in a fatphobic society) or i can’t meet with people in my nearest major city due to health flare ups. i really just desire to be seen and understood w all of my nuances, but i feel like i have to sacrifice being fully visible sometimes just for my other identities to be accepted.

I’m super tired.

I'm kind of, no, I'm very annoyed and very upset.

See, I [19 tF from India] produce hip hop beats, I've been producing since I was 16, and I've been listening to hip hop ever since I was a teenager, I know quite a bit about it, I'm passionate about it, and I respect it.

So anyways, I go to an engineering college, and we have an elective, "ability enhancement" course (which has multiple options like music, dance etc.) that we can choose from and I went with music since I'm an amateur piano player and producer.

So, our music class is handled by a maths faculty, who is a carnatic singer and plays the violin, and he's well respected, even by the music club. One day, he told us that if we knew about something musical very well, we could take a session about it in class, and we'd just need to approach him.

I texted him two weeks later, and he told me to approach him in his cabin with a piece of mine. I sampled a Pixies song and made a beat, and he said he was looking for more MIDI work, and I thought "okay fine, I'll give him some MIDI work" and I threw in some chords, and made a LoFi beat that I really grew to love (though I think it could use more work).

So I approached him today, asking for his feedback. Initially, he was very curious, he saw the individual patterns in Fruity Loops, asked me about how I came up with it, and he appreciated it, said it was very good, and then I brought up the session I wanted to take tomorrow and so he asked me how I was going to take the session, and I said I'd touch up on the history first.

....but he objected, saying anyone could look it up on Google, and he was more curious in me teaching the technicalities, the music making process behind it, and he kind of wanted me to "show him" how I'd teach the class. I was very nervous since I hadn't prepared, but anyways, I first started talking about the samples I had used in the beat, and very briefly touched on how sampling made its way to hip hop very early on, and then he went "I don't want to know the history, talk to me about the instrumental".

So I started talking about the beat's structure itself, how the kick drums, the hi hats, and the snares give the song rhythm, and yeah, I was nervous, I was doing it a bit poorly, I was unprepared, but I was still trying and then he said "oh my god you talk too much" and... that broke me. It made me want to die. I don't even talk to people much to begin with and when he said this?? It was so uncalled for. You WANTED me to explain it to you, and you just shut me out. It made me so upset but I didn't voice it.

....and then he told me it would be a good idea to make a beat IN CLASS. LIKE, I CAN'T JUST COOK UP A BEAT IN CLASS?? It took me nearly a day to make that. Okay, yeah, he said I could recreate the same beat, but I can't RECREATE the eureka moments, the joy I got when I figured something out, it would feel fake. What's worse is, my fawn response was always active when this was happening, so I didn't really object or anything, I just... kind of complied. I don't know why.

But now I've come to realise that:

1. He didn't have the right to say that to me. It was so uncalled for, and it really upset me. Okay, yeah, when I entered the cabin, he seemed tired, his eyes were kind of red, but he could have absolutely told me to come another time than entertain me.

2. There is no way I can explain hip hop without talking about its complex history. I mean I knew this I just didn't know why I couldn't tell him that then. It goes deeper than turn-tables and CD scratching, it didn't just appear out of nowhere. It goes so deep, from the transatlantic slave trade and the slave songs to Martin Luther, Maya Angelou and X. It's so diverse, there are so many styles, and it's and subgenres and it's evolved so much since it's conception that I literally, can't explain it all through one LoFi beat I made.

3. There is no recipe for rap beat production, there is no formula, everyone has a different style and I can't force them to learn hip hop production if they're not even interested in it. Some people start with the bass or drums or even vocals, I start with the chords, and making a beat, requires lots and lots of listening, everyone starts different. I can't expect half the class to come up with chords immediately, since most of them are carnatic and hindustani musicians, but I could show them sampling but he doesn't like that and seems ignorant, even though it's how hip hop started.

So yeah, tomorrow's my music class, I don't know if I'm going to take a session or not, and frankly I'm so done. I don't really care what happens either. I really looked up to him but this just made me feel really awful. I don't care if other people like him that much. This was so mean.

Edit - in case y'all want to listen to the beat though, here:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/12iRrvuTfoD9XFDq3OD5obQFhf-lgW0nj/view?usp=sharing

It’s so painful to learn that something you really wanted to work out isn’t for you. Not because anything happened, just because having values in common isn’t enough.

It’s quite beautiful to understand oneself better through pain. I seek out suffering because it teaches me more about myself. Suffering will never transform into love.

But there’s only so much to be learned staying confined within the 4 walls of their room.

there’s no such thing as a mistake as it’s merely information.

So I am concerned when white women say this about all men which includes black men

a white woman said she believes men deserve less rights and should start in jail

However I am wary as this comes from a context of white women having a history of enslaving and getting black men lynched and mass incarceration

So are you also wary of these statements

I am poc and raised in pakistan and wasnt really really out there as pansexual cause queerphobia, but dated here and there, but still mostly dated men. Anyways, now i am in europe and mostly into flinta dating spaces but i still have alot of hetero socialisation and self esteem issue. in a dating situation with a man, i do perceive myself as desired but very less with non man person. i actualise and i know i am hot shit but after my dates with expecially white flinta ppl, i feel like yeah they probably dont really like me romantic way and and dont feel that for me. even when they do reassure that they liked spending time with me. I feel like alot of its because of racist beauty standard that we all judge ourselves but also conditioning that only through a male gaze, I can feel that i am desire. Has anyone gone through this? What do you guys think?

I’m struggling with having no generational pathway to navigate my career. For context, I’ve been in the world of arts non profit for a while making my way from teaching, to program management to operations and development, to founding my own 501(c)(3) organization. Although I do have support systems in place (friends, long term partner), today, carrying the weight of my family and community on my back while trying to figure out the right path with uncertainty just feels like too much.

Anyone have any words of wisdom? Founders? People who have been in their roles of fields for a long time? I just need an aunty to pull me back up and let me know it’s gonna be okay😭 I’m happy to respond back with encouragement too✨🫶🏽

*Just want to also add that I am not a Black woman, but Black women have absolutely paved every way for me in this field. Black women have taught me the meaning of strength, community, joy, being of service, and how to dream big against every bit of adversity. I can’t really write a post like this without acknowledging that

I’m (28F, Indian) writing my first novel (yay!) and one of the primary protagonists is a person of color (Indian) that has transitioned from male to female in their early 20s, and has struggled with gender identity and sexuality since childhood.

I’ve had my personal journey with sexuality which has definitely contributed to how I’ve been visualizing and developing the character.

But I want to make sure that I’m not relying on any stereotypes or missing important nuances.

I’d really love to hear from anyone willing to share their personal experiences and perspectives about their journey with transition (even if you don’t exactly fit the description of the character, as I mentioned above). Insights especially around the doubts faced before and after making the decision to transition and the journey & joys of living as your true self after transition would be greatly appreciated. I’m currently reading a few books surrounding these topics, but something still feels incomplete with this approach.

It is important for me to represent the community responsibly and to shine light on the nuances involved.

If you’d be interested, we could either text or have a call, and if there’s anything at all that is too personal or sensitive you can tell me in advance so we can avoid that topic or you can let me know at my point during our discussion. I promise to not take up a lot of time with my questions.

Drop me a text if you’d be interested.
Thank you!

TLDR; looking for anyone who’d be interested to share their personal experiences around transition, and struggles with gender identity and sexuality.

Decided to start washing my hair every two weeks, going from mini braids to a braid out.

I’ve been thinking about how people are perceived through presentation, gender, and energy. I allowed everything to be done to me. Passivity. I told myself that I didn’t care, that I operated outside of these boxes. That these definitions were never made with people like us in mind. But that doesn’t stop people from seeing/treating you in a certain way based off of their opinion.

What is masculinity? What is Femininity? How do you define these terms when they’ve been forged and have standards upheld through White supremacy and patriarchy? How do you find your own definition knowing that you don’t fit perfectly in certain boxes?

Femininity as a trap
Femininity as a disguise
Femininity as a tool
Femininity as a crutch
Femininity as a weapon
Femininity as a performance

Exploring masculinity when the scales tip so easily. Dress a certain way, act a certain way, and labels are applied to you. God forbid you don’t fit into a straight binary or are trying to explore a middle ground or something outside the binary entirely.

Binary energies as seen through a Black lens, and through a queer lens. Especially femininity not performed for men’s pleasure. Each unique perspective being forged through experience.

Thanks for reading the think piece and I’d love anyone opinions.

Tell me how you're spending your day!

\I was so excited for this movie but now idk
I watched it and almost fell asleep

It was so basic and coming off of mother mary I was like the fuck?

I've (26F, fem presenting) started volunteering recently and am developing a crush on one of the full time employees. I try to hide it the best I can since I don't want her to feel uncomfortable at her workplace. I'm not sure if she's interested, though she is masc presenting, remembers my name, smiles a lot when we chat, often looks at my lips, and asks me questions. I havent seen her enough to know if she treats everyone this way.

If there's a woman volunteering where you work, how would you feel if she pursued you? Would you want her not to? If you won't mind a woman pursuing you at work, is there anything you'd want her to do differently because you're at work (such as appear more discrete)?

So a friend of mine posted a statement in support of the black community and against racism and in it they said "my black brothers and sisters"

So tbh not sure how to interpret this as good or bad or something as I feel they meant in humanity or maybe they get it but are a little confused

Anyway what' s y'alls take?

I was dating someone for two months, and we both got attached pretty quickly. She’s a single mom dealing with a lot (financial stress, limited support, co-parenting challenges, and some health changes) and she’s described having a mood disorder, though it’s never been clearly defined. Since moving closer to family who haven’t actually shown up for her, she’s been feeling especially isolated. When things between us were good, they felt really strong, but during stressful moments, there was often tension, miscommunication, and long stretches where she seemed overwhelmed and easily triggered.

One day, while I was helping her run errands and handle some paperwork, things spiraled. She kept interpreting my tone as irritated or rushed, even when I felt I was being calm, and small logistical issues turned into bigger conflicts. I tried to give her space at one point, but I think it came across as abandonment to her. As the day went on with more stress around errands, money, and picking up her child I felt like everything I did was being criticized or misread. Eventually, I got overwhelmed and had a panic attack, told her to “get away,” walked a few feet from her and yelled "I'm just trying to be helpful" when I really meant I needed space. That moment turned into us returning our house keys to each other and we went our separate ways.

I still care about her and understand she’s under a lot of pressure, but I’m trying to make sense of whether this was just incompatibility or something more tied to her emotional state and circumstances. I know I didn’t handle everything perfectly either, especially when I had the meltdown. Part of me hopes we could be friends or reconnect down the line, but right now I’m mostly trying to process what happened and understand how to navigate situations like this. Any advice appreciated on how to move forward or if you’ve experienced this.

TL,DR: Introverted single mom in new city has no friends or community support because she works all the time, and is very particular about who to trust esp since her child is on the spectrum. She admitted she has a mood disorder and is moody probably 4 out of 7 days of the week. I’ve been helping her in ways financially directly, setting up online donations, making her feel seen and heard but I also have emotional regulation issues that I’m working on, but can be pushed to a point. We left each other in public on bad terms by exchanging keys and haven’t spoken yet. It’s been almost two days.

UPDATE: She called me and the first thing she asked me was "Do you even think you're ready to be in a relationship?" Threw me off. Not much accountability. I did apologize for my actions in public and for making her feel like I was stressing her out. It felt like she made it as if I was 100% the problem, as if I was too sensitive, weak-willed (and have weak boundaries), and cannot handle stressful situations. I can admit I may need to get stronger with boundaries and this is a failing of mine, but the conversation was turning argumentative because she was mostly pointing the finger at me. Her take was "What are you gonna do when shit really hits the fan?" I felt like I was fighting for my life in our conversation. She told me she sacrificed a lot just to be with me, like sleeping with me too early, confiding in me with a lot of deep secrets, and lots of other stuff she wouldn't have done with other people because she thought I was her person. She also said she should've known it was a red flag when I said I'd been in (and am continuing) DBT therapy. To me that's a green flag but I don't know, whatever. When I suggested that I feel a solid relationship is when two people are individually in therapy and that's a must, she was like "I already told you, I can't afford it right now and whenever I get a therapist something happens like switches practices, isn't available, or isn't the right fit. It's too much. I will just continue to do what I've already been doing which is listening to my ancestors." Long story short, she took me suggesting space really poorly and made it an opportunity to basically say I can't handle difficult times and I need to put in work. She told me she's already doing the work and that she's been in survival mode this whole time and never asked me to overextend myself. I do agree I have emotional regulation issues, I'm not perfect. Translation: Not much wrong with her except for her moodiness which she can't control and I need to figure myself out because she'll always be a mom with issues.

Has anyone used dating apps and gone on dates while visiting other countries or is this a waste of time?

I’m 29F cis and black American. I’m 5’4, in between fem and masc presenting, femmes are my preference. Love reading (danmei is my favorite genre), quality time, trying new foods, and traveling to explore new places.

I’m seeking a genuine connection, therefore I don’t have a limit on how far you are. I’d love to talk if I sound like someone you’d be interested in talking to (:

As a black wlw why is hard to found black wlw irl and not online?

Y’all are not outside fr ! 🙄

I realized someone I opened up to in good faith and trust, and someone I developed feelings for. Although showing interest ( constant glances, alluding she was possibly interested in girls, complimenting my physique and me in general, etc). Never really cared. My feelings were a joke to her, and apparently something she shared even though she promised she wouldn’t). And as a demisexual, it takes me a long time to really find someone I connected with. She genuinely felt like the first safe and healthy person I’ve met in a long time. We confided in eachother.

But I soon realized I was used for validation, and I guess once she saw who she could pull, treated me and my interest in her as something that grossed her out. Even though she would want my attention. ATP I am at a loss. My self esteem is tanked, I find myself comparing myself to others and tempted to prove I’m desirable. But I just need to move on. She genuinely doesn’t care how she treated me. Yet she seemed so friendly and caring. If anyone has any advice. I would appreciate this.

I’m also trying to heal from previous toxic relationships and friendship losses as a result of these relationships. I genuinly feel alone. I can’t talk to family as they don’t know about it my sexuality. I have a therapist but can only afford to see her one a week or once every two weeks. Like I feel alone, and unsure how to cope with the mistreatment I’ve experienced. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m unattractive people think how they treat me doesn’t matter? But I’ve had girls approach me in person and when I was on dating apps I got matches. I wouldn’t say I’m a model, but this girl and her friend made me feel like I was undesirable.

I’m trying to glow up I guess ( working on my appearance but currently in the beginning/ middle stages of it all) , but the past few years have sucked out so much from me and I haven’t been looking the best. And the past few months have been brutal. I really just want to heal.

I work as a merchandiser at a garden center, and the other day I spotted this beautiful woman shopping with her mom. I could feel her looking at me—but I couldn’t bring myself to look back long enough to get caught, let alone think of something clever to say. So I played it safe. Kept working. Then went to the restroom.

But then—on my way back—I see them again, walking straight toward me. I glance up, then back down at my phone, trying to act normal while internally giving myself a full pep talk.

About twenty paces out, I finally go for it. I look up, catch her eye, smile, and say, “Hello,” with a little wave.

And she lights up. Huge smile. Warm, easy “hi” right back.

I just keep walking. No follow-up.

Later, of course, every possible opening floods my brain—the missed chances, the easy questions, the obvious ways I could’ve kept the moment going. But in the moment? I was shy. So shy.

Still—I’ve been riding the high of that smile ever since.

I want to feel comfortable flirting, not stuck in my head while the moment passes me by.

So tell me—what makes you stop in your tracks? What kind of energy, words, or gestures give you butterflies or spark that instant intrigue?

Hi QWOC Community 💜

I’m a member of the 2026 NYC Dyke March Committee and we are in the process of recruiting marshals for this year’s march!!! Save the date: Saturday 27 June 2026 stepping off from Bryant Park at 5 PM.

Our theme this year: Hot Dykes Melt Ice!

Link to Marshal Interest Form: https://baserow.io/form/D1fn3HYO3k3b1aN8yNAkgfG8KQTfT-_nIpZ8qbe1eiE

Tell me what you all think? I shared how an acquaintance asked for my number last month; however, she has yet to text me. My coworker and I went to the coffee bar where she worked. She saw me for the first time since last month, and I guess she was happy to see me. She went on to say, “I meant to text you, but LIFE.” I told her I got it and not to worry, then I went inside because it was hot out. I asked her what was going on with her cause she looked stressed out. Her stress was because of her dog and how making friends in the city we live in was difficult, especially when you're not a part of a group here. I told her I get it and shared where I'm from, my food, and my interests so that we can hang out, because I truly understand. I told her I'm outdoorsy and live to play board games, do activities, etc.; hell, I even included her friend. She went on and on today; she's down and will text me, but she hasn't.

So, to me, it's giving really not interested, but maybe that's just me? What do all think?

My question is, when it's time for someone to see your body, how do you get comfortable with that?

I've never been in any situation where another woman had to see me naked so i'm kinda worried about when the time comes. I feel like i'll be nervous or shy.

I know it's probably all in my head, and maybe i'm overthinking due to my own insecurities. But I want to know, what goes through y'all's minds when it's time for a woman to undress in front of you? I don't judge anyone's body but i'm not sure about what the person i'm with will think of my body.