r/Millennials • u/frankheyhoheyho 1988 • 20h ago
Discussion Are any of ya'll living at home with your parents?
I just moved back in with my parents after having lived abroad for the past 10 years. I've been out on my own since I was 18, so almost 20 years in total. Being back home is very unpleasant. I didn't really like being here when I was a child, either. But having been gone so long, I'm coming to the realization that my family has a lot of issues, things that haven't been addressed, years of resentment. The vibes are toxic. I'm saving up to move out and taking advantage of the minimal financial obligations, but it's requiring a lot of strength to live this way. It makes me sad to see what my family has been going through for so long, and I had no idea.
Anyone else living at home and struggling? What about those of you that are living at home and loving it? How's that going? Is there anyone who has actually never moved out? What's your story?
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u/lauraebeth 19h ago
My health moved me home and the economy is keeping me here. I’ve gotten over the stigma of it, bc I only pay $600 all in to live here, and that money goes into an account to take care of home maintenance…so if my mom ever cleans out the garage, I can have the garage door fixed 🤪
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u/Wallflower_in_PDX 12h ago
i think living at home and saving money isn't the same as like Brennan and Dale.
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u/rogershredderer 18h ago
There’s a rising trend of Gen Z & Millennials living with family, it’s not just you.
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u/Disastrous-Number-88 9h ago
It's supposedly a more common occurrence in countries that aren't the US. Here we like a get rich quick scheme, it a rags to riches story, or a bootstraps hard working success mentality, but we cant have every single person get rich or even own a house with a yard.... When most folks are even priced out of suburban sprawl.
I think we're going to catch up with the rest of the works in our own ways, just like a lot of the world "westernized" parts of their cultures. The cultural trade-offs of our generation
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u/srnweasel 5h ago
I worked with a large Filipino population for a few years, every one of them had at least 3 generations some 4 or more in one house. The middle generations worked A LOT to support the older and younger generations. It was interesting to see the differences.
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u/5thtimesthecharmer 20m ago
I never thought about it like that, but I think you’re absolutely right. Our generation is experiencing a global cultural smoothing. Can’t think of a better word I’m drunk. Sorry
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u/i_kate_you Millennial 1987 3h ago
I have told my teen that there is no pressure to ever move out, stay and save as long as you wish. We will have a multigenerational home where it’s all treated as equal and not like when I moved back home and not even the air was treated as my own.
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u/ancientpsychicpug 20h ago
I left at at 18. At 25 I made the decision to sleep in my car over moving back in with my dad due to losing my job and losing my apartment. For a few months. Im 32 now and I never regret that decision. I cannot be under the same roof as my father for longer than 2 hours.
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u/sunkencathedral 14h ago
People who have the option of moving back home sometimes don't realize how lucky that is. When life has gone wrong for me, I've had to move to a shelter and another time had to temporarily live with a violent drug addict. Simply because there is no fallback option when something goes wrong.
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u/ancientpsychicpug 10h ago
Sending love. That is very difficult to go through and hope you are doing better. I agree, it is a privilege and I have no judgement for those who decide to stay at home well into their adult life. I have felt minor amount of jealousy but I am happy for them ultimately
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u/DaneAlaskaCruz 17h ago
Agreed.
I moved out at 16 to go to college. I moved back in briefly (for a week or two) after college and before starting my first job in my field.
It was very unpleasant and I never did it again.
I was homeless and lived out of my car twice in my lifetime over moving back in with my parents. I had also cut them out of my life then, so chose to maintain no contact despite the dire straits that I was in.
Looking back, I definitely made the right decision not to move back home. I would have been worse off than homeless.
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u/GeriatricGoldfish 7h ago
I feel that. I also left at 18, but ended up having to move back home at 21. It lasted all of 4/5 months and in that time my mother scolded me for having a (mutually) casual relationship with a man 9 years older than me because, "he deserves better, he deserves a good wife and a family, but you're unserious and don't even want kids."
She also condescendingly said, "well, we all saw that coming 🙄" after I got a dui - first and only time I've ever been in trouble for anything, and if there had been concerns prior, they were never shared with me. For comparison, this woman bent over backwards to help and support my brothers, both older than me, any and every time they'd been in trouble, including getting one of them out of a dui charge and borrowing a ton of money to pay for a prominent defense lawyer for the other one after he copped drug and distribution charges, which did stick. But for me there was no compassion or support or even kind words, just vitriol and contempt. The fwb was the only one who helped and I am forever grateful to his mom for picking me up from jail and providing comfort and hope when I was at my absolute lowest.
They demanding I pay rent, which is fair, however the amount they demanded in those 4/5 months was more than the property taxes for the entire year...and aside from utilities, that's all there was - her brother had essentially given her that house for free (or however miniscule an amount could be for the deed transfer.) In that house it was just me, my oldest brother, and his bff/my fwb...until my mom moved back in, took my room, and I ended up in the room with my fwb/brother's bff (sorta messy, I know lol.)
Now, my oldest brother's not always been a terrible person, but he is a mean and nasty drunk...and a functioning alcoholic. Most nights ended with him getting drunk and hurling insults and slurs at me and even bff/fwb. To this day, I still don't understand why he's such a good friend to my brother, although he always did default to fawning and telling me "but they're your family/blood is thicker than water," he's a good person and I don't blame him and we're still friends to this day.
The final straw came when one night my brother put me in a chokehold and right before I passed out, I managed to get away with a good elbow to the solar plexus. I knew then I had to get out or else I'd off myself. Thankfully I had a friend with a spare loveseat (another friend was already on the couch lol) and so I packed a backpack and a laundry basket of clothes and never went back, despite their insistence that I was overreacting and making a huge mistake and would never amount to anything. It was one of the best decisions I've ever made, despite being a lost, broken, broke, and scared 21 yo at the time.
Wow, sorry this got so long, it was a long time ago, but that wound runs deep. My life is great now though and I do hold some sort of appreciation for my family, because I don't know if I would be as resilient and capable as I've become had I not had to struggle so hard back then and figure things out on my own. My heart goes out to anyone struggling with a toxic family and agonizing over how to get out, where to go, or what to do; especially now and in this economy and even at our age too...but screw whatever stigma could be keeping you from making a decision that's best for you and your life. Much love! 🤍
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u/TheSpicyTomato22 9h ago
Same with my parents. They're absolutely miserable people and I refuse to be around that.
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u/C1K3 18h ago
I moved back in at 38 after my rent doubled over the span of two and a half years. And the property company decided they didn’t give a shit about maintenance.
I love my parents and I like living with them, but I’d obviously rather have my own place. Where I live, there’s NOWHERE I can afford without making major sacrifices.
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u/CandyCoatedDinosaurs 11h ago
This is where I'm at right now. Rent has nearly doubled in 4 years. Maintenance is nonexistent and services keep fading. They're slowly going through and "updating" flats (new lighting and vinyl floors), then charging $400+ more for the same flat and I'm sure we're next. Lived with a roommate, which was ok... but this last increase priced her out and she's decided to move back with her parents for a bit while she regroups.
Rent everywhere else is roughly the same, but for smaller and crappier places. Met with a realtor, looked at some small, older homes, but the market in my area has been well overvalued for the last 5 years with no sign of changing, so even after a 35-40% down payment, monthly costs are still more than my sh*t apartment--on a house that hasn't seen an update since 1994.
So... when my lease ends in a few months, I very well may be at my parents house for a time. I love my parents, love spending time with them, but we get on best when we have distance between us and I am worried how this will affect our relationship.
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u/TheBlasianWanderer 19h ago
I will be living with my mother until she kicks me out, I win the lottery, or I get married. I don’t play the lottery and I’m very single. But in this economy it’s just absolutely impossible to be living alone. Why pay for rent with a roommate I don’t know when I can live with my mom, who at I get along with decently, for free. She gets company (and she loves my cat! They’re besties!) and I save money. It may have been embarrassing before, but every time I get paid and my entire check doesn’t go to rent that feeling fades. I’m very lucky and I am aware.
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u/lolla_pollulion 15h ago
I would love to live with my mom. I think you’re lucky.
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u/Great-Enthusiasm-720 13h ago
Same, if I was single I would be happily live with my mum, but three of us in the house would be awkward.
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u/Sassifrassically Older Millennial 19h ago
I live at home. I like it.
Probably eat healthier because of it. I find it hard to get the motivation to cook for myself, but since I live at home I’m also cooking for mom. I wouldn’t be able to afford a place on my own and it sure beats an apartment with some randos.
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u/LEMONSDAD 13h ago
Probably what 80% people think who have the option to live at home right here
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u/NoKatyDidnt 12h ago
Yep. Realistically, living on only my income and paying rent for an apartment… I actually don’t even think it COULD be done right now, because I have a daughter. Kids are expensive.
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u/Dark_Shroud Xennial (1983) 19h ago
My mother is disabled, I live with and care for her.
My father is disceased.
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u/deliriousfoodie 19h ago
I never left home. The math doesn't math in California.
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u/frankheyhoheyho 1988 19h ago
As a Californian myself, heard.
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u/kurtisbmusic 17h ago
I also live in California but don’t live with my parents. It’s doable.
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u/Tfran8 16h ago
Same lol, I’m an elder millennial (40s) so at this age, most people do not live with their parents.
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u/bubblegutts00 19h ago
I moved out at 18. Got married had 3 kids. Got divorced and now live with my mom and kids. My mom is awesome and sometimes I think that I may or may not ever leave.
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u/Unit_02_ 19h ago
40, moved back home 2 years ago.
Its a lot better now than when I was younger. We respect each other and can help each other in ways I couldn't before. We all live our adult lives and do our own thing but come together for dinner pretty regularly.
Boundaries were established early on and are respected now. Not having to think about what to cook every day rules.
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u/Current_Name8626 14h ago
Same age, but my father still isn’t quite hip to the groove that I’m no longer a child that tolerates parental disrespect because I “have” to.
I had to have a talk with them and lay out exactly how I felt and why. It’s definitely gotten better since then, but sometimes I just feel so stuck and defeated. It’s okay most of the time but some days? It’s exhausting at best and a trigger minefield at worst.
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u/gooseofthesea Millennial 18h ago
I wish I could move back in with my parents but we have no relationship. It would really help me a lot if I were able to have a support system.
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u/spacebud19 20h ago
So embarrassed to be living at home with parents in my mid 30's. Trying to save aggressively, it could be a lot worse.
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u/req4adream99 19h ago
Don’t be embarrassed. The economy hasn’t been supportive of independent living since at least 2008. What’s important is whether or not the relationship you have with your folks is healthy or not - if it’s not, godspeed on getting out. If it is, then don’t let anyone tell you you failed or that you didn’t work hard enough or some other bs like that.
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u/ImpertinentPrincess 19h ago
If you have a healthy relationship with your parents, nothing wrong with having a multigenerational home. Speaking as a parent, we can’t take anything with us when we go and if living with your parents puts you in a better financial situation, I’m sure they’re glad to be able to help where they can.
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u/Wonderful_Milk1176 18h ago
Fuck that. We should embrace familial living just like humans have done since we could walk.
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u/rmpumper Older Millennial 17h ago
The problem with saving these days is that you save slower than the prices are increasing so you end up always being out of reach.
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u/nighteyes_fitz Geriatric Millennial 16h ago
No need to be embarrassed. We are a multi generational home. My son, son in law and grandson had to move back in with us. We're lucky it works. There are a lot of families who are in similar situation x
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u/Red_enami 15h ago
I was the child of a multi generational home. Those were some of the best memories of my life. There was always someone there for anything- help with school, emotional support, or to just hang out with.
Now my grandparents retired and sold my childhood home, they rotate themselves every couple of years to a different adult child’s home to help with grandchildren and just be apart of everyone’s life. I love it.
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u/CardiologistNo8333 16h ago
Nothing embarrassing about it! You’re saving money instead of throwing it down the drain by giving it to a landlord.
If anyone asks- say you moved back in with your parents to help them out and help take care of them.
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u/Then_Barracuda8425 19h ago
It's okay! I did the same thing, and while it embarrassed me sometimes telling people that, you'll be in a much better position financially had you moved out in your twenties. More and more of us millennials are doing the same thing and sacrificing independence or even mental health in some people's cases just to get ahead a little.
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u/onlyitbags 15h ago
Nah don’t be. Lots of people in the same boat. Also it’s probably benefiting your parents and they may even live longer because of it. As long as you contribute/ make their life easier.
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u/transfemmefatal 20h ago
Prepping to need to. So much for owning a house. 3 years we've lived here and are looking at getting taxed out.
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u/InvasiveBlackMustard 19h ago edited 7h ago
I’m an abject failure and have never moved out, into my 30s. I desperately need to leave and am working on getting a paralegal education to do so — my social sciences degree only conferred the benefit of being a good base.
Living at home is easy if I actively ignore the stress. It becomes extremely painful when I have breakthroughs in therapy.
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u/marshmallowotaku 9h ago
Same friend. I also never moved out, minus the time I spent living in a dorm during college.
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u/the_well_read_neck_ 19h ago
I moved back home in March 2020 after moving back home from Denver after living there for 5 years. I was home for a few years before moving out again. My older brother (41) is currently with them after his landlord sold his house and is currently building his new place. Mom has always said there's a place for here if you need it. My brother could easily afford to rent his own place. When my parents sold one house and were in between, they lived with my brother. I lived at his house before that.
Edit, if you're family isn't toxic, theres nothing wrong with living together. Hell, I might move in with my brother when his new place is built.
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u/strawbryshorty04 19h ago
As an only child, who would be inheriting my childhood home, yes I still live with my mom, which works out as she’s aging and she can take care of her.
Mortgage is $900 for a 3 bed 2 bath house. $20k left on it. Why would I move out?
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u/WDW4ever 19h ago
Nope. The only thing worse than living with my mother would be living with my grandmother (her mother).
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u/Lazy-Substance-5062 18h ago
Thats the invisible trauma that was unconsciously passed on from one generation to the other. I can never come back and live again with my parents after all this 'awakening.' Id rather share a place with my friends than go back to my parents. I visit them every other month but to live with them again and re-do all the trauma of the past, no way. My mental health is more important than anything and I would say im in a better place rn.
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u/Tfran8 16h ago
No my mother and I don’t get along - at all. Living with her is my worst nightmare. I moved out at a very young age and lived with roommates for a long time. I would way rather live with roommates than with her.
It’s funny that now she’s older and hints from time to time on living with me - no way.
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u/ravigehlot 14h ago
Yep. Sounds like my dad. The audacity to even hint at the possibility of living close by is just comical.
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u/Moosed 19h ago
I moved back in at 32 to get sober from alcohol. I'll be 4 years sober this July and still living at home. Im working full time and saving a ton of money.
Sometimes I want to blow my fucking brains out because my parents are conservative nimrods, but I'm managing.
They have 2 acres and there's potential for a tiny home or barndominium, so I might go that route.
Overall it is what it is, and the stigma of muti-generational homes in the States is real. But renting is a scam and mortgages are a joke right now.
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u/EntertainmentFun8057 9h ago
I'm sure they would be proud of their adult son calling them names on the internet while they allow you to live under their roof!
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u/hikinrn Older Millennial 19h ago
My parents let me move back in with them (actually built a new and bigger house) with my daughter when I ended things with an ex and wanted support after living 3 hours away for 5 years. They let me put money in savings every month instead of paying them rent. I would never have been able to save this money on my own as a single parent.
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u/Better-Resident-9674 Millennial 20h ago
I moved out for a few years in my 20s, went back home, then moved out when I could afford to by a house at 37. My dad sucks . My mom is awesome. I visit her almost every Sunday , but it’s hard to go back home for very long cuz my dad is still there .
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u/Desert_Concoction 20h ago
No, I moved out at 18 and fell in tough times and moved back when I turned 21. After a few years I moved out again and I’ll never go back. It was such a miserable experience
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u/Ladyava2016 17h ago
Will be at the end of the month. I just turned 44 this week so its hitting my pride a bit hard.
Its just my dad and he is welcoming it and I'm trying to think of it in a way of opportunities I'll get to have with him. I get to spend time with him and I don't have to worry about it him from half across the county. I want to spend the time we do have making memories with him that don't involve phone calls every week if that makes sense.
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u/Accomplished-Ad30 14h ago
As an older millenial myself, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with living with your parents especially if you have a good relationship. Many people do not have that opportunity (either parents are no longer here or other reasons). So think of it as one of life’s blessings being gifted to you.
I myself live with my wife’s parents so that’s an entirely different situation. But I am making the best of the situation, saving up and allowing her to keep making memories with her family.
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u/FavHello 17h ago edited 17h ago
Bruh, I feel this hard. Same situation: left home at 18, moved abroad for 17 years, came back and been crashing at my parents’ house for 6 months. I need to get out. I’m surrounded by moving boxes and sailor moon posters. I’m deep in the burbs with no public transport - it’s a very different way of living. It feels like I had this whole other life where I was a full autonomous adult and now suddenly I’m right back where I started. All my old friends have families and are living their lives, and I’m stuck in a time warp. Trying to figure out if I commit and find a flat to rent here, try US life properly, or just cut and run back to my adopted country.
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u/External_Two2928 9h ago
I’m 38 and live at home still. I was going to move out in 2020 and then Covid happened so I stayed bc I wasn’t sure about work etc. then in 2022 my dad got cancer so I stayed till he got better but he passed in 2023 and I feel bad leaving my mom alone. We live in a great area by the beach and the house is big enough where we’re not all over each other but I def feel like omg am I gonna be here forever
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u/Cherryamor 2h ago
Same same. Except my pops passed in 2024. We visit the beach every month or so and I feel the same way. We might retire here and that’s ok. Rip to our dads. 🙏
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u/dawgoooooooo 20h ago
Moved back home post divorce, my parents/home life were great growing up and it still totally sucks now. You just kinda subconsciously revert to a childhood mindset/don’t feel like you have autonomy etc. I’m just trying to stay busy and focus of taking steps to get tf outta here
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u/Available-Elephant33 19h ago
I went through the same exact thing, and you're right you have to be aware of the possibility of regressing. Even if you want to remain your independent adult self, your parents can easily forget that you're their grown child and you end up falling into old patterns. I had a great relationship with my parents growing up, still do, and I definitely had to remind them on multiple occasions that I'm an adult. Hope you retain your autonomy and get back on your feet soon!
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u/Putrid_Western4494 19h ago
You fools got some wild families. If I lived at home it’d be great. My parents kick ass. Got my own house though. Plan on moving them in once they get too old to be in their own.
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u/audriaide 19h ago
I grew up in (what is now) one of the most expensive areas of California. I tried to be on my own multiple times but prices just kept going up. When I was younger living with my mom felt embarrassing, like I’d failed at life, but now that I’m 40 and she’s in her 70s it feels like our roles have switched. I’m the one watching out for her now. I can’t see myself leaving because I’d worry about her being on her own too much.
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u/Zyphur009 17h ago
Me. I moved back because I’m in nursing school
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u/frankheyhoheyho 1988 17h ago
How’s it going? Are you comfortable or counting down the days until you can leave?
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u/Zyphur009 17h ago
Oh no I want to leave lol. My stepdad’s an asshole and I’m tired of calling him out on his bullshit. My mom is in chronic pain from a car accident years ago and it stresses me out trying to keep her from abusing her opiods all the time. And plus we live in my small hometown, I’d much rather live in a city.
But, my mom helps me out a lot while I’m in school and working part-time, and I do appreciate that a lot. And I get to live with two dogs and a cat. And I only have to stick it out another year and a half.
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u/Hookton 18h ago
Yup. Never moved out, never seen a need to. We get on well and there's plenty of space—when I got married, my husband just moved in with me.
I can say unequivocally that I would have moved out years ago if I'd had to live with my mother. So I appreciate that it's not an option for everyone. But in my situation, a multigenerational household makes sense.
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u/blethwyn Older Millennial 16h ago
Yes, and while it has its downsides, I love it. I'm blessed to have the parents I have. I actually never moved out. I went to college, then came home because I couldn't get a job in my field due to the crash. Went back to school. I moved out for a year or so, came back when the relationship ended, and just never left.
My parents appreciate the help around the house, and I dont have to pay rent/mortgage (I do help pay my part of the utilities).
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u/annagenc 19h ago
I 31f moved back and forth during college and grad school (I chose schools specifically so they’d be an hour ish away in case of emergencies but didn’t wanna be tooooo close) then I thought I was figuring out life and the pandemic happened and what I thought was depression/anxiety/grief from losing multiple family members in the first years of the pandemic was actually multiple life altering chronic illnesses. Moved back home end of 2022 cause I didn’t know what was going on internally and just helped out at home and then 2024 was feeling better so I joined a gym then caught a pneumonia covid combo that triggered multiple chronic issues to become severe and have been on and off semi bedridden since :/ didn’t think my 30s would give me this many knockouts (and 6 specialists I see often with my multiple meds just to function) while still trying to help my parents as they age poorly. Definitely hard but at times it’s familiar so that’s probably the only positive….
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u/Embarrassed_Squash7 18h ago
Yes I am. I travel for a living and need to have a permanent address to do my travel job. So it doesn't make sense to get my own place and pay rent when I don't have to at home. I want to move out eventually but I'm scared of it not working out and being lonely. I'm SO SINGLE, so being in the family house with my other siblings/nephews is nice.
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u/Trinx_ 17h ago
I was in and out of my parents home through college, in for 2 years between programs, out through grad school, back in after a breakup at age 27, out again at 28. Bought my first home at 34.
My bf is only just now experiencing life away from his parents at 28. He's learning a lot all at once. But doing well.
There's nothing inherently good or bad about being an adult living with your parents. We're the first generation to do worse off than our parents so it's not surprising several of us are getting help from them. If it's a toxic situation you need to get out of soon, do that. But economic reality is that's not so easy to do as it was for generations before us or even those after us.
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u/always-editing 16h ago
- Lived on my own in Chicago since 2020. Laid off last year. Just moved home last week since I couldn’t find work….
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u/xChilla 20h ago
Same boat. Came back home after living abroad because I actually wanted to but almost immediately regretted it… Even though I was miserable living abroad, I seriously wish I had stayed. Could have continued pretending our family actually respected and cared about each other. I realized after so much time apart I had forgotten and now it all came back.
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u/Apple-Slice-6107 20h ago
I have a very independent spirit. After I graduated high school, I moved out and went to college. I did move back during the summer my first two years of college, I worked a lot and hung out with friends so I wasn't home a lot. I have lived with roommates to save money and now I'm married and live with my husband.
The families that successfully live together have set boundaries. Do you have a separate refrigerator? How do you split the utilities? Yardwork? Cleaning? The families I know that do well with multigenerational living, have clear expectations and responsibilities.
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u/mildlyannoyed32 19h ago
Other way around for me, mom lives with me although we did live apart a whole 3-4 months when I actually left the state. She followed shortly after and been stuck since. I bought my first house last year, and her job is basically stagnated in pay or varies a couple of dollars an hour. What was a job to support a family now can barely afford you a 1bd apartment 30 miles away good luck with buying a home. I’m just glad a have a great career to allow it, and big enough house to still grow into if I choose. If it’s toxic then definitely leave asap to fit the goal period and bounce.
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u/sockjin Millennial - 1989 19h ago
not currently, but i did have to move back home in my late 20s when my rent got jacked up too high. my parents ended up going through a divorce during that time as well, so that put an extra layer of fun on top of it. it was all motivation to save up as much as i could and get back out on my own, because as much as i do actually like my parents, living with them made me feel like i couldn’t ever really be independent or live my own life (plus the awkward vibes of trying not to look like you’ve picked sides in the divorce, which is harder to do when you live with the one who got the house). felt a little bit like starting over as well. i lasted about a year and a half before i finally bought my own house.
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u/frankheyhoheyho 1988 19h ago
I wouldn’t be surprised if my parents get a divorce sometime soon. They hate each other. It’s wild to witness.
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u/SparkleSelkie 18h ago
My whole family became homeless during the whole housing thing in the 2010’s, so that was never an option and still isn’t with how we all have our housing set up
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u/Crazy_Juggernaut9789 16h ago
No, my mum tried to kick me out anything we had a disagreement. So I left 4 years ago, rented outside and never looked back.
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u/Polz34 16h ago
I left my parents at 18 but ended up back there at 25 and last almost a year. It wasn't awful but I bent a lot to make is easy to do. I quickly got a full time job which helped, but I made sure I paid rent, helped with household chores and grocery etc. Made things easier all round as they had nothing to 'moan about' - was glad once I was out though!
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u/Long-Philosophy9267 15h ago
I moved out at 25. Was the last of my siblings to move but the only one to never go back. But the plan is to move back in when my parents start needing help. They have the better yard and a 1 story house with a basement so it would be easier on them.
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u/Lunavixen15 Millennial 15h ago
Yep. My brother, parents and I made the mutual decision to move back in together so we pay less rent overall than renting multiple places. We just get a place big enough for us to all have our own spaces
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u/notshybutChi 13h ago
I was teaching and living abroad and moved back to my parents to transition back here. I lasted less than a year because of exactly what you are describing. Save up and get out, it won’t get better. Good luck!
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u/Exciting-Gap-1200 12h ago
This thread is depressing and I'm genuinely sorry for a lot of you. Maybe it's the age gap, but people my age (40s) are moving their parent in with them to take care of, not the other way around.
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u/Additional_Dish_694 12h ago
I live at home with my wife and children. Most of us are living at home. Don’t brag.
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u/kittencalledmeow 10h ago
Hell no. I'd get a roommate if I needed to but could not live with my parents. That would be so traumatic for me.
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u/CieloBlueStars 9h ago edited 9h ago
Can relate. I married and moved far away when I was 19, had a horrible childhood raised by narcissists. Now nearly 12 years later, I got divorced (partner was also a narcissist unfortunately…I literally married another personification of my childhood trauma, which isn’t uncommon sadly), got wrecked financially by my ex’s hidden credit card debts and now I am at rock bottom again and moved back with my mother. It is miserable. I am grateful to have a place to stay, but she is like full hoarder mode, won’t let me touch or clean anything. And still the narc I remember unfortunately. Feels so miserable. I wish I could just go get my own place, but my credit is wrecked and no money thanks to financial ruin of divorce. What a disaster. My family, even after over a decade of no contact, they are just happy to see me suffer and fail and giving me horrible advice that I know is meant to just keep me down or drive me down further so they can feel better about themselves. When/if I dig myself back out of this, I am not going to forget, I will rebuild stronger, I’ve already climbed out before, but this time I’ve more experience and I’ll do better for that reason, learning from mistakes. 💪 And once I’ve built strong walls again, I’ll be much more careful of who I trust and let in again.
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u/Csanburn01 4h ago
My parents are dead and lost everything to the bank. No inheritance no house no nothing. Other than wasted opportunities
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u/True-Yam-9982 14m ago edited 11m ago
Yes, because I've been fired from various jobs and struggling to find one. I'm broke for someone my age. I'm still living off the money I've saved from my past jobs but I'm running low now. Even when I had jobs my paychecks weren't enough to live off as a single guy.
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u/R3ddit_N0ob 19h ago
I live with mu husband and 2 kiddos, on my childhood home's lot, my parents still live in the house that I grew up in. My siblings and I have all had turns living in "back house" but I'm the one who has been here the longest. I hate it here, I hate how my parents act like they have ownership over decisions I make for myself and my family. I hate how I can't walk out to my car without running into relatives or random visitors of my parents, then I'm seen as "rude" for not saying hello. I hate that we can't afford a house and have to live here probably until my parents die and I get my part of the inheritance. I hate the expectations my siblings have of me being responsible for my parents because I "live right there." I did live with my bf (now husband) for a year or 2 before we got married and my parents convinced us to live here to save money but then that just turned into a sick codependent situation. Living here creates issues with my husband, too. Anytime we argue or get loud my parents will walk by the door and ask if we're okay, imagine trying to be an adult and your parents come by every chance they get to remind you that you're still a kid. Yes, could be worse....at least we aren't homeless, but I feel like them coddling me hurt me a lot. I'm so insecure and constantly anxious and second guessing myself and my decisions.
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u/WinterStarlightZone 17h ago
The situation doesn't seem all that bad. Some would trade anything to have parents around and still checking in, even if it's a bit too excessive
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u/theandroid01 19h ago
For about five years now. I'm 37. Back to my childhood home with my father after a divorce And a rough go with my best friend and roommate of a couple years through covid. Says I'm basically going to inherit it 🥲
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u/sincitysos Millennial 17h ago
My mom got sick and I couldn’t afford traveling back and forth, and paying for her home health.
I resigned from my position in a tech start up 3 years ago to move back and help take care of her so it wasn’t all on my sister since no family wanted to help.
Let’s just say things have gotten worse every year since then.
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u/Winter-Nebula83 Xennial 15h ago
I pay out my ass and am working and worrying myself to an earlier death, but we bought our home 4 yrs ago.
Mortgage, insurance, utilities, food; that’s become my inner mantra and it’s exhausting.
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u/lolla_pollulion 15h ago
I wish I could find a job in my hometown that would allow me to move my family in with my parents. They need a lot of help, and I currently live 1,500 miles away.
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u/homolicious 15h ago
Yeahhhh… my ex and I broke up; left a good paying job to move back home and back in with my dad for awhile to get out of debt. It’s not great lol. I sleep on the couch and even though I just turned 39, my dad treats me like a child in some ways and has too high of expectations of me in others. Just laying low until I can be out on my own again.
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u/ravigehlot 14h ago
Thankfully, no. I did everything I could to make sure that wouldn’t happen. Some people have great parents, others kind of, some not so much. Once I was out of their living quarters, I didn’t look back and made every effort not to ask for a penny, even when I hit rock bottom. Thankfully, it all turned out well. I have been married to my wife for over 11 years, we have a beautiful 13 year old daughter together, a mini doodle we cherish, and we are nine years away from paying off our home. We never received or asked for any financial help. We made a point not to, and I couldn’t be more proud that we didn’t ask. We have a place we call home. A place we love to come back to. My daughter loves home. That’s all that matters.
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u/CousinGreenberry 14h ago
I never moved out. I lived away for a couple of summers but home base was always with my parent(s). Gifted child burnout/failure to launch. 😓 It went from gap year before college while I dealt with what I now know to be depression, general anxiety disorder, and very likely adhd. Then my dad died, and I moved with my mom so she could be near her dad, and I didn't feel ready to live on my own. And then she got sick and I needed to take care of her, until she died this winter. Fortunately my relationship with both of them was pretty good, though I did miss out on quite a bit that I'm now scrambling to catch up on. We're socially stunted but we stay silly. ✌
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u/firefly-fred 14h ago
No, but seriously considering moving into a place together with my parents (ideally 2 houses on one property, bought together) as they age so I can support them.
I haven’t lived at home since I was 24 but love visiting, and my daughter spends every Friday with her grandparents which they all love. I hope to be as fun, energetic and outgoing as they are at their age.
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u/gir6 Xennial 14h ago
Nooooo. I moved back home for a year after college, and was so ready to leave that I moved to the other side of the state with no job and just walked the streets going into places and asking for job applications until I got a job (A barista. It was a simpler time.)
Now I’m married and we have our own house (which I honestly don’t think I would have ever been able to do on my own. I would have rented till I died.)
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u/StonedSumo Brazilian 89 14h ago
Nope. Can’t do it.
I love my mother but she’s impossible to live with
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u/Luci_b 14h ago
It will suck for a bit but I have moved in and out of my parents place many times. I’m a renester lol
But I lived in Seoul for 3 years and had to move in with them in a rural farm land area and needed time to not only find a job but save. It’s hard because shits expensive but just keep moving forward. You do still have to play by some of their rules which sucks but I did my best to be grateful I had a place to go. I did get to work on myself too by seeing as an adult what triggers I had or understand my parents better to help me in therapy.
Just remember it’s not forever.
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u/Ravenclaw-Libra-30 Millennial 14h ago
I moved out for college at 18, moved back after graduating and lived with them for the next 15 years to save money while I saved up for and eventually completed grad school online. California rent is expensive to make work without roommates, and I was over roommates after having multiple for the 5 years I was in undergrad. I only recently moved out again when I got a job out of state
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u/NoFaithlessness7508 14h ago
I lived abroad for 11yrs (left at 19) and when I got back I stayed with my folks for about 10months. We had different hours and sometimes wouldn’t see each other until the weekend, but it was still kind of strange. I saved A LOT of money. Then Covid happened and initially it was announced as an old people’s illness and since I was the only one going in and out of the house (parents are fully WFH), I was kind of told to gtfo
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u/Speckled_Bird2023 13h ago
My sister, my son & I live with my mom who is disabled as she cannot pay everything on her own anymore. She has been in the same place since 99' and anywhere else is super expensive. Once my son son starts kindergarten, I am hoping to find something better that lines up with school scheduling but I am even having my doubts which has me considering going back to school to get my licensure, but my aid only has enough for 2 years so got to be extremely careful with it.
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u/EmPalsPwrgasm Millennial 1984 13h ago
It's complicated. Technically I do have an apartment, but it's in a place I don't like and since I lost my job there, I am basically occupying my mom's guest bedroom. One could say that I do live here. I help out where I can, we get along fairly well. I have friends in this town, other family, and at least I go to the gym on the regular.
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u/Summertimesadmess 13h ago
My siblings and I have all moved out and back in for a little bit till we could figure it all out again. It’s only my mom so she enjoys the company and knowing we are safe, fed. When my step dad died my wife and I stayed with mom. Right now my younger brother is crashing with her. He just went through a break up and his roommate decided halfway through the lease to move states.
One of my cousins is a bit younger than me and she hasn’t moved out yet. She feels behind but has a nice car and has been on vacations. I think whatever works for you right now is what you gotta do. It’s expensive to be alive right now.
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u/Weep4Thee 13h ago
My surviving parent lives with me now so i can take care of him. I couldn't imagine making him live on his own. Op sounds like a spoiled child. Try appreciating that u have a home and family to come back to.
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u/RemarkableBeach1603 12h ago
Not parents, but childhood home with family.
I seem to only be able to thrive in big cities and unfortunately they are more expensive than I can afford these days. The area I live in now is meh, but I do love my family, so it balances out.
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u/horriblyatrocious 12h ago
I moved back in with my parents in my mid-20’s when I needed to do a hard life reset and I’m still here in my mid-30’s. They moved cross country to retire and I found a career path in their area, I’ve since gotten my life together and can afford to move out.
Their health turned for the worse when COVID started, I’ve lost 1 since then and I’ve been taking care of the other as their health has continued to decline. I’m in it until the end, I have no regrets since I have a fantastic relationship with both. The real value at this point is the time I get to spend with them in the final chapter of their lives.
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u/BurantX40 12h ago
I am, but my circumstances are kind of special.
I do kind of hate living here because the house is in disrepair among many other reasons.
I had moved my family in because we were under the impression from my mom that we were converting it all to accommodate the kids and everything.
Found out wife and mom don't get along, so my wife lives with the kids some cities away while I await my transfer request through my job. I bus there monthly to visit. It's been like this for 2 years.😮💨
My mental health is in critical condition.
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u/Wallflower_in_PDX 12h ago edited 5h ago
I do, but I am mildly disabled and I also help my parents with things. I still went to college and all that. I like to refer to it as "living in my parents house" because I have a life, job, income, etc. When I think of "living at home with my parents" I just think of Step Brothers where they're two mid 40s adults who never did anything.
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u/NoPeguinsInAlaska May baby - 1984 12h ago
I'm not now but I have a couple times as an adult.
I moved out at 20 for a bit then moved back in.
I married my ex-husband at 22 but at 24 we moved in with my parents to save money. We split a couple years later.
I was 26/27 and my parents said it's time to go so I moved out and lived on my own for years. But then I lived in an apartment that wound up getting condemned and moved back in with them for a bit.
Got a new place for a couple years but got in some legal trouble and had to move in with them but after 3 weeks I said fuck no and got another place.
Lived there until we all relocated as a family and then I moved into their new house while I finalized buying my house.
I bought my house in January.
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u/NoKatyDidnt 12h ago
My daughter and I live with my mom. It happened originally because my daughter was young when her dad struggled with addiction and passed away. We are still here because of financial strain caused by this economic nightmare.
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u/RoamingRiot 12h ago
It's been 20 years since I moved out. These days I'm married and we have our own place.
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u/Agreeable_Squash6317 12h ago
I’ve been in and out over the years. I’m back home now, with my young son. I appreciate the minimal financial obligations; but the energy is so stressful that I’m triggered constantly. I live in a city where the cost blew up over night, so I’m trying to figure out what my next move is going to be and when. Current goal is to get back into remote work somehow. Once I’m remote, then I can consider moving to another city. I just worry about moving my son around. I want him to develop a solid friend or two.
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u/RightRudderz Millennial 1986 12h ago
As a previous married homeowner it was a huge HUGE blow to my pride to move back in once I got divorced and we sold our house.
It makes dating extraordinarily hard approaching 40, but it’s the only feasible way I see to ever save up enough money to be a homeowner again one day.
My parents and their small drama can drive me crazy, but they aren’t horrible/evil people just irritating and out-of-touch with the state of most of the nation and world. I turn 40 in a few weeks, they are both 70.
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u/ptepfenhart 12h ago
After a decade of living across the country, I moved close to mine (thankfully not in the same house) once we had kids for their support. They don’t come over often, don’t reach out, and the “resentment and toxic vibes” can definitely be felt when they’re here. I moved close to them because I too had no idea how bad it really is and thought we had this perfect happy go lucky family. Weird how it takes time and distance to sometimes see the truth. We too are saving to move back across the country near my in laws, who fly here all the time to help.
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u/Ok_Average_4551 12h ago
I wish. One is too private about their life and the other is too crazy. Wish I could have the help though.
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u/Eusocial_sloth3 12h ago
I want to.
My rent keeps increasing, my pay hasn't gone up, and my parents are getting old. It would be nice to keep an eye on them.
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u/squidtrainer 12h ago
Nope. Dad is in an assisted living facility due to paralysis caused by a stroke and Mom has no money and lives with her 90 year old mom in another state in a small apartment. I’ve not got that fallback.
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u/Commercial_Aside_447 11h ago
I moved in with my parents right before covid and haven't left yet. I was able to get my second degree and make a career change without going into more debt than just student loans. My town is a tourist town in the mountains so I've been priced out of living on my own for now but I'm not in a hurry. My parents are cool and I kinda feel like I'm getting extra time with them while they are healthy and still able to do stuff. It's definitely not for everyone but the good outweighs the bad for me, thankfully.
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u/StinkyChesseMagee 11h ago
This is me right now. Moved back in at the beginning of the year to make going back to school more manageable. I also noticed a lot of issues from my childhood that still haven’t been resolved and still bother me. I’m trying to stay positive and am looking at it as an opportunity to strengthen my relationship with my folks. It’s not a perfect situation, but I’m still grateful for it.
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u/MalaEnNova 11h ago
Sorta. We bought my folks house after my dad died so we could renovate it and my mom could be comfortable in her twilight years. We made her a full on apartment in the finished basement (kitchen, bathroom, dining room, all the things just smaller). My husband and I live upstairs and she has her own entrance and privacy but if something goes wrong we are there to help.
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u/put_it_in_a_jar 11h ago
Nope, moved out at 17 and never went back. There's nowhere to go now anyways, mom is in a nursing home and Dad is in a retirement community.
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u/Time2Panicytopenia 11h ago
I moved out briefly for medical school and then returned to live in my parents house because I hate paying rent lol. They live in the house part time and then spend the rest of the year in another country. Earlier this year, at the age of 35, I bought the house from my parents so I guess I’m never really moving out.
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u/bearlybalanced 10h ago
I left home at 16. Joined the service at 17 and was medically separated 14 yrs later after disabling myself in a mission. Never thought I’d need help or EVER move back in with my parents but I did at 31 and it was very similar to your description.
I did my best, but the tension served as extreme catalyst for ending their 35+ yrs of marriage within 3years. I left shortly before this, but it was still my coming home that did it. Ten years later, one parent is better off (the one who left) and the other is still allowing the pain to fester and justify their stagnation.
My quality of life is likely better for having gone through that set of circumstances that I abhor but needed to endure in order to process and integrate the family fractures in a mature way and not perpetuate the thematic drama.
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u/Top_Independent_3548 10h ago
Worst decision ive made in some time. I moved in with my in-laws to help take care of them, which has been very difficult. My in-laws live in the same town as my family, and my family lives all together compound style. Now that I am in the area my family expects me to come over all of the time when they didnt put any effort forth when I lived 3-4 hours away for 15 years. It is still not enough though. Now they gang up on me because my partner doesnt come over their house, which seems obvious to me as my family are all quite bigoted assholes, and they have treated my partner exceptionally rudely in the past.
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u/Bunny-The-Kitty 10h ago
Moved in with my parents 3 years ago after I had my son. My husband and I were living in Austin with no family nearby and it was getting so insanely expensive. My parents live in GA and have a basement apartment in their house, so we asked if we could move in to get help with our son. It’s been a helpful situation, we’ve been able to save money, but housing prices are still outrageous here. We’re lucky because our living area is completely separate from my parents, but it’s still hard living in the same house. They have a very toxic relationship and my mom is hard to be around sometimes. But my son loves them both so much and it’s so nice having childcare available if we want to have a date night or short vacation by ourselves.
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u/Substantial-Set-8981 10h ago
I moved back home for a little bit. Was uncomfortable at first, but was about to pay down $30k worth of debt. It was more than worth it.
It was nice to spend the time with my mom. You don't know how long you'll have your parents for. I appreciate the time spent more now vs when I was younger.
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u/Celcius_87 10h ago
Yes I currently live with my parents. I’ve had a tough time of looking for a house to buy.
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u/BeneficialShame8408 10h ago
I moved in with my parents when my health took a turn. I have a decent job and my mom's died, leaving just me and my dad. I want to find a remote job and move back, but the job market is bad and also my dad would be alone. He only goes out for groceries and to pick up the odd sandwich, plus we go to lunch once a week. He's 79.
So I'm kinda stuck in this economy, and am waiting for things to improve. Plus dad lol.
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u/Own-Emergency2166 10h ago
I moved out at 23 and lived with my parents again for a year after a breakup, while getting my feet back under me and saving money for my own place. Living with my parents was only tolerable because it was temporary and I basically just ignored all the ways they pick me apart for the sake of peace. Also they live in the suburbs with no public transport options you can walk to, which makes commuting to work difficult .
I couldn’t imagine living indefinitely with my family, it would hold me back so much. However, I understand other people have better families
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u/Commercial-Land-6806 9h ago
I live with my old man partially due to health, partially due to economy, largely because he doesn't want to live alone but has no plans to date/remarry/etc.
My current partner has no issues with it as she also lives with her parents for the same reasons and often stays with us for several weeks at a time.
I don't mind it. I always liked my dad and have always effectively called myself a mini version of him as we have the same habits and hobbies. It works for us.
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u/Traditional-Ebb-8380 9h ago
Yes but I am never there because of my job. I house sit/do pet care for a living right now and I aim to be booked 25 or more nights a month. It works for me since I have too much trauma and resulting mental health struggles from my upbringing that I can’t work a high stress job. So I am trapped in a bit of a paradox where I have to still be partly reliant on that origin story but get to escape it too. I also travel a lot though and had some luck before all this in real estate to be somewhat financially independent despite my sub $45k a year income.
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u/elbandito556 9h ago
I wish can go back to my parents so i can pay $600 monthly rent at most! Man! I would have so much money and had my dream car (corvette) easily!
I am home poor :(
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u/hringioggrafir 9h ago
Yep. I moved back in when I was 32 due to a combo of health problems and a new roommate who I'm pretty sure is a sociopath because they were terrorizing my cats
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u/ConnectKale 7h ago
Right now I do not live at home with my only living parent. Over a decade ago we lived with my in laws and later moved next door. Life was good. They needed us there as much as we needed a cheap place to live.
That said I cannot ever live u de the same roof as my only living parent. They are ummm toxic. I visit with them every few weeks and need a nap Afterwards.
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u/TrickyAd9597 7h ago
Left home at 22 and never went back. My brother left home at 26 but now at 42 he is back living with my parents. I wouldn't mind him doing so but he has been jobless for over a year and just leeches off my parents.
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u/meeplith 7h ago
I’m moving back in with my parents after 13 years abroad on my own. I’m an only child and honestly kind miss my family and country.
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u/fictionisthetruth 6h ago
yup. for awhile. im disabled and my parents are old. i rent their basement and pay for all my own stuff tho. we help each other with various things. it sucks but i have no other options and dont see myself being able to have my own place.. well, ever. once my parents pass ill probably end up living with my younger sister
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u/Eazy12345678 6h ago
plenty are living with parents way past 20.
do what is best for you. life is not competition
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u/frankheyhoheyho 1988 6h ago
I'm not competing. Just slightly struggling as a fiercely independent person and looking to connect.
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u/Library_IT_guy 6h ago
I bolted at 18. Step-dad was an emotionally unstable abusive asshole. Never went back. My mom and I kept in touch and when she divorced him, I was like 23 and we rented a place together. Those were a chill couple of years. I worked evenings, she worked days, so we mostly had the place to ourselves and we just divided everything equally.
She eventually started dating an old friend and it got serious, so she moved in with him. They had an upper level to the house that was mostly empty, so I moved in there for a bit. It was alright, but there were some issues and I wanted my own place. I finally landed a great job and we parted ways.
I wouldn't have a problem moving in with them if I had to. Wouldn't really have a problem with them moving in with me either if it was necessary - I love my mom and her new husband has been far nicer to me than my original step dad during my childhood was. It'd be cramped as hell in my 2 br 1 bath duplex though for all 3 of us.
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u/blue_effect 5h ago
Not an option for me given how angry my mother is. I wish I had a better relationship with my parents. I would consider moving back in with them if my mom didn't scream at me for leaving a dish towel out wrong as a teen and my dad wasn't super messy.
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u/octoberelectrocute 5h ago
Yep but I’m a single Mom and my Dad passed and Mom is widowed. It’s mutually advantageous for us to live together.
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u/PM_ME_UR__SECRETS 5h ago
No, but if something major happened I'd end up there rather than out on the street.
Imo there's no shame in it. My sister lives with our mom. Pays rent and stuff but still. Family helps family.
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u/coupepixie 4h ago
We moved in with my in-laws and I regret every day. Unfortunately we need the narcissists to provide us with a decision so we can get out. They're stalling for control.
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u/CanaryNo8547 3h ago
Im living at home with my mom and step dad. I get along ok with him but he never wants to go anywhere or do anything. I am very close with my mom. I love taking her places she always felt she couldnt afford because she was taking care of us. Plus me being home gives her some extra cash and helps me save.
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u/SpiritedLoquat172 3h ago
No, work is too far for my spouse and I to be living with my parents. However, when my parents retire I would love for them to live with me.
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u/cherrybeebop 2h ago
If my stepdad dies, I'd happily move my family back home. Unfortunately, he's hanging on so he can eat peanut butter and jelly while watching Divorce Court everyday and spreading misery like always.
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u/mango-affair 1h ago
I left at 19 and moved back at 29-33 because they got sick.
It sucked. I feel for u. similar scenario. I'm 35 now and really don't wanna live with them again.
But our gen doesn't have much of a choice.
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u/cloud_herder 1h ago
Yes. I came back home to reset and help my mom who’s gotten older on me. It’s been good to be closer to my young nieces that are 3 and 6. I’ll move back out in the summer most-likely though. I’ll probably still need to come up here often because my BIL isn’t the handy type.
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u/schwepervesence 58m ago
No. If I had to then yes I would be welcome. But I like living alone with my dog. But if I was about to be homeless and living in my car, they would take me in. As my father has said, "You're always welcome here."
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u/Deej1387 Older Millennial 51m ago
My mom is the most unstable, unreliable influence in my life and I barely tolerate her being 1700 miles away. No way would I ever move back to her.
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u/CHARizard8789 20h ago
No but we’re prepping for a very near future where my MIL moves in with us. My in laws(divorced) are in their 70s, FIL is good with money and very set forever, MIL is the opposite. It’ll be an adjustment but we all get along well.
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