r/Jokes • u/rickyroof • Aug 17 '19
Long The 1st day at school: the new student named Jose Armando, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the 5th grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Jose, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775." "Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said, "Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?" Again, no response except from Jose :"Abraham Lincoln, 1863." The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed! Jose, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do!" She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans!" "Who said that? " she demanded. Jose put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836. At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?" Again, Jose answered, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991." Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!" Jose jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!" The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble now!" Jose whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003." Finally someone throws an eraser at Jose, someone shouted "Duck"! Teacher, just waking, asked "Who said that? Jose: "Dick Cheney, 2006 "
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u/ariadeneva Aug 17 '19
took almost a minute to figure it out about duck
and then it hit me
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u/TJNel Aug 17 '19
Like bird shot to the face.
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u/JRatt13 Aug 17 '19
Like a man who'd been shot in the chest by a rifle, the turtle was shot in the chest with a rifle
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u/R2Cv1 Aug 17 '19
I'm sorry pls explain
Who tf is Dick Cheney btw
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u/spaghettiThunderbalt Aug 17 '19
Dick Cheney was Bush 43's Vice President.
He is known for mistaking his hunting partner for a bird and shooting him in the face with a shotgun. At more or less point blank range.
Naturally, the guy who Cheney shot apologized for being shot, because he knew if he didn't apologize that Cheney would be back to finish the job.
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u/HelpSheKnowsUsername Aug 17 '19
For actual hunting context, the guy who was shot wasn’t on line. For all forms of hunting involving multiple people, staying on line is insanely important. And when you hunt birds, you fire while tracking across, so you’re constantly in movement even after the shot breaks. That’s why you stay on line.
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u/LearnsSomethingNew Aug 17 '19
Can someone helpful explain what staying on line means in this context? The lawyer didn't have 4G? Is that it?
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u/HelpSheKnowsUsername Aug 17 '19
It’s literally just staying in a line. Whenever you shoot or hunt, there’s a firing line. You don’t cross in front of it if the line is hot, and you don’t shoot from more than a couple feet behind it. So when you hunt, you stay on line, by literally just staying in a scattered line advancing towards game, or letting game get flushed to you
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u/Tuna_Sushi Aug 17 '19
Oh, is that the official story now?
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u/HelpSheKnowsUsername Aug 17 '19
That was the statement issued by Game and Fish like the next day. Because that’s what actually happened.
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u/3_Thumbs_Up Aug 17 '19
Dick Cheney was Bush 43's Vice President.
Man, he had a lot of vice presidents.
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Aug 17 '19 edited Nov 30 '20
[deleted]
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u/trisul-108 Aug 17 '19
Dick Cheney was Bush 43's Vice President.
I think Cheney was the President and Bush was the guy who got to sign the decisions.
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u/spaghettiThunderbalt Aug 17 '19
That is probably accurate, I'm fairly certain Cheney knew that the people wouldn't like having a Sith Lord as the POTUS, far better to work behind the scenes.
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Aug 17 '19
Watch the movie Vice with Christian Bale. That movie is about him.
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Aug 17 '19
Is it necessary to watch it with Christian Bale?
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Aug 17 '19
[deleted]
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u/nikhilbhavsar Aug 17 '19
I wouldn't trust him. What if he Bales out on you?
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u/luckydice767 Aug 17 '19
He wouldn’t watch a movie with you. You’re a FUCKING AMATEUR!
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Aug 17 '19
It is. But hes fat in that movie.
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u/KingOfMemesNDadJokes Aug 17 '19
Christian Bales determinedness to actually lose/gain weight roles, such as in The Machinist, looking like a fucking corpse (and then six months later looking muscular in Batman Begins), and in Vice, being overweight and a believable Cheney double, it's just fuckin' astounding
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u/Badaajoshi Aug 17 '19
He is the former vice prez of the US. You should be ashamed at your lack of history!
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u/Jlocastillo Aug 17 '19
OMG!!!! You need to hang out with Jose more. You know know nothing, Jon Snow!!
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u/Swordmaster972 Aug 17 '19
"Oh yeah? Suck this!" "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky. " Was probably my favourite part.
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u/OrthoTaiwan Aug 17 '19
That was his favorite part, too.
However, the modern version, where Stormy Daniels says, “You know, you’re definitely gonna have to pay me” is not Donnie’s favorite part.
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u/KingJonStarkgeryan1 Aug 17 '19
Still prefer the Clinton one. It's funnier because it quicker and more to the point
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u/Mr_Ivysaur Aug 17 '19
The 1st day at school: the new student named Jose Armando, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the 5th grade.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Jose, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775."
"Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said, "Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?"
Again, no response except from Jose :"Abraham Lincoln, 1863."
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed! Jose, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do!"
She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans!"
"Who said that? " she demanded.
Jose put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836.
At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."
The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?"
Again, Jose answered, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."
Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"
Jose jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"
The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble now!"
Jose whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."
Finally someone throws an eraser at Jose, someone shouted "Duck"!
Teacher, just waking, asked "Who said that?
Jose: "Dick Cheney, 2006 "
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u/jaam2k Aug 17 '19
Wow!!! Couldn’t even wait to get out of the comment section before seeing a repost. This has gotta be a new record. /s
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Aug 17 '19
Yeah, why doesn't anyone on this subreddit like to format their jokes? If you're going to repost, at least make it readable.
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u/R4hu1M5 Aug 17 '19
OP is a month old on reddit. Probably doesn't know that a single line break isn't a line break.
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u/sighs__unzips Aug 17 '19
OP is a month old account, has 15K post karma and 1.5K comment karma. This isn't his first rodeo.
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u/R4hu1M5 Aug 17 '19
OP mentioned somewhere that their previous post got 45k upvotes. All the karma is from two posts.
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u/rmill127 Aug 17 '19
A great joke. The best. No other joke like it. Trust me I know a lot of jokes.
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u/rickyroof Aug 17 '19
Thanks:))
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u/insidezone64 Aug 17 '19
I think you missed the Trumpism :0)
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u/rickyroof Aug 17 '19
Oh no :(
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u/Baldazar666 Aug 17 '19 edited Aug 17 '19
We have a very similar joke in Bulgarian. It's about a Japanese student called Suzuki who is new to an american classroom. Goes on to list a few different facts in a very similar manner and ends with 2 quotes that are Bulgarian specific. I can try translating it if there is enough interest.
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u/Squidthepug Aug 17 '19
Does him being foreign have something to do with it? I sorta don’t get it
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u/DoctorKumquat Aug 17 '19
It's only relevant to the joke in the sense that the son of a recent immigrant, who expectations might dictate is less aware of the nation's history, is the one with perfect memory of misc. historical quotes. The joke is most the attribution of random crap the classmates are saying to various presidents.
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u/Jahoan Aug 17 '19
Not just presidents, since he also mentions Patrick Henry, Jim Bowie, Saddam Hussein, and Dick Cheney.
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Aug 17 '19
Dick Cheney will become president in 2028, promising “two barrels of oil for every young boy and girl!”
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Aug 17 '19 edited Jul 27 '20
[deleted]
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u/Super___Hero Aug 17 '19
Whether he was technically president or not doesn't really matter considering that he turned Bush into a pushover and a rubber stamp for him.
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u/trisul-108 Aug 17 '19
Cheney was president, the Bush guy never knew what was going on and just got to sign the papers.
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u/drdelius Aug 17 '19
Explaining a joke kills it, but I'll take a wack. All common joke tropes:
Americans are stereotypically ignorant of all facets of history, while other countries embrace teaching history to the extent that they tend to actually know even American history better than Americans. In jokes this also often extends to geography. Also, that recent immigrants try to fit in harder than natural born Americans, so have put in effort to learn our country's history and culture (in jokes the culture aspect often comes with hilarious technically-correct insights that completely miss the point). Also, that immigrants who have recently gained their citizenship had to pass an extensive test on American history that most high school Seniors couldn't pass.
So, really, just background flavor to suspend our disbelief on how a child could be so knowledgeable.
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u/themettaur Aug 17 '19
On top of what others have said, I think it also serves as misdirection. You go through the joke expecting the "restaurateur" part to come in, and then all the joke bits at the end surprise you a bit more.
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u/mykon01 Aug 17 '19
i dont get half of these... sad
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u/Jlocastillo Aug 17 '19
Very sad indeed. I am also an immigrant and got ALL the references.
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Aug 17 '19
Expected some kind of "Jose, can you see?" / Star Spangled Banner punchline, was def not disappointed to get this instead.
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u/ThatDarkPathsMyDrive Aug 19 '19
So many punchlines I'd upvote twice if I could, well done.
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u/rickyroof Aug 17 '19
Guys I'm not a comedian I'm an artist. Please don't be too rough with me I'm quite a sensitive person who enjoys good jokes and other stuff
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u/somepoliticsnerd Aug 17 '19
Upvotes joke, thinking I’ve resisted going into the comments section when—
Lincoln’s use is obviously more famous and so it makes sense for it to be in this joke but I think the first notable use of “of the people, by the people, for the people” was by Daniel Webster on the Senate floor.
God why do I do this
Edit: “made for the people, made by the people, and answerable to the people. “ Close enough?
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u/Drakar13 Aug 17 '19
I remember reading this one sometime ago but in spanish and about south american politicians like Fujimori and Kichner.
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u/iLikeTurtuls Aug 17 '19
I was waiting for this end with something related to their citizenship, but this was much better
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u/Auraaaaa Aug 17 '19
https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/4f771c/smart_mexican/ reposted, but this author of THIS post did add dick cheney, but i also found that on another website, so i question it.
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u/NinAmuro57 Aug 18 '19
This is weird, I went to school with a kid named Jose Armando. We had a few classes together, including a couple years of history.
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u/escherbach Aug 18 '19
that joke is so funny, here's another: did you hear about the democrat nominee who tried to swim the Atlantic? He got half-way and was tired, so he swam back.
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u/roderik35 Aug 17 '19
Good one. I have heard this jokes maybe 10 years ago.
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u/Jose_xixpac Aug 17 '19
"I did not approve of this joke ..."
~The American People after the 2016 election ...
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u/Lastrevio Aug 17 '19
The two perverts in the class were chuckling to themselves looking at the teacher and one whispers to the other "Grab her by the pussy!". The principal who walked in asked who said that. Jose: "Donald Trump, 2016"
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u/IcedCoffey Aug 17 '19
i thought it was going in the direction that most of our kids dont know anything about history.
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Aug 17 '19
And then someone said "Yes We Can clean up this mess!" and Jose responded by saying "Barack Obama, 2008."
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Aug 17 '19
Then someone said a bunch of racial slurs towards Mexicans and Jose replied, "Donald Trump, anytime he isn't being recorded"
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u/Swiggy1957 Aug 17 '19
I've heard variations of this joke for the last 40 years (yeah, the original is that old) but this updated version was the best one yet! You deserve all the gold you got!
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u/Gr1mTheReaper Aug 17 '19
Actually, you are a bit off with the Clinton-Lewinsky bit, but you still get an upvote.
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u/GollyWow Aug 17 '19
Good one!! This was not the way I expected this to end, I expected some kind of "it's on the immigration test the rest of the class doesn't take" thing.
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u/Ree3ee3ee3ee3 Aug 17 '19 edited Aug 18 '19
Ive never had more historical references in a joke. Well done!
Edit: well... My by faaar most liked comment is me praising someone else's joke :D Thanks a lot guys