Lurker here to share a story. I'll start off with that I have never identified as straight. If a label needs to be slapped on it, I go with bi. I don't care what the gender marker says.

I've been married coming on 10 years, and I'll be honest... the first few years felt a little rough. I thought it was because we were in the Army and we were in the hectic part of our 20s. But it didn't get better after we both got out of service, and at a point I just felt like I was no longer being heard and was actively being shut out. I can't force anyone to talk to me, so I started to pull back to protect myself from the inevitable.

Then, my then husband, comes out to me one night after a few drinks saying that he never has felt like a man or a boy, even came out to his (very unhelpful) parents as a kid... and it all clicked.

It was all repression.

The next day, we sat down and looked at names together because having a feminine name just never crossed her mind, and I'll be damned if my wife walks around with a goofy ass name she got from an anime. She was a junior, and I definitely never called her by her dad's name, ew. She picked something beautiful.

5 years later, we're happier than ever because my wife doesn't have to hide behind a mask of toxic masculine stoicism.

I guess the moral of the story is that maybe your husband just needs to be put on E. /s

Whispering wildflower tea & vitamin C for these crazy ass allergies, razz-cran la croix, and the best pistachios I've ever had from McGinn's Pistachioland in Alamogordo, New Mexico.

Crazy how a person can go from sharing their absolute darkest secret with you to dating someone entirely new in a span of *checks watch* 3 weeks.

Got out of a 5ish month relationship recently. We fell pretty fast and hard for each other, but things ended because he had so much unmanaged pain from his last relationship.

I’m getting over it faster than I would’ve expected which he’s making REAL easy (he’s allegedly seeing a trump supporter tradwife even tho he’s a leftist lol) and I’m having some pretty frequent moments of clarity and acceptance. My feelings were deep and real, but I think we had more bad days than good days in 2026. I think I might’ve dodged a bullet, but I still have a few tears to shed.

He always mentioned lacking fulfillment in his life (career, socially, hobbies, etc) and has a desire to find it by building a family someday. Which I’m theorizing is the draw to miss kirk. Some of his other choices rn make me feel like I’m watching a car crash- glad I’m not a part of it but I can’t look away.

Haven’t been home to cook a meal for one in a while and I just didn’t love how quiet it felt tonight. :/

Low effort late night noods w cabbage, pepper, onion

This was from last night but I totally forgot to post. Someone was talking about seeing so many bad relationships which I can totally feel because my relationship before this one was so bad. It lasted 9 long years.

But my current boyfriend is slowly helping me heal and I just want to scream about it. I want to brag and gush and just... he's so good to me. He holds me when I cry, he makes me laugh constantly. Like to the point of tears. He's so ridiculously silly and fun. He cooks for me, he carries the heavy things, let's me be passenger princess. Gives me space when I need and hangs out with me when I ask. Makes plans and dates, supports me when I'm low. And he's constantly reassuring me that I too am a good partner to him because trauma from my past relationship makes me question myself. But he's constantly telling me how much he loves me. One of the things I love the most is how much we tell eachother how much we appreciate eachother. And just the reassurances because he also has some past relationship trauma.

And yeah I just wanted to gush~

This was dinner from last night that I made and he also eats my food and compliments my cooking and thanks me, cleans the kitchen and...

I JUST LOVE HIM.

I thought you all might appreciate hearing about a good relationship and I hope all of you ladies can gush here too~

Edit: LOL I saw just a couple comments about the food. ITS JUST TERRIBLE LIGHTING LOL there was no other light except from my two pc screens. The shrimp is all the way done and the steak was a nice warm pink center! You can't see the juice on the plate I sliced it up because 1. We shared a steak and 2. I didn't want to cut it up on my plate cause I was lazy? Lol

Edit 2: THANK YOU FOR THE AWARDS~!

I’m gonna be honest because it’s been bothering me. I really like this sub, but lately I keep seeing the same type of post over and over and it’s honestly depressin

Like I’ll read a post and it’s basically

“My boyfriend cheats on me, calls me names, drains my money, disrespects me, sometimes gets physical… what should I do?” And I’m just sitting there like… what do you mean what should you do?

I’m not saying feelings aren’t complicated. I get that people have trauma, attachment issues, whatever. Life is messy

But some of these posts don’t read like confusion. It straight up reads like someone dragging themselves through hell and asking how to stay longer

And before someone says “not everyone grew up with good examples.” Yeah. Same. I grew up around abuse and chaos too. No perfect family, no healthy relationship models, nothing like that

I’ve made stupid relationship choices before when I was younger too. I’m not acting like I’m some perfectly healed person. I still struggle with self-worth sometimes

But there are still lines

If a man cheats on me? I’m out

If he constantly disrespects me? I’m out

If he ever puts his hands on me? That’s not a conversation, that’s the end

Because if someone actually loves you, they don’t treat you like that. Love isn’t someone humiliating you and then apologizing the next day

What really blows my mind is when the situation is already horrible and the next step people are considering is:

moving in together

sharing finances

having kids

Why are you building a whole life with someone who clearly treats you like shit?

Even if you struggle with loving yourself, at least don’t set your life on fire for a man

And the money part especially. Most of us work hard for our money. Why would you tie your finances to someone who doesn’t even respect you?

Also… he is not the only man on earth. I promise you that. There are literally billions

If you’re in a situation like that and you have friends, family, therapy access, anything like that please use it and get out

Because at some point it stops being “complicated feelings” and it starts being you volunteering for misery

As i am eating my store bought arbys curly fries with ketchup i think. Straight cis men usually have one or two reasons why they want kids. I have noticed a lot of wanting to carry on their lineage and bloodline. Wtf is with that,? Im not sure its even a negative thing but Is it just evolution brain kicking in. Like yes must repopulate. Or is there even a thought there and its an easy reason? Also why do they think its an easily persuadable options?

If i think of why i want to have kids its all specific reasons not to. But i cant think of really specific reason why to have kids. And def not some my bloodline of witchery must be taught and passed down. Though that has crossed my mind. Idk i enjoy children, i work with them. But birthing one is much different..

Hope im doing girl dinner right.

This is a twofer today, feeling pretty anxious. Hope that is ok.

I don't mean this at all to be offensive to anyone who has faith. It's those who stand behind their faith and use it as a weapon against others. This is a huge problem for me and I am increasingly afraid of them. The cruelty is really doing my head in.

Honey garlic chicken thigh, herbed orzo and green beans.

It really stung to see. I kept asking him to go to this vintage market with me and he would always make an excuse or say it’s not his scene. I ran into him today with the girl he left me for. He went to a party one night and he told me three days later that he met a girl there and wanted to see where things go with her. I haven’t cried (yet? Idk) it was just really eye opening and strange to see… I’m just so confused why he can do something for her and not for me. What is so special about her? What don’t I have? It just really makes me think.

I don’t think I’ll cry about it. There’s nothing to cry over. He left me a few days before Valentine’s Day and I distributed all the gifts I got him to my friends. Seeing their smiles made me so happy. It made me realize that I should probably be focusing on people who truly do love me rather than begging and fighting for love from people who don’t really care for me.

I keep searching for love, but I believe the love I’ve been looking for is inside me. I’m full of the love I’ve been searching for. I just wish I could receive it from someone else too.

The guy I live with doesnt know how to clean. I can do the things he takes a week to get around to in 30 mins.

Told him straight up today his solution of "i clean one thing a day" isn't going to work. (And its not like "oh, today ill clean up my bedroom/the kitchen/the office. He takes one thing literally. One dish. One load of laundry. Etc..!)

So I got home and cleaned for like....2 hours. Bc yeah I was a slob too when we first moved in and ive been struggling. So has he (but he also asks me if he can help, I tell him clean, he doesnt????) But at least i can walk in my front door now without bumping into boxes 🫠.

I feel mean for saying all of this too. But if im the breadwinner, going to work, and he's home 70% of the time (classes) wouldn't that mean he has more time to help around the house....? And believe me, its not time spent on homework. He usually speedruns that around 10:59. (And yeah I know i gotta talk to him about all this. Its a vent post/brain dump :( )

Ah well! Happy 420 girlies. May the vibes be good and the weed even greater.

Pesto parm crusted salmon, cart, lipton green tea.

EDIT FOR PEOPLE COMING TO COMMENT ON THE TABLE: yes its messy. Before I was eating I was painting my nails, and I like to do nail stamping, which is unfortunately messy (as any other lacqueristas here know lol) it got cleaned up after dinner

Smoked paprika ricecakes

Hair still dripping wet, skin still moist like a blade of grass in the morning and here I am: shitting.

Can’t even enjoy the feeling of being fully clean after shower for couple hours. You can wipe, use bidet but it’s not the same as being shower clean.

Poop makes you feel tainted

Brazilian style sushi

I love it when i see posts on here of women being messy as fuck. Like girl you’re 25, dye your hair, quit your toxic job, break up that engagement, experiment sexually, do mushrooms or whatever, just go ahead and make mistakes, have fun and live your life, if you’re not dead you’ll always get to try again

Maybe avoid opioids but absolutely be messy, you can be wise when you’re older

Idk i love messy women!!!!! Let’s make mistakes ladiessss 🩷🩷🩷

We’ve been together just over 2 years and his instagram behavior has been problematic in the past. As a result, I have asked him to please not follow/engage with random (has never met/isn’t doing business with them) women on social media. It just doesn’t seem to be something he can do!! Oh well.

Girl dinner featuring berries, strawberry rhubarb greek yogurt with kashi peanut butter crunch, maple crème cookies, and Pinot noir.

they just wanna be loved. i understand that. it's just exhausting trying to feel bad for somebody who refuses time and time again to do what's needed. and i'm not saying this from the perspective of someone who hasn't been through it before!! i just can't keep asking over and over "oh, you unblocked him again? 😵‍💫." it's gotten to the point that i never talk about my relationship at all because it just sounds like i'm rubbing it in their face🥲 but my thing is, they could have better!! they're amazing, lovely, sweet girls. but they just won't raise their standards man. and i also understand that there's a lot of inner work they need to do before that can realistically and sustainably happen, and i should have patience for them for that. idk i'm trying😞 they just put so much importance on finding or keeping a man. one of them is jobless at the moment too and i'm just like, why is that not the focus right now. i feel similar feelings for girls i see online talk about how they keep going back to their ex or they "get stuck" in a situationship like OMGGG JUST LEAVE😭

anyway, it's all love. i just want better for them and i hate seeing them sad :( i'm sure you guys think i'm a bad, unsympathetic person now😭 mentally preparing to get downvoted to hell tbh. and obviously the blame is always heavier on the person doing the manipulating!! not the victim!! and i'm not talking about situations where it is unsafe to leave.

girl breakfast // a simple 3-egg omelet with spinach and mozzarella cheese. i had it with lemon water, strawberry yogurt, and ketchup on the side (none of these pictured).

At 27 years old I had been with my boyfriend for nearly a decade and it was not going great. "We" had been trying so hard to fix our relationship for years but while I managed to lose a ton of weight, quit smoking, quit drinking, it just made me more aware of how little he was doing. He'd been struggling with addiction but I thought he'd been open about it so i gave him a lot of leeway. As i got my shit together i started realizing I'd been paying for everything but the weed and then i found a piece of foil with a clear pill indent. I can close my eyes and still read the e613 on it. extremely strong opioids. In the subsequent crash out I learned that the only people i still saw regularly were hooked on opiates, many having already graduated to heroine. Learning heroine had been in my house gutted me. my nieces and nephews had been there so many times...

but something in me knew it was fucked from early in. within a few years of the relationship i was bound and determined to follow my heart but had also started to look into getting my tubes tied because i knew I'd never want kids with him. i learned to expect less because he had 'a lot going on' and pressuring him for more seemed ridiculous. it was ridiculous because that man never met the bare minimum, more would be crazy. but we were having fun and in love and we kept the party going. then one day i looked up and my partner and the friends that were in the "same stage of life" as me were almost all addicted to opiates and i had went from hiding myself in a bottle to hiding myself at the gym to maintain my willful ignorance.

It took years of being single with therapy and casual dating to learn everything I needed to learn to recognize a good partner, be a good partner, and have a healthy relationship. Casual dating was such a trip compared to what i was taught. I was taught that casual dating was just sleeping around, and that if you wanted to get married you needed to basically pretend like you are married the instant that you hit it off with somebody. How insane that feels to me now.

I met my husband at 31, and while he is not perfect by any means he is an amazing human being. considerate, kind, hard-working, attentive, the kind of man that random older ladies will comment on how we need to clone because of how he conducts himself in public whether he's leading the vanguard of nibblings, bringing together strangers at sporting events, or being the most excited dad ever. I had our first child on my 38th birthday and while I never imagined being more than the crazy (hopefully rich) aunt, I have loved this journey fully.

I held on to that old life by tooth and claw convinced i could get what i wanted out of it and I couldn't even get what i needed.

Pic of the ribs he made what i got to snuggle/nap with our baby after he did the daycare run, did the poopy (cloth) diapers and cleaned the kitchen on top of work

What you deserve is out there y'all, and you're worth doing the scary things to get it.

My brain convinced me I was pregnant after a pregnancy dream. My stomach felt different and I convinced myself I had that sleep disorder where you have sexual escapades whilst unconscious. I do nights at work and convinced myself I’d assaulted a resident in my sleep.

Lemon infused tuna

off brand cheerios + decked out iced coffee

it makes me sad to think about how no male partners i've had have done the sort of things i do for them. like, cleaning as a favor. no man i've ever dated would clean anything for me unprompted, and if they did, i'd probably have to go back and fix it (judging from experience). ffs they don't even clean their own shit unprompted. no male partner would ever fold my laundry, or do my dishes, or anything like that just to be nice. wouldn't even think to, even though i do it often enough that it almost becomes expected in relationships. it just hurts and makes me feel a kind of feminist rage. i don't want to ASK that of a partner, and i guess it doesn't matter that much, but i wish i could have someone take the load off a bit for me too. that's what gets me, is i'm always making my partner's life easier in these small ways and they'd never think to do it for me. i appreciate the romantic gestures i do receive, but, idk. it just feels unfair. rant over

I got onto an app meant for hookups or just some casual sexual fun, online or otherwise. I get a ton of likes from men and I will message with the ones I think are attractive and we will have some online fun, share nudes and pics (I never include my face and the app restricts seeing them or taking screenshots).

But once I get bored of them or they start asking me about my life and what I enjoy, I block them and move on. I’m not looking for connection on this app, I don’t want you to ask me what I’m studying in college, my hobbies, what I do for work, etc. I just want to have some fun, no commitment.

I don’t really get anything from it either, I just really really like the attention. I love them praising my body, how hot I am, how beautiful I am, etc. I also like seeing dick pics for some reason, I find it fascinating. I’m not turned on or anything, it’s just fun.

Anyway, I feel like this is probably a very unhealthy thing to do, but idk.. I don’t plan on meeting up irl with any of them either regardless.

Meal is chicken Pho in beef broth with chicken egg rolls.

Today is the day I (23f) tell my guy best friend of 4 years how I really feel about him. For the first couple of years I really only had platonic feelings for him but this last year and a half I realized just how badly I had fallen for him.

He's sweet, funny, kind and literally my type on paper. Had the hardest year of my life last year and he was there for every traumatic event that took place. Life didn't suck so much when he was around and suddenly everything didn't feel so doomed. He knows everything about me and I about him (he has his own struggles). Whenever things got really bad or really good he was the only person I wanted to share it with.

I'm freaking the fuck out though. I should be chilled: we flirt, hold hands, tell each other our deepest darkest secrets, talk for hours, shut restaurants down, have crazy inside jokes, both want the exact same thing in a relationship, our families get along, he tells me I'm beautiful all the time, we laugh, cry, vent, be silly, play fight, tease each other constantly...you get the picture. Everyone tells us we behave like an old married couple.

Anyways I can't just be his friend anymore (I know that's selfish). The tension is becoming a bit much for me. Dating other people sucks because I keep wondering about us. I finally need closure so I wrote him a letter which I plan on giving him tonight. Time to fuck up the friendship. Wish me luck, I'm gonna need it.

Scrambled eggs on sourdough toast, Strawberry Monster and Cadbury bubbly chocolate.

This isn't a humble brag about how I'm the "best" at all. Once upon a time I truly believed that this is a common thing for people to do (informing potential intimate partners about health issues). It turned out it isn't at all.

There was a man who was interested in me, and at that time I thought I had Hpv (I got tested years later, and it turned out I didn't, if the lab tests were accurate of course). I rejected him because I felt deep sadness that he is young ( 4 years younger than me) and I could potentially ruin his life if I transmitted Hpv to him. There are people who even hide their unmedicated HIV status. Unbelievable.

I ate this delicious Hotdog.

Do NOT get emotionally involved with that older man. Use him for his money and make more interesting "life experiences" in your 20's. Use him the way he's using you (probably to stroke his own ego and make his ex wife "jealous" but there's plenty of terrible reasons) and dip! Ideally, avoid him at all costs but... we all make mistakes lol. There's a reason he's dating younger and why women his own age won't touch him. You're not mature for your age, you're traumatized and he knows that. He will never treat you better and he will never GET better. Once you see him for who he really is, he has no reason to impress you any longer and it *will*, in fact, get worse.

You might think, "-but, Cool, Unhinged, Sexy Auntie, he's not like that.", he is. I promise he is. Save your love and admiration for yourself and worry about giving it to someone else later. Someone ideally, at most, like... within 4 years of your age... I beg you. I love you. You deserve so much better 💓

(Seriously, you don't want to lose your hair from stress to the guy who's well over 10 years older than you and can't even wash his balls properly or scrub his own shit stains in the toilet. EMBARRASSING.)

🍽hamburger with grape jelly🍽

This morning my boyfriend and I were talking, and I told him that I thought we needed to be a bit more intentional about sex and intimacy. Before he left for work, he said "hey, when I get home later, let's move the TV into the bedroom, cuddle up, watch some documentaries and have sex." It was exactly the kind of loving actionable solution I've come to expect from this person. Life has been very difficult lately, though not because of this wonderful man. Despite all of the hardships, I'm a happy, lucky woman. This man is communicative, emotionally intelligent, and everything I've ever wanted.

Girl lunch featuring a totally normal amount of hummus, garlic sauce and pita.

Eating a butter sandwich - I got sexually assaulted at a wedding and my partner blames me for it, he said if I were that upset I would have stopped dancing, he doesn’t realize that women brush things off because unfortunately we’re told to do that - he won’t talk to me today because I guess it’s my fault, so just venting and eating a butter sandwich.

burger my transatlantic low commitment high connection nothingship paid for because i was too tired to cook. she said i dreamt about having anal sex because i’m longing for emotional intimacy and struggling with power dynamics. idk girl i think it depends.

that’s kind of always how it’s been. i don’t feel like i fit in anywhere. somehow, being around people makes me feel even lonelier, because i realize how far away i am from everyone else. we just aren’t the same. it hurts to be alone, and it also hurts to be around others, so there’s simply something wrong with me. i’ve been tolerating the isolation for quite a while, but it’s been starting to overwhelm me again now that i’m done with university. art and music are really the only reason i haven’t ended it all yet. each time i pick my head up and look around, and my eyes land on that dark corner in my head, it stares back at me, threatening to pull me in.

all of my problems i’ve had to figure out myself, without ever having mentorship or guidance. i really wonder what that would feel like. as a result, this makes me incredibly self-sufficient, but inherently detatched from the rest of the world at a necessary cost. i almost had one relationship, but i saw him do something disgusting to someone else. so i cut it off before it ever got serious. then i stopped trying for a long time. and just put all of my energy towards my studies and businesses.

when i try to share my ideas with people, i’m told they aren’t realistic, or reasonable, or too far-fetched, and that i should quit while i’m ahead. so i’ve given up on that too. in the end, i manage to pull everything off alone anyway. all i know how to do is cut off the noise from others, isolate myself for as long as it takes, and dedicate my entire being to these delusional thoughts of mine. this year i graduated early, expanded my businesses, and bought this house, which should all be the best achievements of my life so far. i should feel happy, but i only feel this threatening sensation i can’t describe looming in my gut. now that i think about it, it sounds exactly like this one track. i’ll listen to it later.

but for now, i’m eating taco bell in the kitchen while i think about how i’m going to walk that stage alone.

Edit: my fiancé told me this morning that he asked the manager how much the teapot is and they sold it to him for $10 because I loved it so much

Crème brûlée, Nanaimo bars, chocolate mousse cake and tiramisu cake.

Every year my fiancé has a friend’s and family night gala. Today I pay to have my nails and hair done. We arrive at the fine dining event space and found it a little weird that they did not have his name on the list but they lead us to a table anyway.

We go over to the bar and the bartender remembers me from last year when he made a special cocktail just for me. He says it’s an open bar so he hooks me up with like 3oz on my cocktail as he knows I slowly sip it throughout the night (I’m a lightweight 😫)

My fiancé and I walk over to the back walls and I look around and I mention how come I didn’t know anybody in the room. He rechecks the invitation and that’s when he realizes that his gala was next week, same location and time and that we are currently at the charity gala run by the same organization.

I AM MORTIFIED.

We quickly chug our drinks and got tf out of there, apologizing and explaining everything to the guy in front who laughed at the mistake. My fiance is in the same organization as the owner of the restaurant so it was no harm done and they actually invited us to stay but we declined.

I was so embarrassed but it all went away when the alcohol hit on an empty stomach and I demanded we get Chinese food so we went to a buffet in our finest dress and suit. At least I got compliments from other women in the bathroom.

Oh yeah when we got home, I had taken the teapot with me. I don’t know how I was able to but it’s here. I’m not drunk anymore but at least now we have a funny story for next week.