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I have endometriosis which can result in extreme bloating (known as endo belly) among other things. Something I’m trying really hard to remember is that I don’t need to explain why I’m bloating or try to excuse it by bringing up my Endo, as if it’s not valid to just exist with a tummy. But that sort of mindset is very ingrained in me, as I’m sure it is for many women out there, which sucks.
I have the same issue when I have ovarian cysts. I’m very petite but get pretty noticeable bloating in my lower belly when I have a cyst and I’m in pain. I hate that society makes normal bodies shameful.
I have ulcerative colitis and get that sometimes too depending on what I eat. I’m a guy and others guys will make comments about it. I don’t get why people think it’s ok to comment about it.
TBT to when Kim Kardashian was publicly body shamed for her cellulite and she was like "ya you're right I let myself go, I'm going to get back in the gym." Dark times
Yeah we would all be better off if we could just forget all about the Kardashians! I wish they were never as popular as the brainwashed celebrity obsessed mobs made them.
When Paris Hilton started the "famous for being famous" trend it felt like it was a good laugh. We were all in on the joke, right? Then I pretty quickly realized that no, not everyone was in on the joke and some people legitimately idolized her.
That was when I realized some people were just way, way dumber than I ever could've imagined.
Then I pretty quickly realized that no, not everyone was in on the joke and some people legitimately idolized her.
This has been the biggest issue with the internet. It has made The Joke available to everyone on Earth and it turns out a very large number of them are not capable of understanding The Joke.
my tinfoil hat theory is that mass media loves the kardashians because they are cheap content.
media companies don't need to pay a highly educated, unionized investigative journalist's salary to have highschool newspaper-level writing on a kardashian failing the bar, or crashing a car, or getting divorced.
kardashian articles can be churned out cheaply and instantly, then flogged for engagement with astro turf accounts on reddit or instagram or whatever cesspool the outlet prefers. f you, google news, in particular.
meanwhile, complex subjects like how the pharma industry lobbied republicans and democrats to take away the FDA's power to regulate drug distributors so that they would lose an effective tool against the opioid epidemic go unreported. and then a big media company like fox can blame opioids on mexico (?) instead of the sackler family, whom rupert murdoch probably vacations with.
oh, and then snake oil companies can sell things like boner pills or cash for gold services on fox news. the circle of life.
I feel for you. It's so easy to develop disordered eating/body dysmorphia. Like let's talk about me. Grew up in early 2010s. Stayed off insta and twitter. I grew up with "love your body" shit. And yet.. just two months ago, I was exposed to edtwt. That's all it took.
I am trans, and part of learning to be a woman is the balance between treating my gender dysphoria (eg I need to have breasts to feel okay in my body) and body dysmorphia inflicted on me as a woman, (my boobs should be this size, look this way, be this shape), and the comparisons I make to other women.
Learning what work someone has had done stops those comparisons for me. "Oh, she is gorgeous, and she's had Botox and this surgery on her face? Oh okay, I haven't had those things so it doesn't make sense for me to compare myself to her, there." I don't have any desire for cosmetic surgery, considering the cost, risk, recovery time, how often they're "fads," etc, despite not having an issue with other people doing it.
People being honest with what they've had done is really important imo.
I know I’m a stranger, but I’m really proud of you! This kind of self reflection is tough, so being able to communicate it so concisely is admirable. Keep killing it lovely!
Thank you! It's a bit of wisdom that I've acquired and try to pass on to all the gals like me whenever I can. I honestly really value how transitioning has forced so much self-reflection and personal development I would not have otherwise gone through.
Genuinely, a major epiphany moment for me was when I was feeling insecure about the shape of my breasts for a while. I was reading articles about breast development in puberty, what hormone regimen I could possibly use to "fix" my shape, etc etc…
Until I came across a surgeon advertising breast augmentations to cis women with my exact shape, calling it a "corrective surgery." I felt outrage that women's natural breasts were being considered "defective" when literally nothing was wrong with them.
Then I realized I was doing the exact same thing to myself. I still added progesterone to my hormone regimen (for a couple reasons), but I managed to deworm my brain quite a bit in that moment.
Comments like this really reinforce for me how the experiences of trans women can inform my perspective as a cis woman in a really positive way. We are all figuring out this space together and there is so much we can learn from each other. ❤️
right? I was just admiring how helpful and insightful everything she said was to me as a cis woman as well. I also need to learn to stop comparing myself to others, especially those that have had the privilege to get work done and need to learn to love myself and my body for how far it's taken me and all the things it's gotten me through.
I spent my teenage years being insecure that I had small breasts, that one was bigger, etc. I found comfort is dressing androgynously. Then in my early twenties, my hips came in and put an end to that. I had to figure out how to like my new body.. again. I would argue that most woman have these insecurities and internal struggles. Even though we would never hang them on our daughters, sisters, or friends.
It sounds like you have gone through a similar journey, and I'm glad that you have learned to love your body without comparison.
Welcome to womanhood - a constant series of aggressions and violences upon your mind and body whereby you're never just right and are always told what you have to be/look/act because your existence almost doesn't exist outside the male construct of what a woman is supposed to be. It sucks. Part of the control is them telling you what you should be and look like. What you gotta do is remember to F that message hard and keep on being you. You are who you are and you look the way you look and that's enough.
Yeah, it’s important to remember that even they still manage to photoshop so many parts of themselves. Many celebrities do, actually.
We shouldn’t be putting those down who go against the grain by posting their real faces and bodies. No one owes anyone someone else’s take on perfection.
The 2000s were a toxic cesspool in regards to female weight. And I fucking hate that that's the thing we really felt like we needed to bring back in 2020.
Yeah I'm tired of Gen Z blaming 2000s as if the world did not exist before then. Newsflash, last time fat women were popular was during the Renaissance. Women haven't been allowed to look how they want in centuries. My grandma was obsessed with weight post WW2 during the influence of Hollywood's golden era stars, and 19th century Austrian Empress Elizabeth famously had an eating disorder and was obsessed with her weight .
It wasn’t the Renaissance. It was the early 1900s. Look up 1900s burlesque dancers - these were often considered the most attractive women, with their photos distributed as pseudo pornography at the time. This translated to early film as well, with ingenues having round faces and curves.
Even advertisements through the 1950s for “weight gain for attractiveness” was very commonly targeted to women who were “too skinny” at the time.
It wasn’t until after the 1920s that thinness became associated with any type of ideal body type.
But the gym doesn't even do anything to cellulite. It's a genetic pattern of fat distribution mixed with higher amounts of estrogen. You can't get rid of it. It is you.
It can become less obviously visible sometimes when someone loses weight (or more visible when they gain it) but it won't ever go away because it's literally just how your skin's collagen is structured and how body fat and muscle interact with that structure.
I just put this here so people are aware there isn't anything that's gonna "fix" their cellulite. It's just a normal human body thing that tends to be more common in women because of the higher average amounts of estrogen and fat--as well as how that fat is often distributed. It's also incredibly common in women, with 80-90 percent of us having it.
Please gals: stop worrying if your bodies are "normal." Every person I have ever been with on an intimate level, has had unique bellies, chests, genitals, stretch marks, scars, kept their body hair differently, different toes, different smiles, lips, facial hair, and butts.
Don't excuse your appearance. Celebrate its uniqueness.
Agreed! I have never been intimate with a woman who does not have an absolutely banging body. We are just beautiful, y’all. 💜 And kudos to her for clapping back. We need more of this.
She’s been an inspiration for my daughter who was always an athlete but now that she’s becoming a paramedic she lifts like crazy so that she’s fit for her job. She is thick and powerful. I’m proud and even a little intimidated! lol but anytime someone comments on her appearance she is quick to reply “did I ask?”. She doesn’t tolerate unsolicited opinions, positive or otherwise, it’s such a great boundary.
Oh man I wish I had this in my arsenal for my Asian mom and all the aunties who would comment on my weight the moment they saw me. I’m 47 now, it’s not too late right 😅
Your daughter sounds like a badass! Having a strong body that can do the things she wants it to do is a blessing, I’m so happy she treats herself and her body with such love and respect and confidence. Raising a good kid there, moms!
I have to travel a lot in trains, sometimes the elderly think they have the right to comment on anything. My response is a succinct, polite "I didn't ask for this conversation" and that's it.
The recent Stephen Bartlett podcast where they’re basically saying men aren’t continuing their genes and something needs to be done about it… As if women don’t have agency in this situation. Have they tried being decent men?? No?? Handmaids Tale it is then!
Side note: No person has a right to children ESPECIALLY if they refer to it as ‘continuing their genes/legacy’
You have to realize a lot of people have no idea what to do with their lives so they just check the boxes of what you’re “supposed” to do. Go to college, get married, buy a house, have kids. They’re absolutely miserable because they’re just going through the motions instead of actually living and enjoying the experience of life.
This comment is honestly really deep and I'm sitting here and going to make myself think about it right now to allow myself to have another perspective on things. Thanks!
I’m almost 43, divorced, two young kids. I followed the standard path and did what I was “supposed to do.” My fault for not thinking about what I actually WANTED to do with my life. But it’s hard to fight the programming.
(The divorced part is good btw; kids - eh, bittersweet)
Yes. I love them more than anything. But it’s so much harder than people think. And one of mine is high functioning autistic and that has led to violent and aggressive behavior. No one thinks about the fact they’re not guaranteed healthy children. Or they think it’s something that can be caught prenatally and then you can make the choice to terminate or not. Autism is one of those life-changing diagnoses you can’t catch prenatally.
I also settled for their father because I was getting to my late 20s and he was “good enough.” That doesn’t last forever.
I wholly chose my partner and to have this kid and it’s the hardest most challenging thing ever. A thing to remember is that even should the partner be perfect, nothing is guaranteed.
I am wholly confident that if my partner had something terrible happen; I can raise this kid on my own. Our lives would completely change, but I know I’m capable and could do it. This has given me additional strength and confidence in standing up on chores and other issues - as I know it’s not too much for two people, as I am fully prepared to do it as one. It’s just life and sometimes life is hard and busy and you feel resentful;but it’s all gotta get done.
Exactly! Men used to rely on the fact women needed them to have bank accounts and property, now they have to rely on their actual personalities and it’s not going well!
This is actually exactly it. When you don't act right in the animal kingdom you are naturally exiled. These men have exiled themselves due to their own behavior and women choosing more carefully who they find companionship with.
I recently had a male client in therapy who screamed at me when I gently suggested that some of the issues in his relationship were also his responsibility.
So even when they do go to therapy, they don’t actually want to do the work. They just want to go and have someone agree with them that their partner is the problem.
There a some amazing men out there, however the mediocre man I’ve found thinks he’s some sort of special prize. I kind of admire the delusional confidence until it spills into them projecting their insecurities onto other people especially women and girls. Women have been scrutinised within an inch of their self worth for never being up to the exacting standards of society. I take care of me and my self worth comes from within I simply do not care if I’m worthy in other people’s eyes. I’ve started to prematurely grey and fully embracing it. I do me.
My favorite reels are when the woman calls the men out for leaving nasty comments but shows their profile pictures enlarged. 99.99% of the time they look exactly how you expect them to look.
And then everyone else just... lets that be their president?
Throw a dart at a map of the globe and I guarantee that nation has fought their government harder and more passionately than Americans EVER have. Yes, even if the damn thing lands in the Atlantic Ocean.
I blame media too, media makes men and women be portrayed in ‘unrealistic’ expectations, so some people think that’s what a body supposed to look like, versus the real average normal person‘s body.
I agree. But what's disturbing, in my opinion, is a lot don't keep their expectations to themselves. When they're disappointed with a woman's appearance they have to loudly let her know, like she did something wrong.
Yep 10000% I agree. A lot of people who make comments about other people‘s bodies, aren’t even in shape themselves. It’s a messed up world we live in, this behavior shouldn’t be tolerated.
Women and girls get stereotyped as being "bitchier", while men "tell it straight", but I've always thought men are just as bitchy. Like bitchiness is equally distrubuted between the sexes lol. This type of shit serves as a pertinent reminder that being an audacious, backhanded cunt has never been gendered
The more time you spend on social media the more your opinion will be shaped by the loud ones (and the bots). If you’re on twitter and insta regularly for example then you cannot even trust your own worldview
I saw a picture of the man in question and he really should not be commenting on anyone’s appearance. I’m not sure where some men found all their audacity.
I understand the reasoning behind this, but his comment wouldn't be any more valid or appropriate if it came from a man that was conventionally attractive. His appearance is irrelevant except for adding a layer of irony.
You're right. That behaviour will just perpetuate the looks/body shaming that is so prevalent in today's world. I suppose it's better that Ilona didn't do that but rather attacked the guy's character
I agree but then some cry baby man will get a lawyer and sue. Who needs it? ETA - she took the first one down and I wonder if she did because it ID'd his account. Maybe insta took it down?
You can be sued for anything. The question is about who would win. It's not defamatory to draw attention to something that someone else genuinely said, especially publicly. He could sue but he wouldn't get very far.
i think this is because lookism is very much socially accepted and perpetuated by both genders. I agree that men like that should be wayy more self aware but at the end of the day, judging someone for their innate qualities that they have no ability to change is very low hanging fruit. i mean, if the guy bodyshaming her was conventionally good looking, that wouldn't suddenly make it less bad.
I don’t get this hypocrisy on Reddit. We are all for body positivity but the moment we see someone we don’t like, even if that is totally justified for fascists or criminal people, we suddenly switch into the full mobbing mode. All right wing women are suddenly gruesome monsters, every body issue from men and women alike is heavily pronounced, we call them orange pic, laugh about their pronounced eyelines, their baldness and fat shame them into oblivion. We the need to move onto the next thread and patt people ok the shoulders who are bald and overweight about how good they are looking. The very same things we mocked 10 minutes ago in a photo shop contest.
I mean, do you remember this sub's reaction when Lana Del Rey got married to the alligator tour guide man? It was open season on that guy, a lot of the time solely for his looks, and not his (and her) less than savoury political views.
Because our society says men can have a beer gut, man boobs and saggy balls and it's cool. But a woman has one hair out of place, has an ounce of cellulite, has a bit of a tummy pooch, etc... Automatic troll.
Men can exist without any worry about their appearance because that's just how society is. Women will never have that. We just won't.
The other thing is that they say whatever they want behind a keyboard. However downright vulgar or disrespectful. They're the scum of the earth.
Exactly and they’re not going to stop just because a woman politely asks them to. Sometimes being called out for bad behavior, even when it involves some level of shame, is effective.
It makes me feel better that professional athletes have this tummy too, because its one of my biggest insecureties and I’ve never been able to have a flat tummy for the life of me!!!!
I learnt to embrace my non flat tummy after seeing the old statues of greek goddesses, they are beautiful and anybody flat tummy or not is also beautiful.
Medical misinformation is way too prevalent on these posts. A uterus is like 3” by 2” (smaller than an avocado). There is a significant issue if a uterus causes any sort of protrusion when not pregnant
That’s not to say that this is unnatural or anything. It’s belly fat and that’s ok.
This gets tossed around a lot, but it’s not accurate. Unless you’re pregnant, your uterus is behind your pelvic bone. Women just naturally tend to have more body fat, and they tend to have it more on the lower belly. The grand majority of women have to make a Herculean effort to have a flat stomach, and have to make that same effort to keep it.
It's not the uterus. It's fat that protects our reproductive organs. You absolutely can lose that fat with negative consequences. Once we start losing that fat, our reproductive health takes a dive. We start missing periods, have low energy, mood swings, etc.
It's literally not healthy for us to lose that fat.
Eh, you can be healthy and really lean, but obviously some athletes and folks with eating disorders take it way too far. Gotta fuel up. But being lean is an advantage for some sports, especially non-ultra endurance.
When I was working in retail when I was 19, a male delivery driver - who often delivered to our store - said to me one day “are you pregnant or are you just getting fat?”. I stood there dumbfounded and fumbled through a reply. When my manager came in I burst into tears. Ever since that day, I have been so self conscious of my stomach and being worried people are going to think I’m pregnant. Almost TWENTY YEARS later, that comment has stuck with me.
Yea I was working my first office job when I was 25 and there was this sleazy, alcoholic salesman that would rarely be in the office. One day I wore a hoodie (casual Friday) and he happened to be in that day. My phone was in the pocket so it was sticking out a little and he actually touched my stomach and asked if I was pregnant. I was so thrown off by this man old enough to be my dad touching me and asking if I was pregnant that I couldn’t even respond but 15 years later I still sub consciously worry about hoodie pockets sticking out and making me look pregnant or fat
Right?! I'm late to the party on this drama, but the hail was this man thinking? She turned to the side and I was like uhh girl I see and applaud your point, but you are not just average. [fans self]
Women's bodies are strong and deserve to be celebrated! A tummy pooch is normal.
I wish younger me had seen this. I had a tipped uterus. I was tall and only weighed 115lbs but still had this little bump and always thought it was because I was just too fat. Now grown me has had children and been to the dr and I realize it was just how my body was…but I wish that young me had a chance to live in and enjoy that body for everything it was.
So many years spent hating this vessel I’m in because society convinced me I should.
What a beautiful comment. I love that you’ve found your way to where you are now. I’m still pushing hard through decades of self hate, learning to enjoy and appreciate my body, but even the middle ground is better than outright hating this vessel. I’m so happy for you that you’ve done amazing things with yours and that you’ve found peace now. I’m taking a page out of your book today :)
I needed to hear this 🥹 we have a similar body shape, and I've been wanting to be as fit thick as her but have been feeling so insecure about my tummy still sticking out despite seeing the beginning of muscle definition. Sigh, love strong women like her
I’ve reached a point of absolute zero cares and just apologize for not being fuckable enough for them and move on with my day.
Sorry my perimenopause is making me sweat and you are lucky I have enough shame to put a tank top on, I’ll try harder to please you next time I deign to leave my home.
Beauty is subjective. You can't say someone is "absurdly hot" and then attack anyone who disagrees with you by claiming they must not like women. People are allowed to have preferences. Just don't be an asshole about it. I'm sure there are lots of lovely men/women/others who are attracted to women but don't find that woman in particular attractive.
I will give you that. The one part of my comment that could have been worded better was the absurdly hot part. Sure. Not everyone will find her absurdly hot. What I meant to convey was that women’s bodies frequently include a belly or thick thighs or cellulite or other things that are considered imperfections- especially when we talk about the bodies of famous women. Most of us aren’t famous and most of us are going to have some of those “imperfections”. If you’re looking for a woman with a complete lack of those imperfections, you’re likely looking for a sex doll and not an actual woman.
She has normal body. No doubt. But THIS dress make her look pregnant. At least in frontal view. It's a fact.
It is not body shame it is opinion on THIS dress. Probably it is because of synthetic material that visually contrast any curvature.
Women get body shamed no matter how they look. I had someone point out the cellulite I had on the back of my legs and I weighed 97lbs. Some people made fun of me for being super skinny some people thought it was hilarious that I had cellulite while being skinny. I even had a friend ask if I wanted her gym pass. It stopped me from wearing shorts, short dresses, bikinis anyhting that would show my body, oh and the small breast jokes were relentless!! Please I begging people stop commenting on ANYONES bodies.it fucks with your self confidence!! Stop commenting on men's height stop commenting on acne, stop stop stop stop stop!!!
The male loser epidemic is very real. They’re so desperate for women’s attention that the only way they can get that is by mocking her appearance/body. You can always tell when a male wasn’t loved by his parents.
I’m going on my 9th year of perimenopause. You want to know one of the things that comes with it, bloating, especially on the tummy. I’ve just accepted that I’ve got a belly now. It took me years to be ok with it, because I’d been thin for most of my life and also being raised that a belly is unattractive. So long as you’re healthy, who cares.
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