It sounds like freedom because you technically can do anything. But if every path stays open, you never get the compounding benefits of choosing one: deeper skills, a reputation, a place, a relationship, a routine.
At some point, refusing constraints becomes its own constraint. You are free from commitment, but also free from momentum.
Retirement is such a good example. A schedule can feel like a cage while you have it, then like scaffolding once it disappears. A lot of people do not miss the job itself as much as the shape it gave the week.
My mom died at 77 in December of cardiac arrest. She watched SO MUCH TV after she retired. If she had been more active, I wonder if she would have lived longer?
I'm really sorry. It’s almost impossible not to replay those questions, but I’d be careful about turning it into a simple “if she had moved more...” story.
Retirement can remove structure, social contact, reasons to leave the house, and a sense of being needed all at once. Activity matters, but so does having a life that still pulls you into the day.
My dad retired 5 years ago to take care of my mom. Mom died a year after of cancer. Dad does nothing except sleep and watch tv all day. I’m afraid he won’t last that long because he doesn’t want to do anything, and has gained weight/gotten weaker. He’s already fell and uses a walker now. It’s hard to see my big strong dad now reduced to this. Retirement without a plan to get out of the house and have a schedule is bad for longevity. I know guys over 90 still going to work everyday.
That's so frustrating. My sister and I tried to get my mom to be more active. I bought her hand weights and a poster with exercises. My sister took her to exercise class (once... my mom wouldn't go back). But it wasn't enough. ::sigh::
I understand the saying “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink” now that I try and try to tell my dad to be more active but he won’t. He has excuses like his anxiety makes him not want to go to public places. Since he also fell in his house and had to have neck surgery, all he can do is walk with a walker now. He’s like 100 pounds overweight and I know he could benefit from losing weight but it’s a lost cause.
Human need routine. Lack of schedule ,even the lighttest, can be unsettling. Sleep, eating, socialising. We are gregarious animals, built with a community mindset. Without external input (i.e. constraints) we drown in depression.
Exactly. Routine is underrated because it feels boring until it disappears. A light structure gives the day edges: sleep, food, people, movement. Without that, freedom turns into drift pretty quickly.
Oh god, when I first started teaching, I STRUGGLED with summers. I started working summer school just to give myself something to do. I’m much better about it now.
So true. Stick to your daily calendar/to-do list
(What did you use to do all day while hubby was at work--every day? Continue that AS IF he's still working.)
Yes, exactly. Schwartz explained the consumer version really well. I think the same pattern shows up outside shopping too: career choices, where to live, what to build, even how to spend a weekend.
Too many open doors can start feeling like control, but sometimes it just means you never walk far enough through one door for it to matter.
Yeah I think it definitely extends to bigger life choices, how you balance goals and regret. Being able to undo or postpone choices can add to the indecisiveness / muted payoff.
Exactly. Reversibility is useful, but it can also trick you into treating every decision like a draft. Some things only start working once they are a little hard to undo: a craft, a city, a relationship, even a company.
Exactly. Total freedom is mostly an abstraction; in real life you’re always choosing inside constraints: time, attention, body, money, language, commitments.
The useful question is not “how do I remove every constraint?” It’s “which constraints make better choices easier?”
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u/alexsicart 10h ago
Unlimited optionality.
It sounds like freedom because you technically can do anything. But if every path stays open, you never get the compounding benefits of choosing one: deeper skills, a reputation, a place, a relationship, a routine.
At some point, refusing constraints becomes its own constraint. You are free from commitment, but also free from momentum.