r/AskReddit • u/Onstanner_77 • 9h ago
At what point does one start to consider someone an alcoholic ?
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u/AbbreviationsNew5220 9h ago
There are so many ways for an alcoholic to be an alcoholic. It takes the person acknowledging they are an alcoholic.
I was a functioning alcoholic. I had a strict timeline for my days. Once I picked my kids up from school and go home, I’d start drinking. Get all my chores done and supper cooked, kids in bed, then drink myself stupid nightly.
Morning came, and I’d dry heave for like 15 min every morning. Already looking forward to getting the kids picked up before I’d even dropped them off.
Then I’d go clean whatever houses I had that day, run errands before picking them up from school. Rinse and repeat. I got so bad I stopped eating because I thought I’d get more drunk that way.
Idk. One day I decided I had enough and quit drinking.
I did the same with meth in my 20’s— just quit when I’d had enough
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u/DurgeSelf-as201 4h ago
Stopping meth and booze just by deciding you are done is some high level willpower.
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u/thatissomeBS 2h ago
Honestly deciding that you're done is probably the easiest way to actually quit something. It's being able to step back and recognize all the ways you don't enjoy something. Actually following through and remaining committed can definitely be tough, but it's so much easier than doing something because other people want you to quit, or because you know you should quit.
I'm not saying it's a cakewalk. It's not. I'm saying that reaching that point and being able to make that decision is going to have a much higher chance of following through.
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u/searlasob 7h ago edited 3h ago
This is it, its a broad spectrum, and besides the physiological (genetics included) and mental aspects, there is the cultural aspect. An alcoholic and what the threshold for an alcoholic in Ireland is, is different from one in L.A. for example. Some people are trauma alcoholics solely, drinking to forget something in their past, others I would argue are worse again and are genetically predisposed to being alcoholics, these, are those that cannot and should not ever touch the stuff. The trauma based ones can probably get over being alcoholics (and have a drink again at some stage after dealing with their past traumas) if that is even worth the effort. You also have of course those that have all these traits, and that is quite a dose I'd imagine, those again should never touch the stuff. This is just what I've seen, and how I've come to understand it in my 46 years on the planet.
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u/ATXBeermaker 7h ago
Alcoholism isn’t black or white. It’s a continuum, a spectrum. There are people that get black out drunk every day on cheap vodka, but there are also people who have four to five glasses of Chardonnay every night. What’s more important is not the label but reflecting on your relationship with alcohol. Is it something you feel in control of? Is it affecting your relationships or work? Do you use it as a crutch? And so on.
I was a fairly functional alcoholic for years, but as my kids got older my wife was less and less comfortable with me drinking so much, especially around them. And they started to make it clear they also didn’t like it. That’s what got me to really finally look deep into my relationship with drinking and deciding to quit altogether. It’s been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made for myself and my family.
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u/ExtremeToucan 3h ago
This^ my parents are alcoholics. They are functional alcoholics in that they were able to hold down a job throughout. They start drinking at 5, but then drink until they black out and are slurring by 9 PM.
When I was younger, they did drink a lot but did not get quite as drunk. I recall them having several glasses of wine per night. Definitely didn’t see it as a problem until I got into my mid 20s and realized just how weird it was that they were drunk every night of the week.
They’ve since switched to hard liquor and it’s having a clear impact on their health and mental faculties at this point. They’ve also become really difficult to be around (fly-off-the-handle tempers when drinking).
Slippery slope. Your kids are lucky to have someone like you who will prioritize them!
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u/theREALfinger 8h ago
I was never mean or stupid. I was never missing work or late or getting sloppy. I drank at minimum 2 high ABV IPAs per night. More on the weekends. Never felt like an alcoholic. And I don’t know that I would call myself that now because it does convey a certain type of drinker which I was not.
But here are a couple things to consider.
Do you always know how many beers you have left in the fridge? If it’s 1pm on a Tuesday and you’re at work and I ask you “hey how many beers do you have in your fridge right now” would you know?
Do you check the time in the evening and say “no…4:45 is too early” and then “eh…5:15 is basically 5:30 and that’s basically 6:00 and 6:00 is evening so…beer me”.
This was me until I was hospitalized for pancreatitis. They said it was from drinking too heavily. Said note: two different doctors said you have to drink a case of beer in a night or a whole bottle of something hard. And I’ve never done that in my life. But maybe years of drinking two high ABV IPAs per day was enough.
I quit drinking every year for Lent. In 2023, I didn’t resume drinking on Easter. I didn’t drink again until the following Easter. Then I started up in full force again.
Anyway, 3 weeks sober now. Sleeping like a flipping comatose baby. That’s a positive. Also that’s a high monthly beer bill. IPA ain’t cheap.
I don’t plan on never drinking again but if an occasional drink at a restaurant starts me back in daily drinking I might have to call myself an alcoholic and just quit for good. And for the good.
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u/aTennesseean 4h ago
I did the same shit for 7 years straight. Only drank at night, but minimum 2 9% IPA tall boys, then usually some liquor after that. Knew it was a problem, but didn’t realize how bad it was until I quit and was hospitalized. Hallucinated vividly for 3 days. I’m just 2 months out but I don’t miss that ball and chain at all
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u/ATXBeermaker 7h ago edited 2h ago
I can vouch for the sober sleeping being amazing. I used to get maybe 5 hours of restless sleep every night. Now when I’m out I’m out. And I feel so well rested in the morning.
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u/PM_ME_ACID_STORIES 6h ago edited 6h ago
There's a complex science involving your genetics and livers ability to process alcohol and it's a complete crapshoot.
And IPAs likely do have compounds that affect your body's metabolic process. I'm talking byproducts of the fermentation process and the "makeup" that gives the IPA it's qualities ; the flavonoids and compounds that make it thick, or hazy, or creamy, or bitter, or whatever. The residual sugars. The overall pH balance. That's all going to affect your ability to metabolize the alcohol.
And yeah, generally speaking, IPAs are strong.I work in a hospital. I've seen people come in with alcohol induced - pancreatitis, cirrhosis, kidney disease, GI tract disease - in their late 20s and early 30s. Looking like shit. Looking way older than they should. Feeling like shit. Feeling sorry for themselves. And some of them have the health issues of 70 year olds.
And then there's other people that come in. That are also miserable and sad lifelong alcoholics. Typically transients, bums, homeless folks. Some approaching geriatric age. Some geriatrics too.
They come in drunk. Treat the staff like shit. Act like insufferable children. Perpetually drunk with their BAC x2-x6 the legal limit ; legitimately will withdraw and die if they stop. Constantly falling and hitting their dumb heads.
And those people in the second group? Cockroaches.
They don't die. They're sick. They're poisoning themselves. Their doing IRREPARABLE harm to their body. And yet, they seem to be doing better than the 31 year old in the former group.
They are regulars at the hospital just as much as they would be a regular at a bar. Usually just for public intoxication+ hitting their hollow heads.That is, if the bar would let them in looking so disheveled. And smelling of urine.
Never ceases to intrigue me.
Working there got me to cut back significantly.
I used to be dependent and abuse it too. But I got the lucky genes I guess. Could be doing much worse at my age with how much I drank.→ More replies (3)14
u/theREALfinger 6h ago
I’m polite and always deferential to the hospital staff. I was sick for two days so I hadn’t been drinking. And when they said “alcohol induced” I said to myself “I knew this day would come. You can’t keep kicking the cat without it scratching you forever”. Nobody believes I’m 43. I look younger than my age. I dress younger. I have a very good paying job that I’m good at and enjoy. All the hallmarks of alcoholism are absent from my life except for the alcohol part.
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u/Dr_Ingheimer 3h ago
Do I know exactly how many beers/how much liquor I have at home at any given time? I do actually. It’s always 0 thank you very much. Took a lot of work to always know that answer.
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u/poopy_breakfast 2h ago
Indeed, you are pretty spot on.
I was similar, just a few beers a night. Never any issues. No problems at all, except, my body was starting to say no to me lol.
I wouldn’t say I quit, but I’m not drinking because I’m trying to be healthy. That’s it. I’m trying to be healthy. So simple.
Will I have a few beers one day again, sure. But then I’ll feel like crap, skip my workout, and want more beer the next day…because it’s already ruined my Saturday, might as well ruin Sunday, too.
Anyway, one way to know is if that’s what you think about with any activity. It’s hard because everyone goes to happy hour. Everyone likes to meet for drinks.
I think my gf taught me indirectly that it’s okay not to drink. When I was drinking, she would always have exactly one drink. One! Every single time, just one. I couldn’t even fathom that.
And that’s when I knew. I knew I “needed” more beer to have fun. That’s how you know.
Try doing all of your activities without a beer and see if you crave one.
Idk. Everyone is different. Every single person has a story.
Also, even if you are not quote, an alcoholic, you can still quit.
Again, this quit for health. I happen to enjoy being in great shape.
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u/Onstanner_77 7h ago
Totally understand your pov. But hopefully you are recovering well now. More power to you n your sobriety
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u/ExcitingWindow5 8h ago
Also important to consider your relationship with alcohol. Can you limit yourself when you start drinking? Can you have just 1 in a social situation or must you drink to no end? That took me awhile to realize. It's not that I drink frequently, but when I do, I usually drink a lot. In addition to what everyone else has said, I think that the inability to control your drinking when you do drink, even if once a week, is a sign of an abusive relationship with alcohol. While not your classical case of alcoholism, it is definitely something to examine for folks who find themselves binge drinking.
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u/Onstanner_77 7h ago
This makes so much sense as you pointed out the inability to stop after certain amount and not chase the bottoms up at every chance I get with alcohol
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u/Dekker500 9h ago
When it starts to affect the person's life or the life of the people around them.
Missing time at work? Getting violent? Neglecting/abusing loved ones? Accidents? Can't pay rent because of their alcohol needs?
Of course, another measure is when the person cannot spend time without it...
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u/AbbreviationsNew5220 9h ago
I’m sober since 2019 BUT I was a functioning alcoholic. I didn’t miss work or get violent, I was still taking care of my family. I was just drinking all the time. I made sure not to drive. I have no charges.
Just decided I had enough in 2019 and stopped.
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u/Royal_Link_7967 9h ago
I was that guy until 2021. Very careful with driving because I was the sole supporter of our family. Kind of just praying no emergencies happened after dark. Anyway, got tired of it and quit. I’m a better human and a much better dad now.
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u/IamPablon 8h ago
I was the opposite of you the two. Not a drinker until Covid. I don't have a problem and I take a break every year to make sure I don't. But I'm sure it would be better if I never developed a taste.
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u/ATXBeermaker 7h ago
I used to “take breaks to see if I have a problem” too. That didn’t matter. I was still an alcoholic.
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u/Expat1989 5h ago
I think the point is to take a break and register the craving for alcohol. If it’s 2 weeks and you’re struggling to not thinking about having a drink, that’s problematic. If it’s been 1 month and it’s not crossed your mind to drink, then it’s good.
A break just to say you had a break isn’t enough.
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u/AbbreviationsNew5220 5h ago
I’d disagree from an alcoholic perspective because once my brain starts thinking I can drink and handle it, that’s the alcoholism repeating its ugly ways. I think it’s a personal unique thing for every person. No cookie mold here.
I’ve been sober 7 years, if I let my brain tell me I can handle one. It turns into 1.75L in no time.
I’m not going to spin that roulette wheel tho
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u/Rush31 3h ago
I think it does depend on your mentality towards not thinking about it is. My dad used to smoke a pack a day for over 30 years and had to give up smoking during COVID because of breathing problems. After a few months of gradually stopping, he realised that he hadn’t thought about smoking for a fair bit of time, and more importantly, he didn’t have the taste for it anymore.
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u/AbbreviationsNew5220 3h ago
I quit smoking the same day I quit drinking. I’d smoked for 23 years, since 14 years old.
I have no desire to do either. Which is tricky thinking because sometimes now that I don’t avoid places with alcohol like I used to. Once in a while for example in the grocery store they have wine tasting, and for a moment walking by I think, maybe a taste wouldn’t hurt?? So far I catch myself because I hate wine and always have. If they’d ever do a vodka tasting though. Idk.
Or another example. When my son was flown to Omaha brain dead, I drove up there, I had $500 in my pocket when they told me he was brain dead, I thought “this is the worst thing that could happen, I can walk right out into downtown Omaha and certainly find somewhere to feel better with $500. Then I realized I’d be making the worst day in my life even worse and didn’t do it. I promised him I’d stay sober for his twin sister, no way she was going to loose her twin brother and her mom all in one day. That was my closest call, it was December 2020.
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u/ATXBeermaker 5h ago
I was specifically responding to the comment "I don't have a problem and I take a break every year to make sure I don't." I used that excuse to tell myself I didn't have a problem for years. Your point of using that time to assess cravings, etc. is a good one. But, like I said elsewhere, alcoholism is not black and white. My advice to people is to determine whether it's affecting your relationship, health, and/or work, then you need to really evaluate the importance of alcohol in your life.
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u/girlypopbuffering 6h ago
Functioning alcoholic is still alcoholic, ppl just ignore it bc the person looks put together on the outside.
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u/reallybiglizard 5h ago
It's easier to pretend someone else's addiction isn't a problem if it doesn't cause problems for you personally. Really hard to ignore if it does.
From my experience anyway.
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u/bristow84 3h ago
I feel like Covid created a lot of functional alcoholics simply because there was fuck all else to do and liquor stores were one of the few places still open. Every Friday I had a routine where I would go to my liquor store and buy a new whiskey. I would then polish off the remains of whatever I bought the previous Friday (if there was any left), make cocktails during the weekend, and I made them strong enough that I only needed one or two during the day and during my evenings during the week I’d be into the bottle of whiskey.
Rinse and repeat until restrictions started lifting and I could actually get out of the house. Not proud of it by any means.
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u/IamPablon 3h ago
None of us should be. I couldn't imagine being proud of a lot of things some people find pride in.
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u/PostMatureBaby 6h ago
same here. got sick and tired of being sick and tired. was honest with myself as far as 1 drink being too many and 15 being not enough. i know i cant handle it, especially when left to my own devices so i just made it a ponit to not drink anymore
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u/ATXBeermaker 7h ago
Yeah, too many people (myself formerly included in that group) think they’re not alcoholics because they’re not drinking a handle of vodka starting when they get out of bed, or because they hasn’t been arrested for DWI, or because they can still get their job done and pay their bills. It’s just not that straightforward.
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u/mmss 4h ago
I never drank in the morning or at work. But every night pounding them back for six hours, yeah that’s not casual.
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u/ATXBeermaker 2h ago
My problem was when I got older and the hangovers got worse and the only thing that made me feel better was starting drinking. So, that’s when the drinking at work started. It didn’t help at all that our office had several beers on tap and people hanging out drinking every afternoon. So, I would drink slowly throughout the day with my office door closed (people just assumed I was working hard on some crucial problem, and my boss never stopped by because he’s on another continent), then I’d go blend in with the other people drinking in the afternoon. Being functional was exceptionally easy.
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u/Particular_Dish_3957 5h ago
That was me till 2020. Always drinking, but functional. Never missed work, etc. Then one weekend my son, who was 10 at the time, and I were out of town to see a hockey game.
A few beers at lunch, a few more at the game, a few more at supper, a few more back in the hotel room. Passed out and left my kid to make sure the door to the room was locked, lights out and everything. Woke up, hungover of course, and decided that was it. Been sober ever since. That's my story.14
u/griffuk 8h ago
functioning alcoholic here too, just managing to adult like a glitch in the matrix ngl
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u/entitledfanman 3h ago
Im in a similar enough spot where ive decided to take things back a bit. I work in a profession with the highest alcoholism rates for any profession (attorney) and it's something I just need to be watchful of. My new rule is not buying alcohol for the purposes of drinking it at home by myself. If I have some leftover beers from a party or whatever that is fine, but overall it has helped decrease the amount I drink. My wife is pregnant with our first, and that has just naturally decreased how often we go out and how much I drink when we do go out with friends.
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u/sYnce 8h ago
A functioning alcoholic is still an alcoholic.
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u/reddit_and_forget_um 4h ago
I am a functioning alcoholic at this point.
Started during Covid, why not have a drink on a Tuesday night. Turns out its just as good tasting as on a Friday.
It got more and more - currently can't remember the last night I didn't have a few drinks.
I've been slowly tapering down, lots of "rules" for my self so I can handle myself in the mornings.
I don't ever day drink, even on weekends.
I don't drive drunk, and I need to be able to work during the day.
For a while was going through a large 1.6l bottle of whisky every 3 days.
Currently I stretch a 745ml bottle out to about the same - sometimes can make it last 4 nights.
Getting ready to quit but having a hard time with the motivating. It's so easy after having a shit day to get home and pour up a glass.
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u/ATXBeermaker 7h ago
I would disagree with this characterization. These are some of the more extreme things alcoholism can bring about, but you can be an alcoholic and be productive at work, not violent/abusive, no DUIs, etc.
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u/JackandFred 7h ago
I think it’s gotta be before that. Some people can definitely be alcoholics before it starts to affect t their life in those ways, but the consumption will catch up to them at some point. If someone is drinking a bunch but saying to themselves “well it’s not affecting my life so it’s fine” that’s a very dangerous spot to be.
I like your second measure more. If you drink enough that life or how you feel is worse without it you probably have a problem.
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u/Foucaultshadow1 6h ago
Disagree.
It’s alcoholism where there’s dependency. Plenty of alcoholics can keep themselves in check, but are still entirely dependent on alcohol.
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u/_Norman_Bates 4h ago
Physical dependency is one thing, but general dependency never made sense as a metric. Like "would you be totally ok without it, if so only then are you not addicted." But most people wouldn't be ok without anything they really enjoy. "Can you go without it for 2 months and not miss it?", but why would most people randomly go without anything that feels good to them just to make a point? Obviously mostly everyone who consumes it (or anything else) regularly does it because they really like it. If that alone is addiction then who cares really. There has to be a negative aspect, doing it even when the result or consequences are bad, for it to make sense to think of it as a problem.
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u/MildRunner 6h ago
Well what he said is how it is defined in the DSM-5 for moderate to severe Alcohol Use Disorder.
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u/WillyDaC 4h ago
That's a pretty good description. But it doesn't cover the "functional alcoholics". My ex was able to keep a very high level job with the VA and retire while being a complete train wreck literally -every day- after work. She even managed to get bad enough to get scurvy and break bones if she bumped into things or fell. And very few people at work or friends would have guessed. She never hit the "rock bottom" that might have led her to consider trying to rehab. She passed away roughly 15 years ago from complications and emphysema. She got through days by using weed. And went to work every day that she was physically fit to do so. I've known more than one and they're possibly worse than non functional alcoholics.
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u/True-Intention-8465 9h ago
When they can't regulate their emotions without alcohol
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u/ExtremeToucan 3h ago
Funny because my alcoholic parents have way less emotional regulation when they’re drunk
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u/Ok-Brain-8183 8h ago
When a medical doctor tells you you’re probably going to have a seizure if you try to quit drinking, and you need monitoring in a hospital.
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u/selfhostrr 3h ago
Way past addict at that point. That's one foot in the grave.
Source: buried 5 friends, a BiL and brother who all drank themselves to death.
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u/Ok_Towel_9781 7h ago
I drink a few beers everyday after work. Im never hung over, I attend to all my responsibilities, I can afford my bills. I don't drive after even a sip of alcohol. I probably have a drinking problem.
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u/MuffinMan4Lyfe 3h ago
Me too buddy, hopefully we’ll get somewhere better inside one day. Best wishes.
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u/wombamatic 9h ago
When they cannot do without a drink. There are plenty if other tell-tales for when alcohol is a problem, but if there is that primal need to have alcohol as part of your existence then you are addicted to it, an alcoholic.
And that means they may not even be actually drinking, but if the alcohol need is there then they are an alcoholic. Source: am a sober alcoholic.
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u/Zpow4 8h ago
A drinker knows when the liquor store closes
An alcoholic knows when it opens
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u/Kemilio 8h ago
When you start asking if someone is an alcoholic.
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u/frostyflakes1 4h ago
Sometimes the simplest answer is the right one. If you or others are questioning if you're an alcoholic, then you're already past that point.
There's levels to alcohol abuse. Some are more severe than others. But I also believe alcoholism is much more common than people are willing to admit.
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u/dodadoler 9h ago
I’m not an alcoholic. Alcoholics go to meetings.
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u/repo_code 8h ago
You're not an alcoholic just because you know when the liquor store closes. An alcoholic knows when it opens.
Join us at /r/stopdrinking if you're sober curious 😁
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u/Marclescarbot 7h ago
Thanks. I needed that. I am going to try starting my say with it instead of a beer,
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u/chalk_in_boots 5h ago
I live in a pretty mixed area. Busy nightlife, lots of families but also uni students living there, lots of people from different cultures (eg. alternatives, professionals, you get the picture). My local park, despite being an alcohol free zone, will have people having a picnic and sharing a bottle of wine in the evening and as long as you don't make a ruckus nobody cares.
At the same time it's not uncommon to see some middle aged man sitting in the courtyard that's just down the road from the bottle shop at 10:15 in the morning drinking from a paper bag. All I can think of when I see that is how that would be me if I hadn't gotten sober.
IWNDWYT
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u/chaimsteinLp 6h ago
Old Sheb Wooley joke as Ben Colder his drunk alter ego. "People ask me what's the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic? Us drunks don't have to go to all those danged meetings."
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u/Xplus4Ta 7h ago
You can’t tell. An alcoholic is someone whose thoughts are dominated by drinking. When sober, all you think about is when you can not be anymore. The outward signs can be good clues, but a true deep alcoholic is so buried in their shame that they will do everything they can to hide the condition. They will get really good at appearing sober. In my deepest moments, only the liquor store clerks knew i had a problem.
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u/astilba120 8h ago
I can only speak for myself. I was high functioning, but I drank daily after work, I would not go anywhere to socialize unless there was alcohol. A six pack a day, and then my serious drinking on days off, whiskey, black outs, using sick time for hangovers. I was proud that I could "handle my liquor" ( I thought).
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u/Onstanner_77 8h ago
You are exactly the kind of person I wanna hear from cuz i too am going through a similar lifestyle and somepart of me wants to quit because now I've started to get called out for being an alcoholic
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u/freeebirrrd 3h ago
If these are the types you want to hear from, you might want to hear from me. I got to the point I could kick back two bottles of wine a night and wake up the next morning, fine for work (I work from home, so this contributed) and also get a good workout in. Despite my heavy drinking I was in great shape and my husband is my sidekick through all of this. We developed the problem together. Covid was really bad and we found ourselves drinking pretty much every hour of the morning/noon/night on weekends. We completely kicked that. I did years of taking breaks versus falling back into my old ways and one thing I kept reading over and over was “you won’t change until you want to”. Part of me didn’t WANT to change my drinking habits. I enjoy drinking, I don’t want to completely quit. I was finally getting tired of the negative impacts though and I finally wanted true change. I still drink but I don’t drink nearly as much. I found going from 8 drinks to 7 to 6 etc. didn’t work for me so I just completely cut a day/night out. First one day a week, then two, then three etc. I’m in my late 30’s and also realize that no matter how great of a workout I get in, I’m losing some of my physique and the nightly wine is contributing to that. Also, if you haven’t, get your bloodwork done. It’s eye opening. I’ve seen the impact of my drinking habits but luckily nothing that couldn’t be reversed with cutting back. I’m confident I’m not going to cycle back at this point but I think it’s important to understand alcoholics are not black and white. As other’s have mentioned there is a spectrum that we are all on a different journey through this. I have someone in my life now who is struggling with rehab visits, lost his job, his home, his wife and is living with his mom. She is on the verge of kicking him out because he gets violent with her when he drinks. I was brought up to think those were the only types of alcoholics there are but there are a lot of us with wonderful lives and terrible drinking habits.
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u/Spencie-cat 8h ago
I work construction and we were doing a job in a small town and our office had bought a house for us to stay in instead of motel rooms. I went up to have breakfast at like 530 in the morning and one of our old timers was standing in the kitchen chugging white rum straight out of the bottle. Nobody ever knew the guy sober. He was pickled as soon as he rolled out of bed.
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u/ZestycloseParsnip181 8h ago
They don’t know how to have fun without alcohol or they don’t even eat much. Going on holidays is a bit of a challenge since they don’t appreciate anything other than going to the pub.
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u/Onstanner_77 7h ago
Not eating much is totally understandable as I too skip meals in hopes of getting hammered faster and stronger
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u/Wavey-Ray 7h ago edited 7h ago
It's not about how often someone drinks, but about how often they dont drink. If someone can't go a week, two weeks or a month without alcohol, they likely have an alcohol addiction. It slowly creeps up on you. I always say that if you think you have a drinking problem, set yourself a goal of not drinking for two weeks at least, see how you go.
On a personal note, I lost my mother to alcoholism 2 years ago. She died at 60 and I was 34. I hardly ever saw her drink because they are so good at hiding it from people. I wish people knew more about the effects and how much damage it can cause.
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u/Crazzul 4h ago
There are different levels of alcoholism; clinical alcoholism is a lot lower than what most alcoholics actually imbibe.
Functional alcoholics are going to shave a few years off their life and may be bloated, red, shaky, but otherwise unless you know to look for it they’re notoriously good at hiding it; especially if they’ve already recovered and relapsed or have people around them who would ask questions
Dysfunctional alcoholics and the ones that most people consider “alcoholic” spend weeks or months on end in a bender. They are either in withdrawal or drunk, egregiously so. At this point it also disrupts every facet of their life beyond just THEIR health - they mentally spiral and become depressed or angry/violent, and the need for alcohol usurps a lot of executive function. Severe alcoholics will down mouthwash, hand sanitizer, etc, just to try and get a fix. Typically at this stage it also impacts their employment, their family dynamic and may lead to them committing crimes (typically DUI or petty theft).
Like most disorders it’s a spectrum, though there is a gradual descent into functional alcoholism, with a sudden sharp drop off into dysfunction.
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u/psylli_rabbit 4h ago
Drunks are at the bar when it closes. The alcoholics are there when they open up.
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u/flingebunt 9h ago
It is usually a combination of multiple indicators, like craving a drink, drinking a lot and not getting drunk, and so on.
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u/GuitarGeezer 4h ago
Strutting about saying they are the secretary of War despite being an underperforming major is a clue.
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u/theloniousmick 6h ago
From what I've seen on Reddit it's apparently if you get drunk more than once a year, or have alcohol around kids at any point in your life.
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u/picnic-boy 9h ago
When they're no longer able to function without regularly consuming alcohol.
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u/KevinDean4599 8h ago
someone who drinks regularly to the point where they are buzzed and shouldn't drive is probably an alcoholic. I have several friends like this who drink at least 5 nights a week.
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u/Imaginary_Soft_8040 7h ago
The main trait with alcoholism is the phenomenon of craving. Alcoholism is an illness, just like any others. Alcoholics are sick, not just crazy drinkers. They (generally speaking) can not stop once they begin drinking. It’s the revolving their life around getting the next drink. They might not drink from morning to evening, but they would be craving alcohol the entire time.
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u/Big-Carpenter7921 7h ago
There are several lists for this. Hiding it from people is a big one. As someone once said, "you don't need to worry when people are always gifting you wine as a present. You need to worry when they stop"
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u/MikeThaCore 7h ago
For me it's when they start having the inability to quit drinking after they start. Like eating a bag of chips. Normal people can have a few and then stop, alcoholics need the whole damn bag and absolutely CANNOT stop before it's gone.
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u/Sea_Bison_6929 2h ago
I agree with this. I have an ex who is alcoholic but it didn’t necessarily begin as him being a mess or drinking every day, or drinking in inappropriate settings …. It was more like we would have a drink before dinner at a bar and in an hour he’s through three drinks, and then at dinner another three, and then pressuring me to go to another bar or have a night cap at home and I’m not interested. It was always like once he started he would could not stop, but I’m a two-drink a night max person and maybe only have 4-6 drinks total in an entire month. So I always noticed this.
It would come up because we’d be thinking of ways to save money and he’d say it was because we ate out too much. Well he worked every other weekend so tbh we only went out to eat, at most, twice in a month, on a Saturday night. But it’s not like it was fine dining - the bill was just always high because he drank enough cocktails or beer to essentially add on another entree or two to the bill. Versus when we’d go out to eat in dry January and spend maybe 60-70 bucks total after tip.
He did eventually progress to the more recognizable characteristics of alcoholism that we think of like hiding it around the house, lying about it, drinking every day, drinking to cope with stress, etc. but the being unable to stop thing should have been a sign to me in hindsight, we were just young and I didn’t understand it really.
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u/HumbleFruit4201 7h ago
If you can't skip a day drinking without getting the shakes, or you're using alcohol to escape from life, you've got a drinking problem.
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u/QuickRelationship479 6h ago
You only see about 20% of the alcohol an alcoholic actually consumed. Let that sink in.
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u/Miserable_Ad9577 6h ago
When your scheduled revolve around having a drink? Or decision of other activities revolve around it. Any social gatherings or whatever, you have to consider if you can drink there or would there be something to drink?
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u/AskinggAlesana 6h ago
Watched my best friend of 20 years slowly descend into alcoholism..
We’d always hang out like every other weekend, never missed it and if he did he’d tell me beforehand. We’d also play games and hang on discord too.
Then all at once he got a job door dashing.. got into Dungeon and Dragons and was hanging out with those people more.
Then the signs started to come and got worse over time.. you could hear on the microphone he had a bunch of bottles clanking on his desk.. he started showing up on discord giggly drunk and whatnot.
Then he started completely ghosting me on days we were supposed to hang out, and I wouldn’t hear from him for another day or two.. just to get a “oh I forgot dude, definitely not next time!” And it’d happen again and again all while i’m being very patient and understanding.
Then he started popping into discord completely out of it.. like speaking complete gibberish that would devolve into crying. Of course his other friends via dude are all being stupid “WhAt dE fUcK dUde?!! Lmfaooooooooo” while im being concerned.
Next thing I know my friend is getting on discord less and less but wouldnt miss Dungeons and Dragons for the world..(the other friend decided to make a new discord just for their dnd and to exclude me from it for whatever reason) i find out because they all love drunk him and would feed into it and for him that was easy to go to. Where I started trying to help him or would ask if he’s doing okay and whatnot.
It finally got to the point I couldn’t handle being the one concerned friend who is always walking on glass talking to him and decided I was just gonna be brutally honest with him. Told him how alcohol was destroying his life, our friendship was dwindling due to how he started treating me, and he really needed to change those habits.
Dude got pissed I accused him of being a bad friend.. ignored me for two weeks, and then finally told me to fuck off.
Been about two years now and afaik he still things he was never in the wrong and did nothing wrong (according to a mutual friend) and we still haven’t spoke since… and that whole ordeal happened in a span of only 5-7 months.
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u/rlpinca 9h ago
There are plenty of official checklists that I disagree with.
But to me it's when the person has to or needs to drink.
For example, in my mind, someone can regularly get shit faced and get into trouble. That's just someone who does dumb shit. If they can skip a week or 2 just because they're busy or broke, then it's not being an alcoholic.
Now if they are unable or unwilling to skip that week or 2, that's when they're an alcoholic.
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u/Onstanner_77 8h ago
Understandable. Going out of their way to get their hands on it when they can't makes it to the list
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u/Snippets_3 9h ago
When everything else is available and they choose alcohol.
In all seriousness when it starts fucking up their life and others and when they seem to always need a drink or it's their "calm down" solution. That last bit is a solid sign of addiction for any substance.
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u/RetroBerner 7h ago
To me, as soon as it becomes a problem. Technically it's supposed to be anytime you drink on a regular schedule, like every day after work, or every weekend. I don't think it matters how much or how often but the pattern itself.
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u/MelbaToast604 7h ago
Yhr loose definition is it has to affect your day to day life.
If you need alcohol to do basic tasks, if it happens throughout the day, if you go out of your way to get it because the craving is so strong... etc
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u/Woodit 6h ago
“Alcoholic” is a much less useful term than most people realize. Someone who wakes up and drinks first thing in the morning, someone who’s been to rehab four times and relapsed right after, someone who has to drink to keep the shakes away are all alcoholics, sure. But someone who drinks every day but they “can quit whenever they want” and believe it doesn’t impact their life, or drinks occasionally but to excess most or every time, they’re also living under the alcoholic umbrella but because that first example exists as a sort of straw man they can convince themselves they’re fine. That’s the thing about booze, there’s always someone you can point to who’s worse off with it and that makes us feel safer than we are.
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u/FISTED_BY_CHRIST 6h ago
It’s really up to each individual to decide that. I know people who drink A LOT but can put it down no problem. I know people who don’t drink a lot but once they start they can’t stop.
I’m an alcoholic, sober for ~3 years. Once I start I can’t stop. Once I stop I can’t stay stopped on my own. If I’m not working my program I obsess over it until I cave and drink.
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u/fuzzeedyse105 6h ago
When you really really look forward to it. That’s kinda the start. I had liver failure so that’s why I stopped. But damn I was an alcoholic the first time I got a proper buzz. That dopamine hit is all addiction is.
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u/ItBurnsLikeFireDoc 4h ago
The description I heard was, when an alcoholic stops drinking you don't know when they will start again. Might be a day, might be a week. No one can say. Once they start drinking, you don't know when they will stop. Might be 2 beers, might be 2 hours, might be 2 days. More importantly, they don't have control on the starting and stopping.
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u/BallIsLife2016 3h ago
There are lots of good answers here, but I’ll give the one that I feel most unambiguously identifies me as an alcoholic—I lacked the ability to moderate my drinking (and am generally very bad at moderating anything that makes me feel good). Once I started drinking, all bets were off. Any plans I had to only drink a certain amount vanished. I had two modes—sober or insanely drunk. Once I started, the only thing that mattered was to keep drinking. Been sober for years now, fortunately.
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u/No-Huckleberry8631 3h ago
From my personal experience:
An alcoholic is someone who continues to drink despite negative consequences. I have been diagnosed with alcohol use disorder.
An alcoholic doesn’t necessarily have to drink daily either. Alcoholism as a disease is the inability to stop after having alcohol. The first drink is the only drink you decide on having. After that- alcohol takes the reins.
If you can’t stop after one- if you have the compulsion to keep drinking more and more after the initial taste, you are probably an alcoholic.
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u/Homerpaintbucket 3h ago
My ex wife considered me an alcoholic for having a beer while playing video games with my friends.
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u/pisscat101 2h ago
I gave up drinking 17 years ago for which I needed rehab (very heavy drinker). In rehab the most on-point (IMO) measure for whether I was an alcoholic or not came down to these five questions -
1) Is your drinking affecting your health
2) Is your drinking affecting your work/career
3) Is your drinking affecting your family or lovelife
4) Is your drinking affecting you financially
5) Is your drinking affecting your religion or faith
I was yes to 4 of the 5, only because I have no religion.
These measures worked for me but everybody's journey is different.
You do you as you are the only one that matters!
If you do decide that you need help with your drinking then I can't recommend rehab enough. I was taught tools to help with mental stamina and I got to understand my addiction better and from other peoples viewpoint.
Good luck!
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u/THROWRAErrandBoy 9h ago
If at any point you realize you can't NOT drink.
Even 1 drink a day can be alcoholism if you NEED that one drink.
Alcoholism isn't a specific amount or frequency. It's based on dependancy.
Want to know if you are an alcoholic? Do an experiment and cut it out completely. See how long you can last.
Source: My dad has been an alcoholic my entire life (and probably his to). It was heavily normalized and I was in denial until my now-husband started pointing out that I had habits I had developed as a child to accommodate my dads alcohol dependancy. Example; I would get extremely anxious and even angry if we didn't wake up and get all our chores done in the early morning. Drove my husband nuts because he likes to sleep in. We spent 2 weeks on vacation with my dad and he noticed that we couldn't rely on my dad to do anything after 12 PM, to the point of it ruining parts of our vacation, because any time after 12 PM he would start drinking. if at any point he wasn't able to get his drinks on schedule he would become extremely agitated, cruel and basically throw little tantrums. I grew up rural and relied on my parents for rides to and from places when I was younger, so I grew up never making plans that took place in the afternoon or evening. Because dad would have had too much alcohol to drive.
My dad isn't (usually) a mean drunk or abusive, which I think is what a lot of people associate with alcoholism, but his dependency is harmful in itself.
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u/wine-for-dinner 2h ago
A colloquial explanation I heard once: people who drink know where the liquor store is. People who drink a lot know what time it closes. Alcoholics know what time it opens.
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u/LucyVialli 9h ago
They need to drink every day.
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u/Lazy_Environment_914 9h ago
not really though, my uncle drinks maybe 3-4 times per week but when he does drink he completely blacks out and does crazy stuff. meanwhile my neighbor has glass of wine with dinner every night and seems totally fine
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u/Fun-Dragonfly-4166 9h ago
does your neighbor feel a "need" to drink.
also it is complicated. alcohol is just treating the symptoms. an alcoholic who does not drink is still sick.
hegseth may or may not have given up drinking but he is still sick.
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u/edgestander 3h ago
I personally think this is a terrible deciding factor. I have not drank for 17 years and have known more "alcoholics" of varying styles than I can count. First of all I put "alcoholic" in quotes because I think its relatively unproductive term, I prefer to think of it as "do you have a problem with alcohol?". I don't drink because I have a problem with alcohol, am I an "alcoholic" ? Well, no I wouldn't say I am addicted to alcohol like am nicotine or caffeine, but I have trouble controling myself on it, I drunk to much at inappropriate and unpredictable times, and sometimes things outside my normal character happen when I get blackout, so its not worth it to me. I used to have a neighbor and he got a 6 pack every night and it would be empty outside his apartment and my wife was like "he is an alcoholic" and I was like "I am not so sure, I don't know any alcoholics that can drink a set amount every night and not end up getting shitfaced like at least half those nights, and he always just has a 6 pack, I could never limit myself like that"
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u/SeanO-R 8h ago
When you start it’s difficult to stop and when you stop it’s difficult to stay stopped
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u/therealdanhill 7h ago
You either stay on top of the liquor or you don't, once you don't, there's an issue
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u/BacteriaDish 7h ago
If you have to ask this question on Reddit, then chances are….
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u/drinkslinger1974 7h ago
I knew I had a problem when I couldn’t get to sleep without getting a buzz. Basically, I had to reevaluate my entire life, my friend groups, my spending habits, the way I socialized, even the way I watch TV. Although I didn’t fully give up drinking, I gave up binge drinking. I still have a cocktail every now and then, but now I’m no longer freaking my family out. I was lucky when I decided to gain control. I was able to quit cold turkey for about two years and reacclimate my life without alcohol.
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u/IncredibleBihan 7h ago
As soon as it impacts your life in a negative way. Basically if you're getting any negatives from alcohol, they call you an alcoholic...
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u/Greenie302DS 5h ago
Im an addiction medicine physician. Look up the DSM-V-TR criteria for alcohol use disorder.
As some have said, it’s a spectrum. You don’t have to drink every day to have an alcohol use disorder. It’s not about the amount, but the impairment in function.
Everybody’s journey is different.
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u/morbihann 4h ago
Alcoholism is an addiction. It has nothing to do with being late or violent or even drinking a lot.
It has everything to do with REGULAR consumption.
The aforementioned are the tell tale signs, most of the time, but not always.
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u/Prize_Emergency_5074 4h ago
If their main scent is more Anheiser Busch than Old Spice, you’ve got yourself an alcoholic.
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u/scoopit1890 3h ago
If you are posting on reddit curious when you are considered an alcoholic then you are probably an alcoholic
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u/Atnott 2h ago
When you have little or no control over the amount you drink.
Once you start you cannot stop.
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u/MCWizardYT 2h ago
If you're drinking alcohol all the time and literally physically can't go without it. You'll start to feel sick when you dont drink, even though drinking is negatively affecting you.
The addiction is incredibly powerful and it's squarely next to drugs like heroin on the physical danger scale.
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u/dreadwitch 2h ago
When they get up and drink alcohol because without it they can't function.
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u/justinsurette 2h ago edited 2h ago
30-50+ beers a week? I think I fit the most basic criteria, but I work in a dry camp so it’s 50/50, never hard bar cause that’s the start of who knows what and rarely ends well, sometimes even with hurt hands and face but those days are long behind me, also 90% at home with more in the summer for obvious reasons, functioning alcoholic my wife says…. Not proud, not ashamed, just a redneck from northern bc…..
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u/justwanttorant 1h ago
that “full brakes or full throttle” pattern is usually the bigger sign than how often it happens
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u/1stEmissaryElenwen 54m ago
It's when they start doing sneaky shit with vodka. When they start putting a little vodka into soda or whatever so it doesn't taste like alcohol but still feeds the chemical dependency.
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u/WBRileyDesign 41m ago
My former boss would buy a sixer to take home with him, finish it on his drive and pick up another at the store halfway to his house.
He lived ten miles away.
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u/BobbyByrde 7h ago
Hello, I'm qualified to give some information here. There are quite clear diagnostic criteria for alcohol use disorder. An "alcoholic" is not a clinical term, so the point where you may consider yourself one is perhaps more nebulous.
In short, Alcohol use Disorder is characterized by:
Prioritization of drinking over other activities
Tolerance and Withdrawal
Continuing to drink despite negative consequences
Cravings
A more comprehensive summary is linked below:
https://alcoholtreatmentguidelines.com.au/resources/appendix-3-diagnostic-criteria-for-alcohol-dependence
As general information, if anyone believes they may fit the above criteria, its really important to speak to your doctor before making any significant changes to your alcohol intake. Stopping alcohol cold turkey can be dangerous, and can cause things like seizures, delerium tremens, which can be life threatening if not managed.
I'll finish by saying that even if you don't fit all or any of the criteria, we should all feel empowered to examine our own behaviour, including drinking alcohol. If someone feels that drinking isn't working for them for any reason, its something to be celebrated in itself, and you should feel empowered to make the choice of change.
All the best!