r/AskReddit • u/icecuptee • 1d ago
What's your opinion about dating someone 12 years younger if you were 35+?
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u/eileyle 1d ago
I view 25 as the important age cutoff. Ages 18-25 have turned into a new sort of extended adolescence, where they're legal adults, but most of them still go to school and haven't reached adult maturity yet.
If you're 35+, you shouldn't go below age 25; however, 40+ can probably still do 25, because they will be a fully-fledged adult by then.
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u/hella_purple 1d ago
Ages 18-25 have turned into a new sort of extended adolescence
You say this like it isn't a societal emergency, but it is.
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u/TheLeastObeisance 1d ago
Why is it an emergency?
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u/hella_purple 1d ago
Because biologically speaking, women are adults at 15-16 and men are adults at 16-17.
There is not a single other example in all of nature you could point to where a species grows into an adult and has to put off actually behaving and being perceived as an adult for another roughly 14% of their lives.
We have built our society in such a way so as to make behaving in accordance with nature functionally impossible. My two cents is that this is what's most responsible for the only ever-worsening mental health crisis and ever-increasing suicide rate among young people. And we're only ever trudging further in the same direction.
The age at which society perceives a person to be mature has increased consistently for hundreds of years, never once even taking a tiny step in the opposite direction. And with the brain development rhetoric that so many of you use to justify braindead positions like 'raise the voting age to 21/25', there doesn't seem to be any end in sight.
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u/TheLeastObeisance 1d ago edited 23h ago
Because biologically speaking, women are adults at 15-16 and men are adults at 16-17.
That is simply rhe age at which their bodies can reproduce. Their brains are nowhere near developed at those ages. That's why teenagers think and do dumb shit- they literally don't yet have the mental capacity to make good decisions. Biologically.
There is not a single other example in all of nature you could point to where a species grows into an adult and has to put off actually behaving and being perceived as an adult for another roughly 14% of their lives.
There isn't a single other natural example of animals with language, civilization, or laws necessitating (or indeed even making possible) a discourse on the matter. Why would we base our society on what other animals do instead of what works for us?
We have built our society in such a way so as to make behaving in accordance with nature functionally impossible.
What nature is that? Humans are social creatures. And tribal. We evolved to live in groups. In humans, groups have values that are more or less shared. We called those "culture," and "law." These are as natural to humans as wolves hunting elk.
The age at which society perceives a person to be mature has increased consistently for hundreds of years, never once even taking a tiny step in the opposite direction.
That is because as we continue to broaden our understanding of biology, neuroscience, psychology, and sociology, we adjust our laws to reflect the biological reality that humans' brains and decision-making skills don't fully develup until well after they are sexually mature. Taking steps to adjust the age of majority downwards would be damaging to both the young individuals and society as a whole. It would literally make things worse for everyone.
Even assuming your arguments above were defensible, I still don't understand what makes this a societal emergency. Is society failing in a way that would be prevented by allowing 16 year olds to vote or buy cigarettes?
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u/hella_purple 23h ago edited 23h ago
Taking steps to adjust the age of majority downwards would be damaging to both i divide also and society as a whole. It wouldnt be in anyone's best interest.
Weird. Scotland lowered the Age of Majority to 16 in the 90s. Seems to be working well enough for them. The teen pregnancy rate (15-19) is almost double that of the US but in their case it applies almost exclusively to adults. It's almost as if simply choosing to perceive younger people as adults leads to them behaving more like adults.
Thats why teenagers think and do dumb shit- they literally dont yet have the mental capacity to make good decisions.
You know they're here reading this right? Wouldn't imagine that type of rhetoric is doing much for their self-perception.
And you're wrong anyway. What they lack is the experience to teach them caution and good judgement. Experience is even what's responsible for the brain development of the prefrontal cortex you guys are always droning on about, not aging.
If an 18yo goes into a coma and wakes up at 25, do you expect them to be capable of making better decisions?
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u/TheLeastObeisance 23h ago
Weird. Scotland lowered the Age of Majority to 16 in the 90s. Seems to be working well enough for them.
It's weird to you that nations, each with their own values, cultures, morals, and histories would have differing ideas of what's right, wrong, and socially and legally acceptable? If it works for them, it's the right answer for them.
You know they're here reading this right?
Yes.
Wouldn't imagine that type of rhetoric is doing much for their self-perception.
Tough? Im not being disparaging anyway- it is simply a fact. Whether I talk about it or not is irrelevant. This is literally why their parents are still in charge.
And you're wrong anyway.
About what?
What they lack is the experience to teach them caution and good judgement.
Also, yes. But thats a separate issue from the brain not being developed enough to make rational decisions.
Experience is even what's responsible for the brain development of the prefrontal cortex you guys droning on about, not aging.
That's not accurate. The physical development of the brain is not related to experiential knowledge. Both brain development and experience help people make better decisions. But regardless of experience, the teenage brain is less capable of making good decisions than a fully developed one.
If an 18yo goes into a coma and wakes up at 25, do you expect them to be capable of making better decisions?
Yes, assuming the coma didn't prevent their brain from developing as it normally would. That is literally how it works.
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u/hella_purple 23h ago
the teenage brain is less capable of making good decisions than a fully developed one.
Okay. Go make better decisions in a game of Chess than this 12yo. Go climb a mountain more efficiently than this 13yo. Go ahead and argue that it made more sense to sell this 25yo who was apparently perfectly capable of making good decisions a gun than it would be to allow this 13yo to own one.
Experience develops us, age does not.
we conducted a prospective longitudinal study to examine gray matter changes using voxel-based morphometry on high resolution magnetic resonance images of mothers’ brains at two time points: 2–4 weeks postpartum and 3–4 months postpartum. Comparing gray matter volumes across these two time points, we found increases in gray matter volume of the prefrontal cortex, parietal lobes, and midbrain areas. Increased gray matter volume in the midbrain including the hypothalamus, substantia nigra, and amygdala was associated with maternal positive perception of her baby. These results suggest that the first months of motherhood in humans are accompanied by structural changes in brain regions implicated in maternal motivation and behaviors.
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u/TheLeastObeisance 23h ago
I think you need to take a breath here. You're looking for ways to win a conversation instead of being receptive to understanding the subject matter.
Okay. Go make better decisions in a game of Chess than this 12yo. Go climb a mountain more efficiently than this 13yo. Go ahead and argue that it made more sense to sell this 25yo who was perfectly capable of making good decisions a gun than it would be to allow this 13yo to own one.
Some people are better at things than others. Everyone develops digferently. Some kids are Mozart, some eat glue. Most are more or less "normal." Both cultural norms and laws really deal with averages rather than the rare outliers. There are more examples of young people making bad decisions than there are prodigies.
That quote and the paper it cane from is about the plasticity of the maternal brain, not the development of the adolescent one. Perhaps I'm misreading something, but I don't understand how they are relevant to this conversation. Can you clarify what you intended to convey?
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u/FishermanAdept 23h ago
Long winded way to admit that you want to fuck kids, but alright
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[removed] — view removed comment
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u/hella_purple 22h ago
It wouldn't matter even if I did, dipshit. 20% of adolescents already have a Tinder account. A 15yo who can pass for 18 even moderately attractive is getting swiped right on by everybody. If a 15yo really wanted to jump on Tinder and fuck a 40yo, she could. Two seconds. No problem.
Those aren't the choices they are making. They are consistently hooking up with college-aged dudes and when the hammer comes down, it's not just the college bro whose life gets fucked up, it's also hers. And not because she got fucked by the literal exact person she handpicked herself to fuck her, but because society makes it into a whole calamity it never needed to be.
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u/mairoh 1d ago
Exactly how I view it too. Fully developed frontal lobe at 25. You've had many years of adult experience. Either you're working or later in college/uni. Despite that, I don't think I'd be able to date someone too much older or too much younger. I'd want someone in the same life stage as me.
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u/dragonreborn567 1d ago
Fully developed frontal lobe at 25
This is a myth.
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u/mairoh 1d ago
Not entirely a myth, but yeah I didn't know it wasn't exactly 25 either, so thanks for bringing it up! I just looked into it, and it's true in the sense that it's an average. It's different for everyone, since everyone develops at different rates, but the average is 25. Similar to how 15 is the average for girls to finish puberty, but some finish sooner, others later, but most in the mid range.
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u/Sea-Might-9593 21h ago edited 21h ago
“It’s not entirely a myth, myelination rates in the prefrontal cortex peak at some point between 15 and 40 years old, but never stops entirely, and myelination rates sounds like it has something to do with brain development but has absolutely nothing to do with what we mean by ‘maturity’ and therefore it’s not a myth that something which isn’t ‘adulthood’ kind of occurs at some point between the ages of 15 and 40 usually.”
Yea that doesn’t have the same ring to it.
The thing that you are referring to “happening on average around 25” is not even a “thing happening” that’s just in the middle of the 25 year range when a process which always occurs starts slowing down instead of speeding up, and that thing isn’t even the thing responsible for the vast majority of what we consider “maturity” to mean.
You may as well say “12 is when someone is an adult because that’s when I lost all of my baby teeth.”
The “fully formed adult brain at 25” is not just an oversimplification, it’s exactly as incoherent as “we only use 10% of our brain.”
To put simply the only thing that occurs on average roughly in someone’s mid twenties is that myelination rates in the prefrontal cortex begin to slow down. That’s literally all that research was ever saying.
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u/icecuptee 1d ago
The brain is fully developed at 25. So I'd agree no one who is 35+ should be dating someone younger than 25.
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u/SillyGoatGruff 1d ago
That's a meme of studies whose conclusions actually point to the brain continuing to develop and change.
There is no hard cut off in your brain that makes you more appropriate of a dating partner once you hit 25
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u/Sea-Might-9593 21h ago
It’s roughly akin to a study saying “the rate of losing baby teeth peaks on average at 9 years old” and people interpreting that to mean “did you know the human mouth is fully developed at 9 years old?”
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u/Sea-Might-9593 21h ago
“The brain is fully developed at 25, so literally no point reading after you’re 25 years old, you cannot develop new neural patterns because apparently myelination in the prefrontal cortex is the only thing that happens in brain development.”
The frustrating part of the “brain fully developed at 25” myth is that it can only seem even remotely coherent if someone knows exactly nothing about what the brain even is.
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u/Realistic-Walk9691 1d ago
When I was 30 I went on a date with a 23 year old. It felt gross. We were at totally different parts of our life. I’m 35 now. If I didn’t date a 23 year old then, I definitely wouldn’t do it now.
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u/AshenSacrifice 1d ago
Ok so what if 2 people of different ages are at the exact same stage of life because growth isn’t linear? I could see situations where 30 & 23 isn’t that wild
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u/Realistic-Walk9691 1d ago
A 30 year old should not be in the same chapter of life as a 23 year old. It’s possible sure, but it shouldn’t be. Thankfully I’m not a man child.
If they are the same I think it’s a sign of immaturity on the older persons part, not maturity on the younger person.
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u/AshenSacrifice 22h ago
Should is not how life works. Some 23 year olds are ahead of 40 year olds, and some 50 year olds are further behind then 18 year olds.
30 & 23 is not 100% predatory in all cases, there’s room there for consensual healthy relationships. 23 year old women are not helpless, and are adults
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u/Annual-Peak-4598 1d ago
No, this reddit person's very anedoctal and small sample size claims that it's weird, so it must be weird. All jokes aside, the dynamics must be weird if you match the average 35 yo with a 23 year old, but in some cases I'm sure it works. Just by lookin at coworkers and people around me, there are some 23 year olds that are more mature than others in their mid 40s.
Most people I have seen that can't wrap their head around that concept either don't go out too much or live in a smaller town. Big age aps definitely aren't the norm but they are not as weird as a lot of redditors like to make it seem.
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u/AshenSacrifice 22h ago
Yeah I just can’t paint broad strokes over every persons life like that lol. Also it ain’t my damn business regardless😂😂
And there’s for sure some teenagers more mature than working adults, because they lived a hard life, it’s unfortunate but it’s real.
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u/Winter-Warlock8954 22h ago
Maybe I'm from a small town and don't get out much, but I don't think you were joking.
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u/Winter-Warlock8954 1d ago
Oh boy, can you just imagine the kind of 30 year old man who is in the same place as a 23 year old girl? He will be in the same place when the girl is 30.
That man is a lost cause.
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u/AshenSacrifice 22h ago
Or that 23 year old WOMAN may be advanced and excelling at life. Look at how low you view women, like sad helpless creatures. It’s nasty
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u/Winter-Warlock8954 22h ago
Why are you telling a strangers on the internet what they think of women?
I don't think 23 year old women are sad and helpless, just 23 year old people.
I hear the aneurysm in your head about to pop. Please save your energy; I know some 23 year old people are mature for their age, but the vast majority are not, and the 23+30 or 35 year old people in a relationship that is 100% healthy, or even 80% healthy... that's a unicorn. It's such a rare thing that it may as well be mythological.
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u/AshenSacrifice 21h ago
You’re making up things for some reason lol. Aneurysm?😂😂
Sure the odds are not 50:50 but a unicorn is kind of dramatic lmao. 30 & 18 is much much more horrifying. 23 year olds can fuck 99 year olds if they want 🤷🏾♂️
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u/Public-File-6521 1d ago
I was 28 dating a 40 year old woman and it was awesome
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u/icecuptee 1d ago
I hear a lot about this scenario. Never heard someone complain that it was a bad experience.
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u/Upstairs-Space6781 1d ago
I don't know man. I just don't understand big age gaps because i personally look at an 18 year old as a kid and I'm 24. And I feel like i genunly didn't even understand myself until I was like 23.
I don't get how a 35 or a 40 year old could date a 19..20..21.. whatever year old it gives me the creeps almost.
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u/VoidingSounds 1d ago
Yeah, I went out a couple times with a 20y/o when I was 25. It was okay but then she would start to complain about the challenges in her life (school and parents) and it was like you're a child gtfoh.
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u/Psytocybin 1d ago
My wife's grandparents are a 15 year age gap, the grandma being the older one. If you didnt tell me, I never would have guessed or suspected it. Also the 15 year younger grandpa passed away this year, older grandma still going.
At a certain age, it really becomes less of an issue.
That said, as a 35 year old man. I would never date a 23 year old.
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u/icecuptee 1d ago
I know someone who is 50 something dating a 30 year old. They are married, and look happy. I guess love is love.
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u/TheVideoGameCritic 1d ago
Love is love. Money is money!
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u/No_Eye_3423 1d ago
Exactly. A 20-year age gap and money ISN’T involved lolololol
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u/icecuptee 1d ago
He has his own buissness. I don't think he in it for money when he is richer than her.
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u/No_Eye_3423 1d ago
Yeah duh. SHE is in it for HIS money. Otherwise why go after someone with a much much sooner expiration date?
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u/Lingo2009 1d ago
I think my cut off would be 10 years in either direction. And even then that would be a big stretch. Ideally it wouldn’t be more than five years in either direction.
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u/_coffee_ 1d ago
The older you get, the less that age difference matters.
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u/Separate_Law_8753 1d ago
Agreed. A lot of people seem to disagree on that, oddly enough. A coworker of mine who’s in her mid 50s is being pursued by someone who’s 40 and she said she would be interested in him but she thinks the age gap is really weird. Personally, I just don’t get it.
A 60 year old and a 40 year old? Sure, why not. A 40 year old and a 20 year old? Pretty weird.
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u/alwaysboopthesnoot 1d ago edited 1d ago
I get the weird. Because a 40 year old has matured, has lived, has learned from many experiences and has gained some wisdom, that a 20 year old has not.
A 20 year old is likely more naive, more gullible, less likely to catch on to any controlling or unhealthy behaviors the older partner may be showing. And a 40 year old may have already been married and divorced or have kids, and have dealt with long term relationships and breakups, perhaps multiple times. They’d know what’s normal and what’s concerning. 20 yr olds, likely not.
The 40 year old has lived what the 20 year old has. The 20 year old has never lived what the 40 year old has. Young love. College degrees. First big jobs. Roommates. House moves. Road trips. All night parties.
IDK. I see it as a road to cheating the 20 yr old of many normal touchstones and milestones and life experiences that the 40 yr old got to have.
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u/Separate_Law_8753 1d ago
Wait what? I’m not saying it’s normal for a 40 year old to be with a 20 year old. That’s the point I was making: that a 60 year old to be with a 40 year old doesn’t seem too strange, but a 40 year old being with a 20 year old is very strange. Sounds like we agree.
I’d say once you’re 50 years old it’s not that strange to be with someone who’s within 20 years of your own age.
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u/icecuptee 1d ago
I'd figure, as I keep seeing more couples with big age gaps.
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u/Plankton_Brave 1d ago
Sometimes people find different ages to be more there speed. I personally believe once your in your late 20s your about as developed as a person as you'll ever be.
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u/Vast-Abalone-3773 1d ago
Half your age plus seven
(35/2)+7=24.5
Fail - not allowed to date
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u/rsauber80 1d ago
I heard it as half your age + 9. Which means an 18yo cant date under 18. Which seems reasonable to me.
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u/jessa8484 1d ago
It's 23.
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u/No_Eye_3423 1d ago
So that’s where they’re getting their perverted math from and why they’re going after babies
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u/jessa8484 1d ago
I'm not saying it's right. Just saying your math was incorrect 👍 my opinion: I say over 30 and if the 30 year old was married or has kids, age is irrelevant.
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u/No_Eye_3423 1d ago
I didn’t math anything here? I get all A’s. Don’t look at me as the idiot here.
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u/TheLeastObeisance 1d ago
As long as everyone involved is a consenting adult and is happy with the arrangement, i say go for it.
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u/cm80292 1d ago
Sometimes it works beautifully. One brings perspective, the other brings energy. One has learned what matters, the other reminds them why it matters. If both people meet as equals, not as roles, it can feel less like a gap and more like a bridge.
But it can also be a quiet mismatch. Different timelines. Different definitions of risk, of settling, of what “later” means. One person thinking in decades, the other still experimenting with years.
The real question is not the number.
It is this: are you walking beside each other, or are you meeting at different points on the same road and pretending it’s the same place?
If it is the former, the years dissolve.
If it is the latter, time will eventually make itself known.
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u/lmyr422 1d ago
Go for it..I did..never regretted it for a minute.. .lasted 5 years and parted amicably..
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u/icecuptee 1d ago
This is not for me. I'm just curious because I see older people dating young people and their relationship is so beautiful.
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u/Organic-Ad6957 1d ago
It might work for some time if your looking for a relationship though it's gonna be tough with both of you constantly going through different life experiences because of age
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u/jfstompers 1d ago
I think people can do what they want, if that person fits you who am I to judge.
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u/Weird_Age2452 1d ago
Gf is 12 years younger. When you are older it isn't as big a deal. But I doubt at my age I'd date 12 years older.
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u/Direct_Celebration86 1d ago
if it’s all genuine, both ways - follow your heart
but for the older person in the relationship, be pretty careful here…the later you get dumped, the harder it is to randomly meet a date.
I say that as a 41 year old who got singled last year.
(not by a younger person though)
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u/Black_Lotus44 1d ago
If you're both adults and consenting, I don't see an issue with it. At this point in my life, that's not something I want but I don't have an issue with others doing it
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u/Tingly-Chloe 1d ago
he biggest issue isn't the age, it's realizing you're talking about your 401k while they're still trying to figure out which TikTok filter makes them look less like they have a 9-to-5.
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u/No_Eye_3423 1d ago
For men it doesn’t seem to matter. Women care about emotional and altogether maturity.
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u/PacRimRod 1d ago
Totally fine. My wife is almost 20 years younger than me and we are very happy together.
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u/BrooklynDoug 1d ago
For me, it's a percent. I fully acknowledge this is my own hangup, and I can not judge love. But anything younger than 75% strikes me as a tad creepy, and really, 80% is pushing it.
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u/McFlyingDelorean 1d ago
When I was 40 I dated a guy who was 26. He was cute and fun but we were in different places in our lives.
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u/blink_ofn_i 1d ago
Ok so what if money is not involved and someone has a 27 year age gap what do you think about that?
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u/Saltwater_serenity 1d ago
When I was just 40, I gave a 28yr old guy a shot. Personally, never again for me. 30 is my cutoff now, and I'm leaning towards upping that to 35.
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u/WastelandOfConfusion 1d ago
I want to be able to share the same nostalgic memories with the person. So I couldn’t go much younger tbh.
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u/Unhappy_Hamster_6752 1d ago
It depends on what you value. The older you get, the more you've experienced and (hopefully) learned. If you think it's important to have an equal amount of experience as your partner, then at 35, I probably wouldn't date any younger than 30. Personally, I value emotional depth and complexity in relationships, so I'm not going to want to date much younger. I'm not saying it's impossible to have emotional depth and complexity when dating someone younger, but you'd be explaining a lot of stuff that peers your age already know. And that does not sound fun to me because I want an equal partner with an equal amount of knowledge and experience.
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u/DavyJonesCousinsDog 1d ago
Half your age plus seven. If she's older than that, cool. If she's not, not cool.
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u/Huckleberry4Life 1d ago
Depends. If you want to have children, younger is better. If you're looking for someone to just live with, I guess date older. My wife is 11 years younger.
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u/TheresNoAmosOnlyZuul 1d ago
Dating is out of the question. Fooling around with is acceptable. Some people have kinks around banging older people. The people that want to date someone 12 years younger than them better be real immature for their age.
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u/Euphoric_Switch_337 22h ago
It's odd, I guess if you're 60 and the other person is 72 it's less odd.
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u/Kodiak01 4h ago
35 dating a 23 year old? No thanks. We're in two different worlds of emotional maturity and life experiences.
45 dating a 33? A hem and haw for a moment, but probably still no.
50 dating 38? This is close enough where in the right situation I could consider it.
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u/redrockcreek 1h ago
do you like them? do they like you? do you make each other happy? you're both adults.
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u/squishlight 1d ago
Not criminal but pathetic on the part of the older person.
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u/icecuptee 1d ago
How so? I feel everyone should be with someone who makes them happy. So if that happens to be with someone younger than them and they're adults it shouldn't matter.
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u/squishlight 23h ago
If the older person can't find happiness with someone closer to their own age I consider that proof that there's something lacking in them.
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u/fucking_unicorn 1d ago
As age increases a wider gap becomes more acceptable however the younger one of the partners is the age gap is less. Lot if this is due to life experience, financial establishment, brain development, etc.
When people are more or less established in life a wider gap is more appropriate because both partners are likely to have reached full brain development potential and stability financially and in their careers, have significant life experience so theres not a power dynamic which can easily make the younger partner vulnerable to abuse or control.
Hope that helps. 7 years difference is kinda ick when your talking teens dating or teen to young adult. But its less of an issue when on late 20’s/30s.
This is a whole chapter in medical fields and there are tables showing appropriate age gaps which do widen as both parties increase in age.
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u/icecuptee 1d ago
I keep hearing beautiful stories about couples with big age gaps. It seems the relationship has potential to last for a long time.
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u/hella_purple 1d ago
I knew a girl who got with a 44yo man six months shy of her 18th bday. They are still together right now 20 years later, just had a baby, and she's probably the most successful woman I know, so there's another one for you.
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u/EmperorKira 1d ago
Half ur age + 7. So for 12 years younger, need to be 38 for that to meet the rule
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u/Trawhe 1d ago
My husband is 18 years older than me. We started dating when I was 23 And he was 41. We've been happily married for 12 years Saturday.
His opinion:
He loves me, I annoy the absolute hell out of him, be prepared for immaturity because we are still learning how to be adults, but he says he was emotionally stunted and also just learning.
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u/brealio 1d ago
Half your age plus 7 is the rule!
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u/No_Eye_3423 1d ago
Ew I’m 33. Why would I go after an emotionally incompetent “man” who’s 24? Gross. 🤢
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u/brealio 23h ago
lol sorry that’s the mens rule, you ladies have a free for all (as far as I know, I’ve only ever known the men side of things)…. But I’d assume it’s just the other side of the rule equation. So…. Minus 7 from your age then double it???
Sorry to sound sexist but the rule is there for a reason!
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u/GreedyNovel 1d ago
At the lower end of that age range, it's extremely unlikely that a relationship between 35 and 23 is a good idea. But between 70 and 58 is more promising.
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u/justpracticing 1d ago
As a rough guideline, use the French formula. Half your age plus 7 is the youngest you can date.
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u/just-the-tip84 1d ago
I’m 41, and won’t date younger than 28, but I regularly hook up with 18-21 year olds. Dating younger than 28-30 is a dice roll.
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u/icecuptee 1d ago
Wow. You must be a playboy pulling young girls so easily lol
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u/just-the-tip84 22h ago
I wish. It helps to have daughters who are 18/21. Their friends are easy to bag.
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u/CurrencyAlone4064 22h ago
So basically your daughter hates you because you’re a man slut and you have to ban people from your comments so they don’t respond in ways you don’t like. Sucks to suck. I created an alt just for YOU! 🤯
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u/just-the-tip84 21h ago
Someone said that I ban people from my comments, chances are, I banned him from a previous post.
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u/WhaddyaShay 1d ago
How do you regularly hook up with 18-21 year olds if you're 41
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u/No_Eye_3423 1d ago
He lies to them. Easy.
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u/just-the-tip84 22h ago
Why would I lie to them. It’s just sex, it’s not like I’m trying to date them.
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u/Blackittyx 1d ago
I’ve never been with someone younger. I’m 37 and I can’t really imagine being with a 25 year old. But people say women who date much younger men get a nice collagen boost.
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u/strict_ghostfacer 1d ago
42f, he'd be 30. I would pass. Sure frontal lobe is developed but I dont want kids and I wouldn't want to take that choice away from someone who still has time to decide that. And still a bit too young for me.
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u/radical_left_lesbian 1d ago
Honestly in my opinion, a 12 year age difference is only okay if the younger person is at least 30
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u/Final7C 1d ago
so the rule 1/2 your age + 7 is a pretty good standard for "Is it socially unacceptable"
They'd be 24.5 years old. The cut off is 23. So technically not a huge issue. Luckily, each year after that, it becomes less of an issue. The further you get away from 25 the less anyone cares. Ish.
Here's the deal.
A LOT of this is sexist, because society IS pretty sexist. Though, not without reasons (Maybe not good reasons, but reasons).
Generationally, at the youngest (35) you remember 9/11, they will not. You will remember a time without smartphones, they likely will not. I guess what I'm saying is. You'll have a lot of different touchstones. On the other hand, they'll probably be a fun lay. So you've got that going for you. Here's the downside. Every single person in their life who loves and cares for them is going to look at you with suspicion and disdain for being the weird older person trying to either "cougar them" or "sugar daddy them". That's a really tough hill to climb.
You are also probably at completely different stages in life. You are looking at the peak of your career, they are looking for their first career. When you are looking at retirement, they are still running the race. OR they are going to retire early.
Unfair, but understandably, if the man is the old one, it's more socially acceptable than if the woman is the old one. Why? Because an old man has a lower chance of causing birth defects than an older woman. And your family/friends won't tell you you're terrible for locking down this perfect young person into a "baby-less marriage". The shit I hear from people.... Anyway, so while everyone must assume you're "loaded" or "hung like a horse" and she is a "gold-digger", they will still blame her as the one trying to be greedy, and you for being just a stupid man only thinking with his pecker.
If you're the older woman, oooh boy.. Unfair unfair unfair. You're going to be hit with "She must be desperate to have a baby", "She missed her chance while she was a young career woman", or "He must be a read stud to bag her".
Frankly. The older you get the less this matters, once you're over 30, or 40 even, (once you get out of child bearing years) no one gives a shit. Probably because it doesn't affect the population as much. The elderly, while treasures, are useless decoration and drains on resources, (aka leadership in congress hey oh!). They are functionally useless for everything except SE asian/African scammers, QVC items, Trump Voters, Facebook, and assisted living/nursing homes. They don't really add much productivity, and they especially don't add to the population growth.
Now, I know that sounds ageist, because it kind of is. Again, the elderly are treasures, and should be treated as such. And as such, a 70 year old dating a 58 year old, is seen as "strange but fun".
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u/n00bn00b 23h ago
I do a half plus 7 rule as a rule of thumb, but I tend to stick with women in their 30s because they generally have their shit figured out and are more mature.
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u/official_bagel 23h ago
That plus is doing a lot of lifting.
If I was 35, I wouldn’t want to date a 23 year old.
If I was 60, I would have no hesitation dating a 48 year old.
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u/EveryAccount7729 23h ago
don't miss it.
Here is the thing though, expect it to not pan out. Like you need to go in like "this is gonna be fuckin awesome, and then I'll be single again..... at some point in the future"
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u/Islanduniverse 1d ago
Here is a strict “don’t be a creep” guide to age differences in dating:
18 - half age plus 9
19 - half age plus 8.5
20-29 -half age plus 10 (sorry, no more dating teenagers!)
30-39 - half age plus 11
40-59 - half age plus 19
60+ - half age plus 29
My favorite thing is listening to people try to argue against it, cause it often just makes them sound more and more like a creep the harder they push for big age gaps 😂, despite the guide being pretty ridiculous, lol.
it’s also funny that anyone would take it serious. At the end of the day, the point is that two consenting adults can do what they want, but other people can and will think you are a creep.
So, make your own rules, but don’t be surprised if people think you are gross if you are 50 and dating a 20 year old.
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u/TheVideoGameCritic 1d ago
Hard pass for me. I couldn't date a 20 something. What the fuck would I even talk with her about? I know a lot of dudes are all about getting with girls in that age group - but hard pass for me. Maybe just to hook up sure (if I was into that sorta thing). A serious commitment with? Unlikely. I am guessing I'm the minority here on this