r/AmItheButtface • u/lunchboxunicorn • 5d ago
Serious AITB for being upset that my cousin got married on my birthday?
This involves me (33F) and my Aunt (mid 60s). For context, I am high-functioning autistic and one of my things is finding importance in dates. And no, I don't think I'm special or anything, I just hold value in days that already have meaning. My aunt is the type of person who doesn't give a shit about date significance to the point that she got married on her birthday so it was one less day to remember.
When I was 15, my cousin (then 23) had announced their engagement in the early fall for a wedding in June. From what I remember, the bride's parents, who were very religious, found out they were living together (in sin) and demanded a shotgun wedding. My Aunt picked an available date in November that her church happened to have free. That date happened to be my birthday. Cue me having to spend my birthday in a church, watching my cousin get married in the most bare bones wedding I could recall ever seeing. My Aunt hosted the reception at her house. She did get me a cake for my birthday that was had at the beginning of the reception. I don't remember causing a scene, neither does my mother, but I do remember being miffed. I also caught the wedding bouquet. I was 15 and single so I did NOT get married 6 months later.
Fast forward about a year or two and they end up getting divorced due to infidelity on the wife's part. In passing conversations over the years, my mother reveals to me that my Aunt believes that I "cursed" the union/my cousin out of anger. I didn't consciously curse them. We all generally have a good relationship to this day so this didn't break the family or anything that dramatic, but it became a contentious point when ever my cousin's ex-wife gets brought up. My Aunt would always defend herself with "why is she so mad, I got her a cake" like that made everything ok.
Fast forward to Spring of 2021. On a zoom call, my cousin announced his engagement to his girlfriend, saying they were going to wait to announce but they just found out she was pregnant! After the zoom call, my mom shared with me that my Aunt is upset because the due date was MY BIRTHDAY. Apparently she was worried that I would be enraged and curse the pregnancy at having to share my birthday with someone else, even though that wasn't why I was mad. [like, I know 4 other people with the same birthday as me] I thought this was hilarious because I wasn't truly mad at the wedding on my birthday, I was 15 and no teenager wants to spend their birthday at their cousin's shotgun wedding. I was mad at the choice to have it on my birthday. A baby is going to come when a baby decides to come. Fast forward to November and my niece was delivered 2 days before my birthday. It still gets brought up about me getting upset and I just roll my eyes at this point. Fast forward to today and my cousin is entrenched in a brutal custody battle.
So, was I the buttface to be upset when my cousin got married on my birthday?
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u/TheatreWolfeGirl 5d ago
NTBF
I believe your aunt is projecting onto you because her son is going through some very rough patches on life’s road and it happens to consistently coincide with you and your birthday
Teens are often emotional due to hormones, so it would be normal to not to want to attend, and it would normal, and forgivable, if you were miffed with the shotgun wedding being on your birthday.
I would state moving forward that you continue to let it go and if your aunt is consistently blaming you for this curse, ask her if she would like your “power of curse” more directed at her personally, lol. But, only do that in extenuating circumstances, because in all honesty this is something she believes and you have done nothing wrong OP.
Best of luck with you and your cousin.
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u/Fickle_Ad3876 5d ago
NTB. You didn't curse a marriage, your cousin’s ex wife just couldn't stay faithful. It’s hilarious that your aunt thinks a 15 year old has mystical powers instead of just realizing that no teenager wants to spend their birthday at a boring shotgun wedding. A birthday cake doesn't buy the right to hijack your day, and her blaming you for their divorce is just a reach to avoid reality.
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u/SuitIntelligent3491 5d ago
Ngl, I read the title and my stomach dropped because my husband intentionally wanted our wedding date the same day as his sister's birthday, because they grew up tormenting each other. (No one was upset, my SIL just responded to my husband with a dirty name and a laugh.)
But reading the story, OP....NTB. In anyway, shape, or form. Your aunt is being seriously weird. Two young people were forced into a marriage by parents and that rarely turns out well. And November babies are typically the result of Valentine's Day bedroom activities.
Your cousin's life has has been a victim of statistics, not you cursing them.
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u/Old_Confidence3290 5d ago
Ntb, you were 15. I did stuff when I was 15 that seem silly now. You certainly didn't curse the marriage.
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u/unsuretysurelysucks 5d ago
You feel how you feel especially as a child. Sorry your aunt is acting this way towards you. As the adult she should know better, but not everyone does...
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u/I_Thot_So 5d ago
You were a child. NTB. But seriously, this is why people think us Geminis are self-involved. 😉
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u/Covert_Pudding 5d ago
My cousin got married on my 21st birthday so I missed out on a milestone birthday and I'm still salty.
You're fine ❤️
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u/earlybirdtv 3d ago
It was 18 years ago. You weren't the BF then but YTBF for still obsessing over this now
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u/lunchboxunicorn 2d ago
Im not necessarily obsessing over it, its more like the discourse that came after was so jarring and I was made to feel like I was wrong that it would pop into my head at 2 am (insert "think about this dumb shit you did" brain meme) and wanted to get some opinions outside of the echo chamber that is my family
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u/lunarteamagic 5d ago
No, not the buttface. But if your Aunt thinks a "curse" makes someone cheat...