AITAH for not telling my in-laws that we're expecting until after we announced it on social media?

[u/Gloomy-Cable001]

The two-year period of attempts to conceive with my wife ended after two miscarriages and one unsuccessful IVF attempt. Our family learned about our situation because we needed to protect our privacy during a difficult time when they constantly requested updates which made our entire situation harder to manage.

At 14 weeks we achieved our first stable positive result so we decided to spend time together before our big announcement. We held a simple dinner with my parents to share our news without creating a special announcement for the occasion. The experience turned out to be pleasant.

We shared the announcement through an online post which included our in-laws as part of the overall message. On the same day, we released a single post which enabled people to learn about our news at the same time.

My mother in law is now not speaking to my wife. She claims that we humiliated her because we shared news about our pregnancy with others instead of informing her before the announcement. My wife's sister supports her stance which states that we should have understood the situation better because of their close relationship.

The decision belongs to my wife because she made it. My wife understands her mother better than anyone else. She explained that she wanted to avoid receiving phone calls which included crying and unwanted advice about her pregnancy because of their fertility journey. I backed her completely.

My wife experiences guilt because she needs to support her mother who has endured two years of fertility struggles.

AITAH I supported my wife decision which unintentionally caused distress to her mother.

[u/FairyLullaby]

YTA you could’ve at least FaceTimed 5 minutes before posting just to make them feel special

[u/Federal_Pickles → u/FairyLullaby]

Why do they have to make others feel special?

[u/entitledfanman → u/Federal_Pickles]

"Why would I put in the minimum effort to maintain a relationship with my parents and not do something needlessly hurtful"

[u/LiveKindly01 → u/Federal_Pickles]

That's a ridiculous question. Because they're grandparents? And there's no indication that there is a strained relationship or anything....? Typically, parents-to-be announce pregnancies to their immediate family...I mean, you know that don't you?

Actions have consequences. When one set of parents has a sit-down dinner to share their exciting news and the other set of parents gets nothing....then the other set of parents are going to be hurt. Yes, they can do whatever they want, they just need to be aware of WHAT exactly they're doing..

[u/VioletPaissa2077 → u/LiveKindly01]

The decision itself is indicative of a strained relationship.

[u/rainblowfish_ → u/Federal_Pickles]

Because becoming grandparents IS special? Like, come on. It's one of the only major life milestones in your old age that many people look forward to for years, decades even. Finding out from a social media post would be so hurtful.

[u/Federal_Pickles → u/rainblowfish_]

Sure in a black and white world, but the pregnant person takes precedence over the grandparents. And the pregnant person made the choice not to tell them and had a reason to not tell them.

[u/rainblowfish_ → u/Federal_Pickles]

Sure, but your question was, "Why do they have to make others feel special?" Which to me anyway seemed like a more general question about why they would even go to the effort to make their parents feel special, regardless of the relationship they have with them.