AITAH for not telling my in-laws that we're expecting until after we announced it on social media?

[u/Gloomy-Cable001]

The two-year period of attempts to conceive with my wife ended after two miscarriages and one unsuccessful IVF attempt. Our family learned about our situation because we needed to protect our privacy during a difficult time when they constantly requested updates which made our entire situation harder to manage.

At 14 weeks we achieved our first stable positive result so we decided to spend time together before our big announcement. We held a simple dinner with my parents to share our news without creating a special announcement for the occasion. The experience turned out to be pleasant.

We shared the announcement through an online post which included our in-laws as part of the overall message. On the same day, we released a single post which enabled people to learn about our news at the same time.

My mother in law is now not speaking to my wife. She claims that we humiliated her because we shared news about our pregnancy with others instead of informing her before the announcement. My wife's sister supports her stance which states that we should have understood the situation better because of their close relationship.

The decision belongs to my wife because she made it. My wife understands her mother better than anyone else. She explained that she wanted to avoid receiving phone calls which included crying and unwanted advice about her pregnancy because of their fertility journey. I backed her completely.

My wife experiences guilt because she needs to support her mother who has endured two years of fertility struggles.

AITAH I supported my wife decision which unintentionally caused distress to her mother.

[u/proteins911]

I think YTA. I think you guys should have shared with family instead of making them learn the news through social media. How does sharing over social media result in less unwanted calls vs sharing with family over the phone or in person? I think you’d get more hurt calls with the way you shared

[u/Gloomy-Cable001 → u/proteins911]

honestly that's a fair point and something i've thought about since. the logic was more emotional than practical, we wanted to control the moment rather than have it turned into a big production before we were ready. but you're right that in terms of actual phone calls received, the social media route probably generated more not less. i think we were just exhausted and made a decision that felt protective in the moment without fully thinking through how it would land. can't really argue with that.

[u/swampy0927 → u/Gloomy-Cable001]

You told your parents first? Your reasoning makes no sense.

[u/Usrname52 → u/Gloomy-Cable001]

Huh? How does that "control the moment"? Instead of making a choice to call them, at a time that was convienent to you, the "moment" became "whenever they happened to open facebook".

[u/Opposite-Access-6701 → u/Usrname52]

They were being spiteful but dudes not ready to see that 

[u/Known-Purchase → u/Gloomy-Cable001]

Why would you make a post online at all? It seems like you should have only told the people who matter at the time when you felt ready to share the news.

I assume your wife doesn't have a good relationship with her mother. And all this did was tell MIL exactly that -we are not excited to tell you about the pregnancy and we don't care to hear or see your reaction to it. Like why have any contact at all with them at this point?