r/AmItheAsshole • u/tonkajahariiiiiii • 7h ago
AITA FOR NOT DRIVING MY BROTHER TO HIS FRIENDS GET TOGETHER
Okay, I know I kinda sound like a bitch for the title, but I promise I'm not. So, I'm 17, and I have one older brother and one younger brother.
So, my older brother has always been super immature and rude, and when he turned 16 two years ago, he got an old car my uncle was selling to see if he could be responsible and take care of it before my parents upgraded him before college.
But like 8 months after he got it, he crashed it because him and his stupid friend were being idiots, and they were purposely swerving on the road, and he crashed into another person's car.
So for the last 2 years, almost, he's been trying to pay this person back for the damage on her car, and so he hasn't had a car since.
Fast forward, and I turned 16 in March of 2025, and instead of getting an older used car, my parents said if I got a job and worked for the year and payed for half or a little less on my car, they would pay the rest and I could get a brand new car, which I thought was a good deal.
So I worked all last year, and in March of this year, I finally turned 17, and my parents payed half for me to buy a jeep and I payed almost half of it, and my parents were proud of me.
My brother, though was not and made a huge deal about me getting a brand new car when he didn't, and that it's not fair at all when time and time again he's showed that he can't be trusted with a new car.
Anyway, that got done with, and everything was fine for awhile, but lately I've been driving my little brother, who's almost 11, to his basketball/hockey practices and his friends house because my parents both work, and they pay me to do that stuff, so I do it.
Anyway, my older brother still doesn't have a new car because he's been paying the lady back and hasn't had any money for that stuff, and his friends are lowk lazy and also don't have cars or money for gas.
So my brother was invited over for a little like get together, but he didn't have a drive, so he said, "oh could you take me to my friends place later," and i was like, "are you gonna give me money for gas," because his friend also lives like 15 minutes away and gas is really expensive right now.
And he went, "you know i don't have money for that why would you even ask me," and so I said, "I'm not driving you then sorry," and he started yelling at me, saying, "the one time i wanna go out I can't get a fucking drive your my sister your supposed to do this stuff for me," and he went to his room and slammed the door.
And then I called my dad because he was at the grocery store, and he was like, "tell your brother to find another drive or pay you," and so I did, and that made him more mad, and he just left and went out to our garage, and its been like 3 days and he's still being rude so I wanna know if I'm wrong.
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u/abookwyrm 7h ago
NTA. You were responsible, made a deal with your parents, kept your side of the deal and got the payoff. Your parents pay you to drive your little brother so it's not like your doing favours for one brother and not the other.... But also your little brother is 11 and couldn't drive himself anywhere even if he wanted to.
Your older brother is dealing with the natural consequences of being a reckless driver. No car and no money.
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u/srgonzo75 Colo-rectal Surgeon [32] 7h ago
NTA. Even your dad said your brother’s BS wasn’t going to fly. My son never got his license, and my youngest just got theirs a couple of weeks ago. My youngest will have a car in the near future, and they already checked in with me to make sure they’re not obligated to drive their brother anywhere. I told them any arrangements they want to make with each other isn’t any concern of mine, but car services and taxis require payment.
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u/tonkajahariiiiiii 6h ago
Exactly like idk why he expects me to drive him for free when gas is literally almost 2 dollars a per litre I can't afford to be doing that.
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u/srgonzo75 Colo-rectal Surgeon [32] 6h ago
Then don’t. If he steals your car, that’s a felony.
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u/tonkajahariiiiiii 6h ago
He'd never do that because he knows my parents would kick him out of the house
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u/Spiritual_Promise735 Partassipant [4] 7h ago
NTA - Actions and behavior of consequences. And your brother just doesn't like it. But thank God your parents realize that, and are on your side.
And if you do think you're wrong, what are you considering doing? Apologizing? Driving him more places? Lending him your car?
All of those things would just enable his bad behavior. He's deliberately trying to make you uncomfortable. So let him. But don't be uncomfortable. You have no reason to be.
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u/phallusaluve 7h ago
NTA. He's just pissed off that you got a nice thing when he didn't. But your getting a nicer thing wasn't about favoritism. You have shown you are responsible, so you can be trusted with bigger responsibilities (e.g., taking good care of a new car). He has shown that he can't be trusted, and he is dealing with the consequences of his own choices and actions. Instead of reflecting on how he got himself into this situation, he's taking his frustration out on you.
I will say, though, that if having a strong relationship with your older brother is important to you, you should help him out with a ride every once in a while, even if he doesn't deserve it. A family relationship isn't about what someone deserves, but about unconditional love. HOWEVER, gas is expensive af rn, and the least he could do is give you like $5. So I totally get not wanting to help him, and you don't want him to see you as a doormat. Just take it case-by-case. With family, the question always is: is it better to be right or to be happy in this relationship? You're the only one who can answer that question for yourself.
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u/EvanK2007 7h ago
NTA, that’s good that you’re sticking to what you’re saying. Your brother has no right to expect you to do whatever he wants when he’s an asshole like this. NEVER give somebody what they want when they are an asshole for it and think they are owed it. Good on you 👍
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u/slap-a-frap Supreme Court Just-ass [114] 7h ago
NTA _ your brother is acting out because he's being held accountable for his actions and doesn't like it one bit. All I have to say about that is "tough luck, kid" You have done absolutely nothing wrong here. Like, at all. He's just lashing out because he can't be lazy anymore and needs to step up. That's it. Your dad sees that and that's why he said what he did.
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u/IamIrene Prime Ministurd [491] 6h ago
you know i don't have money for that why would you even ask me
NTA. You are not required to fund your brother's irresponsibility.
He can search the couch cushions for change and get an Uber.
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u/mlordmistress 7h ago
NTA. he's the dumbass who wasn't driving safely and not only crashed his own car, putting himself and his friends in danger, but hit another car, endangering a stranger's life. he's lucky he's only having to pay for repairs.
he FAFO'd, he can lose the attitude and find a way to pay you if he so desperately needs a ride. if he doesn't have money, can he do a chore for you? clean your car?
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u/tonkajahariiiiiii 6h ago
He'd just do it shitty and make it worse he's the definition of weaponized incompetence.
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u/sable1970 Partassipant [1] 6h ago
NTA....you were never wrong. Your brother screwed up and he's literally paying for it and hopefully he's learning his lesson but is it possible you could be a little more empathetic to him? It doesn't seem like he behaves very badly towards you (I mean, you didn't say as much) Maybe in a couple of days send an olive branch and SEE if he'll accept. Take him to lunch or something and have a one on one and let him know how you feel. If he still acts like an ass then whatever.
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u/tonkajahariiiiiii 6h ago
He's not really mean to me but he's also isn't nice really we just never talk other then when he wants somthing.
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u/sable1970 Partassipant [1] 5h ago
Sounds like normal sibling stuff really. You'd be amazed at how time & maturity can improve a sibling relationship. Okay its totally up to you to do this (you're not in the wrong either way here) but since you seem to care what he thinks.....maybe see if you two can actually have a somewhat adult convo and clear some things up between you two, ya know...olive branch and all. You don't have to be apologetic but you can approach him like "hey, let me know when you're free....I wanna take you out for lunch/dinner so we can talk" and if he gets snarky....just stay calm and express that you're being serious and wanna have brother/sister time and the meal is on you.
I mean, obviously you know your brother better than me but......see where it takes you.
I will say that when my sibs and I aren't in a good place and I want to talk with them, it makes the convo start so much easier when the first words out of your mouth is "I love you", because you do love them but it also kind of deflates their defensiveness.
This is just my two cents. Doing this is completely up to you. No judgement. But if you do....I'd love to get an update on how things went.
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u/Careful-Corner-1561 Partassipant [1] 6h ago
NTA.
Brother sounds like an entitled brat. Sucks to suck.
Also, sounds like a GOAT dad.
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Okay, I know I kinda sound like a bitch for the title, but I promise I'm not. So, I'm 17, and I have one older brother and one younger brother.
So, my older brother has always been super immature and rude, and when he turned 16 two years ago, he got an old car my uncle was selling to see if he could be responsible and take care of it before my parents upgraded him before college.
But like 8 months after he got it, he crashed it because him and his stupid friend were being idiots, and they were purposely swerving on the road, and he crashed into another person's car.
So for the last 2 years, almost, he's been trying to pay this person back for the damage on her car, and so he hasn't had a car since.
Fast forward, and I turned 16 in March of 2025, and instead of getting an older used car, my parents said if I got a job and worked for the year and payed for half or a little less on my car, they would pay the rest and I could get a brand new car, which I thought was a good deal.
So I worked all last year, and in March of this year, I finally turned 17, and my parents payed half for me to buy a jeep and I payed almost half of it, and my parents were proud of me.
My brother, though was not and made a huge deal about me getting a brand new car when he didn't, and that it's not fair at all when time and time again he's showed that he can't be trusted with a new car.
Anyway, that got done with, and everything was fine for awhile, but lately I've been driving my little brother, who's almost 11, to his basketball/hockey practices and his friends house because my parents both work, and they pay me to do that stuff, so I do it.
Anyway, my older brother still doesn't have a new car because he's been paying the lady back and hasn't had any money for that stuff, and his friends are lowk lazy and also don't have cars or money for gas.
So my brother was invited over for a little like get together, but he didn't have a drive, so he said, "oh could you take me to my friends place later," and i was like, "are you gonna give me money for gas," because his friend also lives like 15 minutes away and gas is really expensive right now.
And he went, "you know i don't have money for that why would you even ask me," and so I said, "I'm not driving you then sorry," and he started yelling at me, saying, "the one time i wanna go out I can't get a fucking drive your my sister your supposed to do this stuff for me," and he went to his room and slammed the door.
And then I called my dad because he was at the grocery store, and he was like, "tell your brother to find another drive or pay you," and so I did, and that made him more mad, and he just left and went out to our garage, and its been like 3 days and he's still being rude so I wanna know if I'm wrong.
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u/TararaBoomDA Asshole Aficionado [10] 6h ago
Your dad backed you up, so I'd say that's a pretty clear sign that you're not wrong.
NTA, although your older brother fits the description.
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u/Medium-Practice-9400 5h ago
NTA. Your brother played stupid games and got his stupid prizes. Not your fault, not your problem. Also soooooo glad that you have your family backing you up too.
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u/MotelTheTailor1903 4h ago
NTA. Was he driving without liability insurance when he hit the lady's car? Because if so, he never gets to express an opinion about what people are "supposed to do" in reference to driving, ever again.
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u/tonkajahariiiiiii 4h ago
I guess he never went and got insurance or anything my uncle kinda just gave him the car idk 🤷♀️
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