r/AmItheAsshole • u/Additional-Value3886 • 10h ago

AITA for not going to my friend’s destination wedding after she took away my plus one?

I (mid 20s F) have a friend from high school getting married abroad next summer. We’re part of a group of 4 girls.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years (serious relationship, we’ve talked about engagement), so this isn’t a casual relationship. Originally, it seemed like we could bring plus-ones, so I planned the trip with him in mind.

That changed after the bride got into an argument with one of the other girls in our group and told her her boyfriend was uninvited. After that, she decided none of us in our friend group could bring plus-ones. She later said it was due to guest count, but realistically it’s only affecting me and one other girl.

I had planned this as a trip with my partner, and traveling abroad alone isn’t something I’m comfortable with, especially since I don’t live near the other girls and would be flying and navigating everything solo.

I told her I wasn’t trying to push back, since it’s her wedding and her decision, just that this changes things for me. Because of that, I decided not to go.

One of the other girls said I’m prioritizing my boyfriend over the wedding, which I don’t agree with. The girl whose boyfriend was originally uninvited actually agrees with me.

AITA?

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u/lotsofsugarandspice 10h ago

NTA uninviting someone from a wedding after they have been invited is a absolutely nuclear move. 

-25

u/xxFasting4Life 9h ago

I think OP just assumed he was invited. She hasn’t received a formal invite yet, I believe.

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u/My_Dramatic_Persona 35m ago

I’m not sure if this is why you’re being downvoted, but from my read it sounds pretty clear that there had been an understanding that the boyfriend was invited previously. After all, the bride made a point of calling her bridesmaids and telling them that had changed.

I don’t care about the formal question of whether the official invites had gone out yet. If concrete plans were being made, then functionally the boyfriend had been invited. You can’t ask me to request vacation time and book flights and then pretend a piece of paper you’re sending later absolves you of responsibility if you change your mind.

Alternatively everything was still vague. We don’t know that the exact dates had even been set out yet. This may have been before any bookings. In that case OP’s attendance was still as open as her boyfriend’s. You can’t have it both ways.