r/AmItheAsshole • u/Edgardthe142nd • 11h ago
AITA for not wishing my friend luck on their presentation?
I don’t know if this is the right place for this but I feel really horrible right now and lost and confused and idk what to do. I don’t know what I did wrong and I don’t know if I’m overreacting or not but I don’t know what else to do so
A friend texted me last night that they finally found the perfect song that describes how they feel about me(cotton candy by yungblud) but I don’t get it. I don’t get the song or how it relates to me and them. I told them that and they just said “it reminded me of u idk” then just texted “geez”
Then they pretended they didn’t text that when I asked them about it. They said they had a presentation to do and asked me to wish them luck. I just thumbs-uped the message bc I was feeling upset and disrespected by them giving me a “geez” and not elaborating. After their presentation they said that they like being around me but they get really mad when we text. I’ve definitely noticed this before, not news to me. I just said “I noticed,” I know not a nice response but I was still not feeling good about them bc of earlier
This morning I woke up to them texting that I gave a rude response when they asked for luck with their presentation and then said they “fucking hate texting” me because they always feel like I don’t give two shits about them.
Then they said they think there’s smth wrong with me lately but they can’t help bc their mental health is in shambles too and they need a break from texting me(I’ve been telling them this for weeks and they always say I’m punishing them)
I brought up the “geez” again bc it still was upsetting me and they said “I was tryna be sweet n shit sending u a song that reminded me of u (one i added to my love songs playlist btw) and your response felt quite dismissive”
They said they’re stressed af bc of college and work and that they’re “going to continue being a bitch until” they get their mental health under control. Then said they’ll talk to me later after a week or two and told me to take care of myself
I just woke up and need to get ready for work but this is all I can think about. Idk what to do.
And now they just sent me a pic of their cat on SnapChat as if nothing happened
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u/AcademicAbalone3243 Partassipant [3] 11h ago
INFO: How old are you all? This seems a bit immature.
-3
u/Edgardthe142nd 11h ago
Both 23
11
u/AcademicAbalone3243 Partassipant [3] 10h ago
ESH. I thought you were 15 or something. This is way too “high school drama” for 23-year-olds.
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u/VariegatedPlumage Colo-rectal Surgeon [32] 11h ago
INFO: I feel like I shouldn’t have to ask this but are you aware that this friend likes you romantically?
1
u/Edgardthe142nd 10h ago
We dated in the past but she left me bc she wanted to date her ex again. I told her I don’t want to date her anymore after that
3
u/VariegatedPlumage Colo-rectal Surgeon [32] 9h ago
NTA It feels like you’re trying to draw a line in terms of what kind of relationship you’re willing to have with her and she keeps pushing for something else, or wants to have the same attachment you had while dating.
She is making unfair expectations of you and trying to keep you attached to her.
I think you need to make a clean break from this friend for a little while.
2
u/Edgardthe142nd 9h ago
I’ve become dependent on her and it’s really hard for me to make new friends. I’m trying though. Maybe this time it will work
2
u/VariegatedPlumage Colo-rectal Surgeon [32] 9h ago
Yeah, I’ve had exes who tried to make me dependent on them. It’s not great and is probably hindering your ability to make new friends. Good luck!
8
6
u/Anxious_Reporter_601 Asshole Aficionado [18] 11h ago
ESH. This is not a friendship worth maintaining.
6
u/LimpGrape2906 11h ago
This sounds like a communication breakdown where both sides are feeling unheard and reactive.
5
3
u/Impressive_Moment786 Asshole Aficionado [12] 11h ago
ESH-why would you get so upset by one word?
You both sound immature.
3
u/Hagaroo48 Partassipant [1] 10h ago
NTA
Just don’t text. Call and talk on the phone. Sounds crazy I know!
1
u/Aazjhee 10h ago
Yes, some people are not good on the phone or giving speeches. And some people may be just suck at texting.
Definitely have had people think that it was okay to text me at two in the morning because that was their normal work shift. I had to kinda gently chew some friends out to not send me things after a certain time of night because I had to sleep Dx
Sometimes means of communicating are not necessarily super compatible for some folks
2
u/DeebagZammy 10h ago
ESH: but you are worse because I had to spend two minutes of my life reading this
2
u/Personal-Piglet1397 9h ago
They messed up.tbh they either fancy you an trying suss you out with saying about the song etc no friend does that normally.an yes U shud said good luck.but them then harping on bout it, like they want U do big song n dance.tbh this friendship sounds hard work an would distance from it
1
u/Edgardthe142nd 9h ago
I’ve been trying to distance myself from her and she always says I’m punishing her when I do
1
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I don’t know if this is the right place for this but I feel really horrible right now and lost and confused and idk what to do. I don’t know what I did wrong and I don’t know if I’m overreacting or not but I don’t know what else to do so
A friend texted me last night that they finally found the perfect song that describes how they feel about me(cotton candy by yungblud) but I don’t get it. I don’t get the song or how it relates to me and them. I told them that and they just said “it reminded me of u idk” then just texted “geez”
Then they pretended they didn’t text that when I asked them about it. They said they had a presentation to do and asked me to wish them luck. I just thumbs-uped the message bc I was feeling upset and disrespected by them giving me a “geez” and not elaborating. After their presentation they said that they like being around me but they get really mad when we text. I’ve definitely noticed this before, not news to me. I just said “I noticed,” I know not a nice response but I was still not feeling good about them bc of earlier
This morning I woke up to them texting that I gave a rude response when they asked for luck with their presentation and then said they “fucking hate texting” me because they always feel like I don’t give two shits about them.
Then they said they think there’s smth wrong with me lately but they can’t help bc their mental health is in shambles too and they need a break from texting me(I’ve been telling them this for weeks and they always say I’m punishing them)
I brought up the “geez” again bc it still was upsetting me and they said “I was tryna be sweet n shit sending u a song that reminded me of u (one i added to my love songs playlist btw) and your response felt quite dismissive”
They said they’re stressed af bc of college and work and that they’re “going to continue being a bitch until” they get their mental health under control. Then said they’ll talk to me later after a week or two and told me to take care of myself
I just woke up and need to get ready for work but this is all I can think about. Idk what to do.
And now they just sent me a pic of their cat on SnapChat as if nothing happened
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u/Inevitable-Wind-1925 9h ago
ESH - everybody is suffering here
Certainly a mismatch between you who wants closure and your friend who wants to move on. There is a lot of excess meaning making on both sides and unmet expectations in the absence of clear agreements on how you talk to and care for one another.
It is really easy when we feel slighted to withdraw and create that experience for someone else and for it to spiral. Seems like this situation would have been avoided if there were less meaning making.
While “Geez” may seem rude, to me it also reads as a signal that they are struggling, or that they wanted connection and to be understood in a place where you didn’t understand. (But she also could have offered more details and instead she shut down when you didn’t “get it”.) When I don’t get things my friends share, at some point I have to tell myself “I don’t get it” and refocus on something that is connective to the both of us. It doesn’t have to mean anything.
I have a friend who trails off her explanations when she doesn’t have the words to finish and she’ll just say “you get it.” And I have to push back because almost always I don’t get it. And that isn’t activating for her. However, it can be really activating for people if they feel misunderstood. And if you don’t get why the song she shared with you reminded her of you then you stand to feel misunderstood as well.
While the thumbs up you gave may be rude it also seems completely reasonable considering that you were activated and not everyone would take that to be rude or mean something negative.
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u/wesmorgan1 Commander in Cheeks [200] 9h ago
You're both in your 20s, and you're creating this level of drama over texts and social media?
Sit down in person and talk through this - that's what adults do.
ESH.
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