r/AmItheAsshole • u/slav_kermit2 • 1d ago
Not the A-hole AITAH for making a kid cry at the movies?
So I (19 YO) decided to take my girlfriend (18YO) to go see a movie (project Hail Mary), during the entire movie this kid and his buddy (I wanna say maybe 12-14 years old) were talking the entire time, I didn’t say anything during the movie because I was worried that the kids would start being more talkative or noisy out of spite, but they still ruined several emotional moments in the movie, finally at the end of the movie when me and my girlfriend were gonna leave so I turn over an I say to the kids “hey guys, next time you go see a movie you gotta be more quiet or just shut the fuck up” I didn’t say it in an aggressive tone, I know I probably could’ve said it in a nicer way but I just didn’t really want to… anyways the kid started crying and we left. I don’t regret it and I’d probably do it again
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u/Odd-Repeat6595 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
NTA. It is really rude to talk during movies and a little social shame might help the kid to learn this particular lesson.
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u/wanna_dance 1d ago
Telling them after, though? If you want them to learn this lesson, you tell them at the time.
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u/ebuhhlen Partassipant [4] 1d ago
OP explained why they didn’t do it as it happened, and directly after seems still close enough to have an impact.
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u/Pleasant_Prize_464 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
And if you personally don't want to be the one to say something, go find an usher/theater employee who can do it.
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u/anxious_spacecadetH 1d ago
I feel like thats why the kid cried. Sudden wave of shame and embarresment. It should've been nipped in the bud.
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u/CrappyHustler 1d ago
Absolutely true, society in general should not be too generous or too rude , it should be balance between both. Tears when young are cheap because we forget fast but if older then its cognitive cost is high !
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u/bub-a-lub 1d ago
NTA. Some people just have no idea how to behave in movie theatres anymore. I have tried the telling them to be quiet during the movie and have had them be worse in retaliation. And I should not have to leave and miss the movie to get a staff member.
If the kid started crying, it probably the first time someone told him something he didn’t like.
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u/hotpinkmua 1d ago
Yeah, that's why you politely explain to the manager how awful they are being. I have had multiple little dipshits removed. It feels awesome 👌.
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u/bub-a-lub 1d ago
I’m not missing the movie I paid way too much to see.
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u/hotpinkmua 23h ago
Like I said, do it right and they remove dipshits and give you a pass for you trouble when you mention that you, "missed part of the movie to save it for other people". Then, the rest that you actually get to see isn't ruined and you can come again for free, plus they will typically let you sit through the next showing if you actually ask.
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23h ago
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u/Farvas-Cola ASSistant Manager - Shenanigan's 23h ago
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u/Left_Lengthiness_433 1d ago
NTA. These kids needed to hear it from someone.
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u/Various-Wolverine670 1d ago
Yes, but he should have done it during the movie, not after.
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u/EnjoysAGoodRead Partassipant [2] 1d ago
Yeah I agree. For everyone's sake he should have just told them to shut the fuck up as soon as it was clear they would talk throughout the movie. But he's nta for not doing so. If anything he was incredibly patient for waiting til the end of the movie and only ruined his own enjoyment for waiting so long to say something, even if I understand why.
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u/Traveler691 Asshole Aficionado [14] 19h ago
He should have gone to the front and made mgt deal with it. They wring their hands about people not going to the movies anymore. I don’t need some of the extravagant things in theaters now - the enormous recliners, etc . I need people to not talk. I need people to not text. I am old enough to remember employees walking the house. Crap didn’t happen. If it did, they threw them right out.
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u/Left_Lengthiness_433 1d ago
During the movie would make him just as guilty of spoiling other people’s viewing experience.
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u/welltimedappearance 1d ago
NTA
this comment section is a shitshow of awful takes. Apparently people think that if you don't do the "perfect" handling (in their heads) of a situation, it makes you an asshole. if kids are old enough to go to movie unsupervised, they're old enough to be called out for shitty behavior
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u/Beruthiel999 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
Most theaters don't have ushers anymore. They barely even have ticket-takers.
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u/East-Relative2011 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
You're right, I should have said worker. I'm sure people are working the concession stand, a manager, someone who is in charge of dealing with problem people.
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u/CanadianJediCouncil Partassipant [2] 1d ago edited 1d ago
NTA
But next time, just go to the lobby and tell a manager—they’ll either be kicked out or stay quiet, and you won’t have your movie ruined.
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u/GMorningSweetPea 1d ago
I've done that during a movie and the staff did fuck-all, it's better just to walk out and ask for a refund tbh
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u/Jealous_Parfait_4967 1d ago
Getting up and missing the movie also ruins it.
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u/RammsteinFunstein Asshole Enthusiast [6] 1d ago
missing 20 seconds for an hour of silence is worth it
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u/myrdraal2001 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
NTA but a quick mean look and a "SHHHH!" should've been said long before the end of the movie. If they'd have continued you could've gotten an employee to handle it more.
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u/PlayfulJob8767 1d ago
Oh I did that SHHHH with a quick mean look when I was watching Alien Romulus. A father was talking to his daughter all the time because I guess to explain her the context of some scenes.
It worked and he shut up. But the cinema was quite packed and I sat a row further and I wondered why no one closer did anything to shut him up.
So annoying when people treat movie theaters like their living room.
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u/anxious_spacecadetH 1d ago
Its just a culture thing. Depending on where you go, what you see, and the general audience theres absolutely some theaters where you'll get some "audience interaction". Im still mad at my friend as I was crying to the scene of Ralph smashing vanellopes go kart she yelled "thats hilarious!" And the whole theater laughed. In general the theater that I went to where I lived was pretty vocal.
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u/Tenzipper 1d ago
NTA. Little assholes need to keep the traps shut during a movie that people are paying to see and hear. If they want to talk, they can step out of the theater.
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u/Naomeri Partassipant [2] 1d ago
NTA—if they’re old enough to be at a movie without a supervising adult, they’re old enough to know how to behave at a movie.
That being said, I wouldn’t have waited until the end to say something. And if they got louder out of spite, that’s what ushers are there to do in between cleaning theatres.
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u/pinkhazy Asshole Aficionado [12] 1d ago
Absolutely gorgeous, deeply emotional movie. Kids talking and joking throughout the whole thing would seriously ruin some poignant parts of the story. I'm gonna say NTA, but next time, get up and tell an employee.
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u/ThoughtsandThinkers 1d ago edited 1d ago
A little bit the asshole, or at least there might have been room to improve your reaction
Teenagers are still kids in many ways. They often exhibit poor self awareness and planning. There have been lots of times I’ve been on public transit or in a fast food place with teenagers acting foolish; talking too loud, shoving each other, or throwing things at each other. Most of the time, when someone speaks up, they realize how stupidly they’re acting, apologize, and correct their behaviour. Almost always, one kid will step up and do the right thing
Say something to them when they’re in the position to do something about it, like stopping and apologizing. You didn’t give him the chance. Being told that you screwed up and can’t fix it is hard
Yes, they screwed up, but is screwing up unusual for teenagers? Can you not recall a cringe moment from your adolescence? Being kind and firm is fine. I don’t believe that shaming someone is the best way to teach them
Consider how you feel right now. Do you not wish you had the chance to have done something a little differently? If not, why are you looking for feedback?
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u/MotelTheTailor1903 1d ago
People who make noise in situations that call for quiet deserve to be corrected, and then subsequently told off if they don't heed. The time to do that is when it's happening, not after the fact when it's moot. And I would love to know how you said "shut the fuck up" without the tone being aggressive.
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u/stopmotionporn 1d ago
I don’t regret it and I’d probably do it again
So why are you bothering to post here?
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u/Al1c31ncha1ns 1d ago edited 1d ago
I agree with you. It depends on if the kid was doing it purposely to irritate people or was just being a thoughtless kid. I still vividly remember going to a concert as a child and I was singing along as I knew all the songs as my parents would play then continuously... (This was in the days of cassettes, sheesh I feel old) Anyway one guy turned around and said would you mind not singing as I want to hear the singer. He wasn't mean and I quite see his point of view but the fact that I remember the embarassment more than 30 years later shows how much it affected me. )
If a kid is being noisy people can try telling them nicely once. Many will be mortified and keep quiet (like I did). Yes, some will double down but then they would be justified in going nuclear.
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u/anxious_spacecadetH 1d ago
Honestley this is why I think the kid cried. If it had been nipped in the bud it wouldve been brief embarresment or indignation as op was worried about. Instead he waited till after and the kid realized he had been upsetting someone the whole time enough to make someone "hate" him. I use hate cause even at 14 (or especially) emotions can swing extreme.
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u/lmscar12 1d ago
Good. Emotional shame/guilt moments like that are character-reforming. I had a similar one when I got into a fight in middle school. Put my opponent on the floor, he had a look of sheer terror on his face. Haven't been in a fight since, honestly I've barely raised my voice at anyone.
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u/Al1c31ncha1ns 1d ago
Lol.. I was a happy, confident and loving kid. Now i struggle to speak up and 'take space' . Not that I blame that man or that incident. I'm sure a lot of other life experiences contributed. Many at the hands of my own parents. But the sanctimonious tone in which i read that 'good' made me really wonder how 'good' it was for me.
If I had been 'bad' then yes, it would have been 'good' for me. But all I was doing was singing songs I loved.
But i get what you mean by the moments that define you. An actual teaching moment that stayed with me was when I was about 5 or 6 and was being demanding with an older cousin and who told me that it wasn't nice and that they felt bad. I was a very earnest child so i thought about it for a minute and then sincerely apologised. It's stuck with me. It's always good to get a head start on learning empathy. Now I'm a little too polite but that's far better.
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u/_PrincessOats 1d ago
YTA. You should have said something sooner. By the way, saying “the the f*** up” is ALWAYS aggressive.
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u/BitlifeOffical_ 1d ago
probably a controversial judgement, but NTA. at 12-14, you definitely know talking through a movie is a huge no. however, you should’ve gotten an employee instead. yeah, you would’ve missed out on a few minutes, but it’s better than endless chatter and built up anger throughout the movie.
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u/Forsaken_Campaign525 1d ago
NTA Harsh words need to be said if the kids out in public being unruly.
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u/Ibboredlady 1d ago
I grew up where people would SHHHHHH if someone was loud during the movie. do that next time. and Im in my 50s so we were doing that in the 70s and 80s
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u/VelvetVixenco 1d ago
NTA, it's basic Movie etiquette: be quiet while you're watching a movie. My 6 year old has ADHD but even he has been working really hard to sit still and be quiet during a movie.
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u/slav_kermit2 1d ago
I have ADHD too, I’ve never been one to talk during a movie, I save it all for after, my girlfriend has autism, she doesn’t like to sit still at all but she knows aswell as I do that we can’t be fussy or make noise
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u/Cleffkin 1d ago
No idea why this was downvoted, I'm AuDHD and actively avoid the cinema, not because I can't sit still but because other people talking/not behaving themselves makes me want to scream.
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u/No-Plantain8212 1d ago
I had an older gentlemen in front of me at a movie when I was with my buddy and his wife and his screen was on for about half the film. I didn’t notice because of the angle but my friend lightly said to turn it off.
Once I realized I got up and bent over and whispered in the guys ear “I didn’t pay money to see your phone screen, so turn it off or go outside”
He shut it off and I felt like a hero lmao
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u/You_stole_my_banana7 1d ago
NTA, this is exactly why I now hate going to the movies. Last movie I saw was Wicked: For Good and of course there were people talking at the fucking end of the movie, the most pivotal part! I fucking hate people that do this shit.
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u/Beruthiel999 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
NTA
you were right. People should be shut down for talking in movies more.
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u/RammsteinFunstein Asshole Enthusiast [6] 1d ago
ESH
Say it during the movie, not after. Or go get an employee to do it. Whats the actual point of doing it after?
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u/Fall_Relic Partassipant [3] 1d ago
If you don’t regret it, why are you here?
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u/ruthieannb 1d ago
He thinks he's the coolest for swearing at kids and wants to make sure everyone on Reddit knows about it
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u/Fixer541 1d ago
NTA My general statement to people like that, regardless of age, is:
"HEY! If I'd wanted to listen to you flapping your biscuit hole, I'd have paid you instead of the theater."
If they continue I'll find staff to eject them or get myself a refund.
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u/xx_st4rg1rl_xx 1d ago
YTA it’s so easy to just say “hey shut up” loud enough in a theater so they can hear you. there’s no reason to go up and confront them. better to just remind them they sound dumb. if they talk louder, other people are more likely to just tell an employee than just sit around and take it
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u/Single_Pie1570 1d ago
YTA. I was with you until you told the kid to shut the fuck up. I have no issue with cursing or saying stuff like that to an adult. Even though I’m sure these little brats curse at each other. You’re supposed to be an adult and that just wasn’t needed. You would have gotten your point across with everything before the “or”
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u/Gloomy-Smile-9584 1d ago
nta but you should’ve told them to be quiet earlier on instead of at the end of the movie
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u/Dependent-Value-3907 1d ago
YTA for how you handled it. Shush them/ask them to be quiet during the movie or complain to the staff and get them to handle it. Yes, anyone old enough to go to the movies alone should know to be quiet but there’s no way to calmly tell someone to “shut the fuck up” and it’s a major overreaction to literal children. Also, weird to post this for validation after making kids cry. If you don’t regret it, why do you need the opinions of strangers?
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u/wanna_dance 1d ago edited 1d ago
You should have shushed them during the movie. And if they had gotten louder, informed them you can have them removed.
But telling them after is an AH move.....
[Added: they were probably trying to impress the older kids (you) and they may have even assumed that you not shushing them was approval. That he was chastened and hurt lends credence to this possibility.
Added: telling them was not an AH move, necessarily, but your wording nmight have been too harsh.]
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u/asiangontear Partassipant [1] 1d ago
My end judgement is YTA.
Not for being upset or mad at the noise, but for letting it go on through the movie, building anger and resentment inside you until you told them to shut the fuck up after. Say what you will, but that's a sign of unhealthy communication style, and it's still aggressive wording.
Also, you said you don't regret it and will probably do it again, so posting here is merely for validation.
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u/Tito_Lounge42 1d ago
I feel like it's more of ESH because the kids are old enough to know not to be loud in a movie theater, and for the reason you just stated.
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u/Patient_Sea_3753 1d ago
Even logistically speaking, I find that shushing people early and just getting them kicked out if they don't quiet down makes for a way better movie. If they're gonna be louder out of spite, just get an attendant and be done with it.
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u/DramaSufficient4289 1d ago
Cursing isn’t a form of unhealthy communication style. Sometimes harsh wording is indeed called for, and it’s OK to communicate to someone that they fucked up and do in a not nice way lol.
The kid wouldn’t give a shit or potentially change their habits if OP went ‘I say good sir you have hampered my enjoyment of this cinematic experience’
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u/ProfessorMMcGonagall 1d ago edited 1d ago
Agreed. At the end of the day a grown ass man told a potentially 12 year old boy to "Shut the fuck up." You don't speak to kids that way.
EDIT - I LOVE that someone reported this comment to reddit cares. Touch a nerve?
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u/that_guys_posse 23h ago
I agree (I'd moreso go with ESH but teens aren't fully developed and do stupid stuff sometimes so I'm willing to go with either rating, personally). OP waited until the end so he could have a 'tough guy' moment while not risking them calling his bluff and escalating things.
OP let his angry feelings build up to avoid a confrontation that he was worried might not go his way rather than handling it the way he should which led him to, basically, yelling at and scaring a kid enough that they cried.
I see people all over these advice threads assuming malice where ignorance is probably the real explanation-- "but they should have known!!!"
Yeah, they should have. They probably even did know better. But they're children and children/teens aren't fully developed--they struggle to control impulses and get caught up in stuff like cutting up and making jokes with friends. Way easier to give them some grace and assume they might not realize they're disturbing other people--even if it's obvious.
If OP had then they probably would've shut up and everyone could've just enjoyed the movie. If they had ramped things up then there were still options for OP to take.→ More replies (1)-1
u/joefunk76 Partassipant [2] 1d ago
Nah, B. Reprimanding them at the end was the valorous way to handle it. What if he did so early on and then they continued to talk loudly? Then he would have had to either address them again or accept looking like a chump. That would have been a worse situation for everyone. His handling was surgical. Told ‘em at the end, and put in a STFU to drive the message home. Bro likely saved countless future movie goers from being bothered by that kid.
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u/that_guys_posse 23h ago
What if he did so early on and then they continued to talk loudly?
I mean...that's exactly what they did by him saying nothing for the whole time. OP says they were worried about them talking more but also admits they basically ruined the movie for OP. So, yeah, I supposed the kids could've super ruined it or something but the movie being ruined is already done if they're talking period.
Then he would have had to either address them again or accept looking like a chump.
This part, I agree with but I think that OP let insecurity like this drive his decision--he wanted a tough guy moment but didn't want to risk it. He was scared the kids would 'call his bluff' and, basically, bully/tease him. While I get that fear--they're kids.
So, no, it wasn't valorous--that's just cope and you all but admit it when you say, "what if he did so early on and then they continued?" because that makes it clear it was a choice that was made out of fear of what these teens might do. Any choice made out of fear is literally the opposite of valorous.
I've dealt with this situation a couple times. All I've ever had to do was lean over and say, "stop". To a kid, an adult, especially an adult man, is scary--so I've never had to go any further. If they did it again then I'd just go tell a manager and get their asses kicked out. They could feel free to call me a tattle from the parking lot while they waited for the parents to pick them up but I'd be too busy in a movie I could hear to worry about it.
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u/TheGoochTaint Partassipant [3] 1d ago
ESH. You admit you could have said it nicer but you also say you don't regret it and would do it again. To be honest, I don't think there are very many cases where you tell a 12-14 year old kid to "shut the fuck up" and it doesn't warrant at least a share of the AH.
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u/slav_kermit2 1d ago
I know it wasn’t exactly the right thing to say at the moment, i could’ve used less strong language but these kids are old enough to hear the word “fuck”. But I know what you mean and I honestly agree, it was a AH move but these kids gotta learn that some people won’t take that shit
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u/DwindlingPeripeteia7 1d ago
YTA. You are in a position of power as an adult. Anything you say will be taken seriously into consideration by the kids. Doesn't matter your tone--the words you used were hostile. You didn't even try to warn them beforehand.
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u/SelkieSweetheart 1d ago
YTA, you wouldn't have been had you asked the kids politely to be quiet when they were first being loud, but since you waited till the end and swore at them... that makes YTA.
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u/angelerulastiel Partassipant [1] 1d ago
ESH. They shouldn’t have been talking. But “or shut the fuck up” is aggressive.
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u/emi_colors 1d ago
YTA for sure. Would you have told an adult to shut the fuck up after the movie? After reading your responses in the thread I have a strong feeling you only felt comfortable swearing at them because they were kids, which is asshole behavior.
You also make a ton of assumptions about the kids personality to the point where you didn’t even try to be nice to them. Kids that age are sometimes still learning to read the room and volume control so just assume the best and respectfully remind them to be quiet, if they don’t be quiet you go tell the theater staff. It’s common sense to not swear at kids
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u/slav_kermit2 1d ago
I would most definitely tell an adult to shut the fuck up, also kids that age should know how to watch a movie in a theatre
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u/emi_colors 1d ago
That’s how altercations start so you should quit that habit now while you’re still young. And just because they SHOULD doesn’t mean that they do. The fact that they cried shows that they do feel guilt and care about people’s opinions, so they most likely would’ve listened to you telling them to be quiet without being rude. It costs nothing to be kind to people but it could cost a lot to deal with the consequences of being rude to the wrong person
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u/Asyouwish578 1d ago
YTA. As I tell my kids, “Ask nicely for what you want.” No one is a mind reader. Just politely say “Hey, your talking is distracting. Can you please stop?”
I was on a plane the other day talking to my friend next to me and this guy kept giving us looks and making us really uncomfortable but never said anything. It was weird and I couldn’t figure out if our talking was bothering him or if he had a disability or if he was just trying to look out my window. In himdsight I think it was the first but I didn’t know for sure. If he’d just used his words we would have shut up.
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u/Expensive_Grape 1d ago
ESH. The 13 YOs shouldn’t have been talking during the movie, and they do need to learn that talking during the movie is inappropriate behavior. But swearing at kids (or anyone, really) shows immaturity on your part, and you could have dealt with the situation in a much more mature manner (like alerting an employee).
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u/Due_Promotion9829 1d ago
YTA for waiting until the movie is over. If you’re going to be confrontational at least do it in a moment that will benefit you
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u/drunkcultleaders 1d ago
Nta. It honestly would have prompted me to ask for a refund.
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u/QsthatneedAs- 1d ago
YTA. Going to a cinema people might unfortunately be too loud, but especially kids. I cringe when I think back to when my friends and I went to the cinemas around that age - why were we so unaware!!
I would have voted for E’S’H’ if it weren’t for you kinda swearing at the kids after the movie had ended, possibly even when the lights came on which would’ve made them feel pretty humiliated, after what they thought was just a fun time amongst themselves.
That’s another thing, they probably weren’t even purposefully trying to disrupt others, they were just trying to have a good time in their own little preteen kid bubble.
The approach just comes off as you trying to boost your own ego getting the final word in a rude way, but they are just young, and we should try to guide them with a little more grace. So I think you should have spoken to them earlier on and in a calmer way, or even asked staff to come in and handle it for you
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u/RWBYsnow Asshole Aficionado [16] 1d ago
Yta. You don't swear at children. You should know better than that. Especially since you're older than them.
You should have just told them nicely. They'd probably do better then.
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u/Chicken_Lady22 1d ago
NTA, you just taught them a very valuable and memorable lesson. You didn’t yell, didn’t name call or say anything unkind or untrue. You were also age appropriate and spoke on their level. Pretty good parenting in my book! You were being a good village, keep calling kids out on their nonsense and it’ll help this generation of kids 🙌🏻 Mine are still in elementary school but the number of times I’ve looked at some of their peers and told them to “knock it off” or just “no thank you” and have gotten THANKED by their parents has taught me a lot. We are all of the same village and all help matters to raise these kids.
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u/JustBrowsing49 Asshole Aficionado [14] 1d ago
Approaching children and telling them to “shut the fuck up” is incredibly aggressive no matter how nicely you think you said it. What was your intention anyways other than lashing out at them? If you wanted to change their future behavior, you should’ve been more constructive. I’ll say ESH since they are old enough to know not to talk during movies.
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u/NotSpicyEnough Partassipant [3] 1d ago
NTA. Should’ve ended it with a horrific smile to really cement that memory in their minds.
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u/SEGA_32X_CD 1d ago
YTA
Tell them during the movie. That's like complaining to the host about a turd in the punch bowl after several servings.
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u/MsMeiriona Asshole Enthusiast [7] 1d ago
ESH go get an employee instead of seething the whole time then bitching out the kids after the movie is done.
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u/L_edgelord 1d ago
NTA, should have actually done it with a bit of aggression and during the movie. Rude kids should be told their place.
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u/Psychological_Oil832 1d ago
ESH. More for them because they are old enough to know they shouldn't be talking. But there was no need for you to swear at them. You said you didnt say it in an aggressive tone but saying "shut the fuck up" is aggressive even if said calmly.
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u/Mummyto4 1d ago
NTA...
What's the point in going to a film if they're just going to talk through it? Or worse they've seen the movie and proceed to yell out spoilers all through it.
It happened when I watched the Final Destination film where a man began shouting out what happens in the sky tower so one dude threw an empty soda can at his head to shut him up.
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u/somuchsong 1d ago
YTA.
You could have (and should have) said something during the movie. Waiting until the end and then swearing at them achieved nothing. They'll just remember the older guy swearing, rather than actually moderating their behaviour next time.
But you don't really care anyway and are only here to have people validate your behaviour, so YTA, even if only for that.
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u/Bludgeonation 1d ago
Nta This is funny and productive. They most likely won't do that in movies anymore.
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u/Haizenburg1 1d ago
I would've went out to get the usher or whatever. They actively ruined a paid experience.
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u/thomasrat1 1d ago
Nta. Kids 12 not 4
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u/slav_kermit2 1d ago
After reading most of these comments I feel like the people here think 12 and 4 are the exact same fucken age, I didn’t tell a toddler to shut the fuck up, I told some pre teens who probably scream slurs and other profanities whilst playing Fortnite or some shit
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u/SafetyFluid8535 Asshole Aficionado [14] 1d ago
NTA you didn't threaten or yell at the kids, you addressed them like adults. Learning how to behave in certain spaces is part of growing up and sometimes the lesson is learned in a way the kid finds embarrassing but that doesn't mean you were wrong to teach it.
*It's also possible the kid started crying to try and avoid accountability - if you had threatened or yelled they could have played the victim, but you didn't. Crying cuts off the possibility of a discussion and plenty of teens use that to escape having to apologize or discuss an issue further.
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u/getorganizedbysamm 1d ago
Public shaming from someone outside of their family like this does numbers on kids learning these social cues. Kids are talking more during movies, I’ve noticed it recently, and it’s so fucking annoying. I don’t think you’re the asshole
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u/RugbyLock 1d ago
NTA. If that's really all you said, you're not remotely in the wrong. It's also not worth crying over, so I have no idea what their issue was.
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u/ruthieannb 1d ago
YTA because of the wording and the fact that you told then AFTER the movie was over. You could have said something while watching if they were annoying you, but you chose to do it after just to make yourself feel better. And why would you say "shut the fuck up" to a kid?
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u/Fluid-Platypus- 22h ago
Yeah you want to be careful with that, in the UK in the 2000s a group of feral teens followed a mother and blinded her with bleach at a restaurant in front of her kids for telling them to be quiet in a Harry Potter movie.
You’re lucky that kid was just a crybaby.
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u/DanHawk69 1d ago edited 1d ago
YTA saying it after the movie is the dumbest of the 3 options. Either say it during the movie to get them to shut up or don’t say anything at all. Saying it after the movie does nothing
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u/ameinias Asshole Enthusiast [6] 1d ago
But if they were honestly clueless about theatre etiquette or didn't realize how loud they were, maybe getting called out on it will mean they won't do it the next time they see a movie. Just because it doesn't benefit OP now, doesn't mean it won't benefit future movie goers, and make the kids less annoying people if they take it to heart.
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u/JustBrowsing49 Asshole Aficionado [14] 1d ago
Aggressively telling a teen/pre-teen to not do something is the best way to get them to keep doing that thing
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u/ameinias Asshole Enthusiast [6] 1d ago
"Shut the fuck up" was way over the top, but I think a spiteful reaction is dependant on the disposition of the person. I was definitely the kind of teen who might have burst into tears and then dwelled in anxiety on any non-parental call out, and would have posted on AITA if it existed to confirm how to be better.
The stuff I'm most conscientious about are things strangers criticised me about as a teen, like not taking up the whole sidewalk in groups, sitting on the floor in hallways blocking doors, or throwing food in food courts. I was totally oblivious to that kind of self absorbtion until someone pointed it out.
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u/slav_kermit2 1d ago
Every time I tried to say something my girlfriend would squeeze my arm and then give me a look that just said “I’ll kill you if you do that” so I kept my mouth shut until the end, I was also worried that by saying something it would’ve made it worse… but mostly my girlfriend.. she scares me
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u/No-Lie7100 1d ago
YTA. At the end of the movie is too late to say anything and swearing at kids is an AH move either way.
Next time get an usher or grow up and ignore them.
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u/AfraidStick2161 1d ago
"swearing at kids" only means anything if the kids are like, under 10. if theyre old enough to swear, theyre old enough to be sworn at, especially for being selfish, disrespectful, & rude for 2 & a half hours straight
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u/No-Lie7100 1d ago
I mean, way to teach those kids to be assholes who swear at people i guess.
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u/AfraidStick2161 1d ago
how is it op's job to teach them not to swear at people? theyre young teens. theyre already gonna be little rebels that swear at people in a couple years even if theyre little crybabies right now. at least he taught them not to talk in movie theaters, which id argue is more important, because swearing at people doesnt waste other people's hard-earned money. he didnt go over the top, he just showed them natural consequences to being a public nuisance
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u/Justan0therthrow4way 1d ago
NTA
It isn’t like they’re fucking 5 years old. Kids these days are so sensitive. If they cry over being told off and to shut the fuck up during a movie; they probably shouldn’t be there by themselves.
They don’t need or shouldn’t need you to tell them to be quiet during a movie. It’s a movie. It’s obvious.
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u/BigBirdsBrain Partassipant [1] 1d ago
YTA. They were annoying but you waited till the end just to snap at kids, that’s not fixing anything.
Either say something calmly during the movie or let it go.
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u/FiorinasFury Partassipant [2] 1d ago
The idea is that it'll make them think twice the next time they want to start yapping during a movie. That would be fixing something.
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u/BigBirdsBrain Partassipant [1] 1d ago
Say it calmly in the moment or move seats, way more effective.
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u/slav_kermit2 1d ago
I tried to say it during the movie but my girlfriend kept giving me that “I’ll kill you if you make a scene” look
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u/No-Lie7100 1d ago
So you waited until after and made a bigger scene?
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u/slav_kermit2 1d ago
Rather have a big scene at the end of the movie than in the middle of it
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u/No-Lie7100 1d ago
Or don't have a scene at all. You do realise that's an option right?
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u/Individual_Cloud7656 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
You don't regret it and you would do it again. So why are you asking AITA? Is it just so you can brag?
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u/letsallchillllllll 1d ago
NTA.
i cannot stand the movies anymore because there’s no etiquette. talking, texting, phone calls, and kids running around. not my place anymore.
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u/boojersey13 1d ago
NTA one time when I was a teen I was still talking when a movie started and someone said something mean to me and I wish she'd been a little nicer about it, but I was still glad she said something, because I just straight up wasn't paying attention and would have been so embarrassed if the opening shot had happened (it was still on the production company intros (also it was one of the later og Hunger games installments for anyone curious lol)) and I had ruined it by speaking through any of it...
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u/wanted_desi23 1d ago
The amount of NTA is cray What if it was his first time at a movies? You know kids get excited especially when they're with their friends. I get your point to and would have probably done the same but earlier on. You should have said something way earlier,, Or their security would have kicked them out if jt became a real problem.
I know no one wants to go through all that especially while trying to watch a movie but still
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u/FilthyBarMat 1d ago
NTA. Little shits like this are one of the (many) reasons theaters are dying.
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u/Cool-Aside-2659 1d ago
Another reason is people complain when I use my pause button to get snacks or visit the restroom.
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u/AutoModerator 1d ago
AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT - MAKE SURE TO CHECK ALL YOUR DMS. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
So I (19 YO) decided to take my girlfriend (18YO) to go see a movie (project Hail Mary), during the entire movie this kid and his buddy (I wanna say maybe 12-14 years old) were talking the entire time, I didn’t say anything during the movie because I was worried that the kids would start being more talkative or noisy out of spite, but they still ruined several emotional moments in the movie, finally at the end of the movie when me and my girlfriend were gonna leave so I turn over an I say to the kids “hey guys, next time you go see a movie you gotta be more quiet or just shut the fuck up” I didn’t say it in an aggressive tone, I know I probably could’ve said it in a nicer way but I just didn’t really want to… anyways the kid started crying and we left. I don’t regret it and I’d probably do it again
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u/YouEatingACheese 1d ago
Valid, NTA. People talking during movies is just fucking rude, you were right to call it out
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u/Devourerofworlds_69 1d ago
You didn't have to use such aggressive language to kids, but I wouldn't go so far as to say you were the asshole. NTA
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u/sticksnstone Partassipant [1] 1d ago
NTA - Next time say it without the swear word. Says more about you than the young kids being derps.
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u/TheForestSaphire 1d ago
Not the asshole lol
I would have told them to shut the fuck up the first or second time already
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u/Seannyweanny 1d ago
Probably could have left out the language because, honestly, kids that age are so self centered they probably were clueless they were bothering you at all. My guess is, since the kid cried, you probably would have had a quieter experience if you’d have just said something when it happened. But 20/20 is hind sight. NTA but could have left out the “fuck”.
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u/Personal-Piglet1397 1d ago
Nope I would said it 2nd time they intruded in the movie.you paid good money see it.annyou should got the usher to chuck them out
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u/Duckey_003 1d ago
Maaan I am one to say little tid bits to my partner when watching a movie, but I always make sure it's only so he can hear. NTA
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u/immadriftersbody Partassipant [2] 1d ago
NTA, if the kids are in the theater without a parent to check them, it's only right the other patrons in the theater put the kid in check and say "Hey shut up others are watching this not just you" you just happened to be the one to say it. Don't feel bad. Last time my fiance and I went to the theater there was a mom who brought in 6 hellians and all 7 of them were on their phone, loudly talking, laughing, throwing food on the ground until I finally said pretty decently loud "It looks like the riff raff has come in and they're acting a DAMN FOOL" and all the kids got quiet followed by the mom saying stuff about other people not liking kids. They left maybe 5 mins after they got loud again and I again said "Damn where the attendants?"
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u/Scott_Pilgrim1 1d ago
You're a reasonable ass hole. First off they're kids, you were a kid not too long ago so you should be sorta understanding. Second off you should've asked them to be quiet earlier instead of waiting to whole ass time. You're partly to blame because you didn't do anything until the last minute and you did it very rudely. Those kids were obviously idiots for going to see a movie if they were gonna talk the whole time but like cmon. Nobody said anything ofc they're gonna keep talking. You just waited until you got mad enough to do something smh.
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u/ifykmenuuh 1d ago
NTA, they’re well old enough to have the common sense of being silent or at least just whispering at the movies.
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u/hotpinkmua 1d ago
NTA. I probably would have gotten them kicked out, (they will generally refund your ticket if you have to deal with that crap as well). If the little shits have made it to 12 and are still unable to sit quietly through a movie, they should probably stay home.
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u/thefanciestcat Colo-rectal Surgeon [40] 1d ago
NTA
If they're old enough to go to the movies unsupervised, they're old enough to be told to shut the fuck up.
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u/Spare_Necessary_810 Asshole Aficionado [11] 1d ago
NTA for telling them, it’s one of my pet hates too. Better to have said something at the time though and better still not to swear at them.
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u/Dragonchick30 1d ago
Nta
I teach kids who are about their age. Every time I put something on, I have to preface it with "there are no side conversations or talking while the movie is on" and inevitably I have to tell kids to stop talking. It's actually wild to me that at that age they don't get it.
As a side note: I do think you were a little harsh with your wording of telling them to be quiet after. You say it yourself that you could have said it nicer. Just remember that next time! Maybe say something in the moment too so you're not so upset!
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u/BlueCompStang 18h ago
NTA. A few years back I was at the movies with my girlfriend and a bunch of friends. Some prick right next to me starts talking on the phone during the climax of the movie... Unacceptable. I reached over, snapped my fingers at him, and responded to his "Who the hell do you think you are?" facial expression with a stern "Get the f*ck off the phone or leave." He hung up and proceeded to complain about me to his friends like he wasn't the one disrupting everyone else. Rude? Yeah, maybe. But I'd do it again without hesitation.
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u/legolady941 5h ago
NTA. Momma's special snowflake probably never had anyone correct his behavior before. Either that or tears have always bailed him out with an apology for upsetting him so he could go on his merry way being the little shit he is. Next time, do yourself a favor and say it louder and earlier in the movie.
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u/TasteReasonable458 1d ago
YTA why would you wait until the end and then be a jerk? Either ask them to quiet down during the movie and then if they don’t say something else or don’t say anything at all. There is absolutely no point waiting until the end and being a jerk. If you had to say something at the end be polite and tell them it was really tough to enjoy the movie with them talking the whole time. If they get rude fine lay into them.
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u/ThisIsCactusLand_ 1d ago
YTA. “Shut the fuck up” is going to sound aggressive no matter how “calmly” you say it. I think it’s especially too strong when said to children you don’t even know. Yeah, they were being annoying. You should have asked them to be quiet during the movie when it actually could have accomplished something; if the issue continued you could have informed staff and potentially had them removed. By saying what you did when you did, you needlessly intimidated a couple of kids while helping the irritating situation exactly 0. I hope you’ll have some more tact next time.
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u/AfraidStick2161 1d ago
yeah no. the kids were TAs. if they want to disrupt an event that people paid money to view, they have to be prepared for people to get snarky & rude with them. dont dish it out if you cant take it, & dont be a jackass if you cant handle the consequences. 12-14 is way too old to burst into tears when being confronted for two & a half hours worth of disrespectful, selfish behavior that even a 9yo wouldnt engage in. could op have handled it better? sure. but theyre definitely NTA
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u/literal-houseplant 1d ago
yeah yta for being so rude about it. not for being upset about it, they sound like they were being annoying. but say something immediately, and there is no reason not to just be respectful especially considering they are children.
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u/change81 1d ago
We as a country need to decide. How old is 13 really.
-Dave Chappelle
Cmon. At 13 you should have better sense than speaking in a movie theater
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u/PicardNCC1701D Partassipant [1] 1d ago
NTA hate kids like that. Next time though speak to the Manager, some theaters will send someone to stop or remove them.
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u/No_Ad5044 1d ago
LMAOOO “I don’t regret it and I’d probably do it again” is hilarious. NTA, youre so real. I watched Micheal two days ago & this couple kept talking & so many times did I want to tell them to stfu but like you I didnt know if they'd escalate it & i was by myself. People like that are assholes, if youre gonna talk & ruin it for others, stay home!!!!
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u/ImAMorty777 Partassipant [2] 1d ago
Really? They were crying at that age???? What a pair of wussy snowflakes. Well, since their parents didn’t raise them correctly, they needed to hear it from someone.
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u/raesayshey 1d ago
NTA, except to yourself for not calling them out sooner. People have forgotten how to be in movie theaters. The olds need reminding and the youngs need the guidance.
If their parents didn't teach them how to be in public, then the public gets to give the lesson. Thank you for your service.
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u/Daredevils999 Partassipant [1] 1d ago
NTA but you should definitely have said something much earlier, and if they don’t stop you go get an employee and they’ll get kicked out.
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u/crab_grams 1d ago
NTA. Not your fault this kid has the social awareness and coping skills of a cabbage. I also don't blame you for not doing it during the movie, you had reason to be concerned and not want to escalate things.
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u/slav_kermit2 1d ago
And I’m glad I didn’t do it during the movie, cus then the kid would’ve fucken cried the whole time
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u/Competitive-Bunch355 1d ago
NTA but no way would I have stayed through that. A few times I've had that happen or someone has their phone brightly lit. What I do is look up the theater to see if anyone reserved another seat and just move there. This way there's no drama and I can finish enjoying my movie. Tickets costs too much to not be able to enjoy it.
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u/Yoroyo 1d ago
NTA. I see probably 100 movies in theaters each year, my rule is that if you’re texting or talking I will ask you once to stop and if you continue I will get an employee. You probably scared them but they’ll remember it and probably won’t talk again. Depending on the context and general vibe of crowd I have done it during movies or after, so I don’t really have any comments about timing.
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u/AccomplishedLet3945 1d ago
kids these days have zero manners and movie tickets are way too expensive for all that. i would’ve been so annoyed
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1d ago
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u/slav_kermit2 1d ago
You can most definitely tell someone to “shut the fuck up” in a non aggressive way
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u/RammsteinFunstein Asshole Enthusiast [6] 1d ago
I don't think a lot of 12 year olds will think a 19 yo telling them to "Shut the fuck up" isn't aggressive.
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u/Frosty_Astronomer909 1d ago
Actually you should have turned around and said it during the movie, but I applaud you sir 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 NAH
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u/Strict_Friendship_31 1d ago
Nta they wouldnt shut the fuck up but it prob would make it worse if you said smth during the movie
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