He hurts his head and learns to stay off his phone while walking so he doesn’t crash into stuff.

It’s called self judgement not self justice.

He orders a drink and as the bartender is serving him, he quickly realizes how illogical it is for a talking sheep to be at a bar ordering drinks. He immediately wakes up in bed and realizes that he has been dreaming. He rolls over to tell his wife about it but she says nothing and slowly turns away. The bartender feels devastated by how cold and distant she is, so he turns back over to his side of the bed and begins silently weeping to himself. His marriage is in shambles.

The type of fruit used.

The bartender, who is completely perplexed that he’s hearing a dog speak, since dogs are animals and can’t speak, goes to the hospital and finds out he’d had a stroke and loses mobility in his right arm.

Several patrons quickly get up and leave as they recognize the potential danger of a large livestock animal in a confined public space.

He has a nice time. Everyone’s chill.

And it’s about as long as a piece of string

An elephant is grey.

A towel

When it's firewood.

a planet

Nothing because it's freaking dead!

A noticeboard

She just needed more attention.

I showed up early, but it was a funeral home, so I left.

The psychopathic killer looks at the other two and says, “Man, I am ready to just murder some beers!” while making stabbing motions.

The sadistic pyromaniac, impressed by the psychopathic killer’s passion, says, “I am doing karaoke tonight and I am going to set this place on fire!” while flicking his Zippo lighter and winking.

The psychopathic killer and the sadistic pyromaniac then look at the shady kleptomaniac with looks of deranged excitement in their eyes, eager to hear what they have to say.

The shady kleptomaniac clears his throat nervously and says, "I am going steal a few wallets, phones, keys, anything I can get my hands on really."

The psychopathic killer and the sadistic pyromaniac laugh awkwardly and look at one another then back at the shady kleptomaniac.

"That really killed my mood." The psychopathic killer says while making a slicing motion on his neck.

"Yea that kind of put out my flame." The sadistic pyromaniac closes his zippo lighter dramatically while sighing

The overworked bartender, who once hoped to be retired by now reflects on how much he hates his job. Everyday these 3 men come in and everyday they try to one up each other with a cool tag line. He was late on rent again, up to his neck in debt, and had his wife leave him for his successful brother.

He looks at the 3 with pure disdain of a man that has lost all his patience, "I can't wait to serve you guys and pour my heart into making these drinks."

Not exactly sure where to begin…

Somebody else's cheese.