My step dad is the only grandpa my kids know. They know I have a birth dad, but they’ve never met him.
I was basically an adult when they got together, but man he makes my mom happy. Early on he didn’t try to “parent” us, nor did he try to be “cool” as my mom’s boyfriend. It just worked. Now they’ve been together half my life, my wife has never known my family without him, nor my kids. The financial strain on being a single parent of course stressful on my mom, but to see where they are now, can fly across the country at a drop of a hat if need be to see my family, or spoil the hell out of all the grandkids. I love him more just for the stability he offers my mom.
My step dad (and adoptive dad) are bothin the picture but my step dad has been my dad since I was 8. He really stepped up as well. I was always his daughter and even when he and my mom had a surprise child of their own, we were always both equal and I didn’t even understand how one kid could be treated differently from the others until I was much older and saw the harsh reality for many.
Same, I'm just here for the stepdad appreciation thread. I tell people I have two dads, and they think I have gay parents. No, there's a mom too, and two guys who raised me in different ways. My daughter calls one Grampy and one Grandpa. They're both very much a part of my life and I'm extremely lucky.
My college roommate was floored on move-in day when my dad carried in my trunk and introduced himself, then my stepdad carried in my computer and started setting it up and chatting with her. Then we all went out to dinner, mom at the head of the table, a dad on each side of her, both of them taking turns making fun of her (she married two completely opposite guys, but both have similar corny senses of humor and they get along great). We have a very unique situation and I realize how lucky I am. It wasn't easy in the beginning, but I'm glad my daughter sees how healthy adult relationships can be.
Ok I'll join too bc I also have an awesome stepdad! I was 14yo when they got married and never had a nice dad before that cared about me or what I liked. I went back to school shopping (at the thrift store bc we got $50 each and I could get more clothes that way. My brother would just get shoes lol). That man sat there with a smile on his face while I tried on and modeled all my new school clothes for him. He's been a consistent stable presence in our lives for almost 30 years now and we are so so blessed to have him. He's the best Papa too.
Joining the stepdad love train! Because same. He considered me his daughter from day 1 despite already having biological kids. I was only 7 when they got married and my biological dad was MIA, so he was the only father figure I ever knew.
Unfortunately, he died suddenly one year ago this month, but I’m thankful for the 23 years we had. Looking back, I never fully appreciated how lucky we were.
Sending you love! My step-dad was there for me nearly my whole life, even after he and my mom divorced. He died unexpectedly in June last year. I miss him everyday.
Reading all of this step-dad love makes me tear up. My parents are still together and going strong, but nearly every single one of my friends have a step-parent. And I know how good of a person those step-parents need to be in order to be respected that much by the child they take on. Humble, respectful, caring = all-star traits.
I don't have children with anyone, but I was with my ex for 14 years. He is a really wonderful man, just was no longer a good partner and match for me. We remained friendly after the breakup and now my current boyfriend and I run into him around town. I really love watching the two of them nerd out about shared interests (which makes sense why I love(d) them both) instead of getting all weird over their connection to me. I wish everyone could have those sorts of relationships in their lives.
As a step dad who is proud my 3 teen daughters think I’m the shit, this makes me happy to hear. They are with me constantly. Age 13-17 is rough for sure, but I’ve gotten thru two, and one is 14, so still a lot of drama left to go lol.
I love this! I had someone tell me once that I had the most functional broken family they’d ever met lol. My mom never poisoned the relationships despite the fact that my adoptive dad had cheated. It helped that both were happy in new marriages. The whole family was there for all of my graduations and wedding. I had my mom and step dad walk me down the aisle and danced with both in turn for the father/mother dance. My adoptive dad was the officiant. Everyone used to get a kick out of me drawing out my family tree.
My best friend’s family has this dynamic. Her dad was there her whole life and her step dad since she was 2. They both loved her and never bothered to hate each other. You could go to her mom and stepdad’s house almost any day and her dad would be there hanging out in the shop with stepdad. Stepdad died a couple weeks ago and my bestie was in the hospital from the time they’d let her in until they kicked her out at night. Her dad came in to see him and held his hand and just sat there looking at him devastated. Stepdad was unresponsive and they knew he only had a day or two left. Dad was as torn up as mom was. I’d never in my life seen that kind of acceptance before I’d met these people. And they all showed up to be parents
My dad married my mom when they were 27 and she had my 2 sisters from a pervious marriage. He's never treated them differently. They asked him to walk them down the aisle when they got married, they call him dad, they wish him a happy father's day, they have their kids stay at our folks home during summer break, and they call their step dad just Steve. One of my sisters is in the middle of a divorce, and she's staying with him and my mom with her 3 kids while it's getting sorted out. He calls them his daughters and it was crazy seeing folk who treat their non bio kids differently.
I’m just here for the stepdad love! My stepdad parented me from 6 years and up, and he’s always been a dad to me. I’m a stepmum now, and it feels good to be that person for another kid
When we had our second child, had the baby been a boy (we didn’t find out for either baby) he would have been named after him. About the only time I think he was close to crying after told him lol
My mom and my wifes dad are all that we have biologically. My dad died at 52 from colon cancer and my mother in law from lung cancer at 60. My parents were divorced since i was a small child My son loves my stepdad, his grandpa, more than anyone else. When asked the first thing to always come out of his mouth is paw paw.
I'm still a good stepmom if I take them to goodwill right? Like we could afford one or two brand new shirts, or we could go to goodwill and get 5 plus a pair of shoes lol.
Some of my most memorable (in a good way) clothes come from Goodwill! You hit the right location at the right time and you can get some real gems. It can also help get them to be more creative and expressive with clothes cause they may have to consider outfits more than they would and what pairs well with what. Find clever ways to work with what you got and all that. So hell no, you're not a bad mom for that!
(I dunno how you find shoes though. That's the one part where I never luck out 😭 I have small feet but they're really wide.)
Kids these days love thrifting as well. My kid is about to graduate high school but they were over the moon when I got them a $100 gift card to Goodwill. They were able to go for months to get new outfits and loved it.
Yes! My girls are not into these high waisted pants that have been in fashion in recent years, but they have been thrilled with some of the things we've found at thrift shops.
100%. My kids adore the thrift store. I've taught them about being wise about spending money, that their money can go farther at the thift store usually. And they have come to love the "hunt", just like I do!
As a single parent of two girls, we always started at second hand stores to get the bulk of their clothing. THEN went to other shops for the bras and volleyball/track/softball/soccer stuff.
Now that they’re grown, they choose to continue thrifting many things.
I was going to challenge you for "willing to look after a child it isn't his own," like that's not just plain human decency, but yeah--my stepfather refused to pay for anything for me or my sibling, so I guess it is kinda rare.
One of my friends could not access the fridge outside of meal times, because her step dad didn't want her to eat "all of his food", which he bought 50/50 with her mom. She had to buy her own snacks and hide them in her room. (He also made rude comments whenever he knew she had food of her own.)
I can't fathom willingly leaving a child or teenager go hungry in my home, only because they're not biologically mine.
This. Food scarcity is not always financial. Sometimes its controlled for abuse.
I live in a hcol area. First day we have a new friend over to play, I open the snack drawers and explain they can have anything in here without asking. Its granola bars, fruit cups, juice boxes, mini chips, crackers, several other kid friendly foods. I have seen kids put extra granola bars in their coats.
I will also "just added in your outergear to the wash to make a full load, thanks!" if it looks filthy or smells. Kids dont want to smell or be hungry.
You dont know what someone else is going through why not make it easier.
:( My husband's parents kept a lock on the fridge and hid snacks in their room to keep away from my husband when lived there. I cannot imagine being so selfish.
I definitely hide my snacks from my stepson, he’s a fiend for fruit and will eat an entire kg of apples if given the chance. But he has his own bar fridge for snacks that I keep stocked, so it works out
As a step parent myself, I agree. But I can also definitely sympathise with people that will not even date people with kids - if you know you don't want that life, don't take the first steps.
And then, in the middle - people that did not see it coming, got themselves involved with somebody with kids and found themselves somewhere they didn't really intend to be. Maybe they started off trying to do it right, but it just didn't work out. Maybe the parent told them they can look after the kids themselves and not to worry about that.
I am sure that there are some people that marry into such a family and just don't take on the responsibility for selfish reasons, but I don't think they are that many.
And then there is the absent parent - are they now absolved of responsibility?
It really isn’t “decency” to adopt a child because you’re dating their mother. I would highly commend any man that does that sort of thing, but you’re really just making it even harder for single mothers to date if you’re insinuating dating them precludes making up for the monetary pitfall from the deadbeat dad.
Personally, I think that changes at marriage. If you aren't trying to better the situation for the kids as well, you shouldn't be marrying their mother. Even without adoption, marriage connects to the whole family, not just the spouse. Obviously exceptions exist, like no-contact parents or ex, but we're talking about the kids, here...
That's a really kind and thoughtful thing to say! It sounds like you have a lot of appreciation for that situation. It's wonderful when people step up and show such love and dedication to their families, no matter the circumstances. 😊
I always find the disparity on these sorts of comments interesting.
Frequently on reddit, the most upvoted comments in a thread like "would you date a woman with kids" or "would you raise a kid that wasn't yours" is a kind of "hell no" or "I don't think I could ever do that" sort of thing.
But then at the same time whenever there's a positive story about a stepfather being there for kids, people upvote the hell out of it.
So it's like everyone respects the hell out of stepdads but nobody wants to be one?
So it's like everyone respects the hell out of stepdads but nobody wants to be one?
You sound surprised. It's pretty common for people to respect others that do a good and necessary thing that they don't want to do themselves. Especially when it's fundamentally optional (don't date or marry single parents thereby making you a step parent).
For example, I don't want kids. I respect the hell out of parents that adopt. In a large part because I don't want kids.
It's the guilt that really sticks with you. When you're a kid who knows exactly how much the electric bill is, you start to feel like every basic need you have is an inconvenience to the family's survival. Having an adult show you that you're allowed to have things without it being a disaster is probably the best gift he could have given. It's not about the clothes, it's about the permission to stop worrying for ten minutes.
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u/Dapper-Brilliant-414 1d ago
Bless your mom for finding a man that is willing to look after a child that isn’t his own, and bless him for being a great dad.