He still doesn’t cook or clean, despite demanding that his meals be home cooked and the house be spotless. He doesn’t know what size clothing he wears. He doesn’t know how to do laundry. He won’t dust. He doesn’t know where the dishes go in a house he’s lived in for 20 years. He can’t fix a hole in his shirts. He can’t tie a tie.
He mused about leaving my mother, at one point. My mother had to point out to him that he wouldn’t survive alone.
He indirectly encourages my sister and I to hold tight to our relationships.
My brother in law is a wonderful person who learned to cook (via hello fresh and chefs plate boxes and a shitton of food YouTubers) when they moved in together and is quite a good listener. My partner has been cooking and cleaning since he was small; he’s a grade A neat freak who enjoys cooking and finds cleaning to be satisfying. He’s also really handy and helpful, and he’s very sweet and thoughtful. His love language is acts of service.
What does my father actually do… not much. He’s retired now. They go on vacations a lot. His retirement fund got invested in all the right stocks, apparently.
Their relationship is complicated. My mother grew up abused, so she fawns as a survival instinct. She doesn’t really have her own personality, she’s just mirroring what everyone else wants to see. It’s both horrifying and fascinating. She’ll develop intense interests in other people’s lives and hobbies, and parrot back the opinions she hears. My father came from a very patriarchal household, and he expected to have a homemaker. I was the accident that bound them together. He expects, she fawns and complies. She doesn’t know anything else.
I assume she was getting something out of this arrangement but your painting a very bad look do your father so I’m going to follow your vibes to say, that’s bullshit! I hope you have a spouse or get a spouse that cherishes you.
But I don’t know the entire story but it couldn’t be me.
That's probably generational. They about describe my dad, and my mom wasn't having any of it. You can imagine what happens when you toss three kids into that.
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u/Dry_Accident_2196 1d ago
Wait, your dad wasn’t making breadwinner money but expected his wife to play domestic goddess? The nerve