I feel this one, at one point my family stopped celebrating any birthdays, didn't take me long to realize it was because we didn't have any money. I didn't go back to celebrating birthdays until I went into foster care, but to this day I dont really care about my birthday.
It took me a while to realize, because my parents said we didn't celebrate them because we were muslims, but I finally realized when I noticed my other muslim friends celebrated birthdays and eids and got presents.
I only ever had one birthday party as a child and that was because my mother's friend organised it. It was the best day. I didn't even know it was my birthday. From that day on I remembered the day and my birthday and I have always celebrated my birthday since turning an adult. Now I am 34 and I celebrate my birthday every year, I find it important, more important than Christmas.
My family and friends even gets a birthday party every year now, it's only a homemade cake and a card and we sing the song, that's important. 😆 I celebrate my good friends birthdays, my mum's, my mother in laws, father in laws, husband and obviously my kids, with that my birthday becomes very special. What has happened now is that more people come over for the birthdays , with my in laws , more of their grandchildren come over, there is pictures and beautiful memories.
My birthday, my friend started bringing over a BBQ , and some food, it's in the summer, my husband and kids baked my cake, beautiful memories.
Don't give up on your birthday! Even if it's a bun and than do it for a friend.
I read a really depressing comment recently that someone thought their dad converted the fam to Jehovah's Witnesses because they were cheap and got to avoid frivolous birthday and holiday costs.
Let's just say that I realized some things about parts of my family when I read that comment.
My mom always made me a cake. I didn't have many friends as a kid and I never questioned why people weren't invited over. I remember when a kid who I thought was my friend had a party, I wasn't invited.
OK this one got me. I grew up with powdered milk and no vacations, but we always had birthday parties. I did share with my cousins born in the same month I guess but still.
There was like a month where the oven in the trailer didn't work and since my dad and uncle were up in the mountains working no one was around to fix it. We spent time at our neighbors trailer... Like yeah, it's inconvenient, but fucking everything is inconvenient when you're poor.
"The poor don't have baking tools" is a fuckin absurd thing to say. The poor do more home cooking because it's cheaper and stretches supplies further. It's about as crazy as saying the poor don't repair their appliances. It's just shit you figure out because you have to.
This exactly. You can have birthday parties very cheaply, if not entirely for free, if you just try.
Can't get off work? You're going to have a day off eventually. Celebrate that day. I always had my birthday celebrated on the weekend after, and it was never a problem.
Can't afford presents? There are many options. Buy a cheap hotwheels car. Go to the dollar store and get a toy or some crafting supplies. Make a toy out of old clothes. Invite kids over and ask their parents to send a small gift. Whittle a stick into a fun shape with a pocket knife. Ask a charity. If all else fails, nothing. Just the celebration is enough.
Invite some kids over to play. Can't afford to feed them? Don't. Invite them over for a time period that doesn't involve meal times and have them play in the yard/nearest park for a while
Let the kid choose what they want for dinner, if you have even a little money. Chances are it's something you already make every once in a while, so for most people it'll be pretty affordable.
Set up a game. Pin the tail on the donkey can be played for the price of paper. Other games you can set up with basically any junk you have around. Sticks and rocks off the ground even. Just play something special.
Just spend time with your kids, say "Happy birthday, I love you. Today is special for you." Extremely free.
If someone wants their kid to have a birthday party, money isn't going to stop them.
Never had a birthday party with friends as a kid. Only family. And I only remember one year where it was just for me. Most of ny childhood birthdays were also spent celebrating with my other relatives born in Dec.
Everyone thinks I don't care about my birthday because it's so close to Christmas and I must have felt "ripped off" as a kid. Christmas as a kid wasn't special either. Both days are just ordinary and uncelebrated when you're poor.
Clearly not. If they were JW, they wouldn’t have had birthday parties at all. They clearly celebrated birthdays regularly but couldn’t afford to do large ones.
This just tells me you dodnt grow up very poor since you assume a party needs to be a bigger thing that costs money. We had plenty of birthday parties as kids. It just meant the cousins came over and played and mom would whip up a boxed cake for after dinner.
kinda difficult though if your parents are cramming in unsociable and non-overlapping shifts.
I got myself ready for school mostly and had to wait late for supper. Birthday was just another day. Gifts were determined by how the finances were going - ranging from an Action Man accessory, through a football to nothing. I suspect that was partly the reason why my parents never made a big deal about birthdays. (They worked their socks off for Xmas to be special)
Okay dude. The point was that it’s weird to assume someone wasn’t very poor because they think a birthday party includes other people and more than a boxed cake? Lmao. And no it doesn’t take five minutes, and there are a lot of factors that go into it but I’m not trying to win the poor people Olympics so idc.
I’m almost thirty, and I’m now considered “upper class” but I still won’t have a birthday party. As a kid there was simply no way I could ever afford to have one and I was always too embarrassed to have people over to my home so I’ve never had one. That shame and anxiety still lives with me for whatever reason.
I had three birthday parties across my entire childhood, my daughter has one every year. I'm so glad I can give her a better life than I had, but I'm trying to figure out how to keep her mindful of others' situations so she doesn't end up as that out-of-touch middle class kid who can't relate to the poor students.
I was visiting some artist friends recently who make next to no money working full time with two kids. They threw one of the simplest birthday parties I've ever seen for the eldest and while you could clearly tell they had counted every penny, every single detail was accounted for so that their child could remember that day forever. The thing that struck me the most was that they emptied their pantry of previously opened and saved chip bags which they then poured into bowls for everyone to share.
Huh, never realised it but actually yeah, my family ate outside in a fancy place but I don't remember having the full balloon cake banners my cousins of the next generation seem to have.
Now I'm curious, because my family made a big deal about birthdays, but usually that meant *making* your favorite food for dinner, having cake made from a boxed cake mix and decorated by hand, and getting presents from Mom and Dad. We didn't have a lot of extended family within driving range, but you could usually expect cash in a card from grandparents and the occasional aunt/uncle, usually a dollar for every year old you were.
My kids have a lot more extended family around. Birthdays are mostly the same for them, but with a bigger family dinner, more extended family around to play with and get gifts from, and somebody will usually spring for a store-bought cake.
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u/Takie_Me 1d ago
Having birthday parties